(243,1,'2018-06-17 16:33:40','2018-06-17 16:33:40','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father\'s Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father\'s Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn\'t, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can\'t be both.  That you call me toxic for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn\'t make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn\'t treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that toxic?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you\'re telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I\"ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I\'ll never give up, and when I show how hard I\'m willing to work to make things better, I\'m suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn\'t get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got if for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I\'ve always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn\'t just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn\'t financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn\'t just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. \r\nNot only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah\'s room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn\'t true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I\'m getting jibes at how \'free\' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It\'s unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I\'ve ever done is love you.  I\'m being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I\'m not even allowed but a few months before you\'re crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  \r\nI don\'t even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I\'d be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn\'t instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.\r\nYes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  \r\nNow, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn\'t enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You\'re hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It\'s not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I\'ve changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I\'m still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That\'s it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn\'t being looked at as some sort of problem.  I\'ve shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It\'s not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I\'ve proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  \r\nI don\'t know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I\'m not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I\'m here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I\'ve never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it\'s true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  \r\nYou talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won\'t bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don\'t do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can\'t talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can\'t even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn\'t cut my hours, and that other job didn\'t run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It\'s still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.\r\nI love you now.\r\nI love my daughter.\r\nI wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It\'s not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it\'s a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it\'s the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don\'t know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won\'t change that.\r\nI am still,\r\n\r\nYour Michael ','letter 6/17','','inherit','closed','closed','','241-revision-v1','','','2018-06-17 16:33:40','2018-06-17 16:33:40','',241,'http://michaelvain.net/241-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(244,1,'2018-06-17 16:40:03','2018-06-17 16:40:03','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father\'s Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father\'s Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn\'t, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can\'t be both.  That you call me toxic for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn\'t make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn\'t treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time, and appreciated that time together.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that toxic?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you\'re telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I\'ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I\'ll never give up, and when I show how hard I\'m willing to work to make things better, I\'m suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn\'t get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got it for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I\'ve always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn\'t just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn\'t financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn\'t just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. \r\nNot only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah\'s room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn\'t true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I\'m getting jibes at how \'free\' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It\'s unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I\'ve ever done is love you.  I\'m being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I\'m not even allowed but a few months before you\'re crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  \r\nI don\'t even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I\'d be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn\'t instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.\r\nYes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  \r\nNow, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn\'t enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You\'re hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It\'s not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I\'ve changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I\'m still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That\'s it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn\'t being looked at as some sort of problem.  I\'ve shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It\'s not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I\'ve proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  \r\nI don\'t know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I\'m not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I\'m here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I\'ve never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it\'s true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  \r\nYou talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won\'t bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don\'t do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can\'t talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can\'t even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn\'t cut my hours, and that other job didn\'t run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It\'s still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.\r\nI love you now.\r\nI love my daughter.\r\nI wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It\'s not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it\'s a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it\'s the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don\'t know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won\'t change that.\r\nI am still,\r\n\r\nYour Michael ','letter 6/17','','inherit','closed','closed','','241-revision-v1','','','2018-06-17 16:40:03','2018-06-17 16:40:03','',241,'http://michaelvain.net/241-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(245,1,'2018-06-17 16:51:33','2018-06-17 16:51:33','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\n\nDear Michelle,\n\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father\'s Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father\'s Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn\'t, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can\'t be both.  That you call me negative for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn\'t make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn\'t treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time, and appreciated that time together.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that negative?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you\'re telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I\'ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I\'ll never give up, and when I show how hard I\'m willing to work to make things better, I\'m suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn\'t get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got it for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I\'ve always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn\'t just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn\'t financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn\'t just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. \nNot only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah\'s room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn\'t true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I\'m getting jibes at how \'free\' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It\'s unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I\'ve ever done is love you.  I\'m being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I\'m not even allowed but a few months before you\'re crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  \nI don\'t even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I\'d be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn\'t instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.\nYes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  \nNow, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn\'t enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You\'re hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It\'s not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I\'ve changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I\'m still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That\'s it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn\'t being looked at as some sort of problem.  I\'ve shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It\'s not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I\'ve proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  \nI don\'t know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I\'m not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I\'m here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I\'ve never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it\'s true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  \nYou talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won\'t bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don\'t do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can\'t talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can\'t even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn\'t cut my hours, and that other job didn\'t run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It\'s still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.\nI love you now.\nI love my daughter.\nI wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It\'s not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it\'s a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it\'s the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don\'t know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won\'t change that.\nI am still,\n\nYour Michael ','letter 6/17','','inherit','closed','closed','','241-autosave-v1','','','2018-06-17 16:51:33','2018-06-17 16:51:33','',241,'http://michaelvain.net/241-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(246,1,'2018-06-17 16:52:11','2018-06-17 16:52:11','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father\'s Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father\'s Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn\'t, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can\'t be both.  That you call me negative for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn\'t make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn\'t treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time, and appreciated that time together.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that negative?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you\'re telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I\'ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I\'ll never give up, and when I show how hard I\'m willing to work to make things better, I\'m suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn\'t get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got it for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I\'ve always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn\'t just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn\'t financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn\'t just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. \r\nNot only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah\'s room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn\'t true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I\'m getting jibes at how \'free\' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It\'s unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I\'ve ever done is love you.  I\'m being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I\'m not even allowed but a few months before you\'re crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  \r\nI don\'t even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I\'d be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn\'t instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.\r\nYes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  \r\nNow, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn\'t enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You\'re hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It\'s not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I\'ve changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I\'m still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That\'s it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn\'t being looked at as some sort of problem.  I\'ve shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It\'s not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I\'ve proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  \r\nI don\'t know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I\'m not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I\'m here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I\'ve never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it\'s true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  \r\nYou talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won\'t bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don\'t do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can\'t talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can\'t even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn\'t cut my hours, and that other job didn\'t run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It\'s still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.\r\nI love you now.\r\nI love my daughter.\r\nI wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It\'s not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it\'s a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it\'s the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don\'t know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won\'t change that.\r\nI am still,\r\n\r\nYour Michael ','letter 6/17','','inherit','closed','closed','','241-revision-v1','','','2018-06-17 16:52:11','2018-06-17 16:52:11','',241,'http://michaelvain.net/241-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(247,1,'2018-06-21 11:40:29','2018-06-21 11:40:29','As with my other entries, this is an open letter, and is an expression of feelings I can not relay in any other way.\r\n\r\nMy Dearest Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour words continue to hurt me.  The meaning behind your status is pretty clear.  I know that you want to justify your actions, but we both know that I never wished you ill, nor did I ever abuse you.  It is true that there were times that I became a bit hot headed after we first moved to Virginia. What I don\'t think you understand, or refuse to accept, is that any words or frustration I evidenced was in direct proportion to how much you mean to my life.  I was giving everything I had, monetarily, physically, emotionally, to you, and because I had always been honest in how I felt, in how important you are to me, about how much I valued you, and yet I got so little cooperation when something needed to be done.  If I hadn\'t had my accident, nothing would have phased me, but I was in much more pain back then, and it was difficult to deal with both the pain and the task of having to do all I had to do to keep you happy.  All I wanted was some effort and help in getting things done.  \r\nI\'ll never understand all this anger you evidence towards me.  You paint me to be an angry person, lie to people about how you were treated, and seem to be convinced that you were treated worse than you actually were.  The greatest source of my frustration, the only source of any real sadness I felt in the last six years, were the direct result of your cheating and lying.  I never hit you, or threatened you.  I never even criticized you, except when I was in pain and asking for help but getting nothing but excuses.  It was incredibly frustrating, considering the great amount of effort and sacrifice I made in the name of love, effort that never even seemed to be appreciated.  You told me you didn\'t want to be taken for granted, yet you took me for granted often during our time together.  All I wanted was to have you recognize how I felt, and to help me on those occasions when I really needed it.  You blame me for being saddened and frustrated and depressed because my wife was running around?  We both know I would forgive you, but as soon as I began trusting you again, you would hurt me again.  My pain wasn\'t my fault.  It was yours.  I was always there for you, but you were only there for me reluctantly, with complaints and criticism, when I consistently proved to you just how hard I was willing to work to make you happy.  Despite all the times I forgave you, you have never forgiven me for even expressing frustration.  I know I can look much fiercer than I am when I\'m upset, but I\'ve never even tried to hurt you; I\'ve only expressed the pain and frustration I was made to feel.  Yet you want everyone, me included, to believe I treated you like I was some monster, when the truth is just the opposite.\r\nI\'ve said it before, and I\'ll say it again.  I love you.  I have always loved you. The last thing I wanted in my life (and I went so far as to turn down your initial advances for fear of it coming into my life) was to lose you, or have the kind of trouble in my life that I have now.  I went as far as I needed to go whenever you needed anything done, and it made me happy to do so.  It is easy to see that once you made your mind up to cheat on me, there was no turning back - you continued to do it regardless of whether we were having good times or bad.  In fact, whenever things got running well, and we started making progress toward a better life, I would discover things were not as they appeared.  This would crush me yet again, and then I would be blamed for being \'negative\'.\r\nI was always, and still am, honest with you. Both Kali and I told you the truth: I am a passionate man, and though I can get loud and grumpy, it was all show - it was that passion coming through -for how could I feel any less intensely about a woman I thought was sent to me by the Universe itself?  Yes, that passion may have been somewhat frightening when I was upset, but it was equally intense, if not more so, when I was happy.  All it would take to keep me happy, was not to cheat, and maybe help me every once in awhile when I had worked hard while in pain.  It was that passion, the good, loving passion, that gave you all those orgasms, that drove me to sit for fourteen plus hours straight just to see you, or to work standing up for twelve hours straight through blinding pain.  Think of how you felt when you had your ablation...that night you were curled on our bed.  That was what it was like for me, but I went through it, and would continue to do so, because you were worth it.  Yet spending an hour to bring me something at work was too much trouble (unless you needed gas money, like on the very day you left).\r\nI was given so many reasons to leave, or have you leave, over and over again, yet I stayed with you.  That you get pissed at a quality you used to praise me for shows me that whatever you feel against me runs deep, and is disproportionate to whatever happened.  Okay, there were times I was an ass.  I always admitted it, felt like shit about it, and tried my best not to let it happen again.  Yes, I did get better about it, a steady improvement as I worked harder to keep limber and felt less pain.  The last several years, especially after Savannah was born, it was a rare occurrence, and yes, sometimes my show was meant to be overly dramatic at the end to signal the end of my resistance and frustration, and even then I\'d be given the extra lesson of how foolish it was - and through it all, all my hopes and dreams, all my satisfaction in life, had become tied to the strength of my love for you and Savannah.  I loved you in spite of your imperfections, and I actively work on any and all shortcomings I encounter in my journey through life.  I wish you gave me credit for that.  I would wonder why you could not forgive me as I forgave you (and for bigger offenses, as cheating and lying are much more grave than any hastily said words fueled by frustration), but we already know the answer: it\'s not about forgiveness.  We both know what it is about, and to suggest otherwise is as insulting as it is incorrect.\r\nSadly, I have come to see that you are determined to hurt me for no other reason than to justify your guilt and shame, to deflect from what you have done to both your husband and your daughter.  It is a shame, and it breaks my heart.  I imagine now that hearing that brings you satisfaction, and that saddens me beyond words.  No one who cares as much as I do, who works and sacrifices to maintain their family should  have to go through this.  Neither should any child.  We both know this.  You can attempt to delay the truth, or to bury it, but the truth stands, and it will all come to light in time.  This is the nature of existence.  If you didn\'t want this kind of grief, or to cause it in others, all it takes is NOT doing something, but you did knowing full well the consequences, which, had it had been done to anyone else, would have had a much different outcome.  The fact that you were allowed to put your plan into motion at all is only because at heart I am too forgiving.  The majority of men out there today, including your current pathetic boy-toy, are not.  Most would have reacted with REAL anger, not despair or heartbreak.  \r\nBut whatever.  Continue to try and hurt me if you like.  Neither Savannah nor I have done anything to deserve this, and maybe one day, you\'ll realize the extent of the pain you have caused, not only to me, but to your daughter as well.\r\nMaybe, one day, you\'ll actually care about someone other than yourself (real caring, not the \'oh, you\'re interesting to me right now so I\'ll fuck you and fawn over you\' type of caring you\'ve shown over the last eight years).  I\'ll just be here, loving the woman I used to know, and wondering what happened to her.  She was awesome, and I\'ll continue to love that woman until I pass from the Earth.\r\n\r\nDespite it all, I am still\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n','Letter 6/21','','private','open','open','','letter-6-21','','','2018-06-29 12:26:03','2018-06-29 12:26:03','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=247',0,'post','',0),(248,1,'2018-06-20 23:56:59','2018-06-20 23:56:59','As with my other entries, this is an open letter, and is an expression of feelings I can not relay in any other way.\r\n\r\nMy Dearest Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour words continue to hurt me.  The meaning behind your status is pretty clear.  I know that you want to justify your actions, but we both know that I never wished you ill, nor did I ever abuse you.  It is true that there were times that I became a bit hot headed after we first moved to Virginia. What I don\'t think you understand, or refuse to accept, is that any words or frustration I evidenced was in direct proportion to how much you mean to my life.  I was giving everything I had, monetarily, physically, emotionally, to you, and because I had always been honest in how I felt, in how important you are to me, about how much I valued you, and yet I got so little cooperation when something needed to be done.  If I hadn\'t had my accident, nothing would have phased me, but I was in much more pain back then, and it was difficult to deal with both the pain and the task of having to do all I had to do to keep you happy.  All I wanted was some effort and help in getting things done.  \r\nI\'ll never understand all this anger you evidence towards me.  You paint me to be an angry person, lie to people about how you were treated, and seem to be convinced that you were treated worse than you actually were.  The greatest source of my frustration, the only source of any real sadness I felt in the last six years, were the direct result of your cheating and lying.  I never hit you, or threatened you.  I never even criticized you, except when I was in pain and asking for help but getting nothing but excuses.  It was incredibly frustrating, considering the great amount of effort and sacrifice I made in the name of love, effort that never even seemed to be appreciated.  You told me you didn\'t want to be taken for granted, yet you took me for granted often during our time together.  All I wanted was to have you recognize how I felt, and to help me on those occasions when I really needed it.  You blame me for being saddened and frustrated and depressed because my wife was running around?  We both know I would forgive you, but as soon as I began trusting you again, you would hurt me again.  My pain wasn\'t my fault.  It was yours.  I was always there for you, but you were only there for me reluctantly, with complaints and criticism, when I consistently proved to you just how hard I was willing to work to make you happy.  Despite all the times I forgave you, you have never forgiven me for even expressing frustration.  I know I can look much fiercer than I am when I\'m upset, but I\'ve never even tried to hurt you; I\'ve only expressed the pain and frustration I was made to feel.  Yet you want everyone, me included, to believe I treated you like I was some monster, when the truth is just the opposite.\r\nI\'ve said it before, and I\'ll say it again.  I love you.  I have always loved you. The last thing I wanted in my life (and I went so far as to turn down your initial advances for fear of it coming into my life) was to lose you, or have the kind of trouble in my life that I have now.  I went as far as I needed to go whenever you needed anything done, and it made me happy to do so.  It is easy to see that once you made your mind up to cheat on me, there was no turning back - you continued to do it regardless of whether we were having good times or bad.  In fact, whenever things got running well, and we started making progress toward a better life, I would discover things were not as they appeared.  This would crush me yet again, and then I would be blamed for being \'negative\'.\r\nI was always, and still am, honest with you. Both Kali and I told you the truth: I am a passionate man, and though I can get loud and grumpy, it was all show - it was that passion coming through -for how could I feel any less intensely about a woman I thought was sent to me by the Universe itself?  Yes, that passion may have been somewhat frightening when I was upset, but it was equally intense, if not more so, when I was happy.  All it would take to keep me happy, was not to cheat, and maybe help me every once in awhile when I had worked hard while in pain.  It was that passion, the good, loving passion, that gave you all those orgasms, that drove me to sit for fourteen plus hours straight just to see you, or to work standing up for twelve hours straight through blinding pain.  Think of how you felt when you had your ablation...that night you were curled on our bed.  That was what it was like for me, but I went through it, and would continue to do so, because you were worth it.  Yet spending an hour to bring me something at work was too much trouble (unless you needed gas money, like on the very day you left).\r\nI was given so many reasons to leave, or have you leave, over and over again, yet I stayed with you.  That you get pissed at a quality you used to praise me for shows me that whatever you feel against me runs deep, and is disproportionate to whatever happened.  Okay, there were times I was an ass.  I always admitted it, felt like shit about it, and tried my best not to let it happen again.  Yes, I did get better about it, a steady improvement as I worked harder to keep limber and felt less pain.  The last several years, especially after Savannah was born, it was a rare occurrence, and yes, sometimes my show was meant to be overly dramatic at the end to signal the end of my resistance and frustration, and even then I\'d be given the extra lesson of how foolish it was - and through it all, all my hopes and dreams, all my satisfaction in life, had become tied to the strength of my love for you and Savannah.  I loved you in spite of your imperfections, and I actively work on any and all shortcomings I encounter in my journey through life.  I wish you gave me credit for that.\r\n','','','inherit','closed','closed','','247-revision-v1','','','2018-06-20 23:56:59','2018-06-20 23:56:59','',247,'http://michaelvain.net/247-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(249,1,'2018-06-21 11:40:29','2018-06-21 11:40:29','As with my other entries, this is an open letter, and is an expression of feelings I can not relay in any other way.\r\n\r\nMy Dearest Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour words continue to hurt me.  The meaning behind your status is pretty clear.  I know that you want to justify your actions, but we both know that I never wished you ill, nor did I ever abuse you.  It is true that there were times that I became a bit hot headed after we first moved to Virginia. What I don\'t think you understand, or refuse to accept, is that any words or frustration I evidenced was in direct proportion to how much you mean to my life.  I was giving everything I had, monetarily, physically, emotionally, to you, and because I had always been honest in how I felt, in how important you are to me, about how much I valued you, and yet I got so little cooperation when something needed to be done.  If I hadn\'t had my accident, nothing would have phased me, but I was in much more pain back then, and it was difficult to deal with both the pain and the task of having to do all I had to do to keep you happy.  All I wanted was some effort and help in getting things done.  \r\nI\'ll never understand all this anger you evidence towards me.  You paint me to be an angry person, lie to people about how you were treated, and seem to be convinced that you were treated worse than you actually were.  The greatest source of my frustration, the only source of any real sadness I felt in the last six years, were the direct result of your cheating and lying.  I never hit you, or threatened you.  I never even criticized you, except when I was in pain and asking for help but getting nothing but excuses.  It was incredibly frustrating, considering the great amount of effort and sacrifice I made in the name of love, effort that never even seemed to be appreciated.  You told me you didn\'t want to be taken for granted, yet you took me for granted often during our time together.  All I wanted was to have you recognize how I felt, and to help me on those occasions when I really needed it.  You blame me for being saddened and frustrated and depressed because my wife was running around?  We both know I would forgive you, but as soon as I began trusting you again, you would hurt me again.  My pain wasn\'t my fault.  It was yours.  I was always there for you, but you were only there for me reluctantly, with complaints and criticism, when I consistently proved to you just how hard I was willing to work to make you happy.  Despite all the times I forgave you, you have never forgiven me for even expressing frustration.  I know I can look much fiercer than I am when I\'m upset, but I\'ve never even tried to hurt you; I\'ve only expressed the pain and frustration I was made to feel.  Yet you want everyone, me included, to believe I treated you like I was some monster, when the truth is just the opposite.\r\nI\'ve said it before, and I\'ll say it again.  I love you.  I have always loved you. The last thing I wanted in my life (and I went so far as to turn down your initial advances for fear of it coming into my life) was to lose you, or have the kind of trouble in my life that I have now.  I went as far as I needed to go whenever you needed anything done, and it made me happy to do so.  It is easy to see that once you made your mind up to cheat on me, there was no turning back - you continued to do it regardless of whether we were having good times or bad.  In fact, whenever things got running well, and we started making progress toward a better life, I would discover things were not as they appeared.  This would crush me yet again, and then I would be blamed for being \'negative\'.\r\nI was always, and still am, honest with you. Both Kali and I told you the truth: I am a passionate man, and though I can get loud and grumpy, it was all show - it was that passion coming through -for how could I feel any less intensely about a woman I thought was sent to me by the Universe itself?  Yes, that passion may have been somewhat frightening when I was upset, but it was equally intense, if not more so, when I was happy.  All it would take to keep me happy, was not to cheat, and maybe help me every once in awhile when I had worked hard while in pain.  It was that passion, the good, loving passion, that gave you all those orgasms, that drove me to sit for fourteen plus hours straight just to see you, or to work standing up for twelve hours straight through blinding pain.  Think of how you felt when you had your ablation...that night you were curled on our bed.  That was what it was like for me, but I went through it, and would continue to do so, because you were worth it.  Yet spending an hour to bring me something at work was too much trouble (unless you needed gas money, like on the very day you left).\r\nI was given so many reasons to leave, or have you leave, over and over again, yet I stayed with you.  That you get pissed at a quality you used to praise me for shows me that whatever you feel against me runs deep, and is disproportionate to whatever happened.  Okay, there were times I was an ass.  I always admitted it, felt like shit about it, and tried my best not to let it happen again.  Yes, I did get better about it, a steady improvement as I worked harder to keep limber and felt less pain.  The last several years, especially after Savannah was born, it was a rare occurrence, and yes, sometimes my show was meant to be overly dramatic at the end to signal the end of my resistance and frustration, and even then I\'d be given the extra lesson of how foolish it was - and through it all, all my hopes and dreams, all my satisfaction in life, had become tied to the strength of my love for you and Savannah.  I loved you in spite of your imperfections, and I actively work on any and all shortcomings I encounter in my journey through life.  I wish you gave me credit for that.  I would wonder why you could not forgive me as I forgave you (and for bigger offenses, as cheating and lying are much more grave than any hastily said words fueled by frustration), but we already know the answer: it\'s not about forgiveness.  We both know what it is about, and to suggest otherwise is as insulting as it is incorrect.\r\nSadly, I have come to see that you are determined to hurt me for no other reason than to justify your guilt and shame, to deflect from what you have done to both your husband and your daughter.  It is a shame, and it breaks my heart.  I imagine now that hearing that brings you satisfaction, and that saddens me beyond words.  No one who cares as much as I do, who works and sacrifices to maintain their family should  have to go through this.  Neither should any child.  We both know this.  You can attempt to delay the truth, or to bury it, but the truth stands, and it will all come to light in time.  This is the nature of existence.  If you didn\'t want this kind of grief, or to cause it in others, all it takes is NOT doing something, but you did knowing full well the consequences, which, had it had been done to anyone else, would have had a much different outcome.  The fact that you were allowed to put your plan into motion at all is only because at heart I am too forgiving.  The majority of men out there today, including your current pathetic boy-toy, are not.  Most would have reacted with REAL anger, not despair or heartbreak.  \r\nBut whatever.  Continue to try and hurt me if you like.  Neither Savannah nor I have done anything to deserve this, and maybe one day, you\'ll realize the extent of the pain you have caused, not only to me, but to your daughter as well.\r\nMaybe, one day, you\'ll actually care about someone other than yourself (real caring, not the \'oh, you\'re interesting to me right now so I\'ll fuck you and fawn over you\' type of caring you\'ve shown over the last eight years).  I\'ll just be here, loving the woman I used to know, and wondering what happened to her.  She was awesome, and I\'ll continue to love that woman until I pass from the Earth.\r\n\r\nDespite it all, I am still\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n','Letter 6/21','','inherit','closed','closed','','247-revision-v1','','','2018-06-21 11:40:29','2018-06-21 11:40:29','',247,'http://michaelvain.net/247-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(252,1,'2018-06-29 19:03:16','2018-06-29 19:03:16','Those that follow my blog know that I use this forum to write about many things, from writing to open letters, to other expressions of an artistic nature.  In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I will also be using my blog to address important issues I feel should be brought forth to a wider audience. While my blog is not large in the sense of a following, I feel if I can help even one person, then it will be worth it.\r\n\r\nThose that know me, know that I have been the victim of ongoing emotional abuse for over six years.  I\'ve had both my heart and my life ripped apart by someone I trusted, and am only now realizing the full extent of what I feel (and would be confirmed by any qualified professional) is a mental illness is having upon my world.  Thus, in the hope of preventing this sort of pain befalling other innocent people, I will be also be posting a new series of articles to help address this issue, with the hope that somewhere, it will be seen and be of help.\r\n\r\n<h5>22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist</h5>\r\n\r\n1 The empath gets attracted to a narcissist. Their relationship starts. Empath loves deeply and unconditionally. They feel emotionally fulfilled even though the narcissist plays no role to develop a stronger bond. The empath feels satisfied and thinks their love is reciprocated just by being around the narcissist.\r\n\r\n2 The empath gets the false notion that they have finally met the kind of love that people don’t find even once. Narcissist affirms this by creating an illusion that leads the empath to believe that what they have is special. The empath feels a deep bond that is almost impossible to break free.\r\n\r\n3 Sometimes it appears that the narcissist wants this relationship as much as the empath. Actually, what they want is someone who invests their time, energy and love and is in their complete control.\r\n\r\n 4 As the time will pass, the narcissist will make the empath feel weak, unconfident, and bereft of the abilities to do even the simple things. The narcissist will never launch an open attack, but use statements like “don’t want to hurt you but…” to point out some shortcoming. They will try to take over anything which symbolizes control such as handling bills or making decisions about purchases. The empathy will be looked down upon for their interests and many such things that form their identity. Gradually, the empath starts to believe that they are less capable and they “need” someone like the person in their life. They get the notion no one would want them.\r\n\r\n5 For an empath, this relationship will be everything as they are the ones who are in love. Out of love, they would always want to soothe and cheer the narcissist, talk to them, help them and do whatever it makes them feel good. The narcissists project themselves as the victim of their past, their relationships, and the circumstances. The empaths are givers; they try to make up for all the unfortunate things that have ever happened to the narcissist.\r\n\r\n6 The empath has a good and a clear heart and cannot imagine the deep and unresolved wounds of the narcissist are not the same as their own. Healing those wounds is different from their own.\r\n\r\n7 The relationship is all about the narcissist. The empath realizes this slowly, and a time comes when they feel afraid to talk or fight for their needs and desires. In their attempt to please they don’t want to voice their true needs. They would rather be likable than give any reason to be disliked. But, secretly they are not too happy.\r\n\r\n8 The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath puts into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. As long as the empath continues to appease the narcissist, it’s impossible to detect any problem in the relationship. The problem occurs when the empath finally reaches the breaking point.\r\n\r\n9 Finally, the empath raises a voice because they can no longer keep up with the suppressing ways of the narcissist. Day after day their emotional needs remain unfulfilled. This happens because from the beginning of the relationship they have believed their partner’s emotional needs are all that matters. When they finally understand their well-being also matters, and speak out, they seem selfish. The narcissist does not like it.\r\n\r\n10 The narcissist is an attention seeker. They get satisfaction when people fuss around them. Their needs can never be met, they can never be satisfied. They may move to other partners, open a new business, travel around the world, get involved in new creative pursuits, and so on and so forth, but they will never be happy. The empath isn’t aware of this fact.\r\n\r\n11 When the empath finally bursts out something like “My feelings also matter,” the narcissist is quick to call the empath “crazy”. They call them over-dramatic and their concerns unfounded. This kind of dismissive behavior is the tactics used by them to gain control over the empath’s mind.