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INSERT INTO `wpps_posts` VALUES (1,1,'2018-05-29 02:06:13','2018-05-29 02:06:13','I decided to work on a new design for this site utilizing some Wordpress skills.  Pardon the mess while I recreate the original content on the new site.\r\n~Namaste','New Beginning','','publish','open','open','','new-beginning','','','2018-05-29 04:13:14','2018-05-29 04:13:14','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=1',0,'post','',1),(3,1,'2018-05-29 02:06:13','2018-05-29 02:06:13','<h2>Who we are</h2><p>Our website address is: https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0.</p><h2>What personal data we collect and why we collect it</h2><h3>Comments</h3><p>When visitors leave comments on the site we collect the data shown in the comments form, and also the visitor&#8217;s IP address and browser user agent string to help spam detection.</p><p>An anonymized string created from your email address (also called a hash) may be provided to the Gravatar service to see if you are using it. The Gravatar service privacy policy is available here: https://automattic.com/privacy/. After approval of your comment, your profile picture is visible to the public in the context of your comment.</p><h3>Media</h3><p>If you upload images to the website, you should avoid uploading images with embedded location data (EXIF GPS) included. Visitors to the website can download and extract any location data from images on the website.</p><h3>Contact forms</h3><h3>Cookies</h3><p>If you leave a comment on our site you may opt-in to saving your name, email address and website in cookies. These are for your convenience so that you do not have to fill in your details again when you leave another comment. These cookies will last for one year.</p><p>If you have an account and you log in to this site, we will set a temporary cookie to determine if your browser accepts cookies. This cookie contains no personal data and is discarded when you close your browser.</p><p>When you log in, we will also set up several cookies to save your login information and your screen display choices. Login cookies last for two days, and screen options cookies last for a year. If you select &quot;Remember Me&quot;, your login will persist for two weeks. If you log out of your account, the login cookies will be removed.</p><p>If you edit or publish an article, an additional cookie will be saved in your browser. This cookie includes no personal data and simply indicates the post ID of the article you just edited. It expires after 1 day.</p><h3>Embedded content from other websites</h3><p>Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other websites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other website.</p><p>These websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracing your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website.</p><h3>Analytics</h3><h2>Who we share your data with</h2><h2>How long we retain your data</h2><p>If you leave a comment, the comment and its metadata are retained indefinitely. This is so we can recognize and approve any follow-up comments automatically instead of holding them in a moderation queue.</p><p>For users that register on our website (if any), we also store the personal information they provide in their user profile. All users can see, edit, or delete their personal information at any time (except they cannot change their username). Website administrators can also see and edit that information.</p><h2>What rights you have over your data</h2><p>If you have an account on this site, or have left comments, you can request to receive an exported file of the personal data we hold about you, including any data you have provided to us. You can also request that we erase any personal data we hold about you. This does not include any data we are obliged to keep for administrative, legal, or security purposes.</p><h2>Where we send your data</h2><p>Visitor comments may be checked through an automated spam detection service.</p><h2>Your contact information</h2><h2>Additional information</h2><h3>How we protect your data</h3><h3>What data breach procedures we have in place</h3><h3>What third parties we receive data from</h3><h3>What automated decision making and/or profiling we do with user data</h3><h3>Industry regulatory disclosure requirements</h3>','Privacy Policy','','draft','closed','open','','privacy-policy','','','2018-05-29 02:06:13','2018-05-29 02:06:13','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=3',0,'page','',0),(5,1,'2018-05-29 02:16:11','2018-05-29 02:16:11','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe&#039;s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed biography of the author, links to his current works, news on his upcoming writing projects and appearances galleries of his various artworks, the author\'s blog and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/cover_icont.jpg\" alt=\"Permutations of Reality cover icon\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"cover_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BXMWVNTV\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','publish','closed','closed','','home','','','2023-03-12 04:03:48','2023-03-12 08:03:48','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=5',0,'page','',0),(597,1,'2023-03-08 00:45:55','2023-03-08 04:45:55','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe&#039;s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"about_mv01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h3>Welcome</h3>\n<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed biography of the author, links to his current works, news on his upcoming writing projects and appearances galleries of his various artworks, the author\'s blog and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news.</p>\n	<h2>Latest News and Releases</h2>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" itemprop=\"url\" rel=\"noopener\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\" alt=\"icon_highway_new\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"icon_highway_new\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n				<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" itemprop=\"url\">\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales by Michael Vain\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"cover_title02b_icon\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				</a>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						All Formats\n		</a>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2023-03-08 00:45:55','2023-03-08 04:45:55','',5,'https://michaelvain.net/?p=597',0,'revision','',0),(6,1,'2018-05-29 02:16:11','2018-05-29 02:16:11','','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2018-05-29 02:16:11','2018-05-29 02:16:11','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(7,1,'2018-05-29 02:17:14','2018-05-29 02:17:14','','Blog','','publish','closed','closed','','blog','','','2018-05-29 02:17:14','2018-05-29 02:17:14','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=7',0,'page','',0),(8,1,'2018-05-29 02:17:14','2018-05-29 02:17:14','','Blog','','inherit','closed','closed','','7-revision-v1','','','2018-05-29 02:17:14','2018-05-29 02:17:14','',7,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/7-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(10,1,'2018-05-29 02:21:18','2018-05-29 02:21:18',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','10','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=10',1,'nav_menu_item','',0),(11,1,'2018-05-29 02:21:18','2018-05-29 02:21:18',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','11','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=11',12,'nav_menu_item','',0),(13,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:34','2018-05-29 02:42:34','','about_grandfather01','','inherit','open','closed','','about_grandfather01','','','2018-05-29 02:42:34','2018-05-29 02:42:34','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_grandfather01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(14,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:36','2018-05-29 02:42:36','Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.','about_mv01','','inherit','open','closed','','about_mv01','','','2018-05-29 03:09:51','2018-05-29 03:09:51','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(15,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:37','2018-05-29 02:42:37','Photo of the author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.','about_mv02','Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.','inherit','open','closed','','about_mv02','','','2018-06-03 22:32:47','2018-06-03 22:32:47','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(16,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:39','2018-05-29 02:42:39','Original cover painting for Highway Hypnosis  - acrylic on Masonite','art_covers_highway','Original cover for Highway Hypnosis','inherit','open','closed','','art_covers_highway','','','2018-06-05 04:52:22','2018-06-05 04:52:22','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_highway.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(17,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:40','2018-05-29 02:42:40','Highway Hypnosis - 409 pages','art_covers_hwy','Cover for Highway Hypnosis','inherit','open','closed','','art_covers_hwy','','','2018-06-04 01:59:52','2018-06-04 01:59:52','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(18,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:43','2018-05-29 02:42:43','','art_covers_hwy_new','','inherit','open','closed','','art_covers_hwy_new','','','2018-05-29 02:42:43','2018-05-29 02:42:43','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy_new.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(19,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:46','2018-05-29 02:42:46','Cover art for \'The Minstrel\' a novella length work of dark urban fantasy.','art_covers_minstrel','Cover for first edition of \"The Minstrel\"','inherit','open','closed','','art_covers_minstrel','','','2018-06-04 02:05:06','2018-06-04 02:05:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(20,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:58','2018-05-29 02:42:58','Sketch for \'Barricade\' - illustration for Highway Hypnosis.  Graphite on paper.','art_drawings_barricadesketch','Barricade sketch - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_barricadesketch','','','2018-06-06 01:43:27','2018-06-06 01:43:27','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_barricadesketch.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(21,1,'2018-05-29 02:42:59','2018-05-29 02:42:59','Colossus - graphite on paper','art_drawings_beast01bm','Colossus - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_beast01bm','','','2018-06-06 01:18:35','2018-06-06 01:18:35','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_beast01bm.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(22,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:01','2018-05-29 02:43:01','Charon - graphite on paper','art_drawings_charonv2','Charon - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_charonv2','','','2018-06-06 01:23:15','2018-06-06 01:23:15','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_charonv2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(23,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:02','2018-05-29 02:43:02','Grandparents - graphite portrait on paper','art_drawings_grandparents','Grandparents - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_grandparents','','','2018-06-06 01:32:59','2018-06-06 01:32:59','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_grandparents.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(24,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:04','2018-05-29 02:43:04','Hummingbird - ink, colored pencil, and pastel','art_drawings_humming01','Hummingbird - ink, colored pencil, and pastel','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_humming01','','','2018-06-06 01:28:00','2018-06-06 01:28:00','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_humming01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(25,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:05','2018-05-29 02:43:05','Ice Cat - watercolor pencil','art_drawings_icecat','Ice Cat - watercolor pencil','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_icecat','','','2018-06-06 01:31:21','2018-06-06 01:31:21','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_icecat.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(26,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:06','2018-05-29 02:43:06','Countdown to Extinction - pen and ink on illustration board','art_drawings_leopard01','Countdown to Extinction - pen and ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_leopard01','','','2018-06-06 01:34:28','2018-06-06 01:34:28','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(27,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:08','2018-05-29 02:43:08','Snow Leopard - pen and ink on paper','art_drawings_leopard2','Snow Leopard - Pen and Ink on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_leopard2','','','2018-06-06 01:29:19','2018-06-06 01:29:19','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(28,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:10','2018-05-29 02:43:10','Cover Sketch for The Minstrel','art_drawings_minstrelsketch','Cover sketch for \'The Minstrel\'','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_minstrelsketch','','','2018-06-06 01:25:50','2018-06-06 01:25:50','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_minstrelsketch.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(29,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:11','2018-05-29 02:43:11','Judy -portrait.  Graphite on paper','art_drawings_mother','Judy - portrait\nGraphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_mother','','','2018-06-06 01:21:46','2018-06-06 01:21:46','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_mother.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(30,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:12','2018-05-29 02:43:12','Great Owl - pen and ink on illustration board','art_drawings_owl01','Great Owl - pen and ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_owl01','','','2018-06-06 01:41:22','2018-06-06 01:41:22','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_owl01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(31,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:14','2018-05-29 02:43:14','Snow Owl - Pen and Ink on illustration board','art_drawings_owl2','Snow Owl - Pen and Ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_owl2','','','2018-06-06 00:35:32','2018-06-06 00:35:32','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_owl2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(32,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:15','2018-05-29 02:43:15','Self portrait of the artist at age 14.  Graphite on paper.','art_drawings_self14yrs','Self Portrait - Graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_self14yrs','','','2018-06-06 00:32:32','2018-06-06 00:32:32','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_self14yrs.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(33,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:17','2018-05-29 02:43:17','The Pass - graphite on paper','art_drawings_thepass','The Pass - graphite on paper\n','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_thepass','','','2018-06-06 01:14:17','2018-06-06 01:14:17','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_thepass.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(34,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:18','2018-05-29 02:43:18','Undead Warrior - Pen and Ink on paper','art_drawings_undead','Undead Warrior - Pen and Ink on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_drawings_undead','','','2018-06-06 01:16:44','2018-06-06 01:16:44','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_undead.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(35,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:19','2018-05-29 02:43:19','The Hunt - Pen and Ink on illustration board.','art_fanart_grendel01','The Hunt - Pen and Ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_grendel01','','','2018-06-06 02:02:52','2018-06-06 02:02:52','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_grendel01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(36,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:21','2018-05-29 02:43:21','Urban Warrior - pen and ink on illustration board','art_fanart_grendel02','Urban Warrior - pen and ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_grendel02','','','2018-06-06 01:55:42','2018-06-06 01:55:42','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_grendel02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(37,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:22','2018-05-29 02:43:22','Explorer - pen and ink on illustration board','art_fanart_indy01','Explorer - Pen and Ink on illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_indy01','','','2018-06-06 01:53:47','2018-06-06 01:53:47','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_indy01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(38,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:24','2018-05-29 02:43:24','Orc Warrior - graphite on paper','art_fanart_orcsketch','Orc Warrior - pencil sketch','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_orcsketch','','','2018-06-06 01:52:11','2018-06-06 01:52:11','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_orcsketch.