This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.

Dear Michelle,

Your status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father's Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father's Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn't, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can't be both.  That you call me toxic for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn't make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn't treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that toxic?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you're telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I"ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I'll never give up, and when I show how hard I'm willing to work to make things better, I'm suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn't get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got if for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I've always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn't just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn't financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn't just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. 
Not only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah's room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn't true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I'm getting jibes at how 'free' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It's unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I've ever done is love you.  I'm being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I'm not even allowed but a few months before you're crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  
I don't even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I'd be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn't instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.
Yes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  
Now, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn't enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You're hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It's not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I've changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I'm still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That's it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn't being looked at as some sort of problem.  I've shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It's not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I've proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  
I don't know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I'm not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I'm here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I've never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it's true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  
You talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won't bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don't do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can't talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can't even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn't cut my hours, and that other job didn't run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It's still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.
I love you now.
I love my daughter.
I wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It's not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it's a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it's the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it's all I've ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don't know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won't change that.
I am still,

Your Michael 