\r\n\r\n12 The empath gets confused. Why they have meted out such behavior, is beyond their understanding. They start blaming themselves and wonder if they are at all worthy of being loved by anyone at all.\r\n\r\n13 At this point, the empath is not able to understand that they are just beingmanipulated. Their partner has bent everything around them to create a twisted view of the circumstances. There can be anything around them to let them know the truth that they are the one who is “right” and it’s their partner who is tremendously “wrong” and wicked.\r\n\r\n14 The empath will try to communicate with the narcissist in all truthfulness. The narcissist will, however, justify their behavior and pass the blame.\r\n\r\n15 It is normal to feel lost, confused and hurt. But despite all the heart-break, the empath will need to be calm and do some self-evaluation to figure out how they became so defenseless. This is how they will start transforming.\r\n\r\n16 The empath will know that they are by nature healers. They have the inner strength to help others in the right ways, sometimes as a duty and sometimes when life brings them to such situations.\r\n\r\n17 The empath has to realize the bitter truth that not everyone deserves their love, care, and affection. Not everyone who seems distressed and unhappy is revealing their true self. There are some people who have sinister motives and have a very different outlook towards relationships and people than they do. Not everyone they fall in love with can be trusted so quickly.\r\n\r\n18 In this situation, the empath must realize that they too are in a very bad situation something of which the narcissist in their life always spoke of. But, in their case, it would be different. They would make positive efforts and heal themselves. The narcissist will not.\r\n\r\n19 For the empath this will be a painful awakening. They will learn from the experience to move ahead.\r\n\r\n20 The narcissist will continue as if nothing happened and they are completely innocent. They won’t remember for a moment that someone loved them so deeply and intensely. They won’t remember the powerful bond they once had with someone and just move on to find it somewhere else. A time will come when they will know they can neither connect with themselves nor with other people.\r\n\r\n21 The narcissist will move on. In time they will find another victim.\r\n\r\n22 The empath will be stronger, wiser and be more cautious about who they time, affection and love.\r\n\r\n\r\nAlthough I am posting this to be a help for both men and women, I will be concentrating on male victims here, as 1. It is more applicable to my own circumstance, and 2. There is far more help for women victims than there are men, especially in this ridiculous \'metoo\' b.s. that has currently all the rage (don\'t get me started on that issue - I\'ll write another article on that another time).  Since men seem to be the exception (they\'re not, but again, another issue), I feel they may need more direction, so that what has happened to me, may not happen to someone else.\r\n\r\nSo, in short, there will be a lot coming forth in the future.  \r\nUntil then,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Series Coming','','inherit','closed','closed','','251-revision-v1','','','2018-06-29 19:03:16','2018-06-29 19:03:16','',251,'http://michaelvain.net/251-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(253,1,'2018-06-29 19:09:04','2018-06-29 19:09:04','Those that follow my blog know that I use this forum to write about many things, from writing to open letters, to other expressions of an artistic nature.  In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I will also be using my blog to address important issues I feel should be brought forth to a wider audience. While my blog is not large in the sense of a following, I feel if I can help even one person, then it will be worth it.\r\n\r\nThose that know me, know that I have been the victim of ongoing emotional abuse for over six years.  I\'ve had both my heart and my life ripped apart by someone I trusted, and am only now realizing the full extent of what I feel (and would be confirmed by any qualified professional) is a mental illness is having upon my world.  Thus, in the hope of preventing this sort of pain befalling other innocent people, I will be also be posting a new series of articles to help address this issue, with the hope that somewhere, it will be seen and be of help.\r\n\r\n<h5>22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist</h5>\r\n\r\n(from urhealthexperts.com)\r\n\r\n1 The empath gets attracted to a narcissist. Their relationship starts. Empath loves deeply and unconditionally. They feel emotionally fulfilled even though the narcissist plays no role to develop a stronger bond. The empath feels satisfied and thinks their love is reciprocated just by being around the narcissist.\r\n\r\n2 The empath gets the false notion that they have finally met the kind of love that people don’t find even once. Narcissist affirms this by creating an illusion that leads the empath to believe that what they have is special. The empath feels a deep bond that is almost impossible to break free.\r\n\r\n3 Sometimes it appears that the narcissist wants this relationship as much as the empath. Actually, what they want is someone who invests their time, energy and love and is in their complete control.\r\n\r\n 4 As the time will pass, the narcissist will make the empath feel weak, unconfident, and bereft of the abilities to do even the simple things. The narcissist will never launch an open attack, but use statements like “don’t want to hurt you but…” to point out some shortcoming. They will try to take over anything which symbolizes control such as handling bills or making decisions about purchases. The empathy will be looked down upon for their interests and many such things that form their identity. Gradually, the empath starts to believe that they are less capable and they “need” someone like the person in their life. They get the notion no one would want them.\r\n\r\n5 For an empath, this relationship will be everything as they are the ones who are in love. Out of love, they would always want to soothe and cheer the narcissist, talk to them, help them and do whatever it makes them feel good. The narcissists project themselves as the victim of their past, their relationships, and the circumstances. The empaths are givers; they try to make up for all the unfortunate things that have ever happened to the narcissist.\r\n\r\n6 The empath has a good and a clear heart and cannot imagine the deep and unresolved wounds of the narcissist are not the same as their own. Healing those wounds is different from their own.\r\n\r\n7 The relationship is all about the narcissist. The empath realizes this slowly, and a time comes when they feel afraid to talk or fight for their needs and desires. In their attempt to please they don’t want to voice their true needs. They would rather be likable than give any reason to be disliked. But, secretly they are not too happy.\r\n\r\n8 The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath puts into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. As long as the empath continues to appease the narcissist, it’s impossible to detect any problem in the relationship. The problem occurs when the empath finally reaches the breaking point.\r\n\r\n9 Finally, the empath raises a voice because they can no longer keep up with the suppressing ways of the narcissist. Day after day their emotional needs remain unfulfilled. This happens because from the beginning of the relationship they have believed their partner’s emotional needs are all that matters. When they finally understand their well-being also matters, and speak out, they seem selfish. The narcissist does not like it.\r\n\r\n10 The narcissist is an attention seeker. They get satisfaction when people fuss around them. Their needs can never be met, they can never be satisfied. They may move to other partners, open a new business, travel around the world, get involved in new creative pursuits, and so on and so forth, but they will never be happy. The empath isn’t aware of this fact.\r\n\r\n11 When the empath finally bursts out something like “My feelings also matter,” the narcissist is quick to call the empath “crazy”. They call them over-dramatic and their concerns unfounded. This kind of dismissive behavior is the tactics used by them to gain control over the empath’s mind.\r\n\r\n12 The empath gets confused. Why they have meted out such behavior, is beyond their understanding. They start blaming themselves and wonder if they are at all worthy of being loved by anyone at all.\r\n\r\n13 At this point, the empath is not able to understand that they are just beingmanipulated. Their partner has bent everything around them to create a twisted view of the circumstances. There can be anything around them to let them know the truth that they are the one who is “right” and it’s their partner who is tremendously “wrong” and wicked.\r\n\r\n14 The empath will try to communicate with the narcissist in all truthfulness. The narcissist will, however, justify their behavior and pass the blame.\r\n\r\n15 It is normal to feel lost, confused and hurt. But despite all the heart-break, the empath will need to be calm and do some self-evaluation to figure out how they became so defenseless. This is how they will start transforming.\r\n\r\n16 The empath will know that they are by nature healers. They have the inner strength to help others in the right ways, sometimes as a duty and sometimes when life brings them to such situations.\r\n\r\n17 The empath has to realize the bitter truth that not everyone deserves their love, care, and affection. Not everyone who seems distressed and unhappy is revealing their true self. There are some people who have sinister motives and have a very different outlook towards relationships and people than they do. Not everyone they fall in love with can be trusted so quickly.\r\n\r\n18 In this situation, the empath must realize that they too are in a very bad situation something of which the narcissist in their life always spoke of. But, in their case, it would be different. They would make positive efforts and heal themselves. The narcissist will not.\r\n\r\n19 For the empath this will be a painful awakening. They will learn from the experience to move ahead.\r\n\r\n20 The narcissist will continue as if nothing happened and they are completely innocent. They won’t remember for a moment that someone loved them so deeply and intensely. They won’t remember the powerful bond they once had with someone and just move on to find it somewhere else. A time will come when they will know they can neither connect with themselves nor with other people.\r\n\r\n21 The narcissist will move on. In time they will find another victim.\r\n\r\n22 The empath will be stronger, wiser and be more cautious about who they time, affection and love.\r\n\r\n\r\nAlthough I am posting this to be a help for both men and women, I will be concentrating on male victims here, as 1. It is more applicable to my own circumstance, and 2. There is far more help for women victims than there are men, especially in this ridiculous \'metoo\' b.s. that has currently all the rage (don\'t get me started on that issue - I\'ll write another article on that another time).  Since men seem to be the exception (they\'re not, but again, another issue), I feel they may need more direction, so that what has happened to me, may not happen to someone else.\r\n\r\nSo, in short, there will be a lot coming forth in the future.  \r\nUntil then,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Series Coming','','inherit','closed','closed','','251-revision-v1','','','2018-06-29 19:09:04','2018-06-29 19:09:04','',251,'http://michaelvain.net/251-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(254,1,'2018-06-30 21:50:09','2018-06-30 21:50:09','This is an open letter, written on my personal site.  It has not and will not be sent to any other source by any means.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nI don\'t know how much longer I can deal with the pain and the depression I have been caused, not only by recent events, but throughout my life.  I was honest when I told you all I had left was the part of me that I gave to you, and it was one of the most honest, personal things I\'ve ever told anyone.  I have been on the edge of a breakdown for quite some time, brought on by the pain, loneliness, depression, and heartbreak that comes not only with losing the ONE person I knew I could be happy with, but with the constant cycle of doing all I can, only to have it taken from me over and over by whatever instrument the Universe chose to use. It has left me unable to enjoy anything - none of the things I used to like to do hold any attraction to me any more.  I can\'t sleep.  I can barely eat.  I can\'t think of you or Savannah without crying.  Ever.  And no matter how I look on the outside, inside I am nothing but torn and broken.\r\nI wish you had actually listened, even once, to what I was trying to say to you without countering it with an argument.  I wasn\'t trying to change you, I was trying to share how I felt so we could make things better.\r\nIf you had tried to tell me what you really wanted out of me, I would have given it to you.  I hope you know that.  So much pain and stress, so many unpleasant moments, and they could all have been avoided.  They were all unnecessary.  \r\nI thought we were finally on the path to happiness.  Two weeks before our split, I was planning on taking you to the Caribbean to renew our vows, and was planning on how to afford another baby into our lives.\r\nRegardless of what you think of me, I only wanted to make you happy.  I wanted to be the man that put a smile on that beautiful face.  It was a simple, noble wish, and it has cost me everything.\r\nI wanted every day to be like that day on the beach, like that day you played Ray-Man and I made you laugh.  A simple enough thing for anyone else, but for me, no.  I am to be forever denied the simple things I wanted out of life, and instead am living in a personal hell of depression and loss.\r\nI\'m not writing this to change your mind.  I\'m not \'trying\' anything.  I just wanted to say some things to you, and since I can\'t, this is my only option.\r\nI don\'t think you are going to have to worry about what I may say, either to Savannah or anyone else, because I have come to believe that I simply not strong enough for this.  I\'m not saying this for pity - I\"ve learned firsthand there is none to be had anyway.  I\'m simply telling the one person I used to be able to talk to that I feel like I\'m reaching the end.  I fought so hard, became so upset when things went wrong, because I never wanted to be where I am now.  I knew my limits, and I foresaw an end that I knew I could not take.  After all I\'ve been through, I knew I just could not take losing everything again in my life.\r\nI saw you as my savior, and despite the pain, you have given me some of the most precious, happiest, memorable, beautiful experiences in my life.  Just so you know.  I\'ll never be able to express how much you mean, and have meant, to me.  If I could be granted just one wish in the afterlife, it would be to live in one of those moments for all eternity.\r\nWhen you were talking to Britt, and told me you were only staying so you wouldn\'t hurt me, I pretty much broke down on the floor.  Do you remember?  That is how I feel every minute of every day, and though it may brand me as pathetic, a coward, or whatever, I have no way to break free of that sense of overwhelming loss and sadness.  It has been hammered home that there is nothing I could have done to prevent this - it was only a matter of time until you pushed me to show some sort of reaction that you could blame me for, what is known as \'reactive abuse\'.  It was all so unnecessary; every part of me wanted us to be happy.  \r\nI want you to know that had you given me that year, I would have made every effort to give you whatever you thought was missing from your life, or whatever you wanted.  Had you communicated with me gently, I would have listened.  I couldn\'t change my age, but anything else I would have done. \r\nIf you want, you can have all my WoW pets and gear.  I won\'t be needing them any more.  If you want them, you can let me know - there is no order saying you can\'t contact me.  I just can\'t talk to the one woman I considered the best friend I ever had. I won\'t read into it or ask for anything more if you do.  I just won\'t be playing any more, and don\'t want to sit all night giving shit away to people I don\'t know.\r\nLikewise with the stuff in Ohio.  If you want the armoire, or anything else in there, I will leave you the key should anything happen, and try to have the unit paid up in advance.  \r\nI\'m sorry I wasn\'t the kind of strong you needed.  I am sorry more than I can say for whatever it was that made you lose your love for me.  It is the saddest, most tragic event in my life, and I felt powerless to stop it from happening.  I\'m sorry I allowed myself to get frustrated at the pain, both physical and emotional, that plagued me.  If you had met me before the accident, or had I listened to the signs and not got in that truck, then you would have seen more of the real me.  I could handle one or the other, but both over time was more than I could take without expressing it, and for that I am profoundly sorry. It has been my fate to always try to do the right thing, and in the end pay the price regardless.  I\'ve tried everything I know to stop that from happening, but failed in that too. I made too many mistakes over the years, and try as I might, I just couldn\'t recover enough to give us the life we both deserved together. I\'d like to think that if I had made other choices, maybe I would have stood a chance.  To think it would have made no difference is not something I even want to contemplate.\r\nI am sorry you feel you have to hurt me this way.  I have nothing to prove, and nothing left to lose.  I\'m not being sarcastic.  Something must be driving you, and for whatever it was, I am sorry you have had any unpleasantness in your life.  Maybe if I go, things will be better. Regardless of when it happens, I will be thinking of you and Savannah in the end, and they will be the happiest memories I can conjure. I said I wanted your face to be the last thing I saw in this life, and it will be, even if it through the lens of memory.\r\nI hope you have a happy life. I wish I could have been a part of it. I wanted that more than I\'ve ever wanted anything, and that is not an exaggeration, or part of an agenda.  It is the only thing I\'ve ever truly wanted - more than fame or money or possessions.\r\nThank you for the time you spent with me when you pretended to be happy.  I believed it, and just as having to let you go more than once was the most pain I\'ve ever felt, when I thought you were happy were the happiest times of my life.  At least I had a few months where I was really, truly, happy, and for that, thank you.\r\nI don\'t really have the capacity for anger at all any more.  All I feel is loss, depression, sadness, and loneliness.  I wish you had been able to heal me in a better way, before it was too late.\r\nIn a word, I wish I had been the man you really wanted.  I wanted to be, still want to be, more than anything, and I don\'t even understand why, other than I love you more than I\'ve loved anyone except my children.  No one else understands either, but I don\'t care.  They haven\'t lived my life, and will never understand.\r\nI wish I had begun writing earlier, had made it to college and been someone you could be proud of.  It meant so much to me. It still would, but I don\'t dare hope any more - it\'s a feeling I can\'t afford. Still, it would be nice to leave behind more of my writing.  I hope you show Savannah pictures of me one day, and have something, anything, nice to say about me.  Like the song said (the one you blasted me on FB when I was feeling blue) \"you are the only thing I like about me\". Savannah too, of course, for she is an extension of the love we once shared.  I\'ll always be tangled up in you, Michelle, and if that makes you angry, I\'m sorry for that too.  I can\'t help how I feel, never could, nor do I want to.\r\nI\'m sorry I held on to you so tightly.  If you could look inside me, feel the way I feel, then maybe you would understand.  I wish I could do that. I wish I could hear \'I love you\' come from your lips one last time, even though I know better. Meeting you, our courtship, and our trip together (along with so many other moments) were the happiest times I had in this life.  I knew if you were with me, I could face eternity in peace, but lacking that, I will face it knowing it will at least be an end to the pain.\r\nI am sorry for every disappointment, every let down, every harsh word, every bad thought, every single time I displeased you. I wish I could take them all back, but I can\'t, and those memories are too painful for me to bear. If you had ever let me, I would have done my absolute best to make up for them.  In failing you, I failed myself, in the harshest of ways, and if it can\'t be fixed, then I am done - I just don\'t have the strength any more to keep trying.\r\nAgain, I\'m not looking for anything - I just wanted you to know my heart.\r\nI don\'t know if you will even read this, but it will be there in case you ever want to know.  \r\nI\'ll never forget the sound of your voice...the texture of your skin, or the look you used to give me, or how it felt when you smiled at me. Regardless of how many words I write, I will never come close to expressing how I felt, and feel, about you, My Dragonfly. Holding you was beyond Heaven, and if I showed despair at the prospect of losing that, it was because you were that important to me.  You and Savannah have been my only source of lasting happiness since my accident, and provided me with the most profound moments of my life.  Thank you for those.\r\nI\'m sorry I still love you.  I don\'t want to cause anyone any pain, especially myself, but I can\'t help the way I feel.  I\'ve tried to stop, but I can\'t, and I don\'t want to feel this way any more.  I hope one day, you will forgive me.\r\n\r\nAlthough I am not to you, to me, I am still\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n\r\n\r\n','letter 6/30','','private','open','open','','letter-6-30','','','2018-07-01 00:38:06','2018-07-01 00:38:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=254',0,'post','',0),(255,1,'2018-06-30 21:50:09','2018-06-30 21:50:09','This is an open letter, written on my personal site.  It has not and will not be sent to any other source by any means.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nI don\'t know how much longer I can deal with the pain and the depression I have been caused, not only by recent events, but throughout my life.  I was honest when I told you all I had left was the part of me that I gave to you, and it was one of the most honest, personal things I\'ve ever told anyone.  I have been on the edge of a breakdown for quite some time, brought on by the pain, loneliness, depression, and heartbreak that comes not only with losing the ONE person I knew I could be happy with, but with the constant cycle of doing all I can, only to have it taken from me over and over by whatever instrument the Universe chose to use. It has left me unable to enjoy anything - none of the things I used to like to do hold any attraction to me any more.  I can\'t sleep.  I can barely eat.  I can\'t think of you or Savannah without crying.  Ever.  And no matter how I look on the outside, inside I am nothing but torn and broken.\r\nI wish you had actually listened, even once, to what I was trying to say to you without countering it with an argument.  I wasn\'t trying to change you, I was trying to share how I felt so we could make things better.\r\nIf you had tried to tell me what you really wanted out of me, I would have given it to you.  I hope you know that.  So much pain and stress, so many unpleasant moments, and they could all have been avoided.  They were all unnecessary.  \r\nI thought we were finally on the path to happiness.  Two weeks before our split, I was planning on taking you to the Caribbean to renew our vows, and was planning on how to afford another baby into our lives.\r\nRegardless of what you think of me, I only wanted to make you happy.  I wanted to be the man that put a smile on that beautiful face.  It was a simple, noble wish, and it has cost me everything.\r\nI wanted every day to be like that day on the beach, like that day you played Ray-Man and I made you laugh.  A simple enough thing for anyone else, but for me, no.  I am to be forever denied the simple things I wanted out of life, and instead am living in a personal hell of depression and loss.\r\nI\'m not writing this to change your mind.  I\'m not \'trying\' anything.  I just wanted to say some things to you, and since I can\'t, this is my only option.\r\nI don\'t think you are going to have to worry about what I may say, either to Savannah or anyone else, because I have come to believe that I simply not strong enough for this.  I\'m not saying this for pity - I\"ve learned firsthand there is none to be had anyway.  I\'m simply telling the one person I used to be able to talk to that I feel like I\'m reaching the end.  I fought so hard, became so upset when things went wrong, because I never wanted to be where I am now.  I knew my limits, and I foresaw an end that I knew I could not take.  After all I\'ve been through, I knew I just could not take losing everything again in my life.\r\nI saw you as my savior, and despite the pain, you have given me some of the most precious, happiest, memorable, beautiful experiences in my life.  Just so you know.  I\'ll never be able to express how much you mean, and have meant, to me.  If I could be granted just one wish in the afterlife, it would be to live in one of those moments for all eternity.\r\nWhen you were talking to Britt, and told me you were only staying so you wouldn\'t hurt me, I pretty much broke down on the floor.  Do you remember?  That is how I feel every minute of every day, and though it may brand me as pathetic, a coward, or whatever, I have no way to break free of that sense of overwhelming loss and sadness.  It has been hammered home that there is nothing I could have done to prevent this - it was only a matter of time until you pushed me to show some sort of reaction that you could blame me for, what is known as \'reactive abuse\'.  It was all so unnecessary; every part of me wanted us to be happy.  \r\nI want you to know that had you given me that year, I would have made every effort to give you whatever you thought was missing from your life, or whatever you wanted.  Had you communicated with me gently, I would have listened.  I couldn\'t change my age, but anything else I would have done. \r\nIf you want, you can have all my WoW pets and gear.  I won\'t be needing them any more.  If you want them, you can let me know - there is no order saying you can\'t contact me.  I just can\'t talk to the one woman I considered the best friend I ever had. I won\'t read into it or ask for anything more if you do.  I just won\'t be playing any more, and don\'t want to sit all night giving shit away to people I don\'t know.\r\nLikewise with the stuff in Ohio.  If you want the armoire, or anything else in there, I will leave you the key should anything happen, and try to have the unit paid up in advance.  \r\nI\'m sorry I wasn\'t the kind of strong you needed.  I am sorry more than I can say for whatever it was that made you lose your love for me.  It is the saddest, most tragic event in my life, and I felt powerless to stop it from happening.  I\'m sorry I allowed myself to get frustrated at the pain, both physical and emotional, that plagued me.  If you had met me before the accident, or had I listened to the signs and not got in that truck, then you would have seen more of the real me.  I could handle one or the other, but both over time was more than I could take without expressing it, and for that I am profoundly sorry. It has been my fate to always try to do the right thing, and in the end pay the price regardless.  I\'ve tried everything I know to stop that from happening, but failed in that too. I made too many mistakes over the years, and try as I might, I just couldn\'t recover enough to give us the life we both deserved together. I\'d like to think that if I had made other choices, maybe I would have stood a chance.  To think it would have made no difference is not something I even want to contemplate.\r\nI am sorry you feel you have to hurt me this way.  I have nothing to prove, and nothing left to lose.  I\'m not being sarcastic.  Something must be driving you, and for whatever it was, I am sorry you have had any unpleasantness in your life.  Maybe if I go, things will be better. Regardless of when it happens, I will be thinking of you and Savannah in the end, and they will be the happiest memories I can conjure. I said I wanted your face to be the last thing I saw in this life, and it will be, even if it through the lens of memory.\r\nI hope you have a happy life. I wish I could have been a part of it. I wanted that more than I\'ve ever wanted anything, and that is not an exaggeration, or part of an agenda.  It is the only thing I\'ve ever truly wanted - more than fame or money or possessions.\r\nThank you for the time you spent with me when you pretended to be happy.  I believed it, and just as having to let you go more than once was the most pain I\'ve ever felt, when I thought you were happy were the happiest times of my life.  At least I had a few months where I was really, truly, happy, and for that, thank you.\r\nI don\'t really have the capacity for anger at all any more.  All I feel is loss, depression, sadness, and loneliness.  I wish you had been able to heal me in a better way, before it was too late.\r\nIn a word, I wish I had been the man you really wanted.  I wanted to be, still want to be, more than anything, and I don\'t even understand why, other than I love you more than I\'ve loved anyone except my children.  No one else understands either, but I don\'t care.  They haven\'t lived my life, and will never understand.\r\nI wish I had begun writing earlier, had made it to college and been someone you could be proud of.  It meant so much to me. It still would, but I don\'t dare hope any more - it\'s a feeling I can\'t afford. Still, it would be nice to leave behind more of my writing.  I hope you show Savannah pictures of me one day, and have something, anything, nice to say about me.  Like the song said (the one you blasted me on FB when I was feeling blue) \"you are the only thing I like about me\". Savannah too, of course, for she is an extension of the love we once shared.  I\'ll always be tangled up in you, Michelle, and if that makes you angry, I\'m sorry for that too.  I can\'t help how I feel, never could, nor do I want to.\r\nI\'m sorry I held on to you so tightly.  If you could look inside me, feel the way I feel, then maybe you would understand.  I wish I could do that. I wish I could hear \'I love you\' come from your lips one last time, even though I know better. Meeting you, our courtship, and our trip together (along with so many other moments) were the happiest times I had in this life.  I knew if you were with me, I could face eternity in peace, but lacking that, I will face it knowing it will at least be an end to the pain.\r\nI am sorry for every disappointment, every let down, every harsh word, every bad thought, every single time I displeased you. I wish I could take them all back, but I can\'t, and those memories are too painful for me to bear. If you had ever let me, I would have done my absolute best to make up for them.  In failing you, I failed myself, in the harshest of ways, and if it can\'t be fixed, then I am done - I just don\'t have the strength any more to keep trying.\r\nAgain, I\'m not looking for anything - I just wanted you to know my heart.\r\nI don\'t know if you will even read this, but it will be there in case you ever want to know.  \r\nI\'ll never forget the sound of your voice...the texture of your skin, or the look you used to give me, or how it felt when you smiled at me. Regardless of how many words I write, I will never come close to expressing how I felt, and feel, about you, My Dragonfly. Holding you was beyond Heaven, and if I showed despair at the prospect of losing that, it was because you were that important to me.  You and Savannah have been my only source of lasting happiness since my accident, and provided me with the most profound moments of my life.  Thank you for those.\r\nI\'m sorry I still love you.  I don\'t want to cause anyone any pain, especially myself, but I can\'t help the way I feel.  I\'ve tried to stop, but I can\'t, and I don\'t want to feel this way any more.  I hope one day, you will forgive me.\r\n\r\nAlthough I am not to you, to me, I am still\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n\r\n\r\n','letter 6/30','','inherit','closed','closed','','254-revision-v1','','','2018-06-30 21:50:09','2018-06-30 21:50:09','',254,'http://michaelvain.net/254-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(280,1,'2018-08-10 19:36:04','2018-08-10 23:36:04','Michelle,\r\n\r\nI\'ve been looking over pictures lately, and especially that little video you made me back when we were at Judy\'s.  It is the only way I can see the woman that I fell so completely in love with any more.  I wonder why you made it.  Was it because I suggested it?  Was it because you needed to cover the fact that you were already planning to run off?  The expressions you make, the sound of your voice (\"I love what you do to me in bed, and it just keeps getting better\"), and the look in your eyes all look so genuine...\r\nBut it always does, doesn\'t it? (The picture of you holding a sign that reads \'the future Mrs. Sheeks\' comes to mind, as does the video you made for that jiggyboo asshole, the pictures of you with that piece of shit from Fostoria, the list goes on).\r\nDid you ever, ever, really feel anything for me?  Everything I felt for you was real, and I meant every word of affection and emotion I shared with you.  Every. Single. Fucking. Word.  I lived up to every single promise I made you.\r\nAnd you broke every single one you ever made to me.\r\nEvery....last...one.\r\nYou have destroyed my life.  Financially, emotionally, and in every way that means anything.  When we met, I did my best to resist you, because I was trying to avoid having anything like this happen in my life...ever.  That is exactly why I asked you what I did when we were getting to know each other.  \"Have you ever...would you ever.?  And what did you say?  It doesn\'t matter...I remember.\r\nI remember that I was there for you all during your pregnancy.  I remember driving on black ice for miles so I could see you at the hospital.  I remember sacrificing so much, just to try and be with you, to be the one you said you wanted.\r\nI remember working hard at every job I had, whether it was caring for Savannah, or working at the bakery, or standing in front of a 150 degree belt drying so I could afford to give you a place to live while you were in school, and afterwards, even though you said you would be the breadwinner.  I remember everything.\r\nAnd it all hurts now.\r\nBecause of you.\r\nNot because of me.  You came into our relationship knowing nothing but the truth.  I never held anything back, and revealed to you all my flaws. You knew I was honest, that I would never hit you (told to you by more than one person, as we both know).  You knew my emotions, how passionate I was, and how much I felt for you. I strove to do everything you said you wanted, to give you everything I could.\r\nWhat did it get me?  I rarely even got a thank you, much less any kind of loyalty. I cannot wrap my mind around how you could be so perfect for me on one hand, and be the most tragic, painful, and destructive force in my life on the other.  All the many lies.  So many...like when I discovered you had killed our second baby.  The lie you told to cover it was ridiculous - yet it came out so convincingly.\r\nBut I know the truth.\r\nAnd so do you.\r\nDo you know why I don\'t lie?  Why I never abused you or cheated, ever?  It\'s because I need to be able to look myself in the mirror, and know I worked at being the best human being I can be.  Not perfect, not by a long shot, but the best I was capable of at any given time.  Part of it was loyalty, and love, and respect for you - unlike the opposite that I have been given - but mostly it was because I have a conscience.\r\nWhere did yours go?  Did you ever really have one?  I\'m not asking this to belittle, but because I cannot for the life of me imagine doing any of the things that have been done to me.  You were once this enlightened, creative, beautiful, loving woman, or so I thought, or was led to believe.  I know you want to think you have grown, but you haven\'t.  You have done just the opposite, becoming someone who lies, cheats, manipulates, and will do anything to anyone just as long as you get your way.  That is not advancement, not in the least.  The only answer that I can think of, and what seems to be borne out in reality, especially when I found out you were cheating on me since the very beginning, is that you were looking to be taken care of until you could find someone who made more money, and used me from the start.  Or, you just can\'t be happy with any one person.  After all, you\'ve already cheated on that asshat you left me for...seriously, how could you be sexting some fucker on Craigslist if you actually loved him as you have claimed?  I know the pattern - you flirt, then it\'s texting and emails, and then come the naked pictures and video, and then it moves on from there.  Who knows how far that actually went?  Looking back, I\'m certain that you were cheating pretty much the whole time. Take that \'uncle\' of yours...that fucking pervert just wanted to fuck you, and you knew it - yet you wanted to go see him alone.  I would work all day, give you all my attention and affection, and you would run off to spend time with that pathetic \'asexual\' (read: loser) scrawny little asshole.\r\nIt\'s sad.  So very sad.  I may have been older, but I gave you incredible sex, loved you completely, and worked my ass off just so I could have the privilege of being able to see you smile, to rub your back, and if I was lucky, get to watch you orgasm.  I never loved anyone as much as you, and I\'ll never love anyone again.  I loved just being in your presence, and when I said so, you would agree...even though you were already having an affair with that sister-raping drunk in Ohio.  All I wanted was to have you with me, and for us to have a happy, creative life, and you have done everything you could to take that dream away from me, to destroy it completely.\r\nAnd you succeeded.\r\nWhen I met you, I was already done.  I was ready to stay alone the rest of my life, just so I wouldn\'t have to deal with heartbreak, and told you so.  That you would have gone to such lengths just to use another person is terrible beyond words.  I was bothering no one.  I was minding my own business, trying to deal with the pain I had been left with, and then you came along and seduced me.  Yes, that is what it was, and I have hundreds of pics from our Skype chats to prove it.  You promised me things, you flirted, you teased, and all the other ingredients of seduction.\r\nAnd you did the same to every other male you found, like Michael Sharpe, as well as Ronny, Danny, that dick at the auto parts store, Matt, Cody, \'Mark Master\', and your pet coon.\r\nAnd all the while, the man who saw you as a goddess was being lied to, used, abused, demonized, gaslighted, and falsely accused.  More, you lied to everyone you met about me, including your family, friends, co-workers, and of course the horny little boys you so willingly threw yourself upon.\r\nWhat the fuck did I ever do to you to deserve any of it?\r\nIf Karma is real, and I think it is, then this is something that will come back to you.  I may have not been perfect, but I could have been right for you if you had just been honest, with me and yourself, and allowed yourself to feel what I felt, if you had only had the tiniest bit of faith, or could muster a little effort.  Yes, I had some issues, and I listened to you and worked to make myself better.  All you ever did was throw yourself at whoever smiled at you.  I would never be able to live with myself if I had the memories you have, if I had done any of the things that you have done to me.\r\nIt was all so unnecessary.  I know we could have been happy, and if you had come along with me, I would have made sure you would have been well off after I departed this earth.  \r\nYou will never be able to feel the depth of what I feel for you - no one could who could throw people away like that.  This makes me sad, for the woman I loved, the woman who ran on the beach with me, who came in my truck, who held my hand and loved me so hard at night, the woman who was overtaken by that other Michelle, was the most perfect person I had ever known.  She lives only in the shattered remains of my heart now, and I will always miss her.\r\nI would have given that woman anything, for that woman was worth it, if she ever existed at all.  All that\'s left is a girl who will do anything, say anything, to cause pain to the man who loved her with all her heart. \r\nAnd if that\'s not evil, I don\'t know what is.\r\nBut still, despite all the pain and the lies, I miss my Michelle.  I miss My Dragonfly, and every day now is nothing but the heartache and loss that came with watching you turn into that other person.  I too have changed - I feel nothing but sadness and grief now, where once there was so much love, I didn\'t know how to contain it all.  Soon, there will be nothing left of the man I was, and only a broken shell to show for it.  My heart physically aches every minute of every day.  I break into random tears, because I can\'t turn off the memories, which is why I tried so hard to keep this from happening in the first place.  I have no hope for the future any more, and have consigned myself to live the rest of my days in loneliness and depression.  The only reason I even work on anything anymore is to try and distract myself from the memories, and the pain.  I have been forced to suffer so many indignities, accusations, and criticisms, so much physical pain and emotional anguish, all because I wanted to love the woman that matched me so well.  I break down every time I think of all the times we shared, every morning, every drive home, every time I look at our photos.  I can\'t contain all the pain I have been forced to feel, and it\'s torture.  If I didn\'t have Savannah, you would truly be free, because I passed the point of wanting to live, and you were the one shining light I had experienced in an otherwise sad, pointless life, made so by giving everything for so long, and getting nothing back.\r\nYou may hate me now, but I hope one day you will finally be able to acknowledge the truth, and realize how much you tore me down, how much pain and sadness you went out of your way to cause a man who never wanted to hurt you, and who would have gladly given you everything, including his life.  I hope you have some pleasant memories of me one day, and that you admit to yourself how much I really loved you.  I hope you wake up one day and have an epiphany, and become that woman that I knew.  I won\'t be there to see it, but I hope it for you anyway.\r\n\r\nI can\'t write any more.  I don\'t know why I\'m even writing this, as you most likely won\'t see it, and if you do, it will be with the intention of causing me more pain, or to laugh, or whatever.\r\n\r\nI wish we had made it.  You were perfect, even more so because of your imperfections.\r\n\r\nI wish I was...