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(39,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:25','2018-05-29 02:43:25','The Question - graphite on paper','art_fanart_question01','The Question - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_question01','','','2018-06-06 01:50:50','2018-06-06 01:50:50','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_question01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(40,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:26','2018-05-29 02:43:26','Rorschach - graphite on paper','art_fanart_rorschach','Rorschach - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_rorschach','','','2018-06-06 01:49:41','2018-06-06 01:49:41','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_rorschach.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(41,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:28','2018-05-29 02:43:28','The Shadow - graphite on paper','art_fanart_shadowsketch','The Shadow - graphite on paper','inherit','open','closed','','art_fanart_shadowsketch','','','2018-06-06 01:48:06','2018-06-06 01:48:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(42,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:29','2018-05-29 02:43:29','Barricade - illustration for Highway Hypnosis.  Acrylic on Illustration board.','art_illus_barricade','Barricade\nAcrylic on Illustration board','inherit','open','closed','','art_illus_barricade','','','2018-06-05 05:02:33','2018-06-05 05:02:33','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_barricade.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(43,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:31','2018-05-29 02:43:31','Toll Taker - illustration for Highway Hypnosis.  Acrylic on Masonite','art_illus_dibbs','Toll Taker\nAcrylic on Masonite','inherit','open','closed','','art_illus_dibbs','','','2018-06-05 05:04:59','2018-06-05 05:04:59','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(44,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:32','2018-05-29 02:43:32','Painted illustration for \"Highway Hypnosis\" - acrylic on Masonite','art_illus_fish','Illustration for \'Highway Hypnosis\" - Acrylic on Masonite','inherit','open','closed','','art_illus_fish','','','2018-06-04 02:49:18','2018-06-04 02:49:18','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(45,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:33','2018-05-29 02:43:33','Dream Bench - hand crafted and painted bench','art_misc_bench01','Dream Bench - hand painted bench','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_bench01','','','2018-06-06 03:22:08','2018-06-06 03:22:08','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bench01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(46,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:35','2018-05-29 02:43:35','Celestial Core - entry for Big Apple Fest public art project, New York.','art_misc_bigapplefest1','Big Apple Fest - public art project ','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_bigapplefest1','','','2018-06-06 03:19:31','2018-06-06 03:19:31','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(47,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:36','2018-05-29 02:43:36','Birds I View public art project - painted fiberglass sculpture','art_misc_birdsiview','Birds I View public art project - painted fiberglass sculpture','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_birdsiview','','','2018-06-06 02:23:00','2018-06-06 02:23:00','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_birdsiview.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(48,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:37','2018-05-29 02:43:37','Celestial Vanity - hand painted vanity with custom mirror','art_misc_celvanity','Celestial Vanity - hand painted vanity with custom mirror','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_celvanity','','','2018-06-06 03:17:01','2018-06-06 03:17:01','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_celvanity.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(49,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:39','2018-05-29 02:43:39','Woodland Meadow Dresser - hand painted dresser','art_misc_mdwdresser','Woodland Meadow Dresser - hand painted dresser','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_mdwdresser','','','2018-06-06 03:15:18','2018-06-06 03:15:18','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_mdwdresser.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(50,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:40','2018-05-29 02:43:40','Enchanted Vista - hand painted wall mural','art_misc_mural01','Enchanted Vista - hand painted wall mural','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_mural01','','','2018-06-06 03:13:35','2018-06-06 03:13:35','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_mural01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(51,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:42','2018-05-29 02:43:42','Enchanted Vista - hand painted wall mural','art_misc_mural02','Enchanted Vista - hand painted wall mural','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_mural02','','','2018-06-06 03:13:01','2018-06-06 03:13:01','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_mural02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(52,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:43','2018-05-29 02:43:43','Photo of the artist with a painted garden fairy telephone table','art_misc_ntstand','Painted Telephone table - painted furniture','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_ntstand','','','2018-06-06 02:28:51','2018-06-06 02:28:51','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_ntstand.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(53,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:44','2018-05-29 02:43:44','Pandamania project - public art project, Washington DC. Painted fiberglass sculpture','art_misc_panda01','Pandamania - public art project','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_panda01','','','2018-06-06 02:26:48','2018-06-06 02:26:48','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_panda01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(54,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:46','2018-05-29 02:43:46','Tropical Reef Armoire - painted armoire','art_misc_reefarmoire','Tropical Reef Armoire - painted armoire','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_reefarmoire','','','2018-06-06 02:24:58','2018-06-06 02:24:58','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_reefarmoire.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(55,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:48','2018-05-29 02:43:48','Reef Chair - painted furniture','art_misc_reefchair','Reef Chair - painted furniture','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_reefchair','','','2018-06-06 02:18:49','2018-06-06 02:18:49','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_reefchair.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(56,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:49','2018-05-29 02:43:49','Sea Reef Room Divider Screen','art_misc_reefscreen','Sea Reef Room Divider Screen','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_reefscreen','','','2018-06-06 02:15:22','2018-06-06 02:15:22','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_reefscreen.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(57,1,'2018-05-29 02:43:59','2018-05-29 02:43:59','Michael with one of his first painted furniture projects','art_misc_table01','Michael with Painted Table','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_table01','','','2018-06-06 02:13:19','2018-06-06 02:13:19','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_table01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(58,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:01','2018-05-29 02:44:01','Woodland Chair - painted furniture','art_misc_wdlandchair','Woodland Chair - painted furniture','inherit','open','closed','','art_misc_wdlandchair','','','2018-06-06 02:11:50','2018-06-06 02:11:50','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_wdlandchair.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(59,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:02','2018-05-29 02:44:02','Dragonfly - Acrylic on Illustration Board','art_paintings_dragonfly2','Dragonfly - Acrylic on Illustration Board','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_dragonfly2','','','2018-06-06 00:16:05','2018-06-06 00:16:05','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_dragonfly2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(60,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:04','2018-05-29 02:44:04','Dragon Eye - Acrylic on Masonite  ','art_paintings_eye','Dragon Eye - Acrylic on Masonite','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_eye','','','2018-06-05 23:57:49','2018-06-05 23:57:49','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_eye.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(61,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:06','2018-05-29 02:44:06','\"Mister Fingers\' - original painting.  Acrylic on Masonite.','art_paintings_fingers','\"Mister Fingers\" - Acrylic painting on Masonite','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_fingers','','','2018-06-04 02:07:52','2018-06-04 02:07:52','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(62,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:07','2018-05-29 02:44:07','Fisher King - Tempera on poster board','art_paintings_fisher','Fisher King\nTempera on poster board','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_fisher','','','2018-06-05 23:34:36','2018-06-05 23:34:36','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fisher.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(63,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:08','2018-05-29 02:44:08','Mountain Lake - Acrylic on Canvas','art_paintings_mtnlake','Mountain Lake - Acrylic on Canvas','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_mtnlake','','','2018-06-05 23:40:35','2018-06-05 23:40:35','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(64,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:10','2018-05-29 02:44:10','Isolation - Artist\'s first acrylic painting','art_paintings_tree','Isolation - First painting\nAcrylic on Canvas\n','inherit','open','closed','','art_paintings_tree','','','2018-06-05 18:53:16','2018-06-05 18:53:16','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_tree.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(65,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:12','2018-05-29 02:44:12','','icon_highway','','inherit','open','closed','','icon_highway','','','2018-05-29 02:44:12','2018-05-29 02:44:12','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(66,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:13','2018-05-29 02:44:13','','icon_highway_new','','inherit','open','closed','','icon_highway_new','','','2018-05-29 02:44:13','2018-05-29 02:44:13','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(67,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:14','2018-05-29 02:44:14','','icon_highway_new','','inherit','open','closed','','icon_highway_new-2','','','2018-05-29 02:44:14','2018-05-29 02:44:14','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(68,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:15','2018-05-29 02:44:15','','icon_minstrel','','inherit','open','closed','','icon_minstrel','','','2018-05-29 02:44:15','2018-05-29 02:44:15','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(69,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:25','2018-05-29 02:44:25','Michael works on a mural project with his children.','past_art_kidsmural','Mural Project','inherit','open','closed','','past_art_kidsmural','','','2018-06-04 01:30:14','2018-06-04 01:30:14','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(70,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:28','2018-05-29 02:44:28','Photo of the author working on a hand painted room divider screen for Reincarnations Painted Furniture','past_art_screen01','MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.','inherit','open','closed','','past_art_screen01','','','2018-06-04 01:36:14','2018-06-04 01:36:14','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(71,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:29','2018-05-29 02:44:29','','OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA','OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA','inherit','open','closed','','olympus-digital-camera','','','2018-05-29 02:44:29','2018-05-29 02:44:29','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(72,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:31','2018-05-29 02:44:31','Photo of the author in his first art studio.','past_art_studio03','Michael in his first art studio','inherit','open','closed','','past_art_studio03','','','2018-06-04 01:26:00','2018-06-04 01:26:00','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(73,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:33','2018-05-29 02:44:33','','past_art_studio1985','','inherit','open','closed','','past_art_studio1985','','','2018-05-29 02:44:33','2018-05-29 02:44:33','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio1985.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(74,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:34','2018-05-29 02:44:34','A photo of Michael attending an art show during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing','past_events_artshow','Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing','inherit','open','closed','','past_events_artshow','','','2018-06-04 01:45:52','2018-06-04 01:45:52','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(75,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:36','2018-05-29 02:44:36','Birds I View public art project. Painted fiberglass sculpture','past_events_birdsiview01','Birds I View - Public Art Project, Prince George\'s County Md.','inherit','open','closed','','past_events_birdsiview01','','','2018-06-06 02:21:11','2018-06-06 02:21:11','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_birdsiview01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(76,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:37','2018-05-29 02:44:37','','past_events_panda01','','inherit','open','closed','','past_events_panda01','','','2018-05-29 02:44:37','2018-05-29 02:44:37','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_panda01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(77,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:39','2018-05-29 02:44:39','','past_events_panda02','','inherit','open','closed','','past_events_panda02','','','2018-05-29 02:44:39','2018-05-29 02:44:39','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_panda02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(78,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:40','2018-05-29 02:44:40','One of the last photos taken of the Author\'s grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz.','past_grandfather01','The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz','inherit','open','closed','','past_grandfather01','','','2018-06-04 00:35:47','2018-06-04 00:35:47','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(79,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:41','2018-05-29 02:44:41','','past_grandfather02','','inherit','open','closed','','past_grandfather02','','','2018-05-29 02:44:41','2018-05-29 02:44:41','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(80,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:43','2018-05-29 02:44:43','Chosin Chibana','past_martial_Chibana','Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_chibana','','','2018-06-02 01:53:30','2018-06-02 01:53:30','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(81,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:45','2018-05-29 02:44:45','','past_martial_class01','','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_class01','','','2018-05-29 02:44:45','2018-05-29 02:44:45','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_class01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(82,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:46','2018-05-29 02:44:46','','past_martial_class02','','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_class02','','','2018-05-29 02:44:46','2018-05-29 02:44:46','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_class02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(83,1,'2018-05-29 02:44:48','2018-05-29 02:44:48','Author Michael Vain practicing with the Eku','past_martial_eku01','Eku Practice','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_eku01','','','2018-06-02 02:09:29','2018-06-02 02:09:29','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(84,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:00','2018-05-29 02:45:00','','past_martial_hanshi','','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_hanshi','','','2018-05-29 02:45:00','2018-05-29 02:45:00','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hanshi.