\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n\r\n\r\n','Letter to Michelle 8/10/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','279-revision-v1','','','2018-08-10 19:36:04','2018-08-10 23:36:04','',279,'http://michaelvain.net/279-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(257,1,'2018-07-10 20:40:08','2018-07-10 20:40:08','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI\'m sorry we had so little time together this weekend.  I\'m sorry I was gone for so long.  I never wanted to have to be separated from you - it was never your Daddy\'s decision to not see you for the last six months.  I never wanted to be away from you, ever.  Seeing you this weekend made me the happiest I have been since the last time we were together.  It broke my heart when I got there to pick you up and you acted like you didn\'t remember me at first.  It broke even worse when I had to take you back to the babysitter\'s, and you didn\'t want me to leave.  I didn\'t want to leave you there either.  Daddy was there for you every day since you were inside Mommy\'s tummy, until you were three and a half.  I want you to know I would never leave you, and will always love my special little girl.  You are the one thing that gives my life purpose, and you make me happier than I could ever describe.  I wish we could be together every day.  Your daddy worked very hard to give us a house, and you were the happiest there than I\'ve ever seen you.  You used to run up to me every day when I got home from work and take my finger, and then lead me to wherever you wanted to play.  It made me feel warm and wanted, and loved.  It made me cry when your mommy left, and made us lose that house.  I will work hard to get us one where you can feel safe and have your own room again.\r\nYour daddy thinks about you all the time when we are apart, and I feel so very lonely without you and mommy in my life.  You and mommy were the best things in your Daddy\'s life, and I treasured ever minute I got to spend with you both.  As of now I can only see you for two weekends a month, so I will try my best to make our time together special.  I look at pictures that I took of you every single day, and I miss you all the time.  I love the sound of your voice, and all your expressions you make.  I love to watch you play and swim and laugh, and love your hugs and the way you cuddle with me.  Being with you is more important to your Daddy than anything, and it makes me happier than anything else ever could.  I would do anything for you, and hope you grow up knowing that your Daddy loves you.\r\nYou always amaze me - you are so smart, even at four.  I know it is sometimes hard to say what you need or want, and that makes your Daddy sad, but I know it\'s because your mind moves so fast. I would get frustrated too, and I still do at times.  I guess you are like your Daddy when it comes to that.\r\nYou went to sleep cuddling me on our last night together.  You put your arm around me and stroked my hair.  You said \"don\'t worry Daddy, it will be alright. It will be okay.\"  I tried to remember every little part of that moment, and it made me cry, both from sadness, and from the honesty of your feelings.  I hope with all my might that one day, things will indeed be alright, and you and I can spend more time together.  I miss you every minute of every day we are apart, and count the hours until I can see you again.  You are my angel, my little dove, and I will always love you with all my heart.\r\nI am sorry you cried when it was time for me to go.  I never wanted to have to go away.  All I\'ve ever wanted is to make you and your Mommy happy, and I\'ve tried very hard to do that since your Mommy and I met.  I will do my best to make you happy for as long as I possibly can.  \r\nYou are my Sun and my Moon, little one, and I will treasure every moment we have for as long as I live.\r\nI hope you are happy today.\r\nI miss you so much.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy  ','Letter to Savannah 7/9/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-9-18','','','2018-07-24 21:33:59','2018-07-25 01:33:59','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=257',0,'post','',0),(258,1,'2018-07-10 20:40:08','2018-07-10 20:40:08','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI\'m sorry we had so little time together this weekend.  I\'m sorry I was gone for so long.  I never wanted to have to be separated from you - it was never your Daddy\'s decision to not see you for the last six months.  I never wanted to be away from you, ever.  Seeing you this weekend made me the happiest I have been since the last time we were together.  It broke my heart when I got there to pick you up and you acted like you didn\'t remember me at first.  It broke even worse when I had to take you back to the babysitter\'s, and you didn\'t want me to leave.  I didn\'t want to leave you there either.  Daddy was there for you every day since you were inside Mommy\'s tummy, until you were three and a half.  I want you to know I would never leave you, and will always love my special little girl.  You are the one thing that gives my life purpose, and you make me happier than I could ever describe.  I wish we could be together every day.  Your daddy worked very hard to give us a house, and you were the happiest there than I\'ve ever seen you.  You used to run up to me every day when I got home from work and take my finger, and then lead me to wherever you wanted to play.  It made me feel warm and wanted, and loved.  It made me cry when your mommy left, and made us lose that house.  I will work hard to get us one where you can feel safe and have your own room again.\r\nYour daddy thinks about you all the time when we are apart, and I feel so very lonely without you and mommy in my life.  You and mommy were the best things in your Daddy\'s life, and I treasured ever minute I got to spend with you both.  As of now I can only see you for two weekends a month, so I will try my best to make our time together special.  I look at pictures that I took of you every single day, and I miss you all the time.  I love the sound of your voice, and all your expressions you make.  I love to watch you play and swim and laugh, and love your hugs and the way you cuddle with me.  Being with you is more important to your Daddy than anything, and it makes me happier than anything else ever could.  I would do anything for you, and hope you grow up knowing that your Daddy loves you.\r\nYou always amaze me - you are so smart, even at four.  I know it is sometimes hard to say what you need or want, and that makes your Daddy sad, but I know it\'s because your mind moves so fast. I would get frustrated too, and I still do at times.  I guess you are like your Daddy when it comes to that.\r\nYou went to sleep cuddling me on our last night together.  You put your arm around me and stroked my hair.  You said \"don\'t worry Daddy, it will be alright. It will be okay.\"  I tried to remember every little part of that moment, and it made me cry, both from sadness, and from the honesty of your feelings.  I hope with all my might that one day, things will indeed be alright, and you and I can spend more time together.  I miss you every minute of every day we are apart, and count the hours until I can see you again.  You are my angel, my little dove, and I will always love you with all my heart.\r\nI am sorry you cried when it was time for me to go.  I never wanted to have to go away.  All I\'ve ever wanted is to make you and your Mommy happy, and I\'ve tried very hard to do that since your Mommy and I met.  I will do my best to make you happy for as long as I possibly can.  \r\nYou are my Sun and my Moon, little one, and I will treasure every moment we have for as long as I live.\r\nI hope you are happy today.\r\nI miss you so much.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy  ','Letter to Savannah 7/9/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','257-revision-v1','','','2018-07-10 20:40:08','2018-07-10 20:40:08','',257,'http://michaelvain.net/257-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(259,1,'2018-07-13 00:45:41','2018-07-13 00:45:41','My Little Savannah,\r\nI hope you are happy today.\r\nI am writing this, like all the letters you\'ll hopefully read one day, to let you know how I\'m thinking of you.  I was reminiscing today about those precious four months that we lived together in Virginia Beach.  You would run up to me every day when I got home, and want me to play.  It was the highlight of my day, and I always looked forward to getting home so I could be with you.  I loved how you made up stories for all your little figures and stuffed animals.  There were times where I had worked hard, and needed dinner first, but watching you play, and taking part in your games and make-believe, has always been a highlight of my day.  You would use your stuffed animals and dolls to spell the letters of your name, hung above your bed, every night before you went to sleep.  It melted my heart every time.  I looked forward to going on trips with you every weekend, and loved to take pictures of your Mommy playing with you.  \r\nWhether playing at home, or going somewhere special, I love every minute I get to spend with you.  You have a happiness that is contagious.  You live in the moment, and have been happy whether you were playing in your room, or going to the beach.  You don\'t care if money is being spent - you just like being with the people you love, and I adore that about you.  You have a bright, shining spirit, and I hope I can help keep that light alive for as long as possible.  I have no doubt that you have the potential to be anything that you want to be in the future.\r\nI miss playing with you in our old house.  I enjoyed playing there as much as you did, whether it was playing quietly, or running through the house, it was the most fun I had in years.  We always had fun there.  You liked that house when we visited there the first time, and when you found out it was your home, you ran to your room and said \"My room, Daddy?\"  You were incredibly happy in that home, and so sorry that I had to give it up.  \r\nYou have always been special to me.  From the time you were still in your Mommy, you have given my life a higher purpose, a greater meaning.  You and your Mommy gave me the motivation to work harder, challenged me to be a better father and human being.  It is harder now that Mommy and I are apart, but I will always do my very best to take care of you, and be the best Daddy I can be.\r\nI miss you.\r\nLove,\r\nDaddy','Letter 7/12/18','','private','open','open','','letter-7-12-18','','','2018-07-24 21:34:36','2018-07-25 01:34:36','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=259',0,'post','',0),(260,1,'2018-07-13 00:45:41','2018-07-13 00:45:41','My Little Savannah,\r\nI hope you are happy today.\r\nI am writing this, like all the letters you\'ll hopefully read one day, to let you know how I\'m thinking of you.  I was reminiscing today about those precious four months that we lived together in Virginia Beach.  You would run up to me every day when I got home, and want me to play.  It was the highlight of my day, and I always looked forward to getting home so I could be with you.  I loved how you made up stories for all your little figures and stuffed animals.  There were times where I had worked hard, and needed dinner first, but watching you play, and taking part in your games and make-believe, has always been a highlight of my day.  You would use your stuffed animals and dolls to spell the letters of your name, hung above your bed, every night before you went to sleep.  It melted my heart every time.  I looked forward to going on trips with you every weekend, and loved to take pictures of your Mommy playing with you.  \r\nWhether playing at home, or going somewhere special, I love every minute I get to spend with you.  You have a happiness that is contagious.  You live in the moment, and have been happy whether you were playing in your room, or going to the beach.  You don\'t care if money is being spent - you just like being with the people you love, and I adore that about you.  You have a bright, shining spirit, and I hope I can help keep that light alive for as long as possible.  I have no doubt that you have the potential to be anything that you want to be in the future.\r\nI miss playing with you in our old house.  I enjoyed playing there as much as you did, whether it was playing quietly, or running through the house, it was the most fun I had in years.  We always had fun there.  You liked that house when we visited there the first time, and when you found out it was your home, you ran to your room and said \"My room, Daddy?\"  You were incredibly happy in that home, and so sorry that I had to give it up.  \r\nYou have always been special to me.  From the time you were still in your Mommy, you have given my life a higher purpose, a greater meaning.  You and your Mommy gave me the motivation to work harder, challenged me to be a better father and human being.  It is harder now that Mommy and I are apart, but I will always do my very best to take care of you, and be the best Daddy I can be.\r\nI miss you.\r\nLove,\r\nDaddy','Letter 7/12/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','259-revision-v1','','','2018-07-13 00:45:41','2018-07-13 00:45:41','',259,'http://michaelvain.net/259-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(261,1,'2018-07-14 12:07:36','2018-07-14 16:07:36','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nIt is a beautiful Saturday, and I wish I was playing with you right now.  I\'m sorry I had to work so much.  The only job I could find where I could make enough money meant I have to work six days a week.  It was worth it to be able to come home to you and your Mommy every day.  Even though your Mommy would not be home on Saturdays, I loved being with you, even though I missed being with your Mommy too on those days.  I had to work a great deal, and I looked forward to all the time I could get with you both.  I loved being able to be with you every moment I wasn\'t working, because you always make me happy.  You were always a happy little girl, and I can tell that you want everyone around you to be happy too.\r\nI wish I could take you to the beach today.  I had a special spot that I liked to go to, and when your Mommy and I first met, it was the first place I took her.  I took you there too, several times, and I have pictures of how happy it made you to be able to run along the beach and play.  I loved being with you too in that place; it filled me with a feeling of peace and love that I cannot describe.  The last time you went, you got so excited as soon as you heard the waves.  Being on the beach has been one of your favorite things to do since you were born - you love the water, and you really loved being in that place with your Mommy and I.  I wish we could all go there again together.  I\'m sorry that we can\'t, little girl.  I wish more than anything I could be with you both today, that we could be happy together.\r\nIt will not be until next weekend that I will get to see you, and I will take us to the beach for the day if I possibly can.  Things are hard for your Daddy right now, and have been since your Mommy decided to leave with you, but I will do my best to make all your time with me special.  I get to see you so little now, and it breaks your Daddy\'s heart, because being with you, playing with you after work or taking you places on the weekends, were the best moments of my life.\r\nI hope you get to do something fun today, and that your Mommy plays with you.  I miss you every moment of every day.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 7/14','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-14','','','2018-07-24 21:34:54','2018-07-25 01:34:54','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=261',0,'post','',0),(262,1,'2018-07-14 12:07:36','2018-07-14 16:07:36','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nIt is a beautiful Saturday, and I wish I was playing with you right now.  I\'m sorry I had to work so much.  The only job I could find where I could make enough money meant I have to work six days a week.  It was worth it to be able to come home to you and your Mommy every day.  Even though your Mommy would not be home on Saturdays, I loved being with you, even though I missed being with your Mommy too on those days.  I had to work a great deal, and I looked forward to all the time I could get with you both.  I loved being able to be with you every moment I wasn\'t working, because you always make me happy.  You were always a happy little girl, and I can tell that you want everyone around you to be happy too.\r\nI wish I could take you to the beach today.  I had a special spot that I liked to go to, and when your Mommy and I first met, it was the first place I took her.  I took you there too, several times, and I have pictures of how happy it made you to be able to run along the beach and play.  I loved being with you too in that place; it filled me with a feeling of peace and love that I cannot describe.  The last time you went, you got so excited as soon as you heard the waves.  Being on the beach has been one of your favorite things to do since you were born - you love the water, and you really loved being in that place with your Mommy and I.  I wish we could all go there again together.  I\'m sorry that we can\'t, little girl.  I wish more than anything I could be with you both today, that we could be happy together.\r\nIt will not be until next weekend that I will get to see you, and I will take us to the beach for the day if I possibly can.  Things are hard for your Daddy right now, and have been since your Mommy decided to leave with you, but I will do my best to make all your time with me special.  I get to see you so little now, and it breaks your Daddy\'s heart, because being with you, playing with you after work or taking you places on the weekends, were the best moments of my life.\r\nI hope you get to do something fun today, and that your Mommy plays with you.  I miss you every moment of every day.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 7/14','','inherit','closed','closed','','261-revision-v1','','','2018-07-14 12:07:36','2018-07-14 16:07:36','',261,'http://michaelvain.net/261-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(264,1,'2018-07-17 17:37:11','2018-07-17 21:37:11','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI am sitting at work right now, and thinking of you.  I used to rush home from work every day to play with you, and it hurts that I cannot spend my time with you like I used to.  Your Daddy tried everything he could to keep us all together, but no matter how hard I tried, for some reason I could not make your Mommy happy, and I\'m sorry for that.\r\nToday is Tuesday, and I will have you again this weekend.  I can hardly wait.  I bought you a paw patrol truck and a of the vehicles last weekend, and you loved playing with it.  I hope your Mommy lets you bring it back this weekend.  I know I don\'t have many toys when you stay with me - your Mommy took almost all of them with her when she left.  That\'s okay though, because I will get you new ones to play with when you are with me.  I am thinking we could go to the beach this weekend if it doesn\'t rain.  I know how you love the ocean, and maybe we can go to either a park or to Funville on Saturday, depending on the weather.\r\nI am sorry we can\'t be together today.  I miss you every day.  It makes your Daddy very happy when he does get to see you, and I hope we have fun together again like we used to.  I will be moving soon, and I will be able to set up a new room for you with your own clothes and toys.  I hope one day, you will read these letters, and have copies of all the pictures I have of you.  I want you to know that your Daddy loves you very much, and I would do anything for us to be a family, but since that apparently cannot happen, I will always be there for you.  To me, you are the most important person in my life, and I want to see you have the best life you can.  Your Daddy is working hard to find a new place to live, and to save up for some special times.\r\nI hope you have a happy day today.  I think about you every day, and it is sad to have to drive home after almost every day knowing you are not there, that I will be alone without your wonderful smile and voice to lighten my spirits.\r\nI hope you are happy today.  You would ask me that question almost every day, and I always tell you that as long as you are there, I\'m happy.  I miss you, little girl.  You are the best thing that has happened to me in many years, and I treasure every minute I get to have with you.\r\n\r\nThinking of you always,\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/17/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-17-18','','','2018-07-24 21:35:06','2018-07-25 01:35:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=264',0,'post','',0),(265,1,'2018-07-17 17:37:11','2018-07-17 21:37:11','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI am sitting at work right now, and thinking of you.  I used to rush home from work every day to play with you, and it hurts that I cannot spend my time with you like I used to.  Your Daddy tried everything he could to keep us all together, but no matter how hard I tried, for some reason I could not make your Mommy happy, and I\'m sorry for that.\r\nToday is Tuesday, and I will have you again this weekend.  I can hardly wait.  I bought you a paw patrol truck and a of the vehicles last weekend, and you loved playing with it.  I hope your Mommy lets you bring it back this weekend.  I know I don\'t have many toys when you stay with me - your Mommy took almost all of them with her when she left.  That\'s okay though, because I will get you new ones to play with when you are with me.  I am thinking we could go to the beach this weekend if it doesn\'t rain.  I know how you love the ocean, and maybe we can go to either a park or to Funville on Saturday, depending on the weather.\r\nI am sorry we can\'t be together today.  I miss you every day.  It makes your Daddy very happy when he does get to see you, and I hope we have fun together again like we used to.  I will be moving soon, and I will be able to set up a new room for you with your own clothes and toys.  I hope one day, you will read these letters, and have copies of all the pictures I have of you.  I want you to know that your Daddy loves you very much, and I would do anything for us to be a family, but since that apparently cannot happen, I will always be there for you.  To me, you are the most important person in my life, and I want to see you have the best life you can.  Your Daddy is working hard to find a new place to live, and to save up for some special times.\r\nI hope you have a happy day today.  I think about you every day, and it is sad to have to drive home after almost every day knowing you are not there, that I will be alone without your wonderful smile and voice to lighten my spirits.\r\nI hope you are happy today.  You would ask me that question almost every day, and I always tell you that as long as you are there, I\'m happy.  I miss you, little girl.  You are the best thing that has happened to me in many years, and I treasure every minute I get to have with you.\r\n\r\nThinking of you always,\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/17/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','264-revision-v1','','','2018-07-17 17:37:11','2018-07-17 21:37:11','',264,'http://michaelvain.net/264-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(266,1,'2018-07-19 10:50:34','2018-07-19 14:50:34','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI get to have you with me this weekend, and I can hardly wait!  I miss the way I used to be able to play with you every day.  Being with you and your Mommy was the best part of my day, and I miss both of you very much.  Your Daddy is very lonely when you are gone, and I wish we could still be together every day like we used to be.\r\nI am going to take us to the beach this weekend if it doesn\'t rain.  I am hoping that we can have lots of fun, and I will make sure we have as much time together to play as I can.  I hate having to work on Saturdays, and I am so proud that you behave yourself so well while I work.  You are getting bigger every day, and you make your Daddy very proud.  We were both worried when you were still in your Mommy\'s tummy.  Your Mommy did not have an easy time when she was pregnant with you, and she had to go to the hospital about two months before you were born.  Daddy got a hard job working at a big bakery while she was in the hospital, and would then drive for over an hour each way to the hospital to visit you both every day.  Your Mommy and I were happy then (I know I was, and I think your Mommy was too, at least for awhile), and we were so happy to bring you home.  Every day I was with you, I would be amazed at what you learned, and how you were so determined to explore your world.  As you grew older, you were always happiest when your Mommy and Daddy were together with you, and I hope that us being apart doesn\'t make you as sad as it makes me.\r\nThis will be the last time you stay at the house where I am living now.  The next time you get to visit, I will hopefully be in a new place, and not sleeping in my car.  I am going to try to find a place near the beach to live, and I hope we will then be able to just walk to the beach whenever you are with me.  I sometimes wonder if I had found a less expensive place near the water, if your Mommy would have been happier, and stayed with me until you were a bit older.  I would have liked that.  Your Daddy loves you and your Mommy very much, and even though your Mommy doesn\'t like me any more, it will never affect the way I feel about you.  I just want you to know that.  I will always be there for you, and will never leave you as long as I live.  You are the most precious thing in my world, and I love you for who you are, and how you always try to make everyone happy.  Your smile is contagious, and it always lightens my heart to see it. When I was with you and Mommy, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, and I will always remember the good parts of those days, back when your Mommy would smile and hug me when I came home.  Seeing you makes me happy like that, and your Daddy wants to make your life the happiest I possibly can.  I look forward to watching you grow up, and wish more than anything that I could be there every day for you.\r\nI hope you bring your new toy with you, but if you don\'t we will go find something new to play with.  I love watching you play; you have such a bright imagination!  When Daddy gets a new place, you will have your own room again, and whenever you visit, I will try to have something new for you to do and play with, and we can paint and draw and play together when we are home.  \r\nI hope you are happy today, and that you have a good day.  I hope that Mommy is being good to you, and that she spends as much time with you as I do when I am with you.  I will see you tomorrow evening, and I can\'t wait for a big hug from my little angel.\r\n\r\nI love you so much, and I miss you every minute of every day.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/19/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-19-18','','','2018-07-24 21:35:22','2018-07-25 01:35:22','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=266',0,'post','',0),(267,1,'2018-07-19 10:50:34','2018-07-19 14:50:34','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI get to have you with me this weekend, and I can hardly wait!  I miss the way I used to be able to play with you every day.  Being with you and your Mommy was the best part of my day, and I miss both of you very much.  Your Daddy is very lonely when you are gone, and I wish we could still be together every day like we used to be.\r\nI am going to take us to the beach this weekend if it doesn\'t rain.  I am hoping that we can have lots of fun, and I will make sure we have as much time together to play as I can.  I hate having to work on Saturdays, and I am so proud that you behave yourself so well while I work.  You are getting bigger every day, and you make your Daddy very proud.  We were both worried when you were still in your Mommy\'s tummy.  Your Mommy did not have an easy time when she was pregnant with you, and she had to go to the hospital about two months before you were born.  Daddy got a hard job working at a big bakery while she was in the hospital, and would then drive for over an hour each way to the hospital to visit you both every day.  Your Mommy and I were happy then (I know I was, and I think your Mommy was too, at least for awhile), and we were so happy to bring you home.  Every day I was with you, I would be amazed at what you learned, and how you were so determined to explore your world.  As you grew older, you were always happiest when your Mommy and Daddy were together with you, and I hope that us being apart doesn\'t make you as sad as it makes me.\r\nThis will be the last time you stay at the house where I am living now.  The next time you get to visit, I will hopefully be in a new place, and not sleeping in my car.  I am going to try to find a place near the beach to live, and I hope we will then be able to just walk to the beach whenever you are with me.  I sometimes wonder if I had found a less expensive place near the water, if your Mommy would have been happier, and stayed with me until you were a bit older.  I would have liked that.  Your Daddy loves you and your Mommy very much, and even though your Mommy doesn\'t like me any more, it will never affect the way I feel about you.  I just want you to know that.  I will always be there for you, and will never leave you as long as I live.  You are the most precious thing in my world, and I love you for who you are, and how you always try to make everyone happy.  Your smile is contagious, and it always lightens my heart to see it. When I was with you and Mommy, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, and I will always remember the good parts of those days, back when your Mommy would smile and hug me when I came home.  Seeing you makes me happy like that, and your Daddy wants to make your life the happiest I possibly can.  I look forward to watching you grow up, and wish more than anything that I could be there every day for you.\r\nI hope you bring your new toy with you, but if you don\'t we will go find something new to play with.  I love watching you play; you have such a bright imagination!  When Daddy gets a new place, you will have your own room again, and whenever you visit, I will try to have something new for you to do and play with, and we can paint and draw and play together when we are home.  \r\nI hope you are happy today, and that you have a good day.  I hope that Mommy is being good to you, and that she spends as much time with you as I do when I am with you.  I will see you tomorrow evening, and I can\'t wait for a big hug from my little angel.\r\n\r\nI love you so much, and I miss you every minute of every day.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/19/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','266-revision-v1','','','2018-07-19 10:50:34','2018-07-19 14:50:34','',266,'http://michaelvain.net/266-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(268,1,'2018-07-23 12:49:30','2018-07-23 16:49:30','My Dear Little One,\r\n\r\nI had so much fun being with you this weekend.  You were a perfect angel the entire time.  You have become so good at speaking, and I love talking to you and hearing your voice.  You have a beautiful voice, and you even sang once for me.  I think you are a wonderful singer, and I hope you enjoy doing it as much as I enjoy hearing it. I think you could get very good one day.\r\nI\'m sorry I had to take you back to the babysitter\'s today.  You grabbed the straps of your car seat and said \"I want to stay in Daddy\'s car. I want to go with Daddy.\"  You were crying, and even though I tried to explain to you that I didn\'t want to, but had to, I don\'t think you understood.  I know you don\'t understand what is going on right now, which was obvious when I picked you up on Friday, and you ran to me with \"Daddy, you found me!\"  I know you are a creative, smart girl, and though you may find interesting ways of saying things sometimes, you do your best to say what you mean, and that tells me you don\'t understand what has happened.  That\'s okay, little girl. I wouldn\'t expect any child your age to understand everything that is going on, and all the reasons why.  One day, all will come clear to you, and knowing that makes your Daddy very sad.  I want you to know your Daddy did everything he could to keep our little house, and our family together. I do my best these days to keep myself together when I drop you off, but I can tell how much you like being with your dad, and I always end up struggling not to cry when you tell me you want to stay.  Today will be a sad one for me, and every time I have to let you go, I cry very hard, and it is very hard to keep smiling so you won\'t feel bad at having to leave.\r\nYou enjoyed our trips to the beach, as you always do, but it\'s much harder taking you when there is only you and me, so I only have a few pictures of our day.  I may end up closer to the water - we will see the next time you get to be with me.  I think it would be nice to be able to walk to the beach and play, at least during the warmer months.  Maybe, one day, we can even go to Daddy\'s special beach spot where he first took Mommy, and we can have a tent for you to nap in like we used to do.\r\nI am missing you so badly already.  Coming home to you and Mommy was always the best part of my day, along with being able to play with you every day.  I know sometimes I got tired, and your Daddy was trying to work toward finding a new job before we lost our house so I could have more time with you, and if things had not fallen apart with your Mommy and I, your life would be different by now.  We would still be playing every day together, and Daddy would still be able to share so many of the moments I miss now.\r\nIt makes me very happy that you don\'t care where we are as long as are together.  I know it doesn\'t matter where we live, as long as you can play with your Daddy.  You surprised me this weekend with how good you are at puzzles.  You picked out a paw patrol puzzle that was a panorama of 3 puzzles, and you put the 24 and 48 piece ones together so well!  I\'ll have more room the next time you visit, and we can build all three.  Your \'papers\' as you call them were fun to do as well, and it shows how creative you can be.  You have a fun sense of humor, and I love how you laugh.\r\nIt breaks Daddy\'s heart that I won\'t be able to see you at the end of my day. It will be two whole weeks before I get to see you again.  I wish things were different, little one. I wish I could be there to see all the changes, big and little, that you go through as you learn about the world.  I love spending my time with you, and hope that we can go on many adventures together in the years to come.  For now, I\'ll just keep your toys out, and look at your pictures, and hope you are having a happy day.\r\n\r\nI love you and I miss you so much.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter To Savannah 7/23/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-23-18','','','2019-12-27 00:38:29','2019-12-27 04:38:29','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=268',0,'post','',0),(269,1,'2018-07-23 12:49:30','2018-07-23 16:49:30','My Dear Little One,\r\n\r\nI had so much fun being with you this weekend.  You were a perfect angel the entire time.  You have become so good at speaking, and I love talking to you and hearing your voice.  You have a beautiful voice, and you even sang once for me.  I think you are a wonderful singer, and I hope you enjoy doing it as much as I enjoy hearing it. I think you could get very good one day.\r\nI\'m sorry I had to take you back to the babysitter\'s today.  You grabbed the straps of your car seat and said \"I want to stay in Daddy\'s car. I want to go with Daddy.\"  You were crying, and even though I tried to explain to you that I didn\'t want to, but had to, I don\'t think you understood.  I know you don\'t understand what is going on right now, which was obvious when I picked you up on Friday, and you ran to me with \"Daddy, you found me!\"  I know you are a creative, smart girl, and though you may find interesting ways of saying things sometimes, you do your best to say what you mean, and that tells me you don\'t understand what has happened.  That\'s okay, little girl. I wouldn\'t expect any child your age to understand everything that is going on, and all the reasons why.  One day, all will come clear to you, and knowing that makes your Daddy very sad.  I want you to know your Daddy did everything he could to keep our little house, and our family together. I do my best these days to keep myself together when I drop you off, but I can tell how much you like being with your dad, and I always end up struggling not to cry when you tell me you want to stay.  Today will be a sad one for me, and every time I have to let you go, I cry very hard, and it is very hard to keep smiling so you won\'t feel bad at having to leave.\r\nYou enjoyed our trips to the beach, as you always do, but it\'s much harder taking you when there is only you and me, so I only have a few pictures of our day.  I may end up closer to the water - we will see the next time you get to be with me.  I think it would be nice to be able to walk to the beach and play, at least during the warmer months.  Maybe, one day, we can even go to Daddy\'s special beach spot where he first took Mommy, and we can have a tent for you to nap in like we used to do.\r\nI am missing you so badly already.  Coming home to you and Mommy was always the best part of my day, along with being able to play with you every day.  I know sometimes I got tired, and your Daddy was trying to work toward finding a new job before we lost our house so I could have more time with you, and if things had not fallen apart with your Mommy and I, your life would be different by now.  We would still be playing every day together, and Daddy would still be able to share so many of the moments I miss now.\r\nIt makes me very happy that you don\'t care where we are as long as are together.  I know it doesn\'t matter where we live, as long as you can play with your Daddy.  You surprised me this weekend with how good you are at puzzles.  You picked out a paw patrol puzzle that was a panorama of 3 puzzles, and you put the 24 and 48 piece ones together so well!  I\'ll have more room the next time you visit, and we can build all three.  Your \'papers\' as you call them were fun to do as well, and it shows how creative you can be.  You have a fun sense of humor, and I love how you laugh.\r\nIt breaks Daddy\'s heart that I won\'t be able to see you at the end of my day. It will be two whole weeks before I get to see you again.  I wish things were different, little one. I wish I could be there to see all the changes, big and little, that you go through as you learn about the world.  I love spending my time with you, and hope that we can go on many adventures together in the years to come.  For now, I\'ll just keep your toys out, and look at your pictures, and hope you are having a happy day.\r\n\r\nI love you and I miss you so much.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter To Savannah 7/23/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','268-revision-v1','','','2018-07-23 12:49:30','2018-07-23 16:49:30','',268,'http://michaelvain.net/268-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(271,1,'2018-07-25 21:24:45','2018-07-26 01:24:45','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nI have been missing you so very much these last few days.  I have been looking at pictures I have of you, and of all of us together, to try and feel better.  I wish I could tell you all the things that are going on, and how sad your Daddy really is inside.  You are too young to understand, though, and even if you were old enough, I wouldn\'t want you to know until much later.  Your daddy loves you very much, and to your Daddy, love is the rarest, most precious emotion there is, and he hasn\'t felt it for very many people, and they are all family to me, including your sisters, and your Mommy.\r\nLooking at these pictures always stirs my heart, because there are memories attached to every one of them, and there are a lot of pictures.  I have so many memories of you, of your Mommy, and of all of us together.  To me, there were always more good times than bad, and I tried very hard to please both you and your Mommy.  I worked hard, and even though I made some mistakes along the way, I was always trying to make you both happy, and would have done anything to keep us all together.  \r\nI wish I could tell you how much Daddy has been hurt, and maybe one day you will know, but I hope it\'s not for a long time.  I know my little girl - you are empathic like your Daddy, and if you knew, it would break your heart, and I just can\'t do that to someone I love.  I hope you never lose that trait; it can be a harder path in life, because your emotions are open, but you get to feel the good things so much stronger too.  I think this is why I kept loving your mom, even when I found out that she had not loved me for a long time, or maybe ever.  I think that\'s why I still love her now, even when I know she would be mad if I said so...because when I did feel loved, it was the best feeling ever, and those memories, and being with you, were and are the happiest times.  I know you can tell how much I love my little girl.  I love being your Daddy, just as I did for Brianna and Katrina.  Being your Dad is the absolute best part of my life.  You make me very proud, and that feeling of pride just keeps getting stronger as I watch how fast you learn.\r\nI know that as you get older, we may disagree..but inside, I will always love you, and know that your entry into this world gave my life a higher purpose, maybe the best purpose a man can have.\r\nI hope you are having a great day, and that you are happy.  I miss you very much, and wish I could be tucking you into bed, like Mommy and I used to do.  I miss being able to come home to you every day.  I hope you never feel what I have been made to feel. I hope you grow stronger than I have ever been, without giving up that capacity you have to experience such rich emotions.  I hope they are all good ones, and that no one ever breaks your heart.  I hope you are able to live a full, rich, rewarding, fun life, without having to wonder if someone loved you, and that you are rewarded for the love you give in turn.  It\'s all a father can hope for his daughter, in the end, what a true father would want for any child.  I hope you grow up radiating light to all those who would receive it with genuine respect and honesty.  I want these for you, little one, and I will do my utmost to be the best father I can, and help you attain those things.\r\nI hope you have pleasant dreams tonight, and that you remember how much fun we had the last time you were here.  I hope to make many more happy memories with you, and cannot wait for my next weekend.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/25/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-25-18','','','2019-12-27 00:38:18','2019-12-27 04:38:18','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=271',0,'post','',0),(272,1,'2018-07-25 21:24:45','2018-07-26 01:24:45','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nI have been missing you so very much these last few days.  I have been looking at pictures I have of you, and of all of us together, to try and feel better.  I wish I could tell you all the things that are going on, and how sad your Daddy really is inside.  You are too young to understand, though, and even if you were old enough, I wouldn\'t want you to know until much later.  Your daddy loves you very much, and to your Daddy, love is the rarest, most precious emotion there is, and he hasn\'t felt it for very many people, and they are all family to me, including your sisters, and your Mommy.\r\nLooking at these pictures always stirs my heart, because there are memories attached to every one of them, and there are a lot of pictures.  I have so many memories of you, of your Mommy, and of all of us together.  To me, there were always more good times than bad, and I tried very hard to please both you and your Mommy.  I worked hard, and even though I made some mistakes along the way, I was always trying to make you both happy, and would have done anything to keep us all together.  \r\nI wish I could tell you how much Daddy has been hurt, and maybe one day you will know, but I hope it\'s not for a long time.  I know my little girl - you are empathic like your Daddy, and if you knew, it would break your heart, and I just can\'t do that to someone I love.  I hope you never lose that trait; it can be a harder path in life, because your emotions are open, but you get to feel the good things so much stronger too.  I think this is why I kept loving your mom, even when I found out that she had not loved me for a long time, or maybe ever.  I think that\'s why I still love her now, even when I know she would be mad if I said so...because when I did feel loved, it was the best feeling ever, and those memories, and being with you, were and are the happiest times.  I know you can tell how much I love my little girl.  I love being your Daddy, just as I did for Brianna and Katrina.  Being your Dad is the absolute best part of my life.  You make me very proud, and that feeling of pride just keeps getting stronger as I watch how fast you learn.\r\nI know that as you get older, we may disagree..but inside, I will always love you, and know that your entry into this world gave my life a higher purpose, maybe the best purpose a man can have.\r\nI hope you are having a great day, and that you are happy.  I miss you very much, and wish I could be tucking you into bed, like Mommy and I used to do.  I miss being able to come home to you every day.  I hope you never feel what I have been made to feel. I hope you grow stronger than I have ever been, without giving up that capacity you have to experience such rich emotions.  I hope they are all good ones, and that no one ever breaks your heart.  I hope you are able to live a full, rich, rewarding, fun life, without having to wonder if someone loved you, and that you are rewarded for the love you give in turn.  It\'s all a father can hope for his daughter, in the end, what a true father would want for any child.  I hope you grow up radiating light to all those who would receive it with genuine respect and honesty.  I want these for you, little one, and I will do my utmost to be the best father I can, and help you attain those things.\r\nI hope you have pleasant dreams tonight, and that you remember how much fun we had the last time you were here.  I hope to make many more happy memories with you, and cannot wait for my next weekend.\r\n\r\nLove, Daddy','Letter to Savannah 7/25/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','271-revision-v1','','','2018-07-25 21:24:45','2018-07-26 01:24:45','',271,'http://michaelvain.net/271-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(273,1,'2018-07-28 22:03:07','2018-07-29 02:03:07','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nThis may be the last letter I write to from this house.  It is Saturday night, and I have one or two nights more before I officially move.  Have no fear, I will have a nice place for us by the time you get to visit me again.  Your Daddy is working toward us having a nice time whenever we are together, and soon you will have a room all your own that we can decorate together.  I look forward to us being able to draw and paint and work on letters and maybe even getting you to sing.\r\nI think of you all the time, even though I have been working many hours, and packing the rest of the time.  All the while it makes me sad, because I liked the house your Mommy and I had together so much.  Even though we were only there for about five months, I have a lot of nice memories of us playing together there.  Daddy\'s bedroom opened to the living room and one of the bathrooms, and that bathroom also opened to the kitchen.  I would chase you around the circle it made.  You would laugh so hard, and I\'d suddenly switch direction and catch you before spinning you around.  Then the chase would start again.  You would say \'Daddy run!\' and that was my cue that the game was on...  I loved playing with you at that house.  One day soon, I will have a house at least as nice as that one. \r\nI hope you have a fun weekend, and get to go somewhere to play.  I hope your mommy took you to Sky Zone with the card I gave her. I was trying to be nice to you so you could have a good time with her, just like when I gave you an Easter basket this year. I still don\'t know if you got it, but I hope you did, even though your Mommy had me arrested for it.  I\'ll explain that one day, probably when you are older and have discovered these letters, because you will be old enough to understand then, and you deserve to know the truth.  I don\'t lie, and I won\'t lie to you, little one.  I never lied to your Mommy either, because that is the kind of person I am.  There are reasons for that, good ones, and I am happy that I was raised to believe in things like truth, and integrity, and being a good person.  I\'m going to do my best to pass those qualities on to you, because I believe that we as people should all strive to be the best person we can be.  Because we are human, there are times where we fail, and I am no exception, but it is important that we try as best we can.\r\nI miss you very much every day, and I am eager to see you again.  I am not sure what we will do together next weekend, but I will make sure you have a great time.  It makes me the happiest when you laugh and smile, and it always has.  You are my angel, and I regret that your mommy wouldn\'t let me give you a brother or sister.  I think you would have loved them very much.\r\nI will see you soon, little one.\r\n\r\nThinking of you always, \r\n\r\nLove, Daddy\r\n','Letter to Savannah 7/28/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-7-28-18','','','2019-12-27 00:38:10','2019-12-27 04:38:10','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=273',0,'post','',0),(274,1,'2018-07-28 22:03:07','2018-07-29 02:03:07','My Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nThis may be the last letter I write to from this house.  It is Saturday night, and I have one or two nights more before I officially move.  Have no fear, I will have a nice place for us by the time you get to visit me again.  Your Daddy is working toward us having a nice time whenever we are together, and soon you will have a room all your own that we can decorate together.  I look forward to us being able to draw and paint and work on letters and maybe even getting you to sing.\r\nI think of you all the time, even though I have been working many hours, and packing the rest of the time.  All the while it makes me sad, because I liked the house your Mommy and I had together so much.  Even though we were only there for about five months, I have a lot of nice memories of us playing together there.  Daddy\'s bedroom opened to the living room and one of the bathrooms, and that bathroom also opened to the kitchen.  I would chase you around the circle it made.  You would laugh so hard, and I\'d suddenly switch direction and catch you before spinning you around.  Then the chase would start again.  You would say \'Daddy run!\' and that was my cue that the game was on...  I loved playing with you at that house.  One day soon, I will have a house at least as nice as that one. \r\nI hope you have a fun weekend, and get to go somewhere to play.  I hope your mommy took you to Sky Zone with the card I gave her. I was trying to be nice to you so you could have a good time with her, just like when I gave you an Easter basket this year. I still don\'t know if you got it, but I hope you did, even though your Mommy had me arrested for it.  I\'ll explain that one day, probably when you are older and have discovered these letters, because you will be old enough to understand then, and you deserve to know the truth.  I don\'t lie, and I won\'t lie to you, little one.  I never lied to your Mommy either, because that is the kind of person I am.  There are reasons for that, good ones, and I am happy that I was raised to believe in things like truth, and integrity, and being a good person.  I\'m going to do my best to pass those qualities on to you, because I believe that we as people should all strive to be the best person we can be.  Because we are human, there are times where we fail, and I am no exception, but it is important that we try as best we can.\r\nI miss you very much every day, and I am eager to see you again.  I am not sure what we will do together next weekend, but I will make sure you have a great time.  It makes me the happiest when you laugh and smile, and it always has.  You are my angel, and I regret that your mommy wouldn\'t let me give you a brother or sister.  I think you would have loved them very much.\r\nI will see you soon, little one.\r\n\r\nThinking of you always, \r\n\r\nLove, Daddy\r\n','Letter to Savannah 7/28/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','273-revision-v1','','','2018-07-28 22:03:07','2018-07-29 02:03:07','',273,'http://michaelvain.net/273-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(277,1,'2018-08-02 08:26:03','2018-08-02 12:26:03','My Dear Savannah,\r\n\r\nI woke up from a dream of you this morning, a dream of you and Mommy and I, of when we were all together, and I thought we were happy.  I can\'t describe how it feels to wake up alone, with your heart hurting from all the lies you have been told, of losing everything you worked so hard for eight years to keep, of not being able to see your own child at the end of the day.  I think it feels like dying, only it happens very slowly, bit by bit, every minute of every day.  It starts from the second your eyes open at the start of the day, and it follows you as you fall asleep to haunt your dreams.  What makes it so hard, is that when we met, your Mommy and I seemed so perfect together, even though your Daddy was somewhat older than your Mommy.  She was everything your Daddy ever wanted in life, and this was made even more perfect when we made you.  You brought a joy into my life that can only be felt by a father, a sense of belonging and love that exists in the bond between Father and Daughter.  You brought happiness into my world with every look, every smile, every little word.  Simple things like playing peek-a-boo, or even feeding you when you were tiny, became special memories that will last a lifetime, and held in a special place deep within my heart.\r\nIn the beginning, your Mommy seemed to love me.  Every moment I got to spend with her filled me with a love so strong I could barely contain it.  Although years separated us, it was like she filled in all the things that were missing in my life, and I truly thought we had been brought together to become complete.  Our age difference bothered her parents, your grandparents on her side, but your Mommy chose your Daddy, and told them if they couldn\'t accept us together, then they had no place in her life.  That was how much your Mommy seemed to care back then.  I can\'t tell you how much it hurts to have someone you love run around with someone else, even worse to discover they had been doing it from the very beginning.  I hope you never have to feel that kind of pain, the humiliation and despair of watching someone break every promise they have ever made to you.  A promise is a sacred thing, little one, and you should never make a promise that you cannot keep, for breaking a promise lowers your worth as a human being, and makes you into less of a person.  A wedding vow is the biggest, most important promise a person can ever make in their life, and to break that promise means you have no honor, and thus no value as a human being.  Those that would disrespect such a promise by going after a married person is even worse, for it means they had no honor to start with, and honor is one of the highest aspects of our humanity.  Without honor, we are nothing but animals with shoes, unworthy of any respect or courtesy, of true love or any type of happiness.\r\nI know that when you are old enough to read these letters, you will understand what I am talking about.  You are a smart girl, and I know you will be able to handle the truth.  It saddens me more than you will ever know that one day, you will know all that has happened, and how much your Mommy went out of her way to hurt me, and how much I tried to get her to love me the way she seemed to love me when we met, and when we made you.  I tried so hard to make us both that happy, because back then, your Mommy made me feel happier than I had ever been, and the energy between us seemed so strong.  Yet your Mommy was always ready to leave.  When I found the first job after my accident, your mother decided to start chatting online with a pathetic drunk who was convicted of sexually assaulting his sister, and later arranged to have her step-father come and get her and her things while I was at work so she could be with him.  I sold all the things I had been saving to either share with my children, or for my retirement, in order to follow her back to Ohio in order to show her how much I loved her.  This was a pattern she would follow for the next six years, with each loser she hooked up with even more pathetic than the last, until she finally crossed a line that was beyond forgiveness.  I am so sorry that I did not know then what I know now, and that I did not give you a better mother, for the woman I thought I knew never really existed, and it hurts me deep inside to know all the things you will have to experience and feel as a result.  I am sorry that your mother has such low self-esteem, and no respect for the feelings of others.  For the first three and a half years of your life, I was there for you every day, and cared more about your feelings than I did my own.  Meanwhile, your mommy was only concerned over what loser had captured her interest (and there were many), and could never make you her priority.  That hurt me deeply, as I loved you both with all my heart.  \r\nOne day, you will learn all that has happened, but for now, there is only the confusion of where your Daddy goes, and why you can\'t see him every day.  Instead, you are made to be around someone that has no honor, no respect, and no common sense.  You have been made to be part of a stereotype against your will, and forced to associate with the person responsible for your father\'s pain.  All I can do is continue to work hard, so that I can give you the best time I can when we are together.  You are the reason I stay around, little one, for I love you with all my heart, and want nothing but to be the best father I can be to you.\r\nI miss you, little one, and can hardly wait for this weekend.  Perhaps then, this sadness will go away for awhile, even though it hurts so much to let you go at the end.  I hope you are happy today, and that you think of me every once in awhile.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/2/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-8-2-18','','','2019-12-27 00:37:56','2019-12-27 04:37:56','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=277',0,'post','',0),(278,1,'2018-08-02 08:26:03','2018-08-02 12:26:03','My Dear Savannah,\r\n\r\nI woke up from a dream of you this morning, a dream of you and Mommy and I, of when we were all together, and I thought we were happy.  I can\'t describe how it feels to wake up alone, with your heart hurting from all the lies you have been told, of losing everything you worked so hard for eight years to keep, of not being able to see your own child at the end of the day.  I think it feels like dying, only it happens very slowly, bit by bit, every minute of every day.  It starts from the second your eyes open at the start of the day, and it follows you as you fall asleep to haunt your dreams.  What makes it so hard, is that when we met, your Mommy and I seemed so perfect together, even though your Daddy was somewhat older than your Mommy.  She was everything your Daddy ever wanted in life, and this was made even more perfect when we made you.  You brought a joy into my life that can only be felt by a father, a sense of belonging and love that exists in the bond between Father and Daughter.  You brought happiness into my world with every look, every smile, every little word.  Simple things like playing peek-a-boo, or even feeding you when you were tiny, became special memories that will last a lifetime, and held in a special place deep within my heart.\r\nIn the beginning, your Mommy seemed to love me.  Every moment I got to spend with her filled me with a love so strong I could barely contain it.  Although years separated us, it was like she filled in all the things that were missing in my life, and I truly thought we had been brought together to become complete.  Our age difference bothered her parents, your grandparents on her side, but your Mommy chose your Daddy, and told them if they couldn\'t accept us together, then they had no place in her life.  That was how much your Mommy seemed to care back then.  I can\'t tell you how much it hurts to have someone you love run around with someone else, even worse to discover they had been doing it from the very beginning.  I hope you never have to feel that kind of pain, the humiliation and despair of watching someone break every promise they have ever made to you.  A promise is a sacred thing, little one, and you should never make a promise that you cannot keep, for breaking a promise lowers your worth as a human being, and makes you into less of a person.  A wedding vow is the biggest, most important promise a person can ever make in their life, and to break that promise means you have no honor, and thus no value as a human being.  Those that would disrespect such a promise by going after a married person is even worse, for it means they had no honor to start with, and honor is one of the highest aspects of our humanity.  Without honor, we are nothing but animals with shoes, unworthy of any respect or courtesy, of true love or any type of happiness.\r\nI know that when you are old enough to read these letters, you will understand what I am talking about.  You are a smart girl, and I know you will be able to handle the truth.  It saddens me more than you will ever know that one day, you will know all that has happened, and how much your Mommy went out of her way to hurt me, and how much I tried to get her to love me the way she seemed to love me when we met, and when we made you.  I tried so hard to make us both that happy, because back then, your Mommy made me feel happier than I had ever been, and the energy between us seemed so strong.  Yet your Mommy was always ready to leave.  When I found the first job after my accident, your mother decided to start chatting online with a pathetic drunk who was convicted of sexually assaulting his sister, and later arranged to have her step-father come and get her and her things while I was at work so she could be with him.  I sold all the things I had been saving to either share with my children, or for my retirement, in order to follow her back to Ohio in order to show her how much I loved her.  This was a pattern she would follow for the next six years, with each loser she hooked up with even more pathetic than the last, until she finally crossed a line that was beyond forgiveness.  I am so sorry that I did not know then what I know now, and that I did not give you a better mother, for the woman I thought I knew never really existed, and it hurts me deep inside to know all the things you will have to experience and feel as a result.  I am sorry that your mother has such low self-esteem, and no respect for the feelings of others.  For the first three and a half years of your life, I was there for you every day, and cared more about your feelings than I did my own.  Meanwhile, your mommy was only concerned over what loser had captured her interest (and there were many), and could never make you her priority.  That hurt me deeply, as I loved you both with all my heart.  \r\nOne day, you will learn all that has happened, but for now, there is only the confusion of where your Daddy goes, and why you can\'t see him every day.  Instead, you are made to be around someone that has no honor, no respect, and no common sense.  You have been made to be part of a stereotype against your will, and forced to associate with the person responsible for your father\'s pain.  All I can do is continue to work hard, so that I can give you the best time I can when we are together.  You are the reason I stay around, little one, for I love you with all my heart, and want nothing but to be the best father I can be to you.\r\nI miss you, little one, and can hardly wait for this weekend.  Perhaps then, this sadness will go away for awhile, even though it hurts so much to let you go at the end.  I hope you are happy today, and that you think of me every once in awhile.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/2/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','277-revision-v1','','','2018-08-02 08:26:03','2018-08-02 12:26:03','',277,'http://michaelvain.net/277-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(279,1,'2018-08-10 19:36:04','2018-08-10 23:36:04','Michelle,\r\n\r\nI\'ve been looking over pictures lately, and especially that little video you made me back when we were at Judy\'s.  It is the only way I can see the woman that I fell so completely in love with any more.  I wonder why you made it.  Was it because I suggested it?  Was it because you needed to cover the fact that you were already planning to run off?  The expressions you make, the sound of your voice (\"I love what you do to me in bed, and it just keeps getting better\"), and the look in your eyes all look so genuine...\r\nBut it always does, doesn\'t it? (The picture of you holding a sign that reads \'the future Mrs. Sheeks\' comes to mind, as does the video you made for that jiggyboo asshole, the pictures of you with that piece of shit from Fostoria, the list goes on).\r\nDid you ever, ever, really feel anything for me?  Everything I felt for you was real, and I meant every word of affection and emotion I shared with you.  Every. Single. Fucking. Word.  I lived up to every single promise I made you.\r\nAnd you broke every single one you ever made to me.\r\nEvery....last...one.\r\nYou have destroyed my life.  Financially, emotionally, and in every way that means anything.  When we met, I did my best to resist you, because I was trying to avoid having anything like this happen in my life...ever.  That is exactly why I asked you what I did when we were getting to know each other.  \"Have you ever...would you ever.?  And what did you say?  It doesn\'t matter...I remember.\r\nI remember that I was there for you all during your pregnancy.  I remember driving on black ice for miles so I could see you at the hospital.  I remember sacrificing so much, just to try and be with you, to be the one you said you wanted.\r\nI remember working hard at every job I had, whether it was caring for Savannah, or working at the bakery, or standing in front of a 150 degree belt drying so I could afford to give you a place to live while you were in school, and afterwards, even though you said you would be the breadwinner.  I remember everything.\r\nAnd it all hurts now.\r\nBecause of you.\r\nNot because of me.  You came into our relationship knowing nothing but the truth.  I never held anything back, and revealed to you all my flaws. You knew I was honest, that I would never hit you (told to you by more than one person, as we both know).  You knew my emotions, how passionate I was, and how much I felt for you. I strove to do everything you said you wanted, to give you everything I could.\r\nWhat did it get me?  I rarely even got a thank you, much less any kind of loyalty. I cannot wrap my mind around how you could be so perfect for me on one hand, and be the most tragic, painful, and destructive force in my life on the other.  All the many lies.  So many...like when I discovered you had killed our second baby.  The lie you told to cover it was ridiculous - yet it came out so convincingly.\r\nBut I know the truth.\r\nAnd so do you.\r\nDo you know why I don\'t lie?  Why I never abused you or cheated, ever?  It\'s because I need to be able to look myself in the mirror, and know I worked at being the best human being I can be.  Not perfect, not by a long shot, but the best I was capable of at any given time.  Part of it was loyalty, and love, and respect for you - unlike the opposite that I have been given - but mostly it was because I have a conscience.\r\nWhere did yours go?  Did you ever really have one?  I\'m not asking this to belittle, but because I cannot for the life of me imagine doing any of the things that have been done to me.  You were once this enlightened, creative, beautiful, loving woman, or so I thought, or was led to believe.  I know you want to think you have grown, but you haven\'t.  You have done just the opposite, becoming someone who lies, cheats, manipulates, and will do anything to anyone just as long as you get your way.  That is not advancement, not in the least.  The only answer that I can think of, and what seems to be borne out in reality, especially when I found out you were cheating on me since the very beginning, is that you were looking to be taken care of until you could find someone who made more money, and used me from the start.  Or, you just can\'t be happy with any one person.  After all, you\'ve already cheated on that asshat you left me for...seriously, how could you be sexting some fucker on Craigslist if you actually loved him as you have claimed?  I know the pattern - you flirt, then it\'s texting and emails, and then come the naked pictures and video, and then it moves on from there.  Who knows how far that actually went?  Looking back, I\'m certain that you were cheating pretty much the whole time. Take that \'uncle\' of yours...that fucking pervert just wanted to fuck you, and you knew it - yet you wanted to go see him alone.  I would work all day, give you all my attention and affection, and you would run off to spend time with that pathetic \'asexual\' (read: loser) scrawny little asshole.\r\nIt\'s sad.  So very sad.  I may have been older, but I gave you incredible sex, loved you completely, and worked my ass off just so I could have the privilege of being able to see you smile, to rub your back, and if I was lucky, get to watch you orgasm.  I never loved anyone as much as you, and I\'ll never love anyone again.  I loved just being in your presence, and when I said so, you would agree...even though you were already having an affair with that sister-raping drunk in Ohio.  All I wanted was to have you with me, and for us to have a happy, creative life, and you have done everything you could to take that dream away from me, to destroy it completely.\r\nAnd you succeeded.\r\nWhen I met you, I was already done.  I was ready to stay alone the rest of my life, just so I wouldn\'t have to deal with heartbreak, and told you so.  That you would have gone to such lengths just to use another person is terrible beyond words.  I was bothering no one.  I was minding my own business, trying to deal with the pain I had been left with, and then you came along and seduced me.  Yes, that is what it was, and I have hundreds of pics from our Skype chats to prove it.  You promised me things, you flirted, you teased, and all the other ingredients of seduction.\r\nAnd you did the same to every other male you found, like Michael Sharpe, as well as Ronny, Danny, that dick at the auto parts store, Matt, Cody, \'Mark Master\', and your pet coon.\r\nAnd all the while, the man who saw you as a goddess was being lied to, used, abused, demonized, gaslighted, and falsely accused.  More, you lied to everyone you met about me, including your family, friends, co-workers, and of course the horny little boys you so willingly threw yourself upon.\r\nWhat the fuck did I ever do to you to deserve any of it?\r\nIf Karma is real, and I think it is, then this is something that will come back to you.  I may have not been perfect, but I could have been right for you if you had just been honest, with me and yourself, and allowed yourself to feel what I felt, if you had only had the tiniest bit of faith, or could muster a little effort.  Yes, I had some issues, and I listened to you and worked to make myself better.  All you ever did was throw yourself at whoever smiled at you.  I would never be able to live with myself if I had the memories you have, if I had done any of the things that you have done to me.\r\nIt was all so unnecessary.  I know we could have been happy, and if you had come along with me, I would have made sure you would have been well off after I departed this earth.  \r\nYou will never be able to feel the depth of what I feel for you - no one could who could throw people away like that.  This makes me sad, for the woman I loved, the woman who ran on the beach with me, who came in my truck, who held my hand and loved me so hard at night, the woman who was overtaken by that other Michelle, was the most perfect person I had ever known.  She lives only in the shattered remains of my heart now, and I will always miss her.\r\nI would have given that woman anything, for that woman was worth it, if she ever existed at all.  All that\'s left is a girl who will do anything, say anything, to cause pain to the man who loved her with all her heart. \r\nAnd if that\'s not evil, I don\'t know what is.\r\nBut still, despite all the pain and the lies, I miss my Michelle.  I miss My Dragonfly, and every day now is nothing but the heartache and loss that came with watching you turn into that other person.  I too have changed - I feel nothing but sadness and grief now, where once there was so much love, I didn\'t know how to contain it all.  Soon, there will be nothing left of the man I was, and only a broken shell to show for it.  My heart physically aches every minute of every day.  I break into random tears, because I can\'t turn off the memories, which is why I tried so hard to keep this from happening in the first place.  I have no hope for the future any more, and have consigned myself to live the rest of my days in loneliness and depression.  The only reason I even work on anything anymore is to try and distract myself from the memories, and the pain.  I have been forced to suffer so many indignities, accusations, and criticisms, so much physical pain and emotional anguish, all because I wanted to love the woman that matched me so well.  I break down every time I think of all the times we shared, every morning, every drive home, every time I look at our photos.  I can\'t contain all the pain I have been forced to feel, and it\'s torture.  If I didn\'t have Savannah, you would truly be free, because I passed the point of wanting to live, and you were the one shining light I had experienced in an otherwise sad, pointless life, made so by giving everything for so long, and getting nothing back.\r\nYou may hate me now, but I hope one day you will finally be able to acknowledge the truth, and realize how much you tore me down, how much pain and sadness you went out of your way to cause a man who never wanted to hurt you, and who would have gladly given you everything, including his life.  I hope you have some pleasant memories of me one day, and that you admit to yourself how much I really loved you.  I hope you wake up one day and have an epiphany, and become that woman that I knew.  I won\'t be there to see it, but I hope it for you anyway.\r\n\r\nI can\'t write any more.  I don\'t know why I\'m even writing this, as you most likely won\'t see it, and if you do, it will be with the intention of causing me more pain, or to laugh, or whatever.\r\n\r\nI wish we had made it.  You were perfect, even more so because of your imperfections.\r\n\r\nI wish I was...\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n\r\n\r\n','Letter to Michelle 8/10/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-michelle-8-10-18','','','2019-12-27 00:37:27','2019-12-27 04:37:27','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=279',0,'post','',0),(283,1,'2018-08-20 21:50:45','2018-08-21 01:50:45','My Dear Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nI dropped you off at the babysitter\'s 3 hours ago, and I\'m still shaking and crying at work.  As usual, you did not want our time together to end.  You cried and did your best to get me to let you back in my truck, and it took all my strength not to break down in front of you.  I know how much you care about my feelings - you never like to see me upset, and I just couldn\'t burden you with how badly it hurts to let you go.  I am crying even now, as I write this, because I miss every single second I am away from you.  You will only be my little girl for a short time, and because of your mother\'s selfishness, I get even less time with you now than I used to, and soon all I will have are the memories of our times together, and then I will be truly alone.  Making you and your Mommy happy were all I had, and it was taken from both of us, along with our little house, your room with your letters above your bed, and I can\'t describe how much it hurts not only to have to take you back knowing I won\'t see you for another two weeks, but to have to drive by where we used to live every time.  We had such a nice little place, and you were the happiest I\'ve ever seen you there.  I wish I could have saved us as a family.  I did everything I possibly could to make your mother happy, but she never wanted to be happy with us.  I don\'t know how anyone could hurt another person the way she has hurt me over the years.  All I ever really wanted in life was to have some time together as a family, to get the things I see other people have every day.  I wanted to work at home so I could be with you both as much as possible, and had your mother ever cared, if she had ever wanted any of the things I wanted for us, then she would have actually spent some time caring for you, and helping me achieve what would have been a wonderful life for all of us.\r\nIt also hurts knowing that one day, you will learn about all the things that have happened - how your mother was cheating on me right after we met, how she cheated on me time and time again, how I forgave her every time with the hope that we could stay together, how she lied and said I attacked her so that she could keep me away from you, and how you would have had a brother or sister if she had not forced herself to miscarry when she found out she was pregnant, just so she could keep running after trashy a-holes that will never love her as much as your Daddy.  I wish none of it was true, but it is, and I hope that you don\'t end up with the qualities she has now.  Instead, I hope you grow up to be like you are now, beautiful, intelligent, honest, and caring of other\'s feelings. I will do my best to make sure you keep those qualities, for those are what separates us from the animals; it is what makes us special as human beings.  I hope you grow up to be like the image your mother presented when we met, because then, she was a goddess, in mind, body, and spirit.  I will never be able to find another woman who can match who she appeared to be, and because of that, I will be alone for the rest of my life.\r\nI wish only the best for you, my little miracle baby, and will do my utmost to love and protect you for as long as I live.  I hope you grow up with only good memories of me, and that we can share many special moments and travels together in the years to come.  \r\nI miss you, Savannah, every minute of every day, and I cannot wait until we can play together again.  It is the best part of my life.  I hope you are happy today, and that you always keep that special smile that is uniquely yours.  It is a shining light, and I hope it only draws the best people into your life, the opposite of what your mother has surrounded herself after she met me.  Until we get together again, I will continue to work on the photos I have taken of you, and will work hard to get us another place where we can be as happy as we used to be.\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/20/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-8-20-18','','','2019-12-27 00:36:50','2019-12-27 04:36:50','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=283',0,'post','',0),(284,1,'2018-08-20 21:50:45','2018-08-21 01:50:45','My Dear Little Savannah,\r\n\r\nI dropped you off at the babysitter\'s 3 hours ago, and I\'m still shaking and crying at work.  As usual, you did not want our time together to end.  You cried and did your best to get me to let you back in my truck, and it took all my strength not to break down in front of you.  I know how much you care about my feelings - you never like to see me upset, and I just couldn\'t burden you with how badly it hurts to let you go.  I am crying even now, as I write this, because I miss every single second I am away from you.  You will only be my little girl for a short time, and because of your mother\'s selfishness, I get even less time with you now than I used to, and soon all I will have are the memories of our times together, and then I will be truly alone.  Making you and your Mommy happy were all I had, and it was taken from both of us, along with our little house, your room with your letters above your bed, and I can\'t describe how much it hurts not only to have to take you back knowing I won\'t see you for another two weeks, but to have to drive by where we used to live every time.  We had such a nice little place, and you were the happiest I\'ve ever seen you there.  I wish I could have saved us as a family.  I did everything I possibly could to make your mother happy, but she never wanted to be happy with us.  I don\'t know how anyone could hurt another person the way she has hurt me over the years.  All I ever really wanted in life was to have some time together as a family, to get the things I see other people have every day.  I wanted to work at home so I could be with you both as much as possible, and had your mother ever cared, if she had ever wanted any of the things I wanted for us, then she would have actually spent some time caring for you, and helping me achieve what would have been a wonderful life for all of us.\r\nIt also hurts knowing that one day, you will learn about all the things that have happened - how your mother was cheating on me right after we met, how she cheated on me time and time again, how I forgave her every time with the hope that we could stay together, how she lied and said I attacked her so that she could keep me away from you, and how you would have had a brother or sister if she had not forced herself to miscarry when she found out she was pregnant, just so she could keep running after trashy a-holes that will never love her as much as your Daddy.  I wish none of it was true, but it is, and I hope that you don\'t end up with the qualities she has now.  Instead, I hope you grow up to be like you are now, beautiful, intelligent, honest, and caring of other\'s feelings. I will do my best to make sure you keep those qualities, for those are what separates us from the animals; it is what makes us special as human beings.  I hope you grow up to be like the image your mother presented when we met, because then, she was a goddess, in mind, body, and spirit.  I will never be able to find another woman who can match who she appeared to be, and because of that, I will be alone for the rest of my life.\r\nI wish only the best for you, my little miracle baby, and will do my utmost to love and protect you for as long as I live.  I hope you grow up with only good memories of me, and that we can share many special moments and travels together in the years to come.  \r\nI miss you, Savannah, every minute of every day, and I cannot wait until we can play together again.  It is the best part of my life.  I hope you are happy today, and that you always keep that special smile that is uniquely yours.  It is a shining light, and I hope it only draws the best people into your life, the opposite of what your mother has surrounded herself after she met me.  Until we get together again, I will continue to work on the photos I have taken of you, and will work hard to get us another place where we can be as happy as we used to be.\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/20/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','283-revision-v1','','','2018-08-20 21:50:45','2018-08-21 01:50:45','',283,'http://michaelvain.net/283-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(286,1,'2018-08-29 09:35:38','2018-08-29 13:35:38','My Dearest Little One,\r\n\r\nI am missing you today, as I do every day.  I look at the pictures of you, your mommy, and us together just about every night, even though it hurts me deep inside, remembering how it used to be.  I was so close to finally having things in our life go the way I had always wanted it to be, before your mother decided to tear apart our lives.  I cannot describe the deep sadness and pain it causes me to know how hard I worked to keep us all together, just to have it pulled out from under me again. I try my best to stay happy around you during the short times that I get to see you, but it isn\'t easy; your mother continues to harass me through the courts, attempting to say I broke a protection order that shouldn\'t exist in the first place.  I hope you never have to go through what I have been forced to go through - to be accused of being the exact opposite of what you are, of having to defend yourself against false accusations as part of someone else\'s plan.  It\'s a terrible feeling, especially after going through so much to avoid those kinds of things in your life, or after having shared so many special times with someone, only to have them use everything against you.\r\nI don\'t know why your mommy hates me so much.  Then again, I cannot imagine doing to anyone what she has done to me, or saying to someone the many things that she has said to me, the kind of things that you only ever share with those you love the most.  It tears you apart inside in a way that is particularly intimate, gets down inside your soul deeper than you could imagine.  What makes it even worse is that I never hurt your mommy. I loved her with all my heart, and would have done anything to keep her in that special place in my life.\r\nI wish I had videos of our time together to show you, rather than just a few pictures.  There were so many times that your mother seemed to be happy - she would cuddle with me, and make me laugh, and I would rub her back for hours every night, just so that I could touch her.  Even now, months later, I can still remember exactly what her skin felt like, and I can\'t think about any of those times without having to hold back tears.  Your mother made my life magical, even though I had to work harder than I have had to for many years.  Just seeing her smile would light up my day - I would feel strong whenever she was around, and being able to be there for you and her gave my life meaning.\r\nNow, all I have to look forward to is the short time I get to spend with you, and it\'s never enough. I am working even more hours now, and my weeks are longer than they have ever been before.  I have no one to greet me when I get home, and just feel tired and sore and sad most days.\r\nI wish I had been the right age for your mom.  I wish I was younger, so that I could watch you grow up and become the incredible woman I know you will become.  I wish I could make all the dreams you will have come true, and that I could help make your life a wonderful experience.  I don\'t know how long I will be able to be there for you.  Your father has taken some hard knocks during his life; I have always done what my children needed of me, and this has resulted in your father being hurt more than once.  I still, after sixteen years, feel the pain every day of the car accident that broke my back.  