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(85,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:11','2018-05-29 02:45:11','Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu','past_martial_Hanshi02','Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_hanshi02','','','2018-06-02 01:58:48','2018-06-02 01:58:48','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(86,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:12','2018-05-29 02:45:12','photo of Kyoshi Frank Hargrove','past_martial_hargrove01','Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_hargrove01','','','2018-06-01 03:13:04','2018-06-01 03:13:04','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(87,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:15','2018-05-29 02:45:15',' A photo of the author practicing a Bo Staff kata.','past_martial_kobudo01','Bo Staff practice\n','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_kobudo01','','','2018-06-03 23:59:23','2018-06-03 23:59:23','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(88,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:16','2018-05-29 02:45:16','nunchaku practice','past_martial_kobudo02','Nunchaku practice','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_kobudo02','','','2021-01-11 22:49:39','2021-01-12 02:49:39','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(89,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:17','2018-05-29 02:45:17','Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating a bo staff kata in Baltimore','past_martial_mitchell','Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_mitchell','','','2018-06-01 03:48:15','2018-06-01 03:48:15','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(90,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:19','2018-05-29 02:45:19','Official emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan Kobujitsu','past_martial_shorinkanpatch','Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_shorinkanpatch','','','2018-06-01 03:57:48','2018-06-01 03:57:48','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif',0,'attachment','image/gif',0),(91,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:20','2018-05-29 02:45:20','Photo of the author after competing in the Frederick Karate Open','past_martial_tourn01','Photo of the author after winning a trophy at the Frederick Karate Open','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_tourn01','','','2018-06-04 00:01:20','2018-06-04 00:01:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(92,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:21','2018-05-29 02:45:21','Michael Vain takes first place in Weapons at the Frederick Karate Open','past_martial_tourn02','First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open','inherit','open','closed','','past_martial_tourn02','','','2018-06-01 02:32:41','2018-06-01 02:32:41','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(93,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:23','2018-05-29 02:45:23','Woodcut print depicting the Battle of Relay during the Civil War','past_strange_civilwar2','Civil War - Battle of Relay Woodcut','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_civilwar2','','','2018-06-02 04:29:03','2018-06-02 04:29:03','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_civilwar2.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(94,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:25','2018-05-29 02:45:25','','past_strange_flood01','','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood01','','','2018-05-29 02:45:25','2018-05-29 02:45:25','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(95,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:26','2018-05-29 02:45:26','','past_strange_flood02','','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood02','','','2018-05-29 02:45:26','2018-05-29 02:45:26','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(96,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:27','2018-05-29 02:45:27','View of Main Street in Ellicott City, Maryland, showing the devastating flood waters.','past_strange_flood03','Flood waters in Ellicott City, Md.','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood03','','','2018-06-03 19:13:43','2018-06-03 19:13:43','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood03.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(97,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:29','2018-05-29 02:45:29','Another view of Main Street in Ellicott City, Md., showing the devastating flood waters brought on a hurricane.','past_strange_flood04','More flood waters in Ellicott City','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood04','','','2018-06-03 19:36:30','2018-06-03 19:36:30','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood04.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(98,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:30','2018-05-29 02:45:30','','past_strange_flood05','','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood05','','','2018-05-29 02:45:30','2018-05-29 02:45:30','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood05.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(99,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:32','2018-05-29 02:45:32','','past_strange_flood06','','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood06','','','2018-05-29 02:45:32','2018-05-29 02:45:32','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood06.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(100,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:33','2018-05-29 02:45:33','','past_strange_flood07','','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood07','','','2018-05-29 02:45:33','2018-05-29 02:45:33','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood07.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(101,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:34','2018-05-29 02:45:34','Photo showing the cresting flood waters surrounding the author\'s childhood home.','past_strange_flood08','Flood waters surround Michael\'s childhood home','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_flood08','','','2018-06-03 18:56:01','2018-06-03 18:56:01','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(102,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:36','2018-05-29 02:45:36','Side view of the author\'s childhood home, showing the main house, carriage house and slave\'s quarters joined.','past_strange_house01','Side view of Michael\'s childhood home, Elkridge Md.','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_house01','','','2018-06-03 02:05:24','2018-06-03 02:05:24','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(103,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:37','2018-05-29 02:45:37','View of the author\'s home in Elkridge, Maryland','past_strange_house02','View of the Author\'s home, Elkridge, Maryland\n','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_house02','','','2018-06-02 03:04:01','2018-06-02 03:04:01','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(104,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:39','2018-05-29 02:45:39','Side view of the author\'s childhood home','past_strange_house03','Author\'s childhood home - side view','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_house03','','','2018-06-02 03:09:52','2018-06-02 03:09:52','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(105,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:41','2018-05-29 02:45:41','Drawing depicting an example of \'Shadowpeople\' similar to one encountered by the Author as a child','past_strange_shadowpeople','Drawing of an entity similar to that encountered in the house','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_shadowpeople','','','2018-06-03 18:54:03','2018-06-03 18:54:03','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_shadowpeople.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(106,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:42','2018-05-29 02:45:42','A View of the Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland','past_strange_viaduct01','View of the Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_viaduct01','','','2018-06-02 03:32:55','2018-06-02 03:32:55','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct01.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(107,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:44','2018-05-29 02:45:44','Thomas Viaduct ,located in Elkridge, Maryland','past_strange_viaduct02','Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_viaduct02','','','2018-06-02 03:15:18','2018-06-02 03:15:18','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(108,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:45','2018-05-29 02:45:45','An aerial view of the Patapso River, showing the damage caused by the flood to the area around the Thomas Viaduct and MIchael\'s childhood home.','past_strange_viaduct03','Aerial view of Patapsco River showing flood damage','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_viaduct03','','','2018-06-03 22:04:10','2018-06-03 22:04:10','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct03.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(109,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:46','2018-05-29 02:45:46','A view from within the tunnel that runs beside the Thomas Viaduct','past_strange_viaduct04','Tunnel to the Thomas Viaduct','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_viaduct04','','','2018-06-02 04:17:24','2018-06-02 04:17:24','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct04.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(110,1,'2018-05-29 02:45:48','2018-05-29 02:45:48','Illustration from 1857, depicting the \'Great Stone Viaduct at Washington Junction\'','past_strange_washjunc','Great Stone Viaduct at \"Washington Junction\" 1857','inherit','open','closed','','past_strange_washjunc','','','2018-06-03 01:32:38','2018-06-03 01:32:38','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_washjunc.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(111,1,'2018-05-29 03:21:59','2018-05-29 03:21:59','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\"  />\n	<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work. </p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal. </p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his upcoming writing projects and appearances,<a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a>of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog<a/> and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news. </p>\n<p>;</p>\n','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2018-05-29 03:21:59','2018-05-29 03:21:59','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(112,1,'2018-05-29 03:22:54','2018-05-29 03:22:54','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"593\" width=\"403\" title=\"about_mv01\"  />\n	<p>This is the official website for writer and artist Michael Vain, a rising new voice in the world of horror and suspense. Here you will find all the official information his writing and art, as well as purchase copies of his work.</p>\n<p>As you enter the site, be prepared to discover dark and dangerous dimensions, encounter strange and mysterious beings, and experience those things that go bump in the night, as you tour the strange and often terrifying imagination of an author who has personally experienced the paranormal.</p>\n<p>Here you will find a detailed <a href=\"about.php\">biography</a> of the author, links to his <a href=\"current.php\">current works</a>, news on his upcoming writing projects and appearances,<a href=\"galleries.php\">galleries</a>of his various artworks, the author\'s <a href=\"blog.php\">blog and more. This site will continue to evolve through time, so check back with us often to learn the latest news. </a></p>\n','Home','','inherit','closed','closed','','5-revision-v1','','','2018-05-29 03:22:54','2018-05-29 03:22:54','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/5-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(251,1,'2018-06-29 19:03:16','2018-06-29 23:03:16','Those that follow my blog know that I use this forum to write about many things, from writing to open letters, to other expressions of an artistic nature.  In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I will also be using my blog to address important issues I feel should be brought forth to a wider audience. While my blog is not large in the sense of a following, I feel if I can help even one person, then it will be worth it.\r\n\r\nThose that know me, know that I have been the victim of ongoing emotional abuse for over six years.  I\'ve had both my heart and my life ripped apart by someone I trusted, and am only now realizing the full extent of what I feel (and would be confirmed by any qualified professional) is a mental illness is having upon my world.  Thus, in the hope of preventing this sort of pain befalling other innocent people, I will be also be posting a new series of articles to help address this issue, with the hope that somewhere, it will be seen and be of help.\r\n\r\n<h5>22 Stages of Relationship Between An Empath and A Narcissist</h5>\r\n\r\n(from urhealthexperts.com)\r\n\r\n1 The empath gets attracted to a narcissist. Their relationship starts. Empath loves deeply and unconditionally. They feel emotionally fulfilled even though the narcissist plays no role to develop a stronger bond. The empath feels satisfied and thinks their love is reciprocated just by being around the narcissist.\r\n\r\n2 The empath gets the false notion that they have finally met the kind of love that people don’t find even once. Narcissist affirms this by creating an illusion that leads the empath to believe that what they have is special. The empath feels a deep bond that is almost impossible to break free.\r\n\r\n3 Sometimes it appears that the narcissist wants this relationship as much as the empath. Actually, what they want is someone who invests their time, energy and love and is in their complete control.\r\n\r\n 4 As the time will pass, the narcissist will make the empath feel weak, unconfident, and bereft of the abilities to do even the simple things. The narcissist will never launch an open attack, but use statements like “don’t want to hurt you but…” to point out some shortcoming. They will try to take over anything which symbolizes control such as handling bills or making decisions about purchases. The empathy will be looked down upon for their interests and many such things that form their identity. Gradually, the empath starts to believe that they are less capable and they “need” someone like the person in their life. They get the notion no one would want them.\r\n\r\n5 For an empath, this relationship will be everything as they are the ones who are in love. Out of love, they would always want to soothe and cheer the narcissist, talk to them, help them and do whatever it makes them feel good. The narcissists project themselves as the victim of their past, their relationships, and the circumstances. The empaths are givers; they try to make up for all the unfortunate things that have ever happened to the narcissist.\r\n\r\n6 The empath has a good and a clear heart and cannot imagine the deep and unresolved wounds of the narcissist are not the same as their own. Healing those wounds is different from their own.\r\n\r\n7 The relationship is all about the narcissist. The empath realizes this slowly, and a time comes when they feel afraid to talk or fight for their needs and desires. In their attempt to please they don’t want to voice their true needs. They would rather be likable than give any reason to be disliked. But, secretly they are not too happy.\r\n\r\n8 The more devotion, love, care, affection, and effort the empath puts into the relationship, the narcissist feels completely in control over the relationship. The empath literally dances to the tune of the narcissist. As long as the empath continues to appease the narcissist, it’s impossible to detect any problem in the relationship. The problem occurs when the empath finally reaches the breaking point.\r\n\r\n9 Finally, the empath raises a voice because they can no longer keep up with the suppressing ways of the narcissist. Day after day their emotional needs remain unfulfilled. This happens because from the beginning of the relationship they have believed their partner’s emotional needs are all that matters. When they finally understand their well-being also matters, and speak out, they seem selfish. The narcissist does not like it.\r\n\r\n10 The narcissist is an attention seeker. They get satisfaction when people fuss around them. Their needs can never be met, they can never be satisfied. They may move to other partners, open a new business, travel around the world, get involved in new creative pursuits, and so on and so forth, but they will never be happy. The empath isn’t aware of this fact.\r\n\r\n11 When the empath finally bursts out something like “My feelings also matter,” the narcissist is quick to call the empath “crazy”. They call them over-dramatic and their concerns unfounded. This kind of dismissive behavior is the tactics used by them to gain control over the empath’s mind.\r\n\r\n12 The empath gets confused. Why they have meted out such behavior, is beyond their understanding. They start blaming themselves and wonder if they are at all worthy of being loved by anyone at all.\r\n\r\n13 At this point, the empath is not able to understand that they are just beingmanipulated. Their partner has bent everything around them to create a twisted view of the circumstances. There can be anything around them to let them know the truth that they are the one who is “right” and it’s their partner who is tremendously “wrong” and wicked.\r\n\r\n14 The empath will try to communicate with the narcissist in all truthfulness. The narcissist will, however, justify their behavior and pass the blame.\r\n\r\n15 It is normal to feel lost, confused and hurt. But despite all the heart-break, the empath will need to be calm and do some self-evaluation to figure out how they became so defenseless. This is how they will start transforming.\r\n\r\n16 The empath will know that they are by nature healers. They have the inner strength to help others in the right ways, sometimes as a duty and sometimes when life brings them to such situations.