It used to be much worse, but then I met your mother and started to heal - I had just started to get my full mobility back when she decided to leave, and for some reason, all the old aches and pains have come back. I feel worse now than I have in over ten years, and it worries me that I may not be around long enough to see you grow up.  I hope I can, because my children are my greatest works of art.  I\'ll never create another masterpiece like you, little one, and I want to see you bloom into a wonderful human being.\r\nI hope you are happy today.  Your father misses you so much.  I miss the way things used to be, and am saddened that I will never know how good things could have been.  I wish I could have spared you all the stress and sadness of coming from a broken family.  Your mother promised that if we had a baby, that we would raise it together in love, that we would not have you raised like we were raised, without both parents together.  I did my best to keep that promise, little one, and it breaks my heart that your mother could not keep any of hers.\r\nI can\'t wait to see you this weekend.  I love you, little angel, and will do my best to see you have a good weekend with me.\r\n\r\nLove, \r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/29/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-8-29-18','','','2019-12-27 00:37:43','2019-12-27 04:37:43','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=286',0,'post','',0),(288,1,'2018-08-29 09:35:38','2018-08-29 13:35:38','My Dearest Little One,\r\n\r\nI am missing you today, as I do every day.  I look at the pictures of you, your mommy, and us together just about every night, even though it hurts me deep inside, remembering how it used to be.  I was so close to finally having things in our life go the way I had always wanted it to be, before your mother decided to tear apart our lives.  I cannot describe the deep sadness and pain it causes me to know how hard I worked to keep us all together, just to have it pulled out from under me again. I try my best to stay happy around you during the short times that I get to see you, but it isn\'t easy; your mother continues to harass me through the courts, attempting to say I broke a protection order that shouldn\'t exist in the first place.  I hope you never have to go through what I have been forced to go through - to be accused of being the exact opposite of what you are, of having to defend yourself against false accusations as part of someone else\'s plan.  It\'s a terrible feeling, especially after going through so much to avoid those kinds of things in your life, or after having shared so many special times with someone, only to have them use everything against you.\r\nI don\'t know why your mommy hates me so much.  Then again, I cannot imagine doing to anyone what she has done to me, or saying to someone the many things that she has said to me, the kind of things that you only ever share with those you love the most.  It tears you apart inside in a way that is particularly intimate, gets down inside your soul deeper than you could imagine.  What makes it even worse is that I never hurt your mommy. I loved her with all my heart, and would have done anything to keep her in that special place in my life.\r\nI wish I had videos of our time together to show you, rather than just a few pictures.  There were so many times that your mother seemed to be happy - she would cuddle with me, and make me laugh, and I would rub her back for hours every night, just so that I could touch her.  Even now, months later, I can still remember exactly what her skin felt like, and I can\'t think about any of those times without having to hold back tears.  Your mother made my life magical, even though I had to work harder than I have had to for many years.  Just seeing her smile would light up my day - I would feel strong whenever she was around, and being able to be there for you and her gave my life meaning.\r\nNow, all I have to look forward to is the short time I get to spend with you, and it\'s never enough. I am working even more hours now, and my weeks are longer than they have ever been before.  I have no one to greet me when I get home, and just feel tired and sore and sad most days.\r\nI wish I had been the right age for your mom.  I wish I was younger, so that I could watch you grow up and become the incredible woman I know you will become.  I wish I could make all the dreams you will have come true, and that I could help make your life a wonderful experience.  I don\'t know how long I will be able to be there for you.  Your father has taken some hard knocks during his life; I have always done what my children needed of me, and this has resulted in your father being hurt more than once.  I still, after sixteen years, feel the pain every day of the car accident that broke my back.  It used to be much worse, but then I met your mother and started to heal - I had just started to get my full mobility back when she decided to leave, and for some reason, all the old aches and pains have come back. I feel worse now than I have in over ten years, and it worries me that I may not be around long enough to see you grow up.  I hope I can, because my children are my greatest works of art.  I\'ll never create another masterpiece like you, little one, and I want to see you bloom into a wonderful human being.\r\nI hope you are happy today.  Your father misses you so much.  I miss the way things used to be, and am saddened that I will never know how good things could have been.  I wish I could have spared you all the stress and sadness of coming from a broken family.  Your mother promised that if we had a baby, that we would raise it together in love, that we would not have you raised like we were raised, without both parents together.  I did my best to keep that promise, little one, and it breaks my heart that your mother could not keep any of hers.\r\nI can\'t wait to see you this weekend.  I love you, little angel, and will do my best to see you have a good weekend with me.\r\n\r\nLove, \r\n\r\nDaddy','Letter to Savannah 8/29/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','286-revision-v1','','','2018-08-29 09:35:38','2018-08-29 13:35:38','',286,'http://michaelvain.net/286-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(289,1,'2018-08-29 22:15:40','2018-08-30 02:15:40','I shouldn\'t have to say this, but all content on this site is my property, and is not to be reproduced in any way without express written permission by the author (i.e. me). The material in my blog and other pages are my intellectual property, and is displayed solely at my discretion.  All material here, regardless of \'form\' is posted to reflect my writing ability, and to inform those interested in my work, and are are not intended for reproduction in any other media.','Not That It Needs Saying','','publish','open','open','','not-that-it-needs-saying','','','2020-05-04 14:01:07','2020-05-04 18:01:07','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=289',0,'post','',0),(290,1,'2018-08-29 22:15:40','2018-08-30 02:15:40','I shouldn\'t have to say this, but all content on this site is my property, and is not to be reproduced in any way without express written permission by the author (i.e. me).  The material in my blog and other pages are my intellectual property, and is displayed solely at my discretion, to reflect my writing ability, are are not intended for reproduction in any other media.  ','Not That It Needs Saying','','inherit','closed','closed','','289-revision-v1','','','2018-08-29 22:15:40','2018-08-30 02:15:40','',289,'http://michaelvain.net/289-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(291,1,'2018-09-03 09:33:16','2018-09-03 13:33:16','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI wish we could have spent today together.  Normally, this is a three-day weekend, and if I had a normal job, I would have been off work, and we would have had more time to play, but I have to work today, because this was the only job I could find quick enough that paid enough money for us to have a home.  Sadly, your mother took everything away, including you, and now I am trapped here, working harder than I ever have, just so I can see you every other weekend.  What makes it worse is that I don\'t even have to work a full day - just long enough so that I couldn\'t have you the extra day.\r\nI\'m sorry that I get sad on the mornings I have to take you back.  I try to hold back the tears until I leave you at the babysitter\'s, and sometimes I just can\'t.  You always cry when I have to leave, and that hurts me deep inside.  I love every single minute that we have together, and try my best to make every visit special, because you are the most special person in my life.  Every time I leave, like this morning, I end up crying all the way to work, and it is a struggle not to break down during the day.  The only thing that keeps me going at all these days is the memory of your smile, and the hope I will get to see it again.  I wish we could still be a family, and that I could come home to your happy energy every day.  I cannot express how much I miss coming home every day to see you, and how you would run up to me, so happy that your daddy was home.  You are my shining light, and the only connection I have now to the days when we were all together.\r\nBeing with you are the happiest days of my life.  I love watching you play, and how excited you get when we go out, because you know it will be somewhere fun.  Your emotions are so pure, so honest, and I can tell how deeply you love your Daddy - you always let me know how much you care, and I hope that is something that never changes.  Honesty is one of the most important qualities we have - it is what separates us from the lower animals, and although honest people are often made to suffer for it, it is better to be honest and suffer than to lie and hurt others.  Even when you don\'t like something, like having to go back to the babysitters (and I don\'t blame you one bit), you are honest with how you feel.  I\'ll never make you feel bad for how you feel, and that is a promise.  I keep my promises, too.  I kept every promise I made to your mother, even after she broke every promise she ever made to me, and I will keep every promise I make to you.  I told you that for as long as I live, I will always be there for you, and that I would never turn you away.  I will always be your Daddy, and nothing can ever change that.  I made you on purpose, with love in my heart, and that love will never change.  You are my Grand Masterpiece, the greatest work of art I have ever created, and the last baby I will ever have.  I will do my best to make your life as happy as I can, and will be there to hold you in times of sadness, and cheer you during times of success.  I want your life to be amazing and magical, and will do everything I can to make your childhood something you cherish for all your life.  I want you to have as many good memories of me as possible, for you are one of the few people that actually care about me, and one of the few that deserve everything I can offer.\r\nIt\'s so hard, little one, to go from seeing you every day, to not seeing you at all for over six months, and then only to be able to see you every other weekend.  I miss you so much it hurts; my stomach is in knots for days after you leave, and I find myself crying over simple memories, like us watching Spongebob together.  The way you smile, and the sound of your voice, stay with me after you are gone, and I think that is the only thing that keeps me going any more.  You are very much like your daddy, in that you feel things very strongly; you don\'t like to dwell on negative things, because you feel everything so clearly, and you father is the same way.  This is why I try to smile and stay as positive as I can when I take you back - it would hurt you if you knew how much pain I have been made to feel - am still being made to feel - every day.  It is easy to see how much it upsets you to see me unhappy, and it hurts me inside to ever see my little girl sad.\r\nI wish things weren\'t like this.  I wish you mother had been the person she said she was when we met.  For a time, it seemed like I might have actually had my dreams come true - we had a nice little house, and could spend time together every day.  You and your mother were the things that made me happiest, and now both of those have been taken from me.  I\'m sorry, little one.  I\'m sorry that I can\'t be with you every day.  I\"m sorry that your mother stopped loving your daddy, if she ever loved me at all.  I\'m sorry that you have to go through these times at all; I tried very hard, everything I knew how to do, to keep it from happening.  I hope you never have to feel this kind of pain, loneliness, and absolute betrayal, for seeing you suffer like I am suffering now would be too much to take.\r\nYou make me so happy, little one.  Your voice lifts my spirits, and I love how you speak.  It melts my heart when we talk, and you have the cutest way of expressing yourself, even when something bothers you.  You are my sun, and the warmest source of love that I think I could ever feel.  You truly are a miracle to me, little girl, and I wish I could spend every minute with you, watching you grow and discovering the world.\r\nSo, until the next time you visit, I\'ll leave your Paw Patrol toys out where you left them.  It hurts to see them, because you are gone, but it also reminds me of all the happy times we have together.  I\'ll continue to write my letters to you here, because it makes me feel closer to you.  One day, after I am gone, you will still have these letters, along with the pictures and videos, to look back on, and I hope you will remember me with the love you hold for me now.\r\nI hope you are happy today, and I will miss you (bunches and bunches) until I get to see you again.\r\nI love you, little one, and am thinking of you always.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy\r\n','Letter to Savannah 9/3/18','','private','open','open','','letter-to-savannah-9-3-18','','','2019-12-27 00:36:27','2019-12-27 04:36:27','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=291',0,'post','',0),(292,1,'2018-09-03 09:33:16','2018-09-03 13:33:16','My Dearest Savannah,\r\n\r\nI wish we could have spent today together.  Normally, this is a three-day weekend, and if I had a normal job, I would have been off work, and we would have had more time to play, but I have to work today, because this was the only job I could find quick enough that paid enough money for us to have a home.  Sadly, your mother took everything away, including you, and now I am trapped here, working harder than I ever have, just so I can see you every other weekend.  What makes it worse is that I don\'t even have to work a full day - just long enough so that I couldn\'t have you the extra day.\r\nI\'m sorry that I get sad on the mornings I have to take you back.  I try to hold back the tears until I leave you at the babysitter\'s, and sometimes I just can\'t.  You always cry when I have to leave, and that hurts me deep inside.  I love every single minute that we have together, and try my best to make every visit special, because you are the most special person in my life.  Every time I leave, like this morning, I end up crying all the way to work, and it is a struggle not to break down during the day.  The only thing that keeps me going at all these days is the memory of your smile, and the hope I will get to see it again.  I wish we could still be a family, and that I could come home to your happy energy every day.  I cannot express how much I miss coming home every day to see you, and how you would run up to me, so happy that your daddy was home.  You are my shining light, and the only connection I have now to the days when we were all together.\r\nBeing with you are the happiest days of my life.  I love watching you play, and how excited you get when we go out, because you know it will be somewhere fun.  Your emotions are so pure, so honest, and I can tell how deeply you love your Daddy - you always let me know how much you care, and I hope that is something that never changes.  Honesty is one of the most important qualities we have - it is what separates us from the lower animals, and although honest people are often made to suffer for it, it is better to be honest and suffer than to lie and hurt others.  Even when you don\'t like something, like having to go back to the babysitters (and I don\'t blame you one bit), you are honest with how you feel.  I\'ll never make you feel bad for how you feel, and that is a promise.  I keep my promises, too.  I kept every promise I made to your mother, even after she broke every promise she ever made to me, and I will keep every promise I make to you.  I told you that for as long as I live, I will always be there for you, and that I would never turn you away.  I will always be your Daddy, and nothing can ever change that.  I made you on purpose, with love in my heart, and that love will never change.  You are my Grand Masterpiece, the greatest work of art I have ever created, and the last baby I will ever have.  I will do my best to make your life as happy as I can, and will be there to hold you in times of sadness, and cheer you during times of success.  I want your life to be amazing and magical, and will do everything I can to make your childhood something you cherish for all your life.  I want you to have as many good memories of me as possible, for you are one of the few people that actually care about me, and one of the few that deserve everything I can offer.\r\nIt\'s so hard, little one, to go from seeing you every day, to not seeing you at all for over six months, and then only to be able to see you every other weekend.  I miss you so much it hurts; my stomach is in knots for days after you leave, and I find myself crying over simple memories, like us watching Spongebob together.  The way you smile, and the sound of your voice, stay with me after you are gone, and I think that is the only thing that keeps me going any more.  You are very much like your daddy, in that you feel things very strongly; you don\'t like to dwell on negative things, because you feel everything so clearly, and you father is the same way.  This is why I try to smile and stay as positive as I can when I take you back - it would hurt you if you knew how much pain I have been made to feel - am still being made to feel - every day.  It is easy to see how much it upsets you to see me unhappy, and it hurts me inside to ever see my little girl sad.\r\nI wish things weren\'t like this.  I wish you mother had been the person she said she was when we met.  For a time, it seemed like I might have actually had my dreams come true - we had a nice little house, and could spend time together every day.  You and your mother were the things that made me happiest, and now both of those have been taken from me.  I\'m sorry, little one.  I\'m sorry that I can\'t be with you every day.  I\"m sorry that your mother stopped loving your daddy, if she ever loved me at all.  I\'m sorry that you have to go through these times at all; I tried very hard, everything I knew how to do, to keep it from happening.  I hope you never have to feel this kind of pain, loneliness, and absolute betrayal, for seeing you suffer like I am suffering now would be too much to take.\r\nYou make me so happy, little one.  Your voice lifts my spirits, and I love how you speak.  It melts my heart when we talk, and you have the cutest way of expressing yourself, even when something bothers you.  You are my sun, and the warmest source of love that I think I could ever feel.  You truly are a miracle to me, little girl, and I wish I could spend every minute with you, watching you grow and discovering the world.\r\nSo, until the next time you visit, I\'ll leave your Paw Patrol toys out where you left them.  It hurts to see them, because you are gone, but it also reminds me of all the happy times we have together.  I\'ll continue to write my letters to you here, because it makes me feel closer to you.  One day, after I am gone, you will still have these letters, along with the pictures and videos, to look back on, and I hope you will remember me with the love you hold for me now.\r\nI hope you are happy today, and I will miss you (bunches and bunches) until I get to see you again.\r\nI love you, little one, and am thinking of you always.\r\n\r\nLove,\r\n\r\nDaddy\r\n','Letter to Savannah 9/3/18','','inherit','closed','closed','','291-revision-v1','','','2018-09-03 09:33:16','2018-09-03 13:33:16','',291,'http://michaelvain.net/291-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(294,1,'2019-04-07 08:46:02','2019-04-07 12:46:02','\n	<p>There are no appearances or events scheduled at this time.  Keep watching this page for any upcoming events.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>I have several new works in progress.  Both are fiction, with one a collection of short stories and novellas written over the course of several years.  Another novel length story is also in the works, which has elements of both horror and speculative fiction.  I hope to have both published in the coming year.</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2019-04-07 08:46:02','2019-04-07 12:46:02','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(297,1,'2019-04-07 11:30:46','2019-04-07 15:30:46','&nbsp;\r\n<h6>List of all written works by the author.</h6>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h5>Novellaa and short stories</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i> 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"&gt;</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2012 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n<h6>Novels</h6>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)\r\n<h6>Other Works</h6>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2019-04-07 11:30:46','2019-04-07 15:30:46','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(296,1,'2019-04-07 11:29:30','2019-04-07 15:29:30','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br>\n<h5>Novellaa and short stories</h5>            \n<p>\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i> 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"></i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2012 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<h6>Novels</h6>\n  <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)</p>\n<h6>Other Works</h6> \n   <p> \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   </p>\n   <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n   </p>             \n                <br>                \n                <br>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2019-04-07 11:29:30','2019-04-07 15:29:30','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(298,1,'2019-04-07 11:31:50','2019-04-07 15:31:50','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br>\n<h5>Novellaa and short stories</h5>            \n<p>\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i> 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"></i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2012 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)</p>\n<h6>Novels</h6>\n  <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)</p>\n<h6>Other Works</h6> \n   <p> \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   </p>\n   <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n   </p>             \n                <br>                \n                <br>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2019-04-07 11:31:50','2019-04-07 15:31:50','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(302,1,'2019-07-11 16:53:38','2019-07-11 20:53:38','Due to the complications caused by my soon to be ex-wife\'s machinations, it may be awhile before I can update my blog.  When I do post again, I\'ll have plenty to write about.  Trust me.\r\n\r\nIn the meantime, I still hope to produce several works in the coming year, including a short story collection, a novel, and most importantly, a non-fiction autobiographical work that I hope will help other male emotional abuse victims avoid the problems I have been forced to face.  This may be the most important thing I ever write, and I will continue to post updates on its progress, as well as excerpts from these coming works in the near future.\r\n\r\nUntil then,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','A Quick Update','','publish','open','open','','a-quick-update','','','2020-05-04 14:00:51','2020-05-04 18:00:51','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=302',0,'post','',0),(303,1,'2019-07-11 16:53:38','2019-07-11 20:53:38','Due to the complications caused by my soon to be ex-wife\'s machinations, it may be awhile before I can update my blog.  When I do post again, I\'ll have plenty to write about.  Trust me.\r\n\r\nIn the meantime, I still hope to produce several works in the coming year, including a short story collection, a novel, and most importantly, a non-fiction autobiographical work that I hope will help other male emotional abuse victims avoid the problems I have been forced to face.  This may be the most important thing I ever write, and I will continue to post updates on its progress, as well as excerpts from these coming works in the near future.\r\n\r\nUntil then,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','A Quick Update','','inherit','closed','closed','','302-revision-v1','','','2019-07-11 16:53:38','2019-07-11 20:53:38','',302,'http://michaelvain.net/302-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(304,1,'2019-07-11 17:14:36','2019-07-11 21:14:36','I shouldn\'t have to say this, but all content on this site is my property, and is not to be reproduced in any way without express written permission by the author (i.e. me). The material in my blog and other pages are my intellectual property, and is displayed solely at my discretion.  All material here, regardless of \'form\' is posted to reflect my writing ability, are are not intended for reproduction in any other media.','Not That It Needs Saying','','inherit','closed','closed','','289-autosave-v1','','','2019-07-11 17:14:36','2019-07-11 21:14:36','',289,'http://michaelvain.net/289-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(305,1,'2019-07-11 17:16:01','2019-07-11 21:16:01','I shouldn\'t have to say this, but all content on this site is my property, and is not to be reproduced in any way without express written permission by the author (i.e. me). The material in my blog and other pages are my intellectual property, and is displayed solely at my discretion.  All material here, regardless of \'form\' is posted to reflect my writing ability, and to inform those interested in my work, and are are not intended for reproduction in any other media.','Not That It Needs Saying','','inherit','closed','closed','','289-revision-v1','','','2019-07-11 17:16:01','2019-07-11 21:16:01','',289,'http://michaelvain.net/289-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(307,1,'2019-12-05 11:38:30','2019-12-05 15:38:30','Yes, I\'m still alive!\r\n\r\nMore news to come soon, as soon as I put an end to the internet drought.  Lots of news to catch up on, and new writing excerpts! (Including some fun stuff I just can\'t wait to share).\r\n\r\nStay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update: 12-5-19','','publish','open','open','','update-12-5-19','','','2020-05-04 14:00:40','2020-05-04 18:00:40','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=307',0,'post','',0),(308,1,'2019-12-05 11:38:30','2019-12-05 15:38:30','Yes, I\'m still alive!\r\n\r\nMore news to come soon, as soon as I put an end to the internet drought.  Lots of news to catch up on, and new writing excerpts! (Including some fun stuff I just can\'t wait to share).\r\n\r\nStay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update: 12-5-19','','inherit','closed','closed','','307-revision-v1','','','2019-12-05 11:38:30','2019-12-05 15:38:30','',307,'http://michaelvain.net/307-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(312,1,'2020-01-07 00:59:28','2020-01-07 04:59:28','\n	<h3>Click on the sections below to learn more about the author</h3>\n	<ul>\n		<li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/about-the-author\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>About the Author</h3 ><p>A short biography of Author/Artist Michael Vain.</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>Martial Arts</h3 ><p>History and other information on the martial arts styles enjoyed by the author</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>Strange Events</h3 ><p>Firsthand accounts of strange and unusual events experienced by the author.</p></li>	</ul>\n','Past','','inherit','closed','closed','','172-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 00:59:28','2020-01-07 04:59:28','',172,'http://michaelvain.net/172-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(314,1,'2020-01-07 01:13:51','2020-01-07 05:13:51','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br>\n<h5>Novellas and short stories</h5>            \n<p>\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i>, 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Roadkill\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<h5>Novels</h5>\n  <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)</p>\n<h5>Collections</h5>\n   <p>\n       Vain, Michael <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020\n   </p>\n<h5>Other Works</h5> \n   <p> \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   </p>\n   <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n   </p>             \n                <br>                \n                <br>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 01:13:51','2020-01-07 05:13:51','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(315,1,'2020-01-07 01:32:37','2020-01-07 05:32:37','Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','art_covers_sstt','','inherit','open','closed','','art_covers_sstt','','','2020-01-07 01:42:44','2020-01-07 05:42:44','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/art_covers_sstt.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(316,1,'2020-01-07 01:36:53','2020-01-07 05:36:53','','icon_strange','','inherit','open','closed','','icon_strange','','','2020-01-07 01:38:41','2020-01-07 05:38:41','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(317,1,'2020-01-07 01:37:17','2020-01-07 05:37:17','There are no appearances or events scheduled at this time.  Keep watching this page for any upcoming events.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nI have several new works in progress.  Both are fiction, with one a collection of short stories and novellas written over the course of several years.  Another novel length story is also in the works, which has elements of both horror and speculative fiction.  I hope to have both published in the coming year.','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 01:37:17','2020-01-07 05:37:17','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(319,1,'2020-01-13 01:06:33','2020-01-13 05:06:33','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"future.php> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>,<a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a>of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news. </p>\n','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-01-13 01:06:33','2020-01-13 05:06:33','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(320,1,'2020-01-13 01:08:38','2020-01-13 05:08:38','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"&quot;future.php\"> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>,<a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a> of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-01-13 01:08:38','2020-01-13 05:08:38','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(325,1,'2020-02-12 02:18:20','2020-02-12 06:18:20','\n	<h3>Click below to explore these galleries</h3>\n			<ul> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/covers\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Covers</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>Cover art created in various mediums</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg\" alt=\"art_drawings_leopard01\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/drawings\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Drawings</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>Collected works from one of my favorite activities</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_dibbs\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/illustrations\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Illustrations</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>Artwork inspires writing, and writing inspires art.</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_mtnlake\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/paintings\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Paintings</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>Examples of another of my favorite hobbies.</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg\" alt=\"art_fanart_shadowsketch\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/fan-art\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Fan Art</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>A long-time fan of comics and movies</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg\" alt=\"art_misc_bigapplefest1\" />\n																	<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/other-art\" target=\"_self\">\n																<h3>Other Art</h3>\n																	</a>\n								<p>Various artistic projects</p>															\n							</li> 		</ul>\n','Galleries','','inherit','closed','closed','','135-revision-v1','','','2020-02-12 02:18:20','2020-02-12 06:18:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(326,1,'2020-02-15 23:42:32','2020-02-16 03:42:32','As those who have been following my blog may know, things have been difficult for me for some time.  I only have limited internet capabilities at the moment, and have been using what time was afforded me as judiciously as I can.  As may be apparent, I have made some changes to the website in order to make it more streamlined, and to be mobile friendly, something that is becoming increasingly vital.  There are still a number of small tweaks that need to be made, but I am pleased with the overall look.\r\nAlso, in between dealing with a number of personal difficulties, and perhaps in spite of them, I have been working on my next soon to be published work, a collection of stories I hope to release in the next few months.  These are stories that I have written over a period of time in a few different genres, but all with a touch of the dark and bizarre.  I\'ll do an official cover reveal when the time is right.\r\nThat\'s about it for now.  I\'ll be updating more pages soon.  Stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update 2-15-20','','publish','open','open','','update-2-15-20','','','2020-05-04 14:00:27','2020-05-04 18:00:27','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=326',0,'post','',0),(327,1,'2020-02-15 23:42:32','2020-02-16 03:42:32','As those who have been following my blog may know, things have been difficult for me for some time.  I only have limited internet capabilities at the moment, and have been using what time was afforded me as judiciously as I can.  As may be apparent, I have made some changes to the website in order to make it more streamlined, and to be mobile friendly, something that is becoming increasingly vital.  There are still a number of small tweaks that need to be made, but I am pleased with the overall look.\r\nAlso, in between dealing with a number of personal difficulties, and perhaps in spite of them, I have been working on my next soon to be published work, a collection of stories I hope to release in the next few months.  These are stories that I have written over a period of time in a few different genres, but all with a touch of the dark and bizarre.  I\'ll do an official cover reveal when the time is right.\r\nThat\'s about it for now.  I\'ll be updating more pages soon.  Stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update 2-15-20','','inherit','closed','closed','','326-revision-v1','','','2020-02-15 23:42:32','2020-02-16 03:42:32','',326,'http://michaelvain.net/326-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(328,1,'2020-02-16 08:01:35','2020-02-16 12:01:35','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&qid=1581854335&s=books&sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-02-16 08:01:35','2020-02-16 12:01:35','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(329,1,'2020-02-16 08:03:20','2020-02-16 12:03:20','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&qid=1581854335&s=books&sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-02-16 08:03:20','2020-02-16 12:03:20','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(330,1,'2020-02-17 20:13:12','2020-02-18 00:13:12','\n	<h3>Click on the sections below to learn more about the author</h3>\n	<ul>\n		<li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/about-the-author\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>About the Author</h4 ><p>A short biography of Author/Artist Michael Vain.</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>Martial Arts</h4 ><p>History and other information on the martial arts styles enjoyed by the author</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events\" target=\"_self\" ></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>Strange Events</h4 ><p>Firsthand accounts of strange and unusual events experienced by the author.</p></li>	</ul>\n','Past','','inherit','closed','closed','','172-revision-v1','','','2020-02-17 20:13:12','2020-02-18 00:13:12','',172,'http://michaelvain.net/172-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(331,1,'2020-02-17 20:17:23','2020-02-18 00:17:23','\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n			<ul> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n																<h4>Novels</h4>\n								<p>Novel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_minstrel\" />\n																<h4>Novellas</h4>\n								<p>Novella length works of fiction.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_fingers\" />\n																<h4>Collections</h4>\n								<p>Collected works of short stories and novellas.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_fish\" />\n																<h4>Bibliography</h4>\n								<p>Information on all the written works by the author.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 		</ul>\n','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2020-02-17 20:17:23','2020-02-18 00:17:23','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(332,1,'2020-02-17 20:23:29','2020-02-18 00:23:29','\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n			<ul> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n																<h4>Novels</h4>\n								<p>Novel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_minstrel\" />\n																<h4>Novellas</h4>\n								<p>Novella length works of fiction.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_fingers\" />\n																<h4>Collections</h4>\n								<p>Collected works of short stories and novellas.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																													<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_fish\" />\n																<h4>Bibliography</h4>\n								<p>Information on all the written works by the author.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 		</ul>\n','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2020-02-17 20:23:29','2020-02-18 00:23:29','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(335,1,'2020-05-04 14:14:47','2020-05-04 18:14:47','Greetings,\r\n\r\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation. For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess. In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works. The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion. The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon. At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge. Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed. Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\r\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\r\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work,<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HVTTX35JHQZRH4RPP5NQ\"> \'Highway Hypnosis\'</a>, now on Amazon. If you are an e-book reader, the electronic version is currently FREE at <a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">Smashwords.com</a>, as is my novella, \"The Minstrel\".\r\n\r\nUntil next we meet,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','publish','open','open','','new-work-coming-soon','','','2020-05-22 18:01:20','2020-05-22 22:01:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=335',0,'post','',0),(336,1,'2020-05-04 14:14:47','2020-05-04 18:14:47','Greetings,\r\n\r\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation.  For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess.  In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works.  The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion.  The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon.  At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge.  Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed.  Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\r\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\r\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work, \'Highway Hypnosis\', now on Amazon.\r\n\r\nUntil next we meet, \r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','inherit','closed','closed','','335-revision-v1','','','2020-05-04 14:14:47','2020-05-04 18:14:47','',335,'http://michaelvain.net/335-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(337,1,'2020-05-22 18:01:01','2020-05-22 22:01:01','Greetings,\n\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation. For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess. In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works. The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion. The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon. At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge. Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed. Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work, \'Highway Hypnosis\', now on Amazon. If you are an e-book reader, the electronic version is currently FREE at <a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">Smashwords.com</a>, as is my novella, \"The Minstrel\".\n\nUntil next we meet,\n\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','inherit','closed','closed','','335-autosave-v1','','','2020-05-22 18:01:01','2020-05-22 22:01:01','',335,'http://michaelvain.net/335-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(338,1,'2020-05-04 23:50:05','2020-05-05 03:50:05','Greetings,\r\n\r\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation. For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess. In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works. The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion. The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon. At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge. Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed. Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\r\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\r\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work, \'Highway Hypnosis\', now on Amazon. If you are an e-book reader, the electronic version is currently FREE at <a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">Smashwords.com</a>, as is my novella, \"The Minstrel\".