\r\n\r\n17 The empath has to realize the bitter truth that not everyone deserves their love, care, and affection. Not everyone who seems distressed and unhappy is revealing their true self. There are some people who have sinister motives and have a very different outlook towards relationships and people than they do. Not everyone they fall in love with can be trusted so quickly.\r\n\r\n18 In this situation, the empath must realize that they too are in a very bad situation something of which the narcissist in their life always spoke of. But, in their case, it would be different. They would make positive efforts and heal themselves. The narcissist will not.\r\n\r\n19 For the empath this will be a painful awakening. They will learn from the experience to move ahead.\r\n\r\n20 The narcissist will continue as if nothing happened and they are completely innocent. They won’t remember for a moment that someone loved them so deeply and intensely. They won’t remember the powerful bond they once had with someone and just move on to find it somewhere else. A time will come when they will know they can neither connect with themselves nor with other people.\r\n\r\n21 The narcissist will move on. In time they will find another victim.\r\n\r\n22 The empath will be stronger, wiser and be more cautious about who they time, affection and love.\r\n\r\n\r\nAlthough I am posting this to be a help for both men and women, I will be concentrating on male victims here, as 1. It is more applicable to my own circumstance, and 2. There is far more help for women victims than there are men, especially in this ridiculous \'metoo\' b.s. that has currently all the rage (don\'t get me started on that issue - I\'ll write another article on that another time).  Since men seem to be the exception (they\'re not, but again, another issue), I feel they may need more direction, so that what has happened to me, may not happen to someone else.\r\n\r\nSo, in short, there will be a lot coming forth in the future.  \r\nUntil then,\r\n\r\n~Namaste','New Series Coming','','publish','open','open','','new-series-coming','','','2020-05-04 14:01:35','2020-05-04 18:01:35','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=251',0,'post','',0),(116,1,'2018-05-29 03:40:37','2018-05-29 03:40:37','','wp_content_texture','','inherit','open','closed','','wp_content_texture','','','2018-05-29 03:40:37','2018-05-29 03:40:37','',5,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/wp_content_texture.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(117,1,'2018-05-29 04:12:34','2018-05-29 04:12:34','I decided to work on a new design for this site util','New Beginning','','inherit','closed','closed','','1-autosave-v1','','','2018-05-29 04:12:34','2018-05-29 04:12:34','',1,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/1-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(118,1,'2018-05-29 04:13:14','2018-05-29 04:13:14','I decided to work on a new design for this site utilizing some Wordpress skills.  Pardon the mess while I recreate the original content on the new site.\r\n~Namaste','New Beginning','','inherit','closed','closed','','1-revision-v1','','','2018-05-29 04:13:14','2018-05-29 04:13:14','',1,'http://michaelvain.net/2018/05/29/1-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(178,1,'2018-06-03 00:09:20','2018-06-03 00:09:20','My Dearest Michelle,\r\nI was looking over my status entries on DA, and I wanted you to know that none of them are angry.  I post them at different times, driven by varying emotions...some are wistful, when I am reminiscing about all the good times I had with you (and they were many), and some are written in tears, as I am overwhelmed with grief and sadness and longing.\r\nBut not anger.  Despite what you have said, and perhaps led others to accept, is that I am often angry.  This is simply not true.  I\'ve been incredibly frustrated, as anyone would be, and sometimes I was hurt, but  rarely angry.  The thing that hurts me the most is the comments about having nightmares and seeing me as some sort of monster, when I\'ve been the one to consistently show just how much I love you.  Yes, I might blow off some frustration, from pain, from stress, or other sources with words, but they were always just venting...it\'s what I do that shows how I really feel.  Some were big things, like driving back and forth to Ohio just to see you, to little things. like making you breakfast or running out to Wal-Mart late at night because you wanted to put Christmas lights up in Savannah\'s room.  Everything I did, every day, had you and Savannah as my number one priority.  If I was sad, or appeared frustrated, it was because you often treated me like I didn\'t matter at all, or that I was somehow mistreating you.\r\nMaybe I wasn\'t giving you what you wanted in life. Maybe it wasn\'t the smartest thing to try and afford that size house right away.  Maybe you wanted to be a little more experimental in some things.  None of those things would have been a deal breaker for me.  The only thing I couldn\'t change was my age, and that never bothered you before.  I put on some weight so I wouldn\'t look so thin, and will look good for another twenty years before I really start to look old.  All kinds of things could happen between now and then, so you can understand why I\'ve been confused and frustrated.  Of course I\'d be upset that you were chatting with a guy, who you admit to discussing whether or not you would be good together in a relationship, and telling them details of private matters, while also distorting the truth.  \"I hate the way he treats you\'  ??  Honestly, what the hell...I did my best to do everything I could for you, and you were talking about me like I was some punk.\r\nThat really hurts.  I never bad mouthed you, didn\'t tell everyone our business.  I just tried my best to show you that  you were everything to me.  I was, and am, willing to address anything you thought was impeding your idea of happiness.  Happiness comes from within, and I can be perfectly happy just spending time with my wife and daughter, the two most important people in my world.  I don\'t know the real reason you have chosen the path you are on, but I feel very strongly that what I was told were excuses, not reasons.  I have many reasons to honor my vows to you..not the least of which is how much I have always loved you.  For me, every smile you gave me was like the first.  Every little thing you said and did when the least bit happy gave me a little thrill, and made my heart skip a beat.  Coming home to Savannah grabbing my finger made everything I went through that day worth it.  I can\'t even describe how loved that made me feel.  And you leave me saying that I am somehow a danger to you or her?  That is something I can\'t even imagine doing to another person.  Again, it\'s what I have always done, not said, that shows how I really feel and am.  I liked spending my time with you and Savannah.  It didn\'t matter if we were taking a trip, or just staying home watching videos, I savored every moment being with you, and it was obvious.  I have always been affectionate to you, been gentle, and forgiven you no matter how much pain it cost me.\r\nI had to write this, because I think deep inside you know these things to be true.  I refuse to believe that the woman who pursued me the way you did, that has shared all the moments we have shared together, could hate me that much.  No one I know would understand why I have continued to try to keep our relationship together.  I believe the average person would say \'what the fuck, man\'.  Still, they don\'t see us, the way I see us, the way I see you.  Real love is a rare commodity these days, and despite whatever fears you may have, or problems you may think we have, I do not believe that they are worth throwing away what could be a very good future for us.  I\'d ask that you not discard what might be the best romance you would have in your life, what could be the happiest, most balanced childhood Savannah could have, over something that could be fixed.  I would be willing to talk, if you are.  I would be willing to forgive, if you would accept it.  I know you know, deep inside, that I would never hurt you.  Things may get said in frustration, but I\'ve never abused you physically or even emotionally..I\'ve only been honest in my emotions in having been abused myself:  frustration, despair, heartbreak, shock...but never been the monster you seem to want me to be.\r\nAll I have ever wanted, is to have a simple life with my family, to enjoy every moment the best we could.  I should never have had to worry about whether my wife was being faithful to me.  I can put aside that pain if you could just accept the amount of pain it caused me.  You once said I had to accept responsibility, and now I am asking the same thing, not as blame, but to show one way things can be put to rest and we could move forward.  I think we can accomplish more together than you could with someone who only say they love you, without any of the compromise and hardship that can come with it.  You have seen how far I am willing to go to make you happy.  I\'ve proven it often during our time.  If you can put aside this, this misplaced anger or disappointment or whatever it is, and see me for who I really am, you may find that I was right all along, and that we are in each other\'s lives because each of us is the best equipped to help the other, and by doing so, become happy and be rewarded in life.  What we said to each other when we met, about it being better to have twenty good years is still true.  Everything I ever expressed about loving you is still true.   I am hurt, and I am incredibly saddened that you would go through this again, but it doesn\'t change the fact that I love my wife, the one who loved me, and that I would do anything to provide a happy home for Savannah.  \r\nI hope you read this, and that you understand I am just writing how I feel.\r\nNow and forever,\r\nYour Michael','Another Open Letter','','private','open','open','','another-open-letter','','','2018-06-03 12:45:38','2018-06-03 12:45:38','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=178',0,'post','',0),(124,1,'2018-05-31 03:07:35','2018-05-31 03:07:35','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Nunchaku practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Nunchaku practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	Michael\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events.php\">Strange Events</a> page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.\nMichael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Martial Arts','','publish','closed','closed','','martial-arts','','','2021-01-11 22:49:56','2021-01-12 02:49:56','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=124',0,'page','',0),(125,1,'2018-05-31 03:07:35','2018-05-31 03:07:35','','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2018-05-31 03:07:35','2018-05-31 03:07:35','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(126,1,'2018-05-31 03:08:07','2018-05-31 03:08:07',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','126','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=126',4,'nav_menu_item','',0),(127,1,'2018-06-01 04:21:49','2018-06-01 04:21:49','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael eventually had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has performed at taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Bo Staff practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\"  />\n		Bo Staff practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	<p>Micahel\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the &lt;a href=\"strange.php\"&gt;Strange Events&lt;/a&gt; page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.</p>\n<p>Michael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2018-06-01 04:21:49','2018-06-01 04:21:49','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(128,1,'2018-06-02 02:28:08','2018-06-02 02:28:08','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Bo Staff practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\"  />\n		Bo Staff practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	<p>Micahel\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the &lt;a href=\"strange.php\"&gt;Strange Events&lt;/a&gt; page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.</p>\n<p>Michael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 02:28:08','2018-06-02 02:28:08','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(129,1,'2018-06-02 02:50:49','2018-06-02 02:50:49','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Bo Staff practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\"  />\n		Bo Staff practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	<p>Michael\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the <a href=\"strange.php\">Strange Events</a> page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.\nMichael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 02:50:49','2018-06-02 02:50:49','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(130,1,'2018-06-02 02:55:02','2018-06-02 02:55:02','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house02-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Author\'s home, Elkridge\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house02\"  />\n	<h4>The House</h4>\n<p>While still a child, Michael\'s family moved to Elkridge, Maryland. His grandfather had become a lieutenant in the Howard County Police Department, and relocated his family to an 18th century colonial home, located directly adjacent to the Patapsco State Park, on the banks of the Patapasco River. It was a logical move for Mr. Kradz, and the new house provided both security and room for his family. The house needed extensive repair work, and the task of clearing out the clutter and repairing the house would become on ongoing project for several years.</p>\n	<p>Sifting through the many objects in the house, they came across the several of the fully working shutters and a number of other historical artifacts, as they worked to restore the building to its former glory. The shutters were repaired and placed back on their original anchors, and the original fenceline was restored. Mr. Kradz recovered several sections of the original wrought iron fence from a salvage yard, where they had lain since the early \'30s. He purchased and refinished them, and working from old photographs, restored the look of the house at the turn of the century. In doing research for the restoration, Mr. and Mrs. Kradz began to learn the history of the house, and of the Patapsco area.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct02.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"224\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct02\"  />\n	<p>Elkridge, originally named Elkridge Landing, was first settled in 1690, and served as the gateway port for shipping agricultural and manufactured goods to and from the fertile Patapsco region. The house was once part of a plantation, and the Thomas Viaduct, the oldest keystone bridge in the U.S., and the world\'s largest multiple arched stone railroad bridge built in an arc, was completed in 1835 immediately adjacent to the house. The original Tom Thumb steam locomotive took a trip across the Thomas Viaduct, and the bridge is still in use today.</p>\n	<p>Research revealed that Levering Avenue, the street upon which he lived, was named after the sea captain responsible for taking Napolean Bonaparte to Elba. The Captain brought back with him several seeds of an elm tree native to Elba, one of which was planted at the corner of the property. Construction on the main house began in 1723, with additions to the house occurring in various stages until 1763.</p>\n<p>Built from the ballast of slave ships, the house was a stopping point for clipper ships coming up the Patapsco River.  The house featured several tunnels beneath it, which at one time led to a dock upon the river, and to a stairwell on the side of the Thomas Viaduct.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct01.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct - Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct01\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct04.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct tunnel\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"401\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct04\"  />\n		Tunnel to the Thomas Viaduct\n	<p>Further research seemed to indicate that these same tunnels were later used as a stop in the Underground Railroad, providing escaping slaves a temporary refuge in their flight to the north. This was just one of the interesting aspects of the house and its place in early American history.</p>\n<p>Michael\'s grandparents would uncover a good deal of history relating to the house in the years to come.  Little did they know the impact the house would have on their own personal history, or how these events might play a part in the phenomena experienced there.</p>\n	<p>One of the many surprises within the house\'s long history was its depiction in a woodcut of the Battle of Relay during the Civil War.  Michael came across this print in his fifth grade history book.  The house and the Thomas Viaduct had played a key role in several historic events, and awakened within the young author-to-be a fascination with the past, and an appreciation for history.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_civilwar2-300x221.jpg\" alt=\"Battle of Relay woodcut print\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"221\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_civilwar2\"  />\n		Civil War - Battle of Relay Woodcut\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_washjunc.