\r\n\r\nUntil next we meet,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','inherit','closed','closed','','335-revision-v1','','','2020-05-04 23:50:05','2020-05-05 03:50:05','',335,'http://michaelvain.net/335-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(348,1,'2020-05-22 17:27:08','2020-05-22 21:27:08','<h5 class=\"txtcenter\">Highway Hypnosis</h5>\r\n<h6 class=\"txtcenter\">Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages\r\nAvailable Formats:\r\n<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99\r\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;qid=1581854335&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</h6>\r\n<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:27:08','2020-05-22 21:27:08','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(347,1,'2020-05-22 17:25:40','2020-05-22 21:25:40','				\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&qid=1581854335&s=books&sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-autosave-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:25:40','2020-05-22 21:25:40','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(343,1,'2020-05-22 16:48:54','2020-05-22 20:48:54','<div id=\"pl-161\"  class=\"panel-layout\" ><div id=\"pg-161-0\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\"  data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;,&quot;cell_alignment&quot;:&quot;flex-start&quot;}\" ><div id=\"pgc-161-0-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell panel-grid-cell-empty panel-grid-cell-mobile-last\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ></div><div id=\"pgc-161-0-1\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell panel-grid-cell-empty\"  data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;,&quot;vertical_alignment&quot;:&quot;auto&quot;}\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ></div></div><div id=\"pg-161-1\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\" ><div id=\"pgc-161-1-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"1\" ><div id=\"panel-161-1-0-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_sow-editor panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"0\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" ><div class=\"so-widget-sow-editor so-widget-sow-editor-base\">\n<div class=\"siteorigin-widget-tinymce textwidget\">\n	<p><img title=\"art_covers_hwy\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /></p>\n<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages\n<p>Available Formats:<br /><a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br /><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;qid=1581854335&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</p></h6>\n<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n</div>\n</div></div></div></div></div>\n\n<style type=\"text/css\" class=\"panels-style\" data-panels-style-for-post=\"161\">@import url(https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/plugins/siteorigin-panels/css/front-flex.min.css); #pgc-161-0-0 , #pgc-161-0-1 { width:50%;width:calc(50% - ( 0.5 * 30px ) ) } #pg-161-0 , #pl-161 .so-panel { margin-bottom:30px } #pgc-161-1-0 { width:100%;width:calc(100% - ( 0 * 30px ) ) } #pl-161 #panel-161-1-0-0 {  } #pl-161 .so-panel:last-child { margin-bottom:0px } #pg-161-0.panel-no-style, #pg-161-0.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style { -webkit-align-items:flex-start;align-items:flex-start } #pgc-161-0-1 { align-self:auto } @media (max-width:780px){ #pg-161-0.panel-no-style, #pg-161-0.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style , #pg-161-1.panel-no-style, #pg-161-1.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style { -webkit-flex-direction:column;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column } #pg-161-0 > .panel-grid-cell , #pg-161-0 > .panel-row-style > .panel-grid-cell , #pg-161-1 > .panel-grid-cell , #pg-161-1 > .panel-row-style > .panel-grid-cell { width:100%;margin-right:0 } #pgc-161-0-0 { margin-bottom:30px } #pl-161 .panel-grid-cell { padding:0 } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-empty { display:none } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-mobile-last { margin-bottom:0px }  } </style>','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 16:48:54','2020-05-22 20:48:54','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(344,1,'2020-05-22 17:12:53','2020-05-22 21:12:53','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"2775\" width=\"1850\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 439 pages<br>\nAvailable Formats:</h6>\n<p><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> $2.99<br>\nTrade Paperback $14.99</p>\n<p>Some stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n</p>\n','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:12:53','2020-05-22 21:12:53','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(346,1,'2020-05-22 17:23:20','2020-05-22 21:23:20','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&qid=1581854335&s=books&sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. 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When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n</div>\n</div></div></div></div></div>\n\n<style type=\"text/css\" class=\"panels-style\" data-panels-style-for-post=\"161\">@import url(https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/plugins/siteorigin-panels/css/front-flex.min.css); #pgc-161-0-0 , #pgc-161-0-1 { width:50%;width:calc(50% - ( 0.5 * 30px ) ) } #pl-161 #panel-161-0-0-0 , #pl-161 #panel-161-0-1-0 {  } #pl-161 .so-panel { margin-bottom:30px } #pl-161 .so-panel:last-child { margin-bottom:0px } #pg-161-0.panel-no-style, #pg-161-0.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style { -webkit-align-items:flex-start;align-items:flex-start } #pgc-161-0-1 { align-self:auto } @media (max-width:780px){ #pg-161-0.panel-no-style, #pg-161-0.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style { -webkit-flex-direction:column;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column } #pg-161-0 > .panel-grid-cell , #pg-161-0 > .panel-row-style > .panel-grid-cell { width:100%;margin-right:0 } #pgc-161-0-0 { margin-bottom:30px } #pl-161 .panel-grid-cell { padding:0 } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-empty { display:none } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-mobile-last { margin-bottom:0px }  } </style>','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:21:18','2020-05-22 21:21:18','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(349,1,'2020-05-22 17:30:06','2020-05-22 21:30:06','<div id=\"pl-161\"  class=\"panel-layout\" ><div id=\"pg-161-0\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\"  data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;,&quot;cell_alignment&quot;:&quot;flex-start&quot;}\" ><div id=\"pgc-161-0-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ><div id=\"panel-161-0-0-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_media_image panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"0\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >[siteorigin_widget class=\"WP_Widget_Media_Image\"]<input type=\"hidden\" value=\"{&quot;instance&quot;:{&quot;attachment_id&quot;:18,&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\\/\\/michaelvain.net\\/.wp-toolkit_0\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2018\\/05\\/art_covers_hwy_new-199x300.jpg&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;medium&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:1845,&quot;height&quot;:2776,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_type&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_url&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;image_classes&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_classes&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_rel&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_target_blank&quot;:false,&quot;image_title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;so_sidebar_emulator_id&quot;:&quot;media_image-34910000&quot;,&quot;option_name&quot;:&quot;widget_media_image&quot;},&quot;args&quot;:{&quot;before_widget&quot;:&quot;&lt;div id=\\&quot;panel-161-0-0-0\\&quot; class=\\&quot;so-panel widget widget_media_image panel-first-child panel-last-child\\&quot; data-index=\\&quot;0\\&quot; data-style=\\&quot;{&amp;quot;background_image_attachment&amp;quot;:false,&amp;quot;background_display&amp;quot;:&amp;quot;tile&amp;quot;}\\&quot; &gt;&quot;,&quot;after_widget&quot;:&quot;&lt;\\/div&gt;&quot;,&quot;before_title&quot;:&quot;&lt;h3 class=\\&quot;widget-title\\&quot;&gt;&quot;,&quot;after_title&quot;:&quot;&lt;\\/h3&gt;&quot;,&quot;widget_id&quot;:&quot;widget-0-0-0&quot;}}\" />[/siteorigin_widget]</div></div><div id=\"pgc-161-0-1\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ><div id=\"panel-161-0-1-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_custom_html panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"1\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >[siteorigin_widget class=\"WP_Widget_Custom_HTML\"]<input type=\"hidden\" value=\"{&quot;instance&quot;:{&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;content&quot;:&quot;&lt;h5 class=\\&quot;txtcenter\\&quot;&gt;Highway Hypnosis&lt;\\/h5&gt;\\n&lt;h6 class=\\&quot;txtcenter\\&quot;&gt;Dark Suspense\\/Horror, 409 pages\\nAvailable Formats:\\n&lt;a href=\\&quot;https:\\/\\/www.smashwords.com\\/books\\/view\\/620148\\&quot;&gt;E-Book&lt;\\/a&gt; $3.99\\n&lt;a href=\\&quot;https:\\/\\/www.amazon.com\\/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain\\/dp\\/1530927099\\/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;amp;qid=1581854335&amp;amp;s=books&amp;amp;sr=1-1\\&quot;&gt;Trade Paperback&lt;\\/a&gt; $14.99&lt;\\/h6&gt;\\n&lt;p&gt;\\n&lt;\\/p&gt;Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. 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When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. 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When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:43:40','2020-05-22 21:43:40','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(350,1,'2020-05-22 17:30:06','2020-05-22 21:30:06','<div id=\"pl-161\"  class=\"panel-layout\" ><div id=\"pg-161-0\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\"  data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;,&quot;cell_alignment&quot;:&quot;flex-start&quot;}\" ><div id=\"pgc-161-0-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ><div id=\"panel-161-0-0-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_media_image panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"0\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >[siteorigin_widget class=\"WP_Widget_Media_Image\"]<input type=\"hidden\" value=\"{&quot;instance&quot;:{&quot;attachment_id&quot;:18,&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\\/\\/michaelvain.net\\/.wp-toolkit_0\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2018\\/05\\/art_covers_hwy_new-199x300.jpg&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;medium&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:1845,&quot;height&quot;:2776,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_type&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_url&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;image_classes&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_classes&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_rel&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;link_target_blank&quot;:false,&quot;image_title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;so_sidebar_emulator_id&quot;:&quot;media_image-16110000&quot;,&quot;option_name&quot;:&quot;widget_media_image&quot;},&quot;args&quot;:{&quot;before_widget&quot;:&quot;&lt;div id=\\&quot;panel-161-0-0-0\\&quot; class=\\&quot;so-panel widget widget_media_image panel-first-child panel-last-child\\&quot; data-index=\\&quot;0\\&quot; data-style=\\&quot;{&amp;quot;background_image_attachment&amp;quot;:false,&amp;quot;background_display&amp;quot;:&amp;quot;tile&amp;quot;}\\&quot; &gt;&quot;,&quot;after_widget&quot;:&quot;&lt;\\/div&gt;&quot;,&quot;before_title&quot;:&quot;&lt;h3 class=\\&quot;widget-title\\&quot;&gt;&quot;,&quot;after_title&quot;:&quot;&lt;\\/h3&gt;&quot;,&quot;widget_id&quot;:&quot;widget-0-0-0&quot;}}\" />[/siteorigin_widget]</div></div><div id=\"pgc-161-0-1\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"0.5\" ><div id=\"panel-161-0-1-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_custom_html panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"1\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >[siteorigin_widget class=\"WP_Widget_Custom_HTML\"]<input type=\"hidden\" value=\"{&quot;instance&quot;:{&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;content&quot;:&quot;&lt;h5 class=\\&quot;txtcenter\\&quot;&gt;Highway Hypnosis&lt;\\/h5&gt;\\n&lt;h6 class=\\&quot;txtcenter\\&quot;&gt;Dark Suspense\\/Horror, 409 pages\\nAvailable Formats:\\n&lt;a href=\\&quot;https:\\/\\/www.smashwords.com\\/books\\/view\\/620148\\&quot;&gt;E-Book&lt;\\/a&gt; $3.99\\n&lt;a href=\\&quot;https:\\/\\/www.amazon.com\\/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain\\/dp\\/1530927099\\/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;amp;qid=1581854335&amp;amp;s=books&amp;amp;sr=1-1\\&quot;&gt;Trade Paperback&lt;\\/a&gt; $14.99&lt;\\/h6&gt;\\n&lt;p&gt;\\n&lt;\\/p&gt;Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. 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When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. 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$3.99&lt;br&gt;\\n&lt;a href=\\&quot;https:\\/\\/www.amazon.com\\/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain\\/dp\\/1530927099\\/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;amp;qid=1581854335&amp;amp;s=books&amp;amp;sr=1-1\\&quot;&gt;Trade Paperback&lt;\\/a&gt; $14.99&lt;\\/h6&gt;&lt;br&gt;\\n&lt;p&gt;\\nHoward Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. 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When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. 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Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   </p>\n   <p>\n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n   </p>             \n                <br>                \n                <br>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:52:02','2020-05-22 21:52:02','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(362,1,'2020-05-22 17:59:40','2020-05-22 21:59:40','Greetings,\r\n\r\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation. For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess. In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works. The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion. The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon. At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge. Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed. Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\r\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\r\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work,&lt;a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=HVTTX35JHQZRH4RPP5NQ\"&gt; \'Highway Hypnosis\'&lt;/a&gt;, now on Amazon. If you are an e-book reader, the electronic version is currently FREE at <a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">Smashwords.com</a>, as is my novella, \"The Minstrel\".\r\n\r\nUntil next we meet,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','inherit','closed','closed','','335-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:59:40','2020-05-22 21:59:40','',335,'http://michaelvain.net/335-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(363,1,'2020-05-22 18:01:20','2020-05-22 22:01:20','Greetings,\r\n\r\nThe internet drought continues, as does our \'pandemic\' situation. For many, this has been a major disruption of their lifestyles, but for me, the lockdowns and isolation have been a part of my life since before the whole COVID-19 mess. In fact, I\'ve managed to finally get on a regular writing schedule, and have been working on multiple new works. The first draft of my newest work, a collection of short stories and novellas, is nearing completion. The cover has been finalized, and will be revealed soon. At present, the manuscript is over 154k words, and will feature ten stories of different genres, all with a slightly dark edge. Some are straight horror, while others are more fantasy and sci-fi themed. Some have a bit of dark humor thrown in, as is my habit, and for good or bad, I stand by the messages, if any, these stories impart.\r\nIf I can manage to stay on schedule, I should be releasing this, my second full-length work, in then next one to two months, so stay tuned!\r\nIn the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and if you find yourself with some time and not enough to read, consider buying my first work,<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HVTTX35JHQZRH4RPP5NQ\"> \'Highway Hypnosis\'</a>, now on Amazon. If you are an e-book reader, the electronic version is currently FREE at <a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">Smashwords.com</a>, as is my novella, \"The Minstrel\".\r\n\r\nUntil next we meet,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Work Coming Soon!','','inherit','closed','closed','','335-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 18:01:20','2020-05-22 22:01:20','',335,'http://michaelvain.net/335-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(364,1,'2020-05-22 18:19:26','2020-05-22 22:19:26','\n	<h1>Coming Soon</h1>\n<h1>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h1>\n<p><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" /></p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Late May. -Early June 2020<br />\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> Now Available!</h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 18:19:26','2020-05-22 22:19:26','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(365,1,'2020-05-22 18:24:59','2020-05-22 22:24:59','\n	<h1>Coming Soon</h1>\n<h1>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h1>\n<p><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" /></p>\n<p>Ten Strange stories and twisted tales to make you wonder and keep you up at night.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Available:<br />Late May. -Early June 2020<br />\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> Now Available!</h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 18:24:59','2020-05-22 22:24:59','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(366,1,'2020-05-26 00:08:53','2020-05-26 04:08:53','<h3 class=\"txtcenter\">New horror fiction anthology Out Now</h3>\r\nMy newest book, \'Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\', is now available on <a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892DHMG3\">Amazon US</a> in both paperback and e-book formats\r\nIt is also available on other Amazon markets, but I don\'t have the link to those. Please search by title or author if you are living outside the Amazon US delivery service.\r\n\r\nAnd now for the cover reveal!\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_340\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"625\"]<img class=\"size-large wp-image-340\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" width=\"625\" height=\"937\" /> Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales[/caption]\r\n\r\nThis new volume is more than just a horror anthology; it contains short stories and novellas that span a number of genres, all with a touch of the strange and bizarre, and a bit of dark humor here and there.\r\nSome are horror,while others could be classified as suspense, strange fiction, and even a touch of sci-fi.  So please, feel free to check out the link!\r\n\r\nPlease feel free to leave a review. I always appreciate feedback.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Release! Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','','publish','open','open','','new-release-strange-stories-twisted-tales','','','2020-05-26 00:12:22','2020-05-26 04:12:22','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=366',0,'post','',0),(367,1,'2020-05-26 00:05:30','2020-05-26 04:05:30','<h3 class=\"txtcenter\">New horror fiction anthology Out Now</h3>\r\nMy newest book, \'Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\', is now available on <a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892DHMG3\">Amazon US</a> in both paperback and e-book formats. It is also available on other Amazon markets, but I don\'t have the link to those. Please search by title or author if you are living outside the Amazon US delivery service.\r\n\r\nAnd now for the cover reveal!\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_340\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"625\"]<img class=\"size-large wp-image-340\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" width=\"625\" height=\"937\" /> Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales[/caption]\r\n\r\nThis new volume is more than just a horror anthology; it contains short stories and novellas that span a number of genres, all with a touch of the strange and bizarre, and a bit of dark humor here and there. Some are horror,while others could be classified as suspense, strange fiction, and even a touch of sci-fi.  So please, feel free to check out the link!\r\n\r\nPlease feel free to leave a review. I always appreciate feedback.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Release! Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','','inherit','closed','closed','','366-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:05:30','2020-05-26 04:05:30','',366,'http://michaelvain.net/366-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(368,1,'2020-05-26 00:12:15','2020-05-26 04:12:15','<h3 class=\"txtcenter\">New horror fiction anthology Out Now</h3>\nMy newest book, \'Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\', is now available on <a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892DHMG3\">Amazon US</a> in both paperback and e-book formats\nIt is also available on other Amazon markets, but I don\'t have the link to those. Please search by title or author if you are living outside the Amazon US delivery service.\n\nAnd now for the cover reveal!\n\n[caption id=\"attachment_340\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"625\"]<img class=\"size-large wp-image-340\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" width=\"625\" height=\"937\" /> Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales[/caption]\n\nThis new volume is more than just a horror anthology; it contains short stories and novellas that span a number of genres, all with a touch of the strange and bizarre, and a bit of dark humor here and there.\nSome are horror,while others could be classified as suspense, strange fiction, and even a touch of sci-fi.  So please, feel free to check out the link!\n\nPlease feel free to leave a review. I always appreciate feedback.\n\n~Namaste','New Release! Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','','inherit','closed','closed','','366-autosave-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:12:15','2020-05-26 04:12:15','',366,'http://michaelvain.net/366-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(369,1,'2020-05-26 00:12:22','2020-05-26 04:12:22','<h3 class=\"txtcenter\">New horror fiction anthology Out Now</h3>\r\nMy newest book, \'Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\', is now available on <a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892DHMG3\">Amazon US</a> in both paperback and e-book formats\r\nIt is also available on other Amazon markets, but I don\'t have the link to those. Please search by title or author if you are living outside the Amazon US delivery service.\r\n\r\nAnd now for the cover reveal!\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_340\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"625\"]<img class=\"size-large wp-image-340\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" width=\"625\" height=\"937\" /> Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales[/caption]\r\n\r\nThis new volume is more than just a horror anthology; it contains short stories and novellas that span a number of genres, all with a touch of the strange and bizarre, and a bit of dark humor here and there.\r\nSome are horror,while others could be classified as suspense, strange fiction, and even a touch of sci-fi.  So please, feel free to check out the link!\r\n\r\nPlease feel free to leave a review. I always appreciate feedback.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Release! Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','','inherit','closed','closed','','366-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:12:22','2020-05-26 04:12:22','',366,'http://michaelvain.net/366-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(371,1,'2020-05-26 00:15:28','2020-05-26 04:15:28','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"2775\" width=\"1850\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 439 pages<br>\nAvailable Formats:</h6>\n<p><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> $2.99<br>\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</p>\n<p>Some stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n</p>\n','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:15:28','2020-05-26 04:15:28','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(372,1,'2020-05-26 00:16:10','2020-05-26 04:16:10','&nbsp;\r\n<h1>Coming Soon</h1>\r\n<h1>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h1>\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" />\r\n\r\nTen Strange stories and twisted tales to make you wonder and keep you up at night.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Available:\r\nLate May. -Early June 2020\r\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> Now Available!</h4>\r\n&nbsp;','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:16:10','2020-05-26 04:16:10','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(373,1,'2020-05-26 00:19:04','2020-05-26 04:19:04','\n	<h1>Coming Soon</h1>\n<h1>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h1>\n<p><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" /></p>\n<p>Ten Strange stories and twisted tales to make you wonder and keep you up at night.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Available:<br />\nMay 26, 2020<br />\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book and Paperback</a><br /> Now Available!</h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:19:04','2020-05-26 04:19:04','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(374,1,'2020-05-26 01:11:15','0000-00-00 00:00:00','','Events Gallery','','draft','closed','closed','','','','','2020-05-26 01:11:15','2020-05-26 05:11:15','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=374',0,'page','',0),(375,1,'2020-05-26 01:11:15','2020-05-26 05:11:15','','Events Gallery','','inherit','closed','closed','','374-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 01:11:15','2020-05-26 05:11:15','',374,'http://michaelvain.net/374-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(376,1,'2020-05-26 01:17:27','2020-05-26 05:17:27','','biv001bm','Birds-I-View Reception - Prince George, Md.','inherit','open','closed','','biv001bm','','','2020-05-26 01:40:06','2020-05-26 05:40:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/biv001bm.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(380,1,'2020-06-02 23:02:12','2020-06-03 03:02:12','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"2775\" width=\"1850\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 439 pages<br>\nAvailable Formats:</h6>\n<p><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> $2.99<br>\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</p>\n<p>Some stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...and more.\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n</p>\n','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-06-02 23:02:12','2020-06-03 03:02:12','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(381,1,'2020-06-02 23:04:19','2020-06-03 03:04:19','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"2775\" width=\"1850\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 439 pages<br>\nAvailable Formats:</h6>\n<p><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book $2.99<br>\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</a></p>\n<p>Some stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...and more.\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n</p>\n','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-06-02 23:04:19','2020-06-03 03:04:19','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(382,1,'2020-06-02 23:06:20','2020-06-03 03:06:20','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book $2.99 (currently free)</a><br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&qid=1581854335&s=books&sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-06-02 23:06:20','2020-06-03 03:06:20','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(384,1,'2020-07-01 22:18:55','2020-07-02 02:18:55','\n	[masterslider id=\"1\"]\n','Covers','','inherit','closed','closed','','144-revision-v1','','','2020-07-01 22:18:55','2020-07-02 02:18:55','',144,'http://michaelvain.net/144-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(385,1,'2020-07-01 22:21:30','2020-07-02 02:21:30','Back cover for \"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"','SScoverbk02alta_rgb','Strange Stories, Twisted Tales - Back Cover','inherit','open','closed','','sscoverbk02alta_rgb','','','2020-07-01 22:25:01','2020-07-02 02:25:01','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/SScoverbk02alta_rgb.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(386,1,'2020-07-01 23:08:13','2020-07-02 03:08:13','Greetings Everyone,\r\n\r\nI hope everyone has managed to weather the last few months without too much in the way of craziness.  It has and continues to be a trying time for us in this country, and in many other places in the world, and it is my sincere hope that things will improve in the months and years to come.\r\n\r\nI haven\'t been writing much since publishing my latest book, but I did begin the first draft of my next novel, which I hope to complete by the end of the year.  I\'ve been extremely busy of late, doing everything I can to rebuild my life after the events of the last several years.  I lately made a great stride forward in this, and am now working to cement a new location for a studio for my visual art pursuits.  I\'ve also begun turning my residence into more of a home and less of an office with a bedroom in it, a situation brought on by too much to do and not enough time.  Those things are still true, but I\'m learning to manage my time better, and fighting harder against the physical toll the last few years have taken.\r\n\r\nI\'ll be adding some new images to the site soon, as I plan to produce some more artwork from my works in the coming months.  I\'m also still toying with the idea of doing some podcast style videos and posting them here as well as whatever platform I use.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I hope everyone can find a way to take a break from the madness to enjoy the coming holiday.\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update - July 2020','','publish','open','open','','update-july-2020','','','2020-07-01 23:08:13','2020-07-02 03:08:13','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=386',0,'post','',0),(387,1,'2020-07-01 23:08:13','2020-07-02 03:08:13','Greetings Everyone,\r\n\r\nI hope everyone has managed to weather the last few months without too much in the way of craziness.  It has and continues to be a trying time for us in this country, and in many other places in the world, and it is my sincere hope that things will improve in the months and years to come.\r\n\r\nI haven\'t been writing much since publishing my latest book, but I did begin the first draft of my next novel, which I hope to complete by the end of the year.  I\'ve been extremely busy of late, doing everything I can to rebuild my life after the events of the last several years.  I lately made a great stride forward in this, and am now working to cement a new location for a studio for my visual art pursuits.  I\'ve also begun turning my residence into more of a home and less of an office with a bedroom in it, a situation brought on by too much to do and not enough time.  Those things are still true, but I\'m learning to manage my time better, and fighting harder against the physical toll the last few years have taken.\r\n\r\nI\'ll be adding some new images to the site soon, as I plan to produce some more artwork from my works in the coming months.  I\'m also still toying with the idea of doing some podcast style videos and posting them here as well as whatever platform I use.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I hope everyone can find a way to take a break from the madness to enjoy the coming holiday.\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Update - July 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','386-revision-v1','','','2020-07-01 23:08:13','2020-07-02 03:08:13','',386,'http://michaelvain.net/386-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(389,1,'2020-07-01 23:33:15','2020-07-02 03:33:15','\n	<h3>Click below to explore these galleries</h3>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/covers\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Covers</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Cover art created in various mediums</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg\" alt=\"art_drawings_leopard01\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/drawings\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Drawings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Collected works from one of my favorite activities</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_dibbs\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/illustrations\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Illustrations</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Artwork inspires writing, and writing inspires art.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_mtnlake\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/paintings\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Paintings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Examples of another of my favorite hobbies.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg\" alt=\"art_fanart_shadowsketch\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/fan-art\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Fan Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>A long-time fan of comics and movies</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg\" alt=\"art_misc_bigapplefest1\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/other-art\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Other Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Various artistic projects</p>			\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n','Galleries','','inherit','closed','closed','','135-revision-v1','','','2020-07-01 23:33:15','2020-07-02 03:33:15','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(391,1,'2020-07-18 17:37:18','2020-07-18 21:37:18','Greetings all...\r\n\r\nI was inspired this afternoon to take a break from the turbulence of my life and take to my blog to write about writing...in this case, tropes.  The inspiration for this came from the writer\'s group on Facebook, to which I am a member, and I would suggest adding groups such as this to your social feed if you are an aspiring writer, as you never know what gems can be mined there.\r\n\r\nMaybe \'inspired\' is not the right word.  A more accurate assessment would be that my Muse was inspired to put in her two cents on the subject, and I always do what my Muse tells me (she has a whip and isn\'t afraid to use it).\r\n\r\nSo...tropes.  Entertainment is full of them, and many of them range from humorous to worn to just plain bad.  The chosen one.  The Evil Nanny/Babysitter/Stepmother.  The Virgin and the Rake...they can be found everywhere.  Not that having a trope character is a bad thing in itself; plenty of tropes are popular, if they are handled well.  Most agree that putting a spin or a twist on an overused trope can breathe life into an otherwise flat character or story, but all too often, writers fall into the trap of inserting character tropes and plots that have been beaten to near-death.\r\n\r\nSo, why does this happen?  Is it just lazy writing?  This may be the truth in some cases; the writing world is as populated with those who are not willing to put in the long hours and hard work necessary to elevate their profession or craft as any other aspect of our society.  I do not believe this is the only cause, however.  Many times, I think we find these types of tropes in authors at the beginning of their careers.  They have the drive and the talent and the skill, but lack the practical experience that comes with time and research.  This accounts for another portion of the overall whole, but those are subjects that are covered elsewhere, and not what inspired me to write this post.  Pondering on the subject made me also examine my own process, which I\'ve already stated in the shorthand version: I listen to my Muse.\r\n\r\nFor me, ideas and stories come to me.  I rarely have to go to them, if you get my meaning.  Once I home in on a story, it begins to tell itself in my mind.  Characters, places, events, plots, announce themselves, and i copy them dutifully off the movie screen in my mind.  I don\'t work the story as much as it works me, and I think when the source of the story comes from something other than inspiration - to meet a deadline or contract, to make another buck, etc - the story suffers, and the tropes rattle the bars of their cage looking for freedom.  The next time you find yourself looking for a plot point, the motivation for a character, or a character to fill a particular purpose, do not make the mistake of trying to bend the story to what YOU want.  Trust the Muse.  Take a breath and clear your mind, and let the story tell you what it needs.  Take the time to listen to that voice arising from the creative center.  You might just be surprised, and if your Muse is kind, they may even give you a happy ending.\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','My Thoughts on Tropes','','publish','open','open','','my-thoughts-on-tropes','','','2020-07-18 17:37:18','2020-07-18 21:37:18','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=391',0,'post','',0),(392,1,'2020-07-18 17:37:18','2020-07-18 21:37:18','Greetings all...\r\n\r\nI was inspired this afternoon to take a break from the turbulence of my life and take to my blog to write about writing...in this case, tropes.  The inspiration for this came from the writer\'s group on Facebook, to which I am a member, and I would suggest adding groups such as this to your social feed if you are an aspiring writer, as you never know what gems can be mined there.\r\n\r\nMaybe \'inspired\' is not the right word.  A more accurate assessment would be that my Muse was inspired to put in her two cents on the subject, and I always do what my Muse tells me (she has a whip and isn\'t afraid to use it).\r\n\r\nSo...tropes.  Entertainment is full of them, and many of them range from humorous to worn to just plain bad.  The chosen one.  The Evil Nanny/Babysitter/Stepmother.  The Virgin and the Rake...they can be found everywhere.  Not that having a trope character is a bad thing in itself; plenty of tropes are popular, if they are handled well.  Most agree that putting a spin or a twist on an overused trope can breathe life into an otherwise flat character or story, but all too often, writers fall into the trap of inserting character tropes and plots that have been beaten to near-death.\r\n\r\nSo, why does this happen?  Is it just lazy writing?  This may be the truth in some cases; the writing world is as populated with those who are not willing to put in the long hours and hard work necessary to elevate their profession or craft as any other aspect of our society.  I do not believe this is the only cause, however.  Many times, I think we find these types of tropes in authors at the beginning of their careers.  They have the drive and the talent and the skill, but lack the practical experience that comes with time and research.  This accounts for another portion of the overall whole, but those are subjects that are covered elsewhere, and not what inspired me to write this post.  Pondering on the subject made me also examine my own process, which I\'ve already stated in the shorthand version: I listen to my Muse.\r\n\r\nFor me, ideas and stories come to me.  I rarely have to go to them, if you get my meaning.  Once I home in on a story, it begins to tell itself in my mind.  Characters, places, events, plots, announce themselves, and i copy them dutifully off the movie screen in my mind.  I don\'t work the story as much as it works me, and I think when the source of the story comes from something other than inspiration - to meet a deadline or contract, to make another buck, etc - the story suffers, and the tropes rattle the bars of their cage looking for freedom.  The next time you find yourself looking for a plot point, the motivation for a character, or a character to fill a particular purpose, do not make the mistake of trying to bend the story to what YOU want.  Trust the Muse.  Take a breath and clear your mind, and let the story tell you what it needs.  Take the time to listen to that voice arising from the creative center.  You might just be surprised, and if your Muse is kind, they may even give you a happy ending.\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','My Thoughts on Tropes','','inherit','closed','closed','','391-revision-v1','','','2020-07-18 17:37:18','2020-07-18 21:37:18','',391,'http://michaelvain.net/391-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(394,1,'2020-07-22 01:17:18','2020-07-22 05:17:18','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout --><p>MICHAEL VAIN was born on April 2 in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael found solace in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.&nbsp;<img title=\"about_mv02\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /> Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md. <img title=\"past_strange_house03\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" /> Author\'s childhood home - side viewWhen he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />Michael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.<img title=\"past_grandfather01\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" /> The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz <img title=\"past_art_studio03\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" width=\"241\" height=\"300\" /> Michael in his first art studioIt appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.<img title=\"past_art_kidsmural\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" width=\"213\" height=\"300\" /> <img title=\"past_art_screen01\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" /> MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br />Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums. His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.<img title=\"past_events_artshow\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /> Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing</p><!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2020-07-22 01:17:18','2020-07-22 05:17:18','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(395,1,'2020-07-22 01:20:51','2020-07-22 05:20:51','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n	<p>MICHAEL VAIN was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael displayed an interest in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Author\'s childhood home - side view\n	<p>When he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.</p>\n	Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />\nMichael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"333\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_grandfather01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"241\" title=\"past_art_studio03\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Michael in his first art studio\n	<p>It appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.