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct illustration\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"202\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_washjunc\"  />\n		Great Stone Viaduct at \"Washington Junction\" 1857\n	<h4>Strange Phenomena</h4>\n<p>Within a few months of moving into the house in Elkridge, members of the family began to experience events they could not explain. At first, these experiences were sporadic and easily dismissed: objects left in an empty room would vanish, only be found in other locations, strange noises, such as closing doors, or very low volume voices, were heard, and Michael and other members of the family would often experience sudden cold spots, along with the feeling of being watched. These experiences, while unusual, did not immediately cause concern, as they rationalized them to be the result of human error, or somr other natural cause. However, as the family restored the house, these experiences intensified.</p>\n	<p>Michael awoke one night to discover a pair of apparitions at the foot of the beds belonging to both himself and his brother, who shared a bedroom on the second floor. The figures were of an elderly man and woman. Both were smiling, and radiated a sense of comfort. Michael related his experience to his grandmother, but his report was dismissed as a dream. It wasn\'t until the events began to escalate in frequency and intensity that his story was taken seriously. Michael, as well as his grandparents, began to experience a range of phenomena. Taken alone, these experiences could be dismissed, but as time went on, the family began to experience these phenomena together. Phantom footsteps, cold spots, doors appearing where no doors existed that would then vanish, and glowing lights were all experienced by different family members.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"childhood home side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house01\"  />\n		Side view of Michael\'s childhood home, Elkridge Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_shadowpeople.jpg\" alt=\"Shadow people drawing\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"400\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_shadowpeople\"  />\n		Drawing of an entity similar to that encountered in the house\n	<h4>The Flood</h4>\n<p>Although the family regularly experienced such events, discussion of these phenomena outside family circles was discouraged, for it was his grandparent\'s view that knowledge of such events would damage his reputation, and reliability as an expert witness. As a result, Michael was forced to keep such matters confidential, which he often found difficult, considering his age. The occurrences continued to escalate, and later, Michael witnessed the presence of a large, humanoid entity that was solid black in appearance, standing at the end of a hallway on the second floor. Within days, the house was struck by a ten foot high wall of water, and trapping the family inside.</p>\n	<p>As the water level rose outside, Michael, his brother, and his grandfather raced to retrieve important legal documents, while his grandmother gathered the rest of the family on the second floor. As Michael made his last trip up the stairs, all the windows in the living room collapsed at once, and large jets of water began pouring through them. Tanker trucks from a neighboring trucking company were caught in the currents. and bounced off the house\'s thick brick walls, which, according to research, had been built from the ballast of slave ships. His grandparents took turns signalling Morse Code from Michael\'s bedroom window with a flashlight, as Michael watched the water slowly rise up the staircase. After several hours, the family was discovered by Jessup Rescue, and Michael and his family escaped through the second floor window into a boat, which then ferried them to safety.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_flood08\"  />\n		Flood waters surround Michael\'s childhood home\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood03.jpg\" alt=\"Ellicott City flood photo\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"385\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_flood03\"  />\n		Flood waters in Ellicott City, Md.\n	<p>After being rescued from the rising flood waters, Michael and his family spent the night in a National Guard Armory, which served as a rescue shelter.  The flooding of the Patapsco River was devastating to both Elkridge and Ellicott City.  It took ten days for the water to recede far enough for the family to return to the house, and begin repairs, a process which took several years. During this time, they were subject to more strange noises and the occasional apparition. Again, as the house was restored, these encounters seemed to escalate.</p>\n	<p>Then, Michael again witnessed the dark figure he had encountered three years earlier. Within days, the house was struck by another hurricane, and the house was filled with water for a second time in less than four years. The family had more warning the second time, and evacuated the house before the river flooded.  It would be several years before he discovered sketches of the entities he had seen, similar to those he drew from memory, and learned others had encountered these entities,  known as <em>Shadowpeople</em>. Further research revealed they were normally encountered during times of natural disaster, and had been linked to the Mothman appearances in West Virginia, and other locations throughout history.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood04-206x300.jpg\" alt=\"flood waters in Elllicott City\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"206\" title=\"past_strange_flood04\"  />\n		More flood waters in Ellicott City\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct03.jpg\" alt=\"Patapsco River aerial view photo\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"384\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct03\"  />\n		Aerial view of Patapsco River showing flood damage\n	<p>Michael\'s paranormal experiences did not end with the family leaving the house in Elkridge, however. Since that time, Michael has continued to have strange experiences, both as a teenager and as an adult. He now believes exposure to such events, over time, not only changed his perceptions of reality, but his sensitivity to such phenomena. Since living in Elkridge, he has also experienced a number of precognitive events, in both waking and dream states. In August of 2002, he dreamed he was involved in an automobile accident in which he was ejected from a rolling vehicle, one he had never seen or ridden in previously.</p>\n	<p>This dream repeated itself for three days. On the third day, while traveling through Denbeigh, Virginia, the Ford Escape in which Michael was a passenger, was sideswiped by an eighteen wheeler, and then struck in the rear by a speeding van. The Escape flipped end over end twice, and rolled four times before Michael was ejected through the sunroof in front of the vehicle. Although severely injured, Michael credits his survival to the dream. According to insurance investigators, Michael \"stood a better chance of winning Lotto twice\" than surviving.<br />\nMichael continues to experience the effects of that accident today.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/about_mv03-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"author photo, Puerto Rico\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv03\"  />\n		Author in Puerto Rico\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to research strange and unusual phenomena in order to better understand those experiences. It is the Author\'s personal belief that \'supernatural\' and \'paranormal\' phenomena have their origins in aspects of our physical universe that we do not yet understand, and continued investigation into these phenomena will eventually lead to greater intellectual and spiritual understanding of our reality.<br />\n\"I don\'t expect everyone to believe these things have happened,\" Michael admits, \"because until they happen to you, it is a very difficult thing to believe, and once it does, it changes you forever.\" Only a portion of the events he and his family have experienced have been detailed here. Michael plans on writing a fuller account of his experiences in an autobiography at some point in the future. For now, he uses the insights gained by these events not only to broaden his view of the world, but as inspiration in his writing.</p>\n','Strange Events','','publish','closed','closed','','strange-events','','','2018-06-03 23:45:55','2018-06-03 23:45:55','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=130',0,'page','',0),(131,1,'2018-06-02 02:54:14','2018-06-02 02:54:14','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn02-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"first place Weapons trophy\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_martial_tourn02\"  />\n		First Place - Weapons\nFrederick Karate Open\n	<p>Michael first became interested in martial arts during Elementary school. A desire to learn self-defense led him to enroll in a Karate class being taught after hours at his school. The club changed location within a few months, and Michael was unable to continue his training, but the lessons learned stayed with him, as did his interest in martial arts. Michael practiced what he had learned on his own, with the hope of continuing his studies in the future.</p>\n<p>In his teens, Michael became determined to further his martial arts pursuits. Without the means to attend a martial arts class, he began a course of self-study, and began to also train with various martial arts weapons, including the nunchaku, and bo staff.  The concepts of honor, discipline, and dedication appealed to core values.</p>\n	<p>Some time later, Michael became interested in Shaolin Chin-na, and joined a group based in Glen Burnie, Maryland, where he would train for several years before also beginning to train in Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu (traditional Okainawin Karate), and Shorinkan Kobujitsu (Traditional Okinawin Weaponry).</p>\n<p>Michael had the good fortune to be able to train under some of the premiere teachers of this style, Kyoshi F.D.R Hargrove and Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell. He has attained Dan level in both Shorin-Ryu and in Shorinkan Kobujitsu (weaponry). Although not a regular competitor, Michael has taken trophies in almost every event in which he as performed, including 3rd place in weapons at the Battle for Hampton Roads, and 1st place for weapons at the Frederick Karate Open.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_kobudo02.jpg\" alt=\"Bo Staff practice\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"192\" title=\"past_martial_kobudo02\"  />\n		Bo Staff practice\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_hargrove01.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Frank Hargrove\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"367\" width=\"336\" title=\"past_martial_hargrove01\"  />\n		Kyoshi F.D.R. Hargrove, 8th Dan\n	<p>After achieving his black belt in the three majors styles he practiced, Michael formed Mu-Shin Martial Arts club, and after a time, began working as an assistant to Kyoshi Mitchell. In his club, he taught the traditional Okainawin styles, along with the principles and philosophy of its root systems.  Being traditional systems, Michael encouraged his students to behave according to the basic philosophies inherent in the styles: honor, honesty, dedication, humility and respect to the world and to others.</p>\n<p>Michael often conducted his classes in the outdoors, following the traditional training styles practiced in the earliest days of his chosen styles.  Michael continued the traditional values, serving as an example to his students as any teacher should.</p>\n	<p>Michael\'s training was interrupted by a near-fatal automobile accident in 2002 (see the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events.php\">Strange Events</a> page), in which he was thrown through the sunroof of an SUV in a forward ejection.\nMichael suffered several severe injuries, and continued to pursue his martial training, expanding both his weaponry skills and knowledge of open hand techniques, in order to better manage the chronic pain that resulted from the accident. More information on the history and origin of these styles can be found below.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_mitchell-217x300.jpg\" alt=\"Kyoshi Arnold MItchell\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"217\" title=\"past_martial_mitchell\"  />\n		Kyoshi Arnold Mitchell demonstrating bo staff kata\n	<h3>History and Origin of Styles</h3>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_shorinkanpatch.gif\" alt=\"Shorin-Ryu Emblem\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"200\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_martial_shorinkanpatch\"  />\n		Emblem of Shorin-Ryu/Shorinkan\n	<p>SHORIN-RYU is a traditional form of Okinawin Karate, and its lineage includes Anko Itosu, and Chosin Chibana. Chibana used the kanji \"small\" and \"forest\" to describe his style, using the Okinawin pronounciation of \'Shaolin\', which becomes \'shorin\', in honor of the system\'s origins. Chibana taught this style of karate until his death in 1969. Each of his top students added their own interpretation, each creating their own style: Yuchoku Higa created Kyudokan, Katsuya Miyahira created Shido-kan, Nakama Chozo created Shubokan, and Shugoro Nakazato created Shorinkan. This style can have twenty-four or more forms, or kata, including Passai Dai, Kusanku, Gojushiho and others. It is a both a broad and in-depth system, and mastering the forms and their Bunkai (applications) can take a lifetime.</p>\n	<p>SHORINKAN KOBUJITSU is the traditional weaponry system of Okinawin Shorinkan/Shorin-Ryu. The system consists of in-depth training in bo staff, nunchaku, tonfa, sai, Eku (paddle), and kama, and involves learning to use each of the weapons in the system against all the rest of the weapons in turn, and against the sword, the traditional weapon of opposition in historical Okinawa. The tradional system usually consists of twenty-four or more weapon forms, as well as weapon to weapon exercises and drills and weapon sparring. The art of Iaido (Japanese sword) and the Techu may also be taught, depending on the instructor.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Chibana-228x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Chosin Chibana\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"228\" title=\"past_martial_Chibana\"  />\n		Chosin Chibana - Founder of Shorin-Ryu\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02-219x300.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"219\" title=\"past_martial_Hanshi02\"  />\n		Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato, 10th Dan, Kobayashi Shorin-Ryu\n	<p>SHAOLIN CHIN-NA is a Chinese martial art, with origins in Shaolin White Crane, which is also the source of later styles such as Shorin-Ryu. Chin-Na is a grappling art, dealing with manipulation of the human body, the central nervous system, and the flow of chi. Techniques involve grabs, locks, holds, and the manipulation of pressure points. It is the forefather of such arts as Ju-Jitsu and Aikido, and contains many similar techniques.</p>\n<p>Many self-defense techniques taught today have their origins within Chin-Na. This system is an excellent means of defense against both armed and unarmed attackers. The techniques have been refined over time to work against modern weapons, such as guns, knives, and batons.</p>\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to train and refine his knowledge of these arts at every opportunity. He credits both his health and his survival from what could easily have been a fatal auto accident on these arts, and the discipline and conditioning provided by his training have helped immensely in battling the chronic pain he has faced since the day of the collision.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_eku01-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Michael Vain practices the Eku\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"225\" title=\"past_martial_eku01\"  />\n		Eku Practice\n','Martial Arts','','inherit','closed','closed','','124-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 02:54:14','2018-06-02 02:54:14','',124,'http://michaelvain.net/124-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(132,1,'2018-06-02 02:55:02','2018-06-02 02:55:02','','Strange Events','','inherit','closed','closed','','130-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 02:55:02','2018-06-02 02:55:02','',130,'http://michaelvain.net/130-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(133,1,'2018-06-02 02:55:45','2018-06-02 02:55:45',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','133','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=133',5,'nav_menu_item','',0),(134,1,'2018-06-02 04:34:05','2018-06-02 04:34:05','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house02-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Author\'s home, Elkridge\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house02\"  />\n	<p>While still a child, Michael\'s family moved to Elkridge, Maryland. His grandfather had become a lieutenant in the Howard County Police Department, and relocated his family to an 18th century colonial home, located directly adjacent to the Patapsco State Park, on the banks of the Patapasco River. It was a logical move for Mr. Kradz, and the new house provided both security and room for his family. The house needed extensive repair work, and the task of clearing out the clutter and repairing the house would become on ongoing project for several years.</p>\n	<p>Sifting through the many objects in the house, they came across the several of the fully working shutters and a number of other historical artifacts, as they worked to restore the building to its former glory. The shutters were repaired and placed back on their original anchors, and the original fenceline was restored. Mr. Kradz recovered several sections of the original wrought iron fence from a salvage yard, where they had lain since the early \'30s. He purchased and refinished them, and working from old photographs, restored the look of the house at the turn of the century. In doing research for the restoration, Mr. and Mrs. Kradz began to learn the history of the house, and of the Patapsco area.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct02.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"224\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct02\"  />\n	<p>Elkridge, originally named Elkridge Landing, was first settled in 1690, and served as the gateway port for shipping agricultural and manufactured goods to and from the fertile Patapsco region. The house was once part of a plantation, and the Thomas Viaduct, the oldest keystone bridge in the U.S., and the world\'s largest multiple arched stone railroad bridge built in an arc, was completed in 1835 immediately adjacent to the house. The original Tom Thumb steam locomotive took a trip across the Thomas Viaduct, and the bridge is still in use today.</p>\n	<p>Research revealed that Levering Avenue, the street upon which he lived, was named after the sea captain responsible for taking Napolean Bonaparte to Elba. The Captain brought back with him several seeds of an elm tree native to Elba, one of which was planted at the corner of the property. Construction on the main house began in 1723, with additions to the house occurring in various stages until 1763.</p>\n<p>Built from the ballast of slave ships, the house was a stopping point for clipper ships coming up the Patapsco River.  The house featured several tunnels beneath it, which at one time led to a dock upon the river, and to a stairwell on the side of the Thomas Viaduct.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct01.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct - Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct01\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct04.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct tunnel\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"401\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct04\"  />\n		Tunnel to the Thomas Viaduct\n	<p>Further research seemed to indicate that these same tunnels were later used as a stop in the Underground Railroad, providing escaping slaves a temporary refuge in their flight to the north. This was just one of the interesting aspects of the house and its place in early American history.</p>\n<p>Michael\'s grandparents would uncover a good deal of history relating to the house in the years to come.  Little did they know the impact the house would have on their own personal history, or how these events might play a part in the phenomena experienced there.</p>\n	<p>One of the many surprises within the house\'s long history was its depiction in a woodcut of the Battle of Relay during the Civil War.  Michael came across this print in his fifth grade history book.  The house and the Thomas Viaduct had played a key role in several historic events, and awakened within the young author-to-be a fascination with the past, and an appreciation for history.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_civilwar2-300x221.jpg\" alt=\"Battle of Relay woodcut print\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"221\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_civilwar2\"  />\n		Civil War - Battle of Relay Woodcut\n','Strange Events','','inherit','closed','closed','','130-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 04:34:05','2018-06-02 04:34:05','',130,'http://michaelvain.net/130-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(135,1,'2018-06-02 18:04:55','2018-06-02 18:04:55','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<h3>Click below to explore these galleries</h3>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/covers\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Covers</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Cover art created in various mediums</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg\" alt=\"art_drawings_leopard01\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/drawings\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Drawings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Collected works from one of my favorite activities</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_dibbs\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/illustrations\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Illustrations</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Artwork inspires writing, and writing inspires art.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_mtnlake\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/paintings\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Paintings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Examples of another of my favorite hobbies.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg\" alt=\"art_fanart_shadowsketch\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/fan-art\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Fan Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>A long-time fan of comics and movies</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg\" alt=\"art_misc_bigapplefest1\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/other-art\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h2>Other Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Various artistic projects</p>			\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Galleries','','publish','closed','closed','','galleries','','','2021-01-03 23:21:15','2021-01-04 03:21:15','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=135',0,'page','',0),(388,1,'2020-07-01 23:28:46','2020-07-02 03:28:46','\n	<h3>Click below to explore these galleries</h3>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/covers\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Covers</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Cover art created in various mediums</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_drawings_leopard01.jpg\" alt=\"art_drawings_leopard01\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/drawings\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Drawings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Collected works from one of my favorite activities</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_dibbs.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_dibbs\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/illustrations\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Illustrations</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Artwork inspires writing, and writing inspires art.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_mtnlake.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_mtnlake\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/paintings\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Paintings</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Examples of another of my favorite hobbies.</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_fanart_shadowsketch.jpg\" alt=\"art_fanart_shadowsketch\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/fan-art\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Fan Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>A long-time fan of comics and movies</p>			\n			</li>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_misc_bigapplefest1.jpg\" alt=\"art_misc_bigapplefest1\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries/other-art\" target=\"_self\">\n				<h2>Other Art</h2>\n					</a>\n		<p>Various artistic projects</p>			\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n','Galleries','','inherit','closed','closed','','135-revision-v1','','','2020-07-01 23:28:46','2020-07-02 03:28:46','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(136,1,'2018-06-02 18:04:55','2018-06-02 18:04:55','','Galleries','','inherit','closed','closed','','135-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:04:55','2018-06-02 18:04:55','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/135-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(137,1,'2018-06-02 18:05:39','2018-06-02 18:05:39',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','137','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=137',13,'nav_menu_item','',0),(138,1,'2018-06-02 18:06:32','2018-06-02 18:06:32','\n	[masterslider id=\"4\"]\n','Drawings','','publish','closed','closed','','drawings','','','2018-06-06 01:45:40','2018-06-06 01:45:40','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=138',0,'page','',0),(139,1,'2018-06-02 18:06:32','2018-06-02 18:06:32','','Drawings','','inherit','closed','closed','','138-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:06:32','2018-06-02 18:06:32','',138,'http://michaelvain.net/138-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(140,1,'2018-06-02 18:07:04','2018-06-02 18:07:04','\n	[masterslider id=\"3\"]\n','Paintings','','publish','closed','closed','','paintings','','','2018-06-06 00:21:47','2018-06-06 00:21:47','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=140',0,'page','',0),(141,1,'2018-06-02 18:07:04','2018-06-02 18:07:04','','Paintings','','inherit','closed','closed','','140-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:07:04','2018-06-02 18:07:04','',140,'http://michaelvain.net/140-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(142,1,'2018-06-02 18:07:40','2018-06-02 18:07:40','\n	[masterslider id=\"5\"]\n','Fan Art','','publish','closed','closed','','fan-art','','','2018-06-06 02:05:56','2018-06-06 02:05:56','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=142',0,'page','',0),(143,1,'2018-06-02 18:07:40','2018-06-02 18:07:40','','Fan Art','','inherit','closed','closed','','142-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:07:40','2018-06-02 18:07:40','',142,'http://michaelvain.net/142-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(144,1,'2018-06-02 18:08:23','2018-06-02 18:08:23','\n	[masterslider id=\"1\"]\n','Covers','','publish','closed','closed','','covers','','','2020-07-01 22:18:55','2020-07-02 02:18:55','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=144',0,'page','',0),(145,1,'2018-06-02 18:08:23','2018-06-02 18:08:23','','Covers','','inherit','closed','closed','','144-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:08:23','2018-06-02 18:08:23','',144,'http://michaelvain.net/144-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(146,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:08','2018-06-02 18:11:08',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','146','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=146',14,'nav_menu_item','',0),(147,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:08','2018-06-02 18:11:08',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','147','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=147',18,'nav_menu_item','',0),(148,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:08','2018-06-02 18:11:08',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','148','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=148',17,'nav_menu_item','',0),(149,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:08','2018-06-02 18:11:08',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','149','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=149',15,'nav_menu_item','',0),(150,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:39','2018-06-02 18:11:39','\n	[masterslider id=\"2\"]\n','Illustrations','','publish','closed','closed','','illustrations','','','2018-06-05 05:15:20','2018-06-05 05:15:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=150',0,'page','',0),(151,1,'2018-06-02 18:11:39','2018-06-02 18:11:39','','Illustrations','','inherit','closed','closed','','150-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:11:39','2018-06-02 18:11:39','',150,'http://michaelvain.net/150-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(152,1,'2018-06-02 18:12:22','2018-06-02 18:12:22',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','152','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=152',16,'nav_menu_item','',0),(153,1,'2018-06-02 18:16:10','2018-06-02 18:16:10','	[masterslider id=\"6\"]\r\n','Other Art','','publish','closed','closed','','other-art','','','2020-05-22 18:37:43','2020-05-22 22:37:43','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=153',0,'page','',0),(154,1,'2018-06-02 18:16:10','2018-06-02 18:16:10','','Other Art','','inherit','closed','closed','','153-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:16:10','2018-06-02 18:16:10','',153,'http://michaelvain.net/153-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(155,1,'2018-06-02 18:16:39','2018-06-02 18:16:39',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','155','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',135,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=155',19,'nav_menu_item','',0),(156,1,'2018-06-02 18:20:33','2018-06-02 18:20:33','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n	<p>MICHAEL VAIN was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael displayed an interest in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Author\'s childhood home - side view\n	<p>When he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.</p>\n	Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />\nMichael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"333\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_grandfather01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"241\" title=\"past_art_studio03\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Michael in his first art studio\n	<p>It appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.</p>\n	<p>By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_art_kidsmural\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_art_screen01\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.\n	Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br>\n Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums.  His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.\n	<p>It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_events_artshow\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n		Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','About the Author','','publish','closed','closed','','about-the-author','','','2020-07-22 01:20:51','2020-07-22 05:20:51','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=156',0,'page','',0),(393,1,'2020-07-22 01:08:54','2020-07-22 05:08:54','<p>MICHAEL VAIN was born on April 2 in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael found solace in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><img title=\"about_mv02\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /> Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md. <img title=\"past_strange_house03\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" /> Author\'s childhood home - side view</p><p>When he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.</p><p>Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />Michael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.</p><p><img title=\"past_grandfather01\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" /> The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz <img title=\"past_art_studio03\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" width=\"241\" height=\"300\" /> Michael in his first art studio</p><p>It appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.</p><p>By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.</p><p><img title=\"past_art_kidsmural\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" width=\"213\" height=\"300\" /> <img title=\"past_art_screen01\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" /> MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.</p><p>Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br />Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums. His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.</p><p>It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.</p><p><img title=\"past_events_artshow\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /> Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing</p>','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2020-07-22 01:08:54','2020-07-22 05:08:54','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(157,1,'2018-06-02 18:20:33','2018-06-02 18:20:33','','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:20:33','2018-06-02 18:20:33','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(158,1,'2018-06-02 18:21:28','2018-06-02 18:21:28',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','158','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=158',3,'nav_menu_item','',0),(159,1,'2018-06-02 18:31:35','2018-06-02 18:31:35','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br />\n<h5>Novellas and short stories</h5>            \n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 2002 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Old Names\" (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"I Will\" (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\",</i> (Novella) 2013 </p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i>, 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Roadkill\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<h5>Novels</h5>\n  \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i>  2016 \n      <p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Permutations of Reality\"</i>  2023</p>\n<h5>Collections</h5>\n   \n       Vain, Michael <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020\n   \n<h5>Other Works</h5> \n    \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherent Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   \n   \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin-Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n                \n                <br />                \n                <br />\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Bibliography','','publish','closed','closed','','bibliography','','','2023-04-04 12:18:17','2023-04-04 16:18:17','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=159',0,'page','',0),(618,1,'2023-04-04 12:18:17','2023-04-04 16:18:17','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br />\n<h5>Novellas and short stories</h5>            \n<p>Vain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 2002 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Old Names\" (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"I Will\" (poem)</i>, 2009 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\",</i> (Novella) 2013 </p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i>, 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p> \n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Roadkill\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)</p>\n<h5>Novels</h5>\n  \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i>  2016 \n      <p>Vain, Michael <i>\"Permutations of Reality\"</i>  2023</p>\n<h5>Collections</h5>\n   \n       Vain, Michael <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020\n   \n<h5>Other Works</h5> \n    \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherent Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n   \n   \n      Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin-Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n                \n                <br />                \n                <br />\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2023-04-04 12:18:17','2023-04-04 16:18:17','',159,'https://michaelvain.net/?p=618',0,'revision','',0),(360,1,'2020-05-22 17:44:57','2020-05-22 21:44:57','&nbsp;\r\n<h6>List of all written works by the author.</h6>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h5>Novellas and short stories</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i>, 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Roadkill\"</i>, 2020 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2020)\r\n<h5>Novels</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)\r\n<h5>Collections</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i> 2020\r\n<h5>Other Works</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 17:44:57','2020-05-22 21:44:57','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(313,1,'2020-01-07 01:02:10','2020-01-07 05:02:10','&nbsp;\r\n<h6>List of all written works by the author.</h6>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h5>Novellaa and short stories</h5>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Groovin\' to the Zombie Apocalypse\"</i> 2013 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"BOO!\"</i>, 2017 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Nichael <i>\"Nobody\'s Hero\"</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Easy Prey\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Lullaby\"&gt;</i>, 2018 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Last Story\"</i>, 2019 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange STories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, MIchael <i>\"Polymech\"</i>, 1996 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Message\"</i>, 2012 (First appearing in <i>\"Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\"</i>, 2019)\r\n<h6>Novels</h6>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)\r\n<h6>Other Works</h6>\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\r\n\r\n&nbsp;','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 01:02:10','2020-01-07 05:02:10','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(295,1,'2019-04-07 10:26:59','2019-04-07 14:26:59','&nbsp;\r\n<h6>List of all written works by the author.</h6>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\r\n\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\r\n\r\n\r\nVain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2019-04-07 10:26:59','2019-04-07 14:26:59','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(160,1,'2018-06-02 18:31:35','2018-06-02 18:31:35','','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:31:35','2018-06-02 18:31:35','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(161,1,'2018-06-02 18:32:49','2018-06-02 18:32:49','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br />\n                                              </h6>\n                                              <p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/cover_72_front-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Permutations of Reality cover\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"cover_72_front\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Permutations of <br />Reality</h5>\n                       <h6>Supernatural Suspense/Horror, 634 pages<br />\n                                              </h6>\n                                              Jeremy Engles lives a quiet if unassuming life, and he likes  it that way. A kind and empathic soul, Jeremy prefers routine  over adventure. With a house in a nice suburb, a good career,\nand a girlfriend he plans to marry, he is close to achieving his \nversion of the American Dream.  Within the space of minutes, however, everything in his life  changes when Jeremy experiences a bizarre visionary event  in which he suffers a painful and gruesome death, realistic in  every detail, only to find himself whole again moments later,  as if it had never happened. Further visions lead him to seek\ntreatment, and when attempts at conventional diagnosis fail, \nJeremy embarks on a quest to discover the truth behind these \nstrange events, a search which will take him on a dimension-\nhopping journey across multiple realities, one complicated by \nmachinations of those who are not as they appear. As both the \nvisions and their effects upon his psyche escalate, Jeremy \nstruggles to find the answers before his sanity, his freedom, \nand everything he holds dear is lost forever.    Will he find the strength to face the profound truth behind his  visions, or will he become forever lost within the infinite \npermutations of reality?\n\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BXMWVNTV\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Novels','','publish','closed','closed','','novels','','','2023-04-03 22:54:06','2023-04-04 02:54:06','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=161',0,'page','',0),(599,1,'2023-03-08 21:48:27','2023-03-09 01:48:27','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br />\n                                              </h6>\n                                              <p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2023-03-08 21:48:27','2023-03-09 01:48:27','',161,'https://michaelvain.net/?p=599',0,'revision','',0),(162,1,'2018-06-02 18:32:49','2018-06-02 18:32:49','','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:32:49','2018-06-02 18:32:49','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(163,1,'2018-06-02 18:33:09','2018-06-02 18:33:09','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" itemprop=\"image\" title=\"Roadkill\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\n<h6>Horror/Fantasy/Science Fiction, 439 pages\n</h6>\nSome stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted.  These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread.  Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...and more.\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales. \nYou might even like it. \n\n			<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener\">\n						Purchase\n		</a>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Collections','','publish','closed','closed','','collections','','','2023-03-08 22:02:45','2023-03-09 02:02:45','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=163',0,'page','',0),(370,1,'2020-05-26 00:13:34','2020-05-26 04:13:34','<img title=\"Roadkill\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg\" alt=\"Cover for Strange Stories, Twisted Tales\" width=\"1850\" height=\"2775\" />\r\n<h4>Strange Stories, Twisted Tales</h4>\r\n<h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 439 pages\r\nAvailable Formats:</h6>\r\n<a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0892B8BG4\">E-Book</a> $2.99\r\nTrade Paperback $14.99\r\n\r\nSome stories are a bit strange, some are perhaps even a little twisted. These are the stories that take us on sometimes dark and dangerous adventures, to places many would fear to tread. Collected among the pages of this volume are ten such journeys, including:\r\nAn otherworldly musician who teaches two would-be thieves the true power of music...\r\nA woman pursued by a terrifying unseen predator along a country road...\r\nA teenage slacker who discovers his true calling after a zombie apocalypse...\r\nA vampire connoisseur who preys on fans of a popular paranormal romance series...\r\nA paranormal investigation that goes horribly wrong when it encounters a centuries-old curse...\r\nSo come, dear reader, come and explore some of the darker corners of imagination with these strange stories and twisted tales.\r\nYou might even like it.','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2020-05-26 00:13:34','2020-05-26 04:13:34','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(164,1,'2018-06-02 18:33:09','2018-06-02 18:33:09','','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:33:09','2018-06-02 18:33:09','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(166,1,'2018-06-02 18:36:01','2018-06-02 18:36:01',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','166','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=166',9,'nav_menu_item','',0),(167,1,'2018-06-02 18:36:01','2018-06-02 18:36:01',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','167','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=167',7,'nav_menu_item','',0),(168,1,'2018-06-02 18:36:01','2018-06-02 18:36:01',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','168','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=168',10,'nav_menu_item','',0),(169,1,'2018-06-02 18:41:01','2018-06-02 18:41:01','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-239x300.jpg\" alt=\"cover for \'The Minstrel\'\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"239\" title=\"art_covers_minstrel\"  />\n	 <h5>The Minstrel</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Urban Fantasy<br><br>\n                        Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-book</a> $.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Eddie and Skids are small-time criminals who make their living through shake-downs and petty larceny. Drawn together by circumstance and their mutual addictions, they wander through the streets of the city, searching for potential victims in order to appease their habits. Luckier than most, they have managed to avoid the law during their latest round of illegal activities.\nTonight, however, their luck will take a turn for the worse, when their potential victim turns out to be something much different than what he appears. Armed with nothing but an odd, antique-looking eight-stringed guitar, this man will show these two desperate criminals that music can have the power to entertain, to entrance, and even to kill.</p>\n','Novellas','','publish','closed','closed','','novellas','','','2018-06-06 03:31:25','2018-06-06 03:31:25','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=169',0,'page','',0),(170,1,'2018-06-02 18:41:01','2018-06-02 18:41:01','','Novellas','','inherit','closed','closed','','169-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 18:41:01','2018-06-02 18:41:01','',169,'http://michaelvain.net/169-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(171,1,'2018-06-02 18:41:49','2018-06-02 18:41:49',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','171','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=171',8,'nav_menu_item','',0),(172,1,'2018-06-02 19:09:12','2018-06-02 19:09:12','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<h3>Click on the sections below to learn more</h3>\n	<ul>\n		<li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/about-the-author\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>About the Author</h4><p>A short biography of Author/Artist Michael Vain.</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_Hanshi02.jpg\" alt=\"Hanshi Shugoro Nakazato\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>Martial Arts</h4><p>History and other information on the martial arts styles enjoyed by the author</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h4>Strange Events</h4><p>Firsthand accounts of strange and unusual events experienced by the author.</p></li>	</ul>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Past','','publish','closed','closed','','past','','','2022-01-15 00:18:17','2022-01-15 04:18:17','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=172',0,'page','',0),(311,1,'2020-01-07 00:53:19','2020-01-07 04:53:19','This section of the site provides information on the life of the author. Each of the pages listed below contains information on a different aspect of the life of Artist and Author Michael Vain\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" />\r\n<h3>About the Author&lt;/h3 &gt;</h3>\r\nA short biography of Author/Artist Michael Vain.</li>\r\n 	<li>\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of the author after wining a karate trophy\" />\r\n<h3>Martial Arts&lt;/h3 &gt;</h3>\r\nHistory and other information on the martial arts styles enjoyed by the author</li>\r\n 	<li>\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" />\r\n<h3>Strange Events&lt;/h3 &gt;</h3>\r\nFirsthand accounts of strange and unusual events experienced by the author.</li>\r\n</ul>','Past','','inherit','closed','closed','','172-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 00:53:19','2020-01-07 04:53:19','',172,'http://michaelvain.net/172-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(173,1,'2018-06-02 19:09:12','2018-06-02 19:09:12','','Past','','inherit','closed','closed','','172-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 19:09:12','2018-06-02 19:09:12','',172,'http://michaelvain.net/172-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(174,1,'2018-06-02 19:09:29','2018-06-02 19:09:29','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different works by the Author.</p>\n         <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">   \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n         <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">  \n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\"/><br />\n        </a>\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','publish','closed','closed','','present','','','2021-01-04 01:35:19','2021-01-04 05:35:19','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=174',0,'page','',0),(456,1,'2021-01-04 01:03:04','2021-01-04 05:03:04','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>Click the links below to see all the different worksby the Author.</p>\n        <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_highway_new.png\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels/\">Novels</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections/\">Collections</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/icon_minstrel.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novellas/\">Novellas</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n       <figure>\n        <img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\"/><br />\n        </figure>\n        <figcaption>\n        <h4><a rel=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/bibiography/\">Bibiography</a></h4>\n        </figcaption>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-04 01:03:04','2021-01-04 05:03:04','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(455,1,'2021-01-03 23:30:58','2021-01-04 03:30:58','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels.php\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h4>Novels</h4>\n					</a>\n		<p>Novel length fiction.</p>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_minstrel\" />\n				<h4>Novellas</h4>\n	</a>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/collections.php\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg\" alt=\"cover_title02b_icon\" />\n				<h4>Collections</h4>\n		<p>Collected works.</p>			\n	</a>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/biblio.php\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_fish\" />\n				<h4>Bibliography</h4>\n	</a>\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-03 23:30:58','2021-01-04 03:30:58','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(454,1,'2021-01-03 23:24:17','2021-01-04 03:24:17','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n		<ul>\n					<li>\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_hwy\" />\n					<a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/novels.php\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n				<h4>Novels</h4>\n					</a>\n		<p>Novel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.</p>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_covers_minstrel\" />\n				<h4>Novellas</h4>\n		<p>Novella length works of fiction.</p>			\n	</a>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"art_paintings_fingers\" />\n				<h4>Collections</h4>\n		<p>Collected works of short stories and novellas.</p>			\n	</a>\n			</li>\n					<li>\n					<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n											<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\" alt=\"art_illus_fish\" />\n				<h4>Bibliography</h4>\n		<p>Information on all the written works by the author.</p>			\n	</a>\n			</li>\n				</ul>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2021-01-03 23:24:17','2021-01-04 03:24:17','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(324,1,'2020-02-12 01:36:05','2020-02-12 05:36:05','This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><a target=\"_self\">\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\" /></a>\r\n<h3>Novels</h3>\r\nNovel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;</li>\r\n 	<li><a target=\"_self\">\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel.jpg\" /></a>\r\n<h3>Novellas</h3>\r\nNovella length works of fiction.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;</li>\r\n 	<li><a target=\"_self\">\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers.jpg\" /></a>\r\n<h3>Collections</h3>\r\nCollected works of short stories and novellas.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;</li>\r\n 	<li><a target=\"_self\">\r\n<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\" /></a>\r\n<h3>Bibliography</h3>\r\nInformation on all the written works by the author.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;</li>\r\n</ul>','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2020-02-12 01:36:05','2020-02-12 05:36:05','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(175,1,'2018-06-02 19:09:29','2018-06-02 19:09:29','','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2018-06-02 19:09:29','2018-06-02 19:09:29','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(176,1,'2018-06-02 19:17:37','2018-06-02 19:17:37',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','176','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=176',6,'nav_menu_item','',0),(177,1,'2018-06-02 19:17:37','2018-06-02 19:17:37',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','177','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=177',2,'nav_menu_item','',0),(179,1,'2018-06-03 00:09:20','2018-06-03 00:09:20','My Dearest Michelle,\r\nI was looking over my status entries on DA, and I wanted you to know that none of them are angry.  I post them at different times, driven by varying emotions...some are wistful, when I am reminiscing about all the good times I had with you (and they were many), and some are written in tears, as I am overwhelmed with grief and sadness and longing.\r\nBut not anger.  Despite what you have said, and perhaps led others to accept, is that I am often angry.  This is simply not true.  I\'ve been incredibly frustrated, as anyone would be, and sometimes I was hurt, but  rarely angry.  The thing that hurts me the most is the comments about having nightmares and seeing me as some sort of monster, when I\'ve been the one to consistently show just how much I love you.  Yes, I might blow off some frustration, from pain, from stress, or other sources with words, but they were always just venting...it\'s what I do that shows how I really feel.  Some were big things, like driving back and forth to Ohio just to see you, to little things. like making you breakfast or running out to Wal-Mart late at night because you wanted to put Christmas lights up in Savannah\'s room.  Everything I did, every day, had you and Savannah as my number one priority.  If I was sad, or appeared frustrated, it was because you often treated me like I didn\'t matter at all, or that I was somehow mistreating you.\r\nMaybe I wasn\'t giving you what you wanted in life. Maybe it wasn\'t the smartest thing to try and afford that size house right away.  Maybe you wanted to be a little more experimental in some things.  None of those things would have been a deal breaker for me.  The only thing I couldn\'t change was my age, and that never bothered you before.  I put on some weight so I wouldn\'t look so thin, and will look good for another twenty years before I really start to look old.  All kinds of things could happen between now and then, so you can understand why I\'ve been confused and frustrated.  Of course I\'d be upset that you were chatting with a guy, who you admit to discussing whether or not you would be good together in a relationship, and telling them details of private matters, while also distorting the truth.  \"I hate the way he treats you\'  ??  Honestly, what the hell...I did my best to do everything I could for you, and you were talking about me like I was some punk.\r\nThat really hurts.  I never bad mouthed you, didn\'t tell everyone our business.  I just tried my best to show you that  you were everything to me.  I was, and am, willing to address anything you thought was impeding your idea of happiness.  Happiness comes from within, and I can be perfectly happy just spending time with my wife and daughter, the two most important people in my world.  I don\'t know the real reason you have chosen the path you are on, but I feel very strongly that what I was told were excuses, not reasons.  I have many reasons to honor my vows to you..not the least of which is how much I have always loved you.  For me, every smile you gave me was like the first.  Every little thing you said and did when the least bit happy gave me a little thrill, and made my heart skip a beat.  Coming home to Savannah grabbing my finger made everything I went through that day worth it.  I can\'t even describe how loved that made me feel.  And you leave me saying that I am somehow a danger to you or her?  That is something I can\'t even imagine doing to another person.  Again, it\'s what I have always done, not said, that shows how I really feel and am.  I liked spending my time with you and Savannah.  It didn\'t matter if we were taking a trip, or just staying home watching videos, I savored every moment being with you, and it was obvious.  I have always been affectionate to you, been gentle, and forgiven you no matter how much pain it cost me.\r\nI had to write this, because I think deep inside you know these things to be true.  I refuse to believe that the woman who pursued me the way you did, that has shared all the moments we have shared together, could hate me that much.  No one I know would understand why I have continued to try to keep our relationship together.  I believe the average person would say \'what the fuck, man\'.  Still, they don\'t see us, the way I see us, the way I see you.  Real love is a rare commodity these days, and despite whatever fears you may have, or problems you may think we have, I do not believe that they are worth throwing away what could be a very good future for us.  I\'d ask that you not discard what might be the best romance you would have in your life, what could be the happiest, most balanced childhood Savannah could have, over something that could be fixed.  I would be willing to talk, if you are.  I would be willing to forgive, if you would accept it.  I know you know, deep inside, that I would never hurt you.  Things may get said in frustration, but I\'ve never abused you physically or even emotionally..I\'ve only been honest in my emotions in having been abused myself:  frustration, despair, heartbreak, shock...but never been the monster you seem to want me to be.\r\nAll I have ever wanted, is to have a simple life with my family, to enjoy every moment the best we could.  I should never have had to worry about whether my wife was being faithful to me.  I can put aside that pain if you could just accept the amount of pain it caused me.  You once said I had to accept responsibility, and now I am asking the same thing, not as blame, but to show one way things can be put to rest and we could move forward.  I think we can accomplish more together than you could with someone who only say they love you, without any of the compromise and hardship that can come with it.  You have seen how far I am willing to go to make you happy.  I\'ve proven it often during our time.  If you can put aside this, this misplaced anger or disappointment or whatever it is, and see me for who I really am, you may find that I was right all along, and that we are in each other\'s lives because each of us is the best equipped to help the other, and by doing so, become happy and be rewarded in life.  What we said to each other when we met, about it being better to have twenty good years is still true.  Everything I ever expressed about loving you is still true.   I am hurt, and I am incredibly saddened that you would go through this again, but it doesn\'t change the fact that I love my wife, the one who loved me, and that I would do anything to provide a happy home for Savannah.  \r\nI hope you read this, and that you understand I am just writing how I feel.\r\nNow and forever,\r\nYour Michael','Another Open Letter','','inherit','closed','closed','','178-revision-v1','','','2018-06-03 00:09:20','2018-06-03 00:09:20','',178,'http://michaelvain.net/178-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(180,1,'2018-06-03 14:19:25','2018-06-03 14:19:25','Dear Michelle,\r\nI read your status this morning.  I had a long week, and went to bed early, so when I read your status this morning, I didn\'t know if you posted that as an invitation, or as a way of telling me that you now had more online male friends to console you.  I\'m not being mean, but the \'give your baby girl away\' was particularly hurtful, so I didn\'t know how to take your post, and came away feeling, again, alone and hurt for no other reason than for loving you.\r\nI remember you telling me that your dad wanted to help move our stuff back from Ohio.  I don\'t know if that was really what was going on, or if it was just the beginnings of a plan to go back home without me.  You and Savannah were the highlights of my life, and gave me more happiness than I had experienced in a long time.  For you to treat me like you have has left me feeling completely empty.  I was always truthful to you about what I thought my own issues to be.   All through our relationship, I\'ve been honest as to why I\'ve acted the way I did at a certain time.  Any temper I\'ve had has always been expressed through words, and the rare display of physical expression has always been limited to say, kicking a dresser.  I don\'t punch holes in walls, and I sure as hell wouldn\'t hit you...on those rare occasions where I am pushed to the point of frustration and despair, yeah, I smack a wall (not punch) or an armrest in a car, and then I\'m done...I\'ve expressed my helplessness.  You were told this by both Kali and I , and I\'ve never strayed from that.  The thing is, if you had let me, I would never have been that frustrated in the first place.  On those times where I knew I had been wrong, I admitted it, apologized, and did my  best to not let it happen again.\r\nI think perhaps I expected too much out of you when we first got together.  Going from not having any responsibility other than to yourself, to having certain changes suddenly imposed by living together long term, may have been hard on you, and since I was the one needing to work while you finished college, I may have been more critical of you than I was aware of at the time.  In my defense, I was in a lot more pain then; it has taken me some time to progress from the injuries I had.  As time went on, I tried to pick up more of the actual work, and tried to compensate for those times by showing you my affection and feelings more often.  As I progressed in healing from my accident, I was able to take on harder work, and things started looking up financially.  By that point, the only frustration I felt really was from the way you were treating me.  I still don\'t know why you continued to hurt me like you did.  Back in Ohio, we had reached a point where you had said you felt ashamed, and asked me to forgive you.  I did.  Things got better, and you said you wanted a baby.  I told you I wanted one, but only if we could stay together to see her grown.  I said that because I wanted any child we had to be able to grow up with both her parents in her daily life.  My first children didn\'t have that, and I didn\'t want to have children just to have that repeat.  I was being honest, I wanted a baby with you, but only if you would be there with me.  After all the trips back and forth to Toledo, driving back and forth an hour each way to work over un-plowed roads...all while you struggled with a difficult pregnancy.  I did a lot for you, and for us, and wanted my effort to speak for the depth of my emotion for you and Savannah.  I felt a depth of emotion over every little thing that happened, cared more than I could ever express in words for you and my daughter.  I did sometimes make small mistakes, but some of them could have been avoided if you had just pointed them out...after all, how many times had you mentioned something, and I jumped at the opportunity to get it done?  You could have said, \"Michael, clean that area up for me so I can put the baby down\", and I would have been all over it.  \r\nI was always there for you, whenever you needed me.  After I brought you and Savannah up here, I did everything that needed to be done to make our lives run smoothly.  If you needed help doing anything, I was there for you.  I kept trying to help you, and after all that, I found my trust had been broken again.  I don\'t think I\"m a monster just because I express the pain I\'m caused to feel.  I\'ve never hit you, and could never conceive of doing so, despite all the times I was pushed to anguish and frustration by the woman I loved more than anything.  Throughout it all I\'ve begged you to stop and think of Savannah and I, have suggested all kinds of routes to try and make things better.  I think it\'s cruel that I have been made to feel this way.  Back when I found out about you and your other attractions, I discovered a letter you had written to Matt, who apparently you were communicating with back in NC, that you had written two weeks after saying you would be my girlfriend.  That left me saddened beyond what I can express.  If you never wanted me, you could have just said so.  I don\'t need the attention of other women.  I can be satisfied with my girlfriend, wife, and later, my daughter.  I wasn\'t mistreating you in any way, I was just expressing my pain at being cheated on after being faithful to my word.  It hasn\'t been just me; there have been issues with you too, and instead of just blaming you for it (the only time I brought them up was when you criticized me, and if I was already stressed or tired I would get defensive) I have always tried to find a way to fix it.  I was never trying to make you feel like you were less of a person by suggesting going to a doctor or counselor or psychologist.  Like your pregnancy, I was willing to take that walk with you all the way.  It was because if there were other contributing factors, it would be better to know.  You and Brianna shared some symptoms of thyroid imbalance, which could have been having a negative effect on your life.  If there was anything else going on, this would have made it worse.  I only wanted to see that you were okay because I cared.  It wasn\'t an attempt in any way to make you feel bad, or have a negative connotation.  When you complained of chronic fatigue, and your emotions seem to be running back and forth from one end to the other, you husband takes notice, and wants to help.  I still think you should have it checked.  I want you to be healthy. \r\nI had been thinking about your father lately.  About meeting him that first time, and how badly I reacted after you told me to message him that t-shirt design. I was trying to defend you, and did a poor showing of it.  I\'m sorry about that.  Even though we were both a bit tipsy, I shouldn\'t have sent it to him in the first place.  Because I had never had a real father relationship, I always felt a deep sadness at how you were treated, and wanted somehow to make it better for you.  When we saw him, I tried to be the emotional backup for you in the off chance you needed it, a man who loved his woman and was willing to defend her if necessary.  So, when you started bringing up the possibility of him helping us move my stuff, I was hoping that perhaps Savannah would provide that means of you and him perhaps healing things, if that is what you needed and wanted.  Part of me though, had doubts, because I had my trust broken before, and it was hard not to wonder if there was an alternate agenda.  That in turn left me sad, and somewhat frustrated as well.  I have sacrificed so much for you and Savannah, and done so willingly, because you both are worth any sacrifice I needed to make to ensure us as a family.  Maybe your relationship with him affected how you saw me.  I seem to remember you confessing to as much.  I laughed it off then, but had I listened, perhaps I wouldn\'t be crying in a room at nights alone now.  I can\'t help but to love my wife and daughter.  It\'s just the way I felt, and to make it that far only to have it torn out from under me hurts.  I just wanted you to know that I always felt saddened because I felt a father daughter relationship to be important, and wished it had been better for you.  I never really knew mine, but you did know yours, and to be rejected like that had to hurt you as deeply as I am feeling right now.   I wish things had been better for you in your childhood.  I wanted us to be able to give Savannah something better.\r\nI\"m sorry if my loving you aggravates you.  I don\'t know