</p>\n	<p>By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_art_kidsmural\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_art_screen01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.\n	Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br>\n Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums.  His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.\n	<p>It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_events_artshow\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2020-07-22 01:20:51','2020-07-22 05:20:51','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(397,1,'2020-08-04 01:43:30','2020-08-04 05:43:30','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book $2.99 (currently free)</a><br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-08-04 01:43:30','2020-08-04 05:43:30','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(398,1,'2020-08-04 01:59:59','2020-08-04 05:59:59','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"&quot;future.php\"> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>, <a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a> of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n	<h6>Highway Hypnosis</h6>\n Dark Suspense/Horror,<br> 409 pages<br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book $2.99</a>(currently free)<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-08-04 01:59:59','2020-08-04 05:59:59','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(399,1,'2020-08-04 02:48:38','2020-08-04 06:48:38','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"&quot;future.php\"> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>, <a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a> of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"//www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						E-Book\n		</a>\n			<a href=\"//www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"//www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						All Formats\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-08-04 02:48:38','2020-08-04 06:48:38','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(400,1,'2020-08-04 02:54:23','2020-08-04 06:54:23','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br>\n<h5>Novellas and short stories</h5>            \n\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i>, 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 2002 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Roadkill\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Old Names (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"I Will (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<h5>Novels</h5>\n  \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)\n<h5>Collections</h5>\n   \n       Vain, Michael <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020\n   \n<h5>Other Works</h5> \n    \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   \n   \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n                \n                <br>                \n                <br>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2020-08-04 02:54:23','2020-08-04 06:54:23','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(402,1,'2020-08-05 01:38:51','2020-08-05 05:38:51','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Various Genres, 439 pages\n</h6>\nSome stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...and more.\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n\n			<a href=\"//www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 01:38:51','2020-08-05 05:38:51','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(403,1,'2020-08-05 01:39:24','2020-08-05 05:39:24','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Various Genres, 439 pages\n</h6>\nSome stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...and more.\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 01:39:24','2020-08-05 05:39:24','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(404,1,'2020-08-05 01:40:22','2020-08-05 05:40:22','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br>\n                                              </h6>\n                                              <p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n			<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						E-Book\n		</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 01:40:22','2020-08-05 05:40:22','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(405,1,'2020-08-05 01:41:14','2020-08-05 05:41:14','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"&quot;future.php\"> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>, <a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a> of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						E-Book\n		</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						All Formats\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 01:41:14','2020-08-05 05:41:14','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(406,1,'2020-08-05 02:24:42','2020-08-05 06:24:42','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his <a href=\"&quot;future.php\"> upcoming writing projects and appearances</a>, <a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a> of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog</a> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						E-Book\n		</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"150\" width=\"100\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						All Formats\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 02:24:42','2020-08-05 06:24:42','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(415,1,'2020-09-10 14:19:19','2020-09-10 18:19:19','Greetings, everyone.\r\n\r\nLots of stuff going on.  I\'ve passed 34k words on my next fiction novel.  This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth.  It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year.   I\'ll update when possible, so stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~namaste','Update - Sept. 10, 2020','','publish','open','open','','update-sept-10-2020','','','2020-09-12 23:09:20','2020-09-13 03:09:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=415',0,'post','',0),(411,1,'2020-08-31 02:19:04','2020-08-31 06:19:04','Greetings, all.\r\n\r\nIt\'s been some time since my last update, and it would be safe to say the world has been one of chaos, both on a macro and microcosmic scale.  The senseless violence and outrageous behavior occurring in many places are a mirror of the various events happening in my life, and like so many others, I do my best to struggle through, one day at a time.\r\nI am working on my third novel, as well as the non-fiction account memoir of the sad and rather tragic events I have endured over the last decade. The fiction manuscript is now over 30k words.  To be honest, I have no idea how long the finished work will be; my process is half planned, half the Muse going where she will.  I can say this new work looks to require more research than anything I have written previously.  The result should be more than worth the effort, however, as it is also the strangest thing I\'ve ever written.\r\nThe pandemic, as it is commonly referred to, is still affecting the world and our country, but my lifestyle was solitary before the quarantine, and will continue to be after whatever society becomes when it ends, so the total impact on my life by the virus is mainly felt on those rare occasions when I perform crucial errands.  Even so, it is far from a perfect scenario; finding the time to write is still a challenge, as is the other tasks associated with it, such as updating this blog, keeping a social media presence, and so on. The plan is to have the new fiction novel completed before the end of the year.  Time will tell whether or not I can meet that goal.  \r\nUntil next time, boys and girls, pleasant dreams.\r\n\r\n~namaste','Update - August 2020','','publish','open','open','','update-august-2020','','','2020-08-31 02:19:04','2020-08-31 06:19:04','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=411',0,'post','',0),(412,1,'2020-08-31 02:19:04','2020-08-31 06:19:04','Greetings, all.\r\n\r\nIt\'s been some time since my last update, and it would be safe to say the world has been one of chaos, both on a macro and microcosmic scale.  The senseless violence and outrageous behavior occurring in many places are a mirror of the various events happening in my life, and like so many others, I do my best to struggle through, one day at a time.\r\nI am working on my third novel, as well as the non-fiction account memoir of the sad and rather tragic events I have endured over the last decade. The fiction manuscript is now over 30k words.  To be honest, I have no idea how long the finished work will be; my process is half planned, half the Muse going where she will.  I can say this new work looks to require more research than anything I have written previously.  The result should be more than worth the effort, however, as it is also the strangest thing I\'ve ever written.\r\nThe pandemic, as it is commonly referred to, is still affecting the world and our country, but my lifestyle was solitary before the quarantine, and will continue to be after whatever society becomes when it ends, so the total impact on my life by the virus is mainly felt on those rare occasions when I perform crucial errands.  Even so, it is far from a perfect scenario; finding the time to write is still a challenge, as is the other tasks associated with it, such as updating this blog, keeping a social media presence, and so on. The plan is to have the new fiction novel completed before the end of the year.  Time will tell whether or not I can meet that goal.  \r\nUntil next time, boys and girls, pleasant dreams.\r\n\r\n~namaste','Update - August 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','411-revision-v1','','','2020-08-31 02:19:04','2020-08-31 06:19:04','',411,'http://michaelvain.net/411-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(416,1,'2020-09-10 14:19:19','2020-09-10 18:19:19','Greetings, everyone.\r\n\r\nLots of stuff going on.  I\'ve officially begun my next fiction novel.  This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth.  It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year.   I\'ll update when possible, so stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~namaste','Update - Sept. 10, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','415-revision-v1','','','2020-09-10 14:19:19','2020-09-10 18:19:19','',415,'http://michaelvain.net/415-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(417,1,'2020-09-12 23:08:31','2020-09-13 03:08:31','Greetings, everyone.\n\nLots of stuff going on.  I\'ve passed 34k words on my next fiction novel.  This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth.  It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year.   I\'ll update when possible, so stay tuned!\n\n~namaste','Update - Sept. 10, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','415-autosave-v1','','','2020-09-12 23:08:31','2020-09-13 03:08:31','',415,'http://michaelvain.net/415-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(418,1,'2020-09-12 23:09:20','2020-09-13 03:09:20','Greetings, everyone.\r\n\r\nLots of stuff going on.  I\'ve passed 34k words on my next fiction novel.  This third work of fiction will explore some of the stranger aspects of perception and what we call reality, and explores both the science and spirituality of life, death, and rebirth.  It is proving to be a research-intensive project, but I am still hoping to have the finished novel available by the end of the year.   I\'ll update when possible, so stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~namaste','Update - Sept. 10, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','415-revision-v1','','','2020-09-12 23:09:20','2020-09-13 03:09:20','',415,'http://michaelvain.net/415-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(426,1,'2020-11-22 01:23:00','2020-11-22 05:23:00','Greetings,\r\n\r\nI\'ve been writing quite a bit lately.  The Muse was very lively for awhile, and when she rests, I transcribe from hand-written journal pages for my upcoming non-fiction work.  This latter is harder for me to write.  The account of my life during that time is not an easy thing to relate; to transcribe the events of that period is to relive those events in my mind, and for people with CPTSD, that can be especially difficult. I hope, in the long run, that I will be able to help men who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to avoid a similar outcome.  To date, that manuscript stands at 97,293 words.\r\nThere is still a ways to go on both my works in progress.  My new fiction novel is about a third of the way through the first draft.  My Muse has been on a break, allowing me to catch up on the non-fiction work, but I know I will be back to writing on that strange tale soon. This novel will be as different from my first two as they were to each other, with elements of both horror and suspense, with a little metaphysics and science thrown in for good measure.  It is the most fun I\'ve had writing so far, and I hope to have the manuscript finished within the next few months.\r\nI\'m also trying to post more here, and increase my social media presence, something I\'ve neglected for far too long, and I\'ll post more information about that as it develops. \r\nStay tuned folks, there\'s a lot more coming in the future!\r\n\r\nUntil next time, \r\n\r\n~Namaste ','Works in Progress - Nov. 2020','','publish','open','open','','works-in-progress-nov-2020','','','2020-11-22 01:26:10','2020-11-22 05:26:10','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=426',0,'post','',0),(420,1,'2020-11-08 06:27:25','2020-11-08 10:27:25','My new fiction work in progress just passed the 40k word mark, which means it is officially a novel.  It is my usual weirdness, but I think I have turned things up a notch with this one.  The plot mixes quantum physics and spirituality, with a healthy dose of horror.  it is by far the bloodiest thing I\'ve written, although the body count is nowhere near the billions found in my second book, Strange Stories, Twisted Tales.  I pretty much destroyed the planet twice in that one, and that\'s a hard tally to surpass.\r\nAlso, I\'m also officially divorced, which does create a certain distance between myself and the person responsible for so much abuse for the last decade.   I\'ve been working on the non-fiction account of those years, and that manuscript has passed 80k words, with two-thirds of the 101 pages hand-written journal I wrote while forcibly detained on false charges by my abuser, with another third waiting to be transcribed.  With luck, I may be able to finish the novel by the end of the year, so stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste ','Writing Update: November 2020','','publish','open','open','','writing-update-november-2020','','','2020-11-08 06:27:25','2020-11-08 10:27:25','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=420',0,'post','',0),(421,1,'2020-11-08 06:27:25','2020-11-08 10:27:25','My new fiction work in progress just passed the 40k word mark, which means it is officially a novel.  It is my usual weirdness, but I think I have turned things up a notch with this one.  The plot mixes quantum physics and spirituality, with a healthy dose of horror.  it is by far the bloodiest thing I\'ve written, although the body count is nowhere near the billions found in my second book, Strange Stories, Twisted Tales.  I pretty much destroyed the planet twice in that one, and that\'s a hard tally to surpass.\r\nAlso, I\'m also officially divorced, which does create a certain distance between myself and the person responsible for so much abuse for the last decade.   I\'ve been working on the non-fiction account of those years, and that manuscript has passed 80k words, with two-thirds of the 101 pages hand-written journal I wrote while forcibly detained on false charges by my abuser, with another third waiting to be transcribed.  With luck, I may be able to finish the novel by the end of the year, so stay tuned!\r\n\r\n~Namaste ','Writing Update: November 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','420-revision-v1','','','2020-11-08 06:27:25','2020-11-08 10:27:25','',420,'http://michaelvain.net/420-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(423,1,'2020-11-11 23:00:23','2020-11-12 03:00:23','Greetings all,\r\n\r\nWell, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.\r\nI\'m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a \'wife beater\' by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).\r\nNow, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don\'t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I\'m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction.  As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand.  So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period.  I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.\r\nThere are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest.  There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be \'strong\' and \'emotionally distant\', so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim.  These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don\'t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).\r\nThe \'metoo\' movement is an extension of this.  I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article.  Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of \'inappropriateness\'.  Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.\r\nI have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist.  As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship.  Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused.  This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance.  Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.\r\nNow, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male.  This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.\r\nThis case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general.  More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system.  Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena.  This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.\r\nJust a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp','','publish','open','open','','gender-bias-vs-johnny-depp','','','2020-12-10 19:29:12','2020-12-10 23:29:12','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=423',0,'post','',0),(424,1,'2020-11-11 23:00:23','2020-11-12 03:00:23','Greetings all,\r\n\r\nWell, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.\r\nI\'m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chair at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a \'wife beater\' by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).\r\nNow, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don\'t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I\'m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction.  As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand.  So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period.  I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.\r\nThere are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest.  There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be \'strong\' and \'emotionally distant\', so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim.  These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don\'t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).\r\nThe \'metoo\' movement is an extension of this.  I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article.  Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of \'inappropriateness\'.  Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.\r\nI have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist.  As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship.  Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused.  This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance.  Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.\r\nNow, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male.  This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.\r\nThis case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general.  More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system.  Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena.  This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.\r\nJust a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp','','inherit','closed','closed','','423-revision-v1','','','2020-11-11 23:00:23','2020-11-12 03:00:23','',423,'http://michaelvain.net/423-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(427,1,'2020-11-22 01:23:00','2020-11-22 05:23:00','Greetings,\r\n\r\nI\'ve been writing quite a bit lately.  The Muse was very lively for awhile, and when she rests, I transcribe from hand-written journal pages for my upcoming non-fiction work.  This latter is harder for me to write.  The account of my life during that time is not an easy thing to relate; to transcribe the events of that period is to relive those events in my mind, and for people with CPTSD, that can be especially difficult. I hope, in the long run, that I will be able to help men who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to avoid a similar outcome.  To date, that manuscript stands at 97,293 words.\r\nThere is still a ways to go on both my works in progress.  My new fiction novel is about a third of the way through the first draft.  My Muse has been on a break, allowing me to catch up on the non-fiction work, but I know I will be back to writing on that strange tale soon. This novel will be as different from my first two as they were to each other, with elements of both horror and suspense, with a little metaphysics and science thrown in for good measure.  It is the most fun I\'ve had writing so far, and I hope to have the manuscript finished within the next few months.\r\nI\'m also trying to post more here, and increase my social media presence, something I\'ve neglected for far too long, and I\'ll post more information about that as it develops. \r\nStay tuned folks, there\'s a lot more coming in the future!\r\n\r\nUntil next time, \r\n\r\n~Namaste ','Works in Progress - Nov. 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','426-revision-v1','','','2020-11-22 01:23:00','2020-11-22 05:23:00','',426,'http://michaelvain.net/426-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(429,1,'2020-12-02 19:52:10','2020-12-02 23:52:10','Greetings,\r\n\r\nAs some may know, I indulge in writing (bad) poetry from time to time.  Different things inspire artists in different ways - and in my case, it most often takes the form of writing.  I write my bad poetry when inspired by the Muse, as I do my novels, and although I feel my poetry is ghastly in comparison to my prose, I feel the urge to share it with those who bother to follow my blog, so I\'ll be posting them here from time to time.\r\nThe following poem was inspired by a person, and if said person realizes it\'s about them, I apologize for the poor writing.  Shakespeare I ain\'t, boys and girls.\r\nBut my heart, what there is of it, is in the right place.\r\nSo...\r\n\r\nANGEL OF THE NORTH\r\n\r\nA shining Muse, an Angel in the North\r\nLet your spirit flow, your radiance come forth\r\nThat heavenly smile, those verdant eyes\r\nThat shelter a spirit wounded by lies\r\nHealing now, shining, to bathe in that grace\r\nLucky be the man that beholds your face\r\nA beautiful soul among the celestial constellation, \r\nTo that being I give my love and admiration\r\nNo thoughts of possession, no feelings of lust\r\nNothing impure, so selfish or unjust\r\nJust a hopeless romantic, enchanted from afar\r\nWhose life is brighter because of what you are\r\nMay you always know love, and be able to shine\r\nMay the spirit inside be untouched by time\r\nMay you always be free, and a little wild,\r\nMay you always nurture that inner child\r\nMay you dance and laugh and love your life\r\nMay your days be bright and free of strife\r\nMay you find your way along the path\r\nAnd those that hurt you suffer a warrior’s wrath\r\nMay your days be long, your love run deep\r\nAnd the Goddess protect you as you sleep\r\nMay you know you will be my friend\r\nFor all the days, now until the end\r\n\r\n       ~So Mote It Be\r\n\r\n\r\nYeah, Yeah, I know.\r\nI know.\r\nBut, the Muse has a whip, and I gladly do her bidding.\r\nBlame it on the Muse.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Blame the Muse','','publish','open','open','','blame-the-muse','','','2020-12-10 19:17:25','2020-12-10 23:17:25','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=429',0,'post','',0),(430,1,'2020-12-02 19:52:10','2020-12-02 23:52:10','Greetings,\r\n\r\nAs some may know, I indulge in writing (bad) poetry from time to time.  Different things inspire artists in different ways - and in my case, it most often takes the form of writing.  I write my bad poetry when inspired by the Muse, as I do my novels, and although I feel my poetry is ghastly in comparison to my prose, I feel the urge to share it with those who bother to follow my blog, so I\'ll be posting them here from time to time.\r\nThe following poem was inspired by a person, and if said person realizes it\'s about them, I apologize for the poor writing.  Shakespeare I ain\'t, boys and girls.\r\nBut my heart, what there is of it, is in the right place.\r\nSo...\r\n\r\nANGEL OF THE NORTH\r\n\r\nA shining Muse, an Angel in the North\r\nLet your spirit flow, your radiance come forth\r\nThat heavenly smile, those verdant eyes\r\nThat shelter a spirit wounded by lies\r\nHealing now, shining, to bathe in that grace\r\nLucky be the man that beholds your face\r\nA beautiful soul among the celestial constellation, \r\nTo that being I give my love and admiration\r\nNo thoughts of possession, no feelings of lust\r\nNothing impure, so selfish or unjust\r\nJust a hopeless romantic, enchanted from afar\r\nWhose life is brighter because of what you are\r\nMay you always know love, and be able to shine\r\nMay the spirit inside be untouched by time\r\nMay you always be free, and a little wild,\r\nMay you always nurture that inner child\r\nMay you dance and laugh and love your life\r\nMay your days be bright and free of strife\r\nMay you find your way along the path\r\nAnd those that hurt you suffer a warrior’s wrath\r\nMay your days be long, your love run deep\r\nAnd the Goddess protect you as you sleep\r\nMay you know you will be my friend\r\nFor all the days, now until the end\r\n\r\n\r\nYeah, Yeah, I know.\r\nI know.\r\nBut, the Muse has a whip, and I gladly do her bidding.\r\nBlame it on the Muse.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Blame the Muse','','inherit','closed','closed','','429-revision-v1','','','2020-12-02 19:52:10','2020-12-02 23:52:10','',429,'http://michaelvain.net/429-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(431,1,'2020-12-07 03:42:49','2020-12-07 07:42:49','Greetings,\r\n\r\n  I\'ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it.  Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well.  This did not present any immediate danger - I\'ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.\r\n  This changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw.  Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business.  Typical Aries shit, you know?\r\nI did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help.  I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.\r\nThat did nothing to help the pain.  So, off I went to the emergency room.  By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth, and my blood pressure read 192/119.\r\nYay.\r\n  They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled.  As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably.  I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.\r\n  As it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick.  The pain is manageable...for now...but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.\r\nLike I said.  Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.\r\n  Yup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay.  Sometimes they land, sometimes they don\'t, and I usually am in no state to care.\r\n  Looking forward to tomorrow.  I\'ll give the dentist an offer he can\'t refuse...\r\n  Not really.\r\n\r\nUntil next time...\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n\r\n\r\n','Update: Dec. 7, 2020','','publish','open','open','','update-dec-7-2020','','','2020-12-07 04:04:21','2020-12-07 08:04:21','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=431',0,'post','',0),(432,1,'2020-12-07 03:42:49','2020-12-07 07:42:49','Greetings,\r\n\r\nI\'ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it.  Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well.  This did not present any immediate danger - I\'ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.\r\nThis changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw.  Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business.  Typical Aries shit, you know?\r\nI did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help.  I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.\r\nThat did nothing to help the pain.  So, off I went to the emergency room.  By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth.  They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled.  As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably.  I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.\r\nAs it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick.  The pain is manageable...for now...but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.\r\nLike I said.  Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.\r\nYup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay.  Sometimes they land, sometimes they don\'t, and I usually am in no state to care.\r\nLooking forward to tomorrow.  I\'ll give the dentist an offer he can\'t refuse...\r\nNot really.\r\n\r\nUntil next time...\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n\r\n\r\n','Update: Dec. 7, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','431-revision-v1','','','2020-12-07 03:42:49','2020-12-07 07:42:49','',431,'http://michaelvain.net/431-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(433,1,'2020-12-07 04:03:41','2020-12-07 08:03:41','Greetings,\n\nI\'ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it.  Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well.  This did not present any immediate danger - I\'ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.\nThis changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw.  Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business.  Typical Aries shit, you know?\nI did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help.  I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.\nThat did nothing to help the pain.  So, off I went to the emergency room.  By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth, and my blood pressure read 192/119.\nYay.\n  They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled.  As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably.  I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.\nAs it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick.  The pain is manageable...for now...but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.\nLike I said.  Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.\nYup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay.  Sometimes they land, sometimes they don\'t, and I usually am in no state to care.\nLooking forward to tomorrow.  I\'ll give the dentist an offer he can\'t refuse...\nNot really.\n\nUntil next time...\n\n~Namaste\n\n\n','Update: Dec. 7, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','431-autosave-v1','','','2020-12-07 04:03:41','2020-12-07 08:03:41','',431,'http://michaelvain.net/431-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(434,1,'2020-12-07 04:04:21','2020-12-07 08:04:21','Greetings,\r\n\r\n  I\'ve been on a creative streak of late, so naturally, something had to come along and interrupt it.  Along with the many indignities I suffered while incarcerated for a crime I did not commit, the water in the facility destroyed the fillings in my teeth, and damaged them as well.  This did not present any immediate danger - I\'ve been busy doing what I can to rebuild my life, and my physical limitations have made this a slower progression than I would like.\r\n  This changed on Saturday morning, when I was awakened by an ache in my jaw.  Thinking it was a temporary sensitivity, I took a few OTC pain relievers and went about my business.  Typical Aries shit, you know?\r\nI did my best to manage the pain, getting no sleep whatsoever that night, but by early afternoon on Sunday, the pain had escalated to beyond an 8 on the pain scale, and liberal use of Oragel, two extra strength pain relievers, and a 30mg Tramadol could do nothing to help.  I discovered a swelling from the tooth to the bottom of my jaw, and scheduled an emergency dental appointment for Monday morning.\r\nThat did nothing to help the pain.  So, off I went to the emergency room.  By the time I reached the hospital, there was no doubt an abcess forming under one of my cracked teeth, and my blood pressure read 192/119.\r\nYay.\r\n  They gave me a couple pain pills, an antibiotic, and a topical anesthetic, along with prescriptions for the same.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy will not open until tomorrow, so the double dose they gave me in the emergency room will have to last until I can get the scrip filled.  As I write this, the swelling in my jaw has grown considerably.  I hope I am able to hit it with another dose of antibiotics before my appointment tomorrow.\r\n  As it is, I am beginning to resemble either Marlon Brando in the Godfather, or Joseph Merrick.  The pain is manageable...for now...but there are several hours of pain ahead, then more pain, and then recovery, and I have to be stable by the coming weekend, as my little one has my attention that weekend.\r\nLike I said.  Something has to go wrong, because I was feeling way too good.\r\n  Yup. When I am chock full of pain-killers, I sometimes quote song lyrics or engage in other various types of wordplay.  Sometimes they land, sometimes they don\'t, and I usually am in no state to care.\r\n  Looking forward to tomorrow.  I\'ll give the dentist an offer he can\'t refuse...\r\n  Not really.\r\n\r\nUntil next time...\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n\r\n\r\n','Update: Dec. 7, 2020','','inherit','closed','closed','','431-revision-v1','','','2020-12-07 04:04:21','2020-12-07 08:04:21','',431,'http://michaelvain.net/431-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(435,1,'2020-12-08 17:42:09','2020-12-08 21:42:09','Greetings.\r\n\r\nAs predicted, it\'s been an eventful couple of days.  I went to my emergency dental appointment yesterday, and the looks of surprise when they saw my condition was both amusing and reassuring, as they were obviously concerned.  They seemed surprised to learn how many times in my life I\'ve had to endure this level of pain, something I related during the preparation for the procedure.  \r\n\"Not to be mean, but it sounds like you\'ve had a difficult life.\" the dental aide remarked.\r\n\"It is what it is,\" I told her.\r\nAfter half a dozen needles, and some time for the numbing agent to take effect, they proceeded to cut the inside of my jaw, which I did not feel at all.  The dental surgeon then did her best to drain the abcess, and I felt that quite a bit.  Not the actual draining - my mouth was too numb for that - but in order to drain it properly, she had to basically grab handfuls of my face and squeeze with all her strength, and although the numb portions felt nothing, the rest of my face felt like it was being ripped off.  This lasted for about ten minutes or so, as she repeated the procedure in the hopes of lessening the swelling.  The dental surgeon remarked that it \'wasn\'t as exciting as I thought it would be.\"\r\nInitially, they did not want to do an extraction, as it would be \'an extremely difficult and painful process, with level 9-10 pain for an extended time.\"  After the draining, they changed their mind, but I was no longer up for it.  The face manhandling had been enough for one day, and so I go back in a bit to get the second half of this problem taken care of once and for all.\r\nStill, it could be worse.\r\nThis is just another lingering side effect of my relationship with a malicious, malignant/covert narcissist.  Had this happened while I was still married to her, I would have had to suffer through more indignation in the form of criticism and mockery of my condition - something I had been through on previous occasions during a decade of abuse.  This is one more reason these people - and I use the word lightly - need to identified, and removed from society.  They are pure toxicity, and a threat to anyone they encounter, and the court system in particular needs to be cleansed of these poisonous creatures, for they make a mockery of the tenets they are sworn to uphold, ones that form the core of our freedoms, and can destroy the lives of the most innocent.  I should know, for I\'ve seen it done more than once.\r\nFortunately, between my high pain tolerance and the effectiveness of my meds, I am still able to write, and unless the infection fails to respond to treatment, this will soon be just another painful memory among many.\r\nBut, on the upside, two of the technicians said they\'d buy my book, so there\'s that...\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n','It Could Be Worse','','publish','open','open','','it-could-be-worse','','','2020-12-08 17:42:09','2020-12-08 21:42:09','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=435',0,'post','',0),(436,1,'2020-12-08 17:42:09','2020-12-08 21:42:09','Greetings.\r\n\r\nAs predicted, it\'s been an eventful couple of days.  I went to my emergency dental appointment yesterday, and the looks of surprise when they saw my condition was both amusing and reassuring, as they were obviously concerned.  They seemed surprised to learn how many times in my life I\'ve had to endure this level of pain, something I related during the preparation for the procedure.  \r\n\"Not to be mean, but it sounds like you\'ve had a difficult life.\" the dental aide remarked.\r\n\"It is what it is,\" I told her.\r\nAfter half a dozen needles, and some time for the numbing agent to take effect, they proceeded to cut the inside of my jaw, which I did not feel at all.  The dental surgeon then did her best to drain the abcess, and I felt that quite a bit.  Not the actual draining - my mouth was too numb for that - but in order to drain it properly, she had to basically grab handfuls of my face and squeeze with all her strength, and although the numb portions felt nothing, the rest of my face felt like it was being ripped off.  This lasted for about ten minutes or so, as she repeated the procedure in the hopes of lessening the swelling.  The dental surgeon remarked that it \'wasn\'t as exciting as I thought it would be.\"\r\nInitially, they did not want to do an extraction, as it would be \'an extremely difficult and painful process, with level 9-10 pain for an extended time.\"  After the draining, they changed their mind, but I was no longer up for it.  The face manhandling had been enough for one day, and so I go back in a bit to get the second half of this problem taken care of once and for all.\r\nStill, it could be worse.\r\nThis is just another lingering side effect of my relationship with a malicious, malignant/covert narcissist.  Had this happened while I was still married to her, I would have had to suffer through more indignation in the form of criticism and mockery of my condition - something I had been through on previous occasions during a decade of abuse.  This is one more reason these people - and I use the word lightly - need to identified, and removed from society.  They are pure toxicity, and a threat to anyone they encounter, and the court system in particular needs to be cleansed of these poisonous creatures, for they make a mockery of the tenets they are sworn to uphold, ones that form the core of our freedoms, and can destroy the lives of the most innocent.  I should know, for I\'ve seen it done more than once.\r\nFortunately, between my high pain tolerance and the effectiveness of my meds, I am still able to write, and unless the infection fails to respond to treatment, this will soon be just another painful memory among many.\r\nBut, on the upside, two of the technicians said they\'d buy my book, so there\'s that...\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste\r\n','It Could Be Worse','','inherit','closed','closed','','435-revision-v1','','','2020-12-08 17:42:09','2020-12-08 21:42:09','',435,'http://michaelvain.net/435-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(437,1,'2020-12-10 19:17:25','2020-12-10 23:17:25','Greetings,\r\n\r\nAs some may know, I indulge in writing (bad) poetry from time to time.  Different things inspire artists in different ways - and in my case, it most often takes the form of writing.  I write my bad poetry when inspired by the Muse, as I do my novels, and although I feel my poetry is ghastly in comparison to my prose, I feel the urge to share it with those who bother to follow my blog, so I\'ll be posting them here from time to time.\r\nThe following poem was inspired by a person, and if said person realizes it\'s about them, I apologize for the poor writing.  Shakespeare I ain\'t, boys and girls.\r\nBut my heart, what there is of it, is in the right place.\r\nSo...\r\n\r\nANGEL OF THE NORTH\r\n\r\nA shining Muse, an Angel in the North\r\nLet your spirit flow, your radiance come forth\r\nThat heavenly smile, those verdant eyes\r\nThat shelter a spirit wounded by lies\r\nHealing now, shining, to bathe in that grace\r\nLucky be the man that beholds your face\r\nA beautiful soul among the celestial constellation, \r\nTo that being I give my love and admiration\r\nNo thoughts of possession, no feelings of lust\r\nNothing impure, so selfish or unjust\r\nJust a hopeless romantic, enchanted from afar\r\nWhose life is brighter because of what you are\r\nMay you always know love, and be able to shine\r\nMay the spirit inside be untouched by time\r\nMay you always be free, and a little wild,\r\nMay you always nurture that inner child\r\nMay you dance and laugh and love your life\r\nMay your days be bright and free of strife\r\nMay you find your way along the path\r\nAnd those that hurt you suffer a warrior’s wrath\r\nMay your days be long, your love run deep\r\nAnd the Goddess protect you as you sleep\r\nMay you know you will be my friend\r\nFor all the days, now until the end\r\n\r\n       ~So Mote It Be\r\n\r\n\r\nYeah, Yeah, I know.\r\nI know.\r\nBut, the Muse has a whip, and I gladly do her bidding.\r\nBlame it on the Muse.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Blame the Muse','','inherit','closed','closed','','429-revision-v1','','','2020-12-10 19:17:25','2020-12-10 23:17:25','',429,'http://michaelvain.net/429-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(438,1,'2020-12-10 19:22:15','2020-12-10 23:22:15','Greetings all,\n\nWell, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.\nI\'m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a \'wife beater\' by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).\nNow, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don\'t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I\'m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction.  As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand.  So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period.  I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.\nThere are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest.  There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be \'strong\' and \'emotionally distant\', so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim.  These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don\'t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).\nThe \'metoo\' movement is an extension of this.  I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article.  Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of \'inappropriateness\'.  Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.\nI have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist.  As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship.  Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused.  This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance.  Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.\nNow, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male.  This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.\nThis case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general.  More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system.  Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena.  This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.\nJust a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.\n\nUntil next time,\n\n~Namaste','Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp','','inherit','closed','closed','','423-autosave-v1','','','2020-12-10 19:22:15','2020-12-10 23:22:15','',423,'http://michaelvain.net/423-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(439,1,'2020-12-10 19:29:12','2020-12-10 23:29:12','Greetings all,\r\n\r\nWell, this is going to be one of those rants where I say it just like it is, and not give a fuck about who gets offended by what, so strap in and enjoy the ride.\r\nI\'m going to start this article by stating flat out that I think the English Domestic Court system is as full of shit as it is on this side of the pond, filled with gender bias and corruption that should earn those responsible a haul over a gravel road via tow chain at fifty miles an hour, and the recent verdict in the recent lawsuit brought Johnny Depp for being accused of being a \'wife beater\' by The Sun, a British newspaper (although from my experience with the Sun, I use that term lightly).\r\nNow, before any of you get your panties in a bunch for whatever reason, be assured I don\'t make this statement as an armchair, knee-jerk, I\'m-offended-by-something-on-facebook reaction.  As a victim of male domestic abuse, particularly narcissistic abuse by a sociopathic female, I know first-hand of the matters at hand.  So, unless your research extends beyond a few YouTube videos or Faux News (what I call the Fox network), save your indignation. Period.  I have no tolerance for any form of abuse, domestic or otherwise, but male domestic abuse is something that deserves attention.\r\nThere are more cases of male domestic abuse than any of the statistics would suggest.  There are multiple reasons for this, the least of which is the social gender roles cast on men to be \'strong\' and \'emotionally distant\', so the actual number of cases are under-reported. Most cases are not reported at all, and those that are reported are often turned around by the court system to punish the victim.  These two factors are among the many that make it a tougher battle for men in domestic court than it does for women (not that women don\'t face their own difficulties with a justice system that is basically a contest of who can afford the better lawyer).\r\nThe \'metoo\' movement is an extension of this.  I could go into length about my thoughts on this particular issue, but that is a subject for another article.  Like most socially engineered topics, this has escalated to the point where any woman can cost a man his job through nothing more than unfounded allegations. I should note here the difference in reactions to such cases of \'inappropriateness\'.  Id be interested to see the results if men raised their voice and pursued every inappropriate remark as a case of sexual discrimination, abuse, or whatever, as has seemed to be the case of late with women, but men do not react to such inappropriateness in the same fashion, which is one of many things I feel need to change.\r\nI have been following the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and my experiences with the abuse at the hands of a person with narcissistic personality disorder, along with all the testimony and information available regarding the case, looks to be a classic case of male domestic abuse at the hands of a female covert narcissist.  As in my case, multiple former wives and partners testified that Mr. Depp had never gotten physical with them, and tended to suffer a high degree of patience in domestic altercations, which is an indication of the empathetic end of a typical narcissist/empath relationship.  Of course, all human beings have limits, and when an empath dares to express any natural emotion in response to their abuse, such as anger, despair, etc, then the narcissist will play the role of the abused.  This is a favorite tactic of these nasty, toxic creatures in court, and the court loves to just eat up their performance.  Whether this is an effort to pacify those who have learned their political power, or just another line in the program of control that we call society is immaterial: this case had all the earmarks of a case of reactive abuse, and that Ms. Heard was the actual instigator.\r\nNow, as in so many other cases, we have a man whose entire career has been impacted by the simple virtue of being male.  This is a common enough occurrence where the increasingly aware population has coined its own campaigns against the illogical practice of believing all allegations of abuse by women, while dismissing any such attempts by men to defend themselves.\r\nThis case again underlines the need for more training by the courts on narcissistic abuse, and male domestic abuse in general.  More experts need to be involved in the domestic court system.  Until this changes, there will continue to be injustices in this arena.  This is not equality, and imbalance will inevitably create a backlash.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I can see some unpleasant things in our social future is these imbalances are not corrected, and we cannot come together in terms of justice and equality.\r\nJust a few thoughts, as this hearing affects not only Mr. Depp, but all victims of male domestic abuse.\r\n\r\nUntil next time,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Gender Bias vs. Johnny Depp','','inherit','closed','closed','','423-revision-v1','','','2020-12-10 19:29:12','2020-12-10 23:29:12','',423,'http://michaelvain.net/423-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(441,1,'2020-12-17 01:31:11','2020-12-17 05:31:11','Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse.  The Muse insisted I share.\r\n\r\nNever Be the Same\r\n\r\nI sit helpless as more of me dies\r\nA little more each day because of her lies\r\nHow long until there is nothing left?\r\nI\'ve become a victim, a wanton act of theft\r\nNothing but a pawn in her twisted game\r\nI\'ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nI sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears\r\nAll those many scars, all those wasted years\r\nOnce upon a time, I thought you might be the one,\r\nThen you tore into me, nothing left when you were done\r\nNow I never even want to hear your name\r\nI have passed beyond reason and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nNever be the same,\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nYou tore my heart apart\r\nYou\'re the only one to blame\r\n\r\nHow many times did I fall victim to your schemes?\r\nHow many times did I sacrifice my dreams?\r\nYou left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain\r\nI have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nAnd you\'re the one to blame\r\n\r\nI\'ll never be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nOh, no no no\r\nNever be the same\r\n\r\n\r\nThere are some wounds that are difficult to heal.  When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again.  Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Poetry Therapy','','publish','open','open','','poetry-therapy','','','2020-12-31 15:05:55','2020-12-31 19:05:55','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=441',0,'post','',0),(442,1,'2020-12-17 01:31:11','2020-12-17 05:31:11','Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse.  The Muse insisted I share.\r\n\r\nNever Be the Same\r\n\r\nI sit helpless as more of me dies\r\nA little more each day because of her lies\r\nHow long until there is nothing left?\r\nI am but a victim, a wanton act of theft\r\nNothing but a pawn in her twisted game\r\nI\'ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nI sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears\r\nAll those many scars, all those wasted years\r\nOnce upon a time, I thought you might be the one,\r\nThen you tore into me, nothing left when you were done\r\nNow I never even want to hear your name\r\nI have passed beyond reason and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nNever be the same,\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nYou tore my heart apart\r\nYou\'re the only one to blame\r\n\r\nHow many times did I fall victim to your schemes?\r\nHow many times did I sacrifice my dreams?\r\nYou left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain\r\nI have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nAny you\'re the one to blame\r\n\r\nI\'ll never be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nOh, no no no\r\nNever be the same\r\n\r\n\r\nThere are some wounds that are difficult to heal.  When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again.  Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Poetry Therapy','','inherit','closed','closed','','441-revision-v1','','','2020-12-17 01:31:11','2020-12-17 05:31:11','',441,'http://michaelvain.net/441-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(443,1,'2020-12-19 02:03:42','2020-12-19 06:03:42','It was three years ago today that a narcissist had me jailed for a crime I did not commit in order to get custody of my daughter, and made the court system of Virginia complicit in a multitude of crimes, including perjury, larceny, adultery, assault, battery, and general domestic abuse, and kidnapping.  The experience almost killed me, and left me without sensation or mobility on my right side for six weeks.\r\nAll so she could chase after a p.o.s. ghetto rat.\r\nI\'m sure her parents and other flying monkeys are proud.\r\nI\'m certain many will find my language and attitude to be somewhat bitter.  Too fucking bad.  Facts are facts, and truth stands alone.\r\nThe fact of the matter is, it\'s always just fine as long as the victim just continues to take the punishment, but heaven forbid if they actually stand up for themselves.  This is true for both domestic abuse, and the idiots in the legislature and court system (most likely composed of narcissists themselves) who condone a gender-biased system, and write nebulous laws to feed their for-profit prison systems.\r\nWe have a serious problem in this country, a festering infection that has pervaded our society, one born of greed for money and power, and is rotting the very nature of humanity from within and without.  I wish I could say this is just a phase, that I feel confident we will elevate ourselves as a society and a species, and improve the human condition, but the signs are not good.  I do not think for a moment that the conditions the world is operating in now, just at the time when discontent with both authoritarianism and corporate greed was sweeping the world, a time when the human race was just beginning to wake from their enslavement, was simply a coincidence.\r\nAnd before anyone wants to use the term \'conspiracy theory\' in my direction, keep in mind I knew the term was going to be introduced into the American lexicon before it happened.  No, I don\'t have any confidence things will get better.  Watch and see - I\'ll bet money things will get worse, and due to the effective programming and social engineering taking place, most will not even know it.  They\'ll be more than happy to dismiss anyone who knows better, however, and do their best to serve their masters.\r\nAs for me, I\'ll keep being a free-thinking pain in the ass, thank you very much, and point out the sick, twisted, corrupt shit wherever I find it.  I call a spade a spade, boys and girls, and I\'m going to keep doing so.\r\nYes, I have an attitude - the same attitude whenever anyone is victimized by these greedy, narcissistic pieces of shit, whether it is me, or anyone else.  Before my life was destroyed by the worst sort of deliberate deception (one I\'ll never allow the chance of occurring again), I was more than vocal in my defense against such things, and it is time to be so once again.\r\nAt least that is one part of me that wasn\'t killed off in the last three years. \r\nThis is why I\'m writing a book detailing my experiences with my now ex-wife, the court system, and everyone involved in the matter.  And I\'ll name names.  Let them come for me too - they won\'t like the result.  Darkness never likes having the light shone upon it, and the more they try, the brighter it will get.\r\nThere\'s my rant for the day.  Another day to celebrate with regret, a reminder of the cause of every painful event, of the loss and suffering imposed by that fateful encounter.  The day will pass.  The effects never will. \r\n\r\n\r\n','Three Years','','publish','open','open','','three-years','','','2020-12-19 02:03:42','2020-12-19 06:03:42','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=443',0,'post','',0),(444,1,'2020-12-19 02:03:42','2020-12-19 06:03:42','It was three years ago today that a narcissist had me jailed for a crime I did not commit in order to get custody of my daughter, and made the court system of Virginia complicit in a multitude of crimes, including perjury, larceny, adultery, assault, battery, and general domestic abuse, and kidnapping.  The experience almost killed me, and left me without sensation or mobility on my right side for six weeks.\r\nAll so she could chase after a p.o.s. ghetto rat.\r\nI\'m sure her parents and other flying monkeys are proud.\r\nI\'m certain many will find my language and attitude to be somewhat bitter.  Too fucking bad.  Facts are facts, and truth stands alone.\r\nThe fact of the matter is, it\'s always just fine as long as the victim just continues to take the punishment, but heaven forbid if they actually stand up for themselves.  This is true for both domestic abuse, and the idiots in the legislature and court system (most likely composed of narcissists themselves) who condone a gender-biased system, and write nebulous laws to feed their for-profit prison systems.\r\nWe have a serious problem in this country, a festering infection that has pervaded our society, one born of greed for money and power, and is rotting the very nature of humanity from within and without.  I wish I could say this is just a phase, that I feel confident we will elevate ourselves as a society and a species, and improve the human condition, but the signs are not good.  I do not think for a moment that the conditions the world is operating in now, just at the time when discontent with both authoritarianism and corporate greed was sweeping the world, a time when the human race was just beginning to wake from their enslavement, was simply a coincidence.\r\nAnd before anyone wants to use the term \'conspiracy theory\' in my direction, keep in mind I knew the term was going to be introduced into the American lexicon before it happened.  No, I don\'t have any confidence things will get better.  Watch and see - I\'ll bet money things will get worse, and due to the effective programming and social engineering taking place, most will not even know it.  They\'ll be more than happy to dismiss anyone who knows better, however, and do their best to serve their masters.\r\nAs for me, I\'ll keep being a free-thinking pain in the ass, thank you very much, and point out the sick, twisted, corrupt shit wherever I find it.  I call a spade a spade, boys and girls, and I\'m going to keep doing so.\r\nYes, I have an attitude - the same attitude whenever anyone is victimized by these greedy, narcissistic pieces of shit, whether it is me, or anyone else.  Before my life was destroyed by the worst sort of deliberate deception (one I\'ll never allow the chance of occurring again), I was more than vocal in my defense against such things, and it is time to be so once again.\r\nAt least that is one part of me that wasn\'t killed off in the last three years. \r\nThis is why I\'m writing a book detailing my experiences with my now ex-wife, the court system, and everyone involved in the matter.  And I\'ll name names.  Let them come for me too - they won\'t like the result.  Darkness never likes having the light shone upon it, and the more they try, the brighter it will get.\r\nThere\'s my rant for the day.  Another day to celebrate with regret, a reminder of the cause of every painful event, of the loss and suffering imposed by that fateful encounter.  The day will pass.  The effects never will. \r\n\r\n\r\n','Three Years','','inherit','closed','closed','','443-revision-v1','','','2020-12-19 02:03:42','2020-12-19 06:03:42','',443,'http://michaelvain.net/443-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(446,1,'2020-12-26 03:09:48','2020-12-26 07:09:48','Another Christmas.\r\nIt would have been at least somewhat pleasurable, despite the memories this and all holidays now instill in me due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered for a decade.  I got to spend some time with my little one, and even though I have an extremely limited income (most going to my abuser, more salt in the wound twice a month, and a reminder of how little justice there is in our court system), I managed to get a fair collection of presents for my daughter.  She was delighted to get them, and I enjoyed watching her open her gifts, one of the few pleasures I have left in this world.  Had I been left alone, the holiday would have at least have had some moments untarnished by the effects I live with every day.\r\nBut of course, one of the many trademark behaviors of a narcissist is that they cannot let holidays or other special occasions pass without attempting to control the emotional reactions of their former and present victims.  This behavior can range from the obvious, to the very subtle and sublime.  In the case of my ex-wife, it takes the form of the latter, usually disguised as \'friendly communication\', texts that are sent to your phone intended for \'someone else\', and other actions that would appear innocent to those who are ignorant of narcissists, or of the particular person in question.  I get to deal with both, and know the true purpose behind such - reminders of the pain, of the discard, and the ghetto rat my family was torn apart for.  \r\nCase in point, when they send you \'innocent\' pictures of holiday gatherings, with subtle or not so subtle objects in the background.  To an outside observer, this may seem accidental, but make no mistake: the narc knows exactly what they are doing.  I know I should expect such behavior, and do what I can to avoid it by not engaging, but I cannot completely avoid contact, as we share a child.  Even after three years, such things stab deep, and bring with it all the normal reactions I have when faced with betrayal, cowardice, and a complete lack of honor or even common sense.   After all this time, the wounds still feel fresh, and likely will for as long as I continue to feel the effects, physical, emotional, and financial, that was inflicted on me by a such a creature.  This will in all likelihood be for the remainder of my time here on earth, and I cannot stress to anyone dealing with these sociopaths the importance of getting out while there is still time, for the damage can be severe, even life-altering.  Should they gain a foothold to the point where you become a victim, nothing and nowhere is safe.  Nothing is sacred, from the vows of marriage, to the smallest of traditions or pleasures.  Do yourself a favor, and get them out of your life.\r\nOtherwise, your life could be tainted forever.\r\n\r\n','A Narcissistic Christmas','','publish','open','open','','a-narcissistic-christmas','','','2020-12-26 03:09:48','2020-12-26 07:09:48','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=446',0,'post','',0),(447,1,'2020-12-26 03:09:48','2020-12-26 07:09:48','Another Christmas.\r\nIt would have been at least somewhat pleasurable, despite the memories this and all holidays now instill in me due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered for a decade.  I got to spend some time with my little one, and even though I have an extremely limited income (most going to my abuser, more salt in the wound twice a month, and a reminder of how little justice there is in our court system), I managed to get a fair collection of presents for my daughter.  She was delighted to get them, and I enjoyed watching her open her gifts, one of the few pleasures I have left in this world.  Had I been left alone, the holiday would have at least have had some moments untarnished by the effects I live with every day.\r\nBut of course, one of the many trademark behaviors of a narcissist is that they cannot let holidays or other special occasions pass without attempting to control the emotional reactions of their former and present victims.  This behavior can range from the obvious, to the very subtle and sublime.  In the case of my ex-wife, it takes the form of the latter, usually disguised as \'friendly communication\', texts that are sent to your phone intended for \'someone else\', and other actions that would appear innocent to those who are ignorant of narcissists, or of the particular person in question.  I get to deal with both, and know the true purpose behind such - reminders of the pain, of the discard, and the ghetto rat my family was torn apart for.  \r\nCase in point, when they send you \'innocent\' pictures of holiday gatherings, with subtle or not so subtle objects in the background.  To an outside observer, this may seem accidental, but make no mistake: the narc knows exactly what they are doing.  I know I should expect such behavior, and do what I can to avoid it by not engaging, but I cannot completely avoid contact, as we share a child.  Even after three years, such things stab deep, and bring with it all the normal reactions I have when faced with betrayal, cowardice, and a complete lack of honor or even common sense.   After all this time, the wounds still feel fresh, and likely will for as long as I continue to feel the effects, physical, emotional, and financial, that was inflicted on me by a such a creature.  This will in all likelihood be for the remainder of my time here on earth, and I cannot stress to anyone dealing with these sociopaths the importance of getting out while there is still time, for the damage can be severe, even life-altering.  Should they gain a foothold to the point where you become a victim, nothing and nowhere is safe.  Nothing is sacred, from the vows of marriage, to the smallest of traditions or pleasures.  Do yourself a favor, and get them out of your life.\r\nOtherwise, your life could be tainted forever.\r\n\r\n','A Narcissistic Christmas','','inherit','closed','closed','','446-revision-v1','','','2020-12-26 03:09:48','2020-12-26 07:09:48','',446,'http://michaelvain.net/446-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(448,1,'2020-12-31 03:38:23','2020-12-31 07:38:23','Greetings,\r\n\r\nWell, here it is, the last day of 2020.  I\'d like to say I was happy for it to be over, that I was confident the coming year will prove to be a good one for all, but that is simply not true.  What I see coming is more of the same shit - both for me and everyone else impacted by the strange world we now find ourselves in.  More lockdowns, more authoritarianism than you can shake a stick at, more division as the carefully orchestrated political and social engineering continues its inexorable path toward extinction of our freedom, and those on the right reveal their true sociopathic nature.\r\nNot that the left is really any better.  Biden showed his true colors today when he appointed \'Mr. Monsanto\' as head of the USDA.  This does not bode well, nor does the news he plans on trying to \'work with\' the same sociopaths that have tried their best to help the orange idiot currently in the White House stage a coup, and who repeatedly have shown themselves to nothing but puppets for corporations and the narcissists that own and run them.\r\nIf we, as a people, do not get our priorities straight in the coming year, if we do not realize just how rotten the system has become, and begin to take steps to correct it, then things will continue to get worse.  It would be nice if we could correct things, cut out the infection, before it kills the patient, but I fear things will continue to spiral until it collapses, and we will once again be forced to rise from the ashes.  The powerful are taking steps to make sure only they survive, so it is in the best interest of everyone else to make sure this does not happen, in my opinion.\r\nFor me, personally, I see 2021 as a year wherein I may finish 2 or possibly three books, which is a good thing creatively, but financially, I know things will be harder, as they will likely be for everyone.  I do not market my books as I should; I\'m too busy writing and designing in addition to the other hats I\'m required to wear, and this is not likely to change in the coming year.  If anything, things will most likely be even busier, the struggle to survive harder, and the returns even more sparse.\r\nA grim picture, overall.  For me, as a victim of emotional abuse and a gender-biased and corrupt court system, I have found little to know help for the physical and mental damage that continues to plague me. Anxiety and depression are rampant these days, and for me, the abuse I suffered exacerbated both these conditions.  The next year is sure to have me facing these with increased severity, and the only means I have to combat them are my creative pursuits and the company of my little girl.\r\nHopefully, they will be enough.\r\nI give my best wishes to all my friends, and to the world at large, and hope they have a happier year in the coming days than what they were given in 2020. One thing is for sure - in order to have a brighter future, we will all need to work toward it.\r\n\r\nUntil Next Time -\r\n\r\n\r\n ','2021: From Bad to Worse?','','publish','open','open','','2021-from-bad-to-worse','','','2020-12-31 03:38:23','2020-12-31 07:38:23','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=448',0,'post','',0),(449,1,'2020-12-31 03:38:23','2020-12-31 07:38:23','Greetings,\r\n\r\nWell, here it is, the last day of 2020.  I\'d like to say I was happy for it to be over, that I was confident the coming year will prove to be a good one for all, but that is simply not true.  What I see coming is more of the same shit - both for me and everyone else impacted by the strange world we now find ourselves in.  More lockdowns, more authoritarianism than you can shake a stick at, more division as the carefully orchestrated political and social engineering continues its inexorable path toward extinction of our freedom, and those on the right reveal their true sociopathic nature.\r\nNot that the left is really any better.  Biden showed his true colors today when he appointed \'Mr. Monsanto\' as head of the USDA.  This does not bode well, nor does the news he plans on trying to \'work with\' the same sociopaths that have tried their best to help the orange idiot currently in the White House stage a coup, and who repeatedly have shown themselves to nothing but puppets for corporations and the narcissists that own and run them.\r\nIf we, as a people, do not get our priorities straight in the coming year, if we do not realize just how rotten the system has become, and begin to take steps to correct it, then things will continue to get worse.  It would be nice if we could correct things, cut out the infection, before it kills the patient, but I fear things will continue to spiral until it collapses, and we will once again be forced to rise from the ashes.  The powerful are taking steps to make sure only they survive, so it is in the best interest of everyone else to make sure this does not happen, in my opinion.\r\nFor me, personally, I see 2021 as a year wherein I may finish 2 or possibly three books, which is a good thing creatively, but financially, I know things will be harder, as they will likely be for everyone.  I do not market my books as I should; I\'m too busy writing and designing in addition to the other hats I\'m required to wear, and this is not likely to change in the coming year.  If anything, things will most likely be even busier, the struggle to survive harder, and the returns even more sparse.\r\nA grim picture, overall.  For me, as a victim of emotional abuse and a gender-biased and corrupt court system, I have found little to know help for the physical and mental damage that continues to plague me. Anxiety and depression are rampant these days, and for me, the abuse I suffered exacerbated both these conditions.  The next year is sure to have me facing these with increased severity, and the only means I have to combat them are my creative pursuits and the company of my little girl.\r\nHopefully, they will be enough.\r\nI give my best wishes to all my friends, and to the world at large, and hope they have a happier year in the coming days than what they were given in 2020. One thing is for sure - in order to have a brighter future, we will all need to work toward it.\r\n\r\nUntil Next Time -\r\n\r\n\r\n ','2021: From Bad to Worse?','','inherit','closed','closed','','448-revision-v1','','','2020-12-31 03:38:23','2020-12-31 07:38:23','',448,'http://michaelvain.net/448-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(450,1,'2020-12-31 15:05:13','2020-12-31 19:05:13','Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse.  The Muse insisted I share.\r\n\r\nNever Be the Same\r\n\r\nI sit helpless as more of me dies\r\nA little more each day because of her lies\r\nHow long until there is nothing left?\r\nI am but a victim, a wanton act of theft\r\nNothing but a pawn in her twisted game\r\nI\'ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nI sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears\r\nAll those many scars, all those wasted years\r\nOnce upon a time, I thought you might be the one,\r\nThen you tore into me, nothing left when you were done\r\nNow I never even want to hear your name\r\nI have passed beyond reason and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nNever be the same,\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nYou tore my heart apart\r\nYou\'re the only one to blame\r\n\r\nHow many times did I fall victim to your schemes?\r\nHow many times did I sacrifice my dreams?\r\nYou left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain\r\nI have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nAnd you\'re the one to blame\r\n\r\nI\'ll never be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nOh, no no no\r\nNever be the same\r\n\r\n\r\nThere are some wounds that are difficult to heal.  When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again.  Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Poetry Therapy','','inherit','closed','closed','','441-revision-v1','','','2020-12-31 15:05:13','2020-12-31 19:05:13','',441,'http://michaelvain.net/441-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(451,1,'2020-12-31 15:05:55','2020-12-31 19:05:55','Here is a poem/song that I wrote to help deal with the effects of narcissistic abuse.  The Muse insisted I share.\r\n\r\nNever Be the Same\r\n\r\nI sit helpless as more of me dies\r\nA little more each day because of her lies\r\nHow long until there is nothing left?\r\nI\'ve become a victim, a wanton act of theft\r\nNothing but a pawn in her twisted game\r\nI\'ve passed beyond hope and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nI sit here staring as my eyes fill with tears\r\nAll those many scars, all those wasted years\r\nOnce upon a time, I thought you might be the one,\r\nThen you tore into me, nothing left when you were done\r\nNow I never even want to hear your name\r\nI have passed beyond reason and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nWith things that have no name\r\n\r\nNever be the same,\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nYou tore my heart apart\r\nYou\'re the only one to blame\r\n\r\nHow many times did I fall victim to your schemes?\r\nHow many times did I sacrifice my dreams?\r\nYou left me bleeding and my heart is full of pain\r\nI have passed beyond sadness and will never be the same\r\n\r\nNever be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nTrapped here in the dark\r\nAnd you\'re the one to blame\r\n\r\nI\'ll never be the same\r\nNo, I\'ll never be the same\r\nOh, no no no\r\nNever be the same\r\n\r\n\r\nThere are some wounds that are difficult to heal.  When I wrote this, I realized there were some things that could never be right again.  Healing changes us, and sometimes, the scars are deep.\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Poetry Therapy','','inherit','closed','closed','','441-revision-v1','','','2020-12-31 15:05:55','2020-12-31 19:05:55','',441,'http://michaelvain.net/441-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(453,1,'2021-01-03 23:21:15','2021-01-04 03:21:15','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<h3>Click below to explore these galleries</h3>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/covers\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Covers</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Cover art created in various mediums</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg\" alt=\"art_drawings_leopard01\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/drawings\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Drawings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Collected works from one of my favorite activities</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_dibbs\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/illustrations\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Illustrations</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Artwork inspires writing, and writing inspires art.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_mtnlake\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/paintings\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Paintings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Examples of another of my favorite hobbies.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg\" alt=\"art_fanart_shadowsketch\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/fan-art\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Fan Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>A long-time fan of comics and movies</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg\" alt=\"art_misc_bigapplefest1\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/other-art\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Other Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Various artistic projects</p>			\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Galleries','','inherit','closed','closed','','135-revision-v1','','','2021-01-03 23:21:15','2021-01-04 03:21:15','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(460,1,'2021-01-04 01:10:35','2021-01-04 05:10:35','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n        <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:10:35','2021-01-04 05:10:35','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(459,1,'2021-01-04 01:07:50','2021-01-04 05:07:50','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4>Novels</h4>\n        </figcaption>\n        </a>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        </a></figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:07:50','2021-01-04 05:07:50','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(457,1,'2021-01-04 01:05:20','2021-01-04 05:05:20','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n        <figure>\n            <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        </a></figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:05:20','2021-01-04 05:05:20','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(458,1,'2021-01-04 01:06:26','2021-01-04 05:06:26','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        </a>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">\n        </a></figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n           <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:06:26','2021-01-04 05:06:26','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(461,1,'2021-01-04 01:11:35','2021-01-04 05:11:35','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n        <figure><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a></figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a 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works by the Author.</p>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:12:43','2021-01-04 05:12:43','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(464,1,'2021-01-04 01:15:33','2021-01-04 05:15:33','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n           <h2>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </h2>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:15:33','2021-01-04 05:15:33','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(463,1,'2021-01-04 01:13:51','2021-01-04 05:13:51','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n           <h2>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </h2>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:13:51','2021-01-04 05:13:51','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(465,1,'2021-01-04 01:17:09','2021-01-04 05:17:09','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n           <h2>\n        <a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </h2>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:17:09','2021-01-04 05:17:09','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(466,1,'2021-01-04 01:22:16','2021-01-04 05:22:16','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n         <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">   \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:22:16','2021-01-04 05:22:16','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(467,1,'2021-01-04 01:35:19','2021-01-04 05:35:19','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n         <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">   \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:35:19','2021-01-04 05:35:19','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(468,1,'2021-01-06 22:51:06','2021-01-07 02:51:06','','ambush_icon','','inherit','open','closed','','ambush_icon','','','2021-01-06 22:51:06','2021-01-07 02:51:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/ambush_icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(469,1,'2021-01-06 22:51:19','2021-01-07 02:51:19','Acrylics on Illus. Board\nIllustration from \'Highway Hypnosis\'.','ambush_med_web','Ambush','inherit','open','closed','','ambush_med_web','','','2021-01-06 22:58:32','2021-01-07 02:58:32','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/ambush_med_web.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(470,1,'2021-01-06 22:51:26','2021-01-07 02:51:26','Acrylic on Illustration board','ambush_sm_web','Ambush','inherit','open','closed','','ambush_sm_web','','','2021-01-06 22:54:21','2021-01-07 02:54:21','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/ambush_sm_web.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(471,1,'2021-01-11 01:36:28','2021-01-11 05:36:28','At the Kennedy Center, Wash. D.C.','mv021bm','Pandamania Project and Marquette','inherit','open','closed','','mv021bm','','','2021-01-11 01:39:20','2021-01-11 05:39:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/mv021bm.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(473,1,'2021-01-11 22:49:02','2021-01-12 02:49:02','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Nunchaku practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Bo Staff practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	Michael\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events.php\">Strange Events</a> page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.\nMichael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2021-01-11 22:49:02','2021-01-12 02:49:02','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(474,1,'2021-01-11 22:49:56','2021-01-12 02:49:56','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Nunchaku practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Nunchaku practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	Michael\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events.php\">Strange Events</a> page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.\nMichael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2021-01-11 22:49:56','2021-01-12 02:49:56','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(475,1,'2021-01-12 02:39:20','2021-01-12 06:39:20','Greetings,\r\n\r\nI recently have been doing more stuff on social media again, as I try to follow any marketing path for my writing that does not involve expenditures I cannot currently afford.  i know I should stick to advertising and marketing related posts, but there are some subjects, such as narcissistic and domestic abuse, that can stir me to make a comment.  Because of my own history of being a victim of both, I will occasionally comment on the gender-bias and stigmas males face in this area.  I advise them to run, do not walk, to the nearest exit and take any and all legal steps to protect themselves.\r\n\r\nl should know better, but...\r\n\r\nSo, naturally, whenever I make these sorts of comments, it is inevitable that some feminazi will call me an \'incel\'.  This is a revealing insult, and says much about those making it:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li> It says the person making the insult is offended by the notion any man can choose not to be swayed by feminine wiles.  Is that all this person has to offer?</li>\r\n 	<li> It reveals the person does not actually believe in equality, which is always the crux of my comments, but believes in superiority.</li>\r\n 	<li>It implies that anyone suggesting men stay single in a gender-biased society is involuntarily celibate, by definition, as if they are weak or somehow inferior in the eyes of women, or have nothing to offer, which is sexist as all hell, and could not be further from the truth.</li>\r\n 	<li>It states the person is fine with double standards and inequality, as long as they can bitch about it.</li>\r\n 	<li>They show their own gender-bias in terms of domestic and narcissistic abuse; it\'s okay for women to abuse men, but any man that abuses a woman is a monster.  This staggers my mind, actually.  Abuse is abuse, and equally evil regardless of gender.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nAnd those are just the first few things to spring to mind.  It would seem to me that maybe these people may have lost a few relationships because they were emasculating bitches.  Just sayin\'.\r\n\r\nYes, I am now a hermit.  After suffering a decade of emotional and other abuse, I chose to take myself out of the game. There\'s nothing involuntary about it, and it\'s not an easy choice for me, as anyone who knows me (and knows my libido) can attest.  I actually love women...a lot.  There are more than one I\'ve pined for, and still do, but when your life has been devastated as mine has, the priority is repairing the damage, and making sure it never happens again.  For me, the choice was clear, if not welcome.  On the upside, however, such comments show me that I made the right choice.\r\n\r\nJust another rant.  Thanks for reading.\r\n\r\nUntil next time...\r\n\r\n~Namaste','Revealing Insults','','publish','open','open','','revealing-insults','','','2021-01-12 02:39:20','2021-01-12 06:39:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=475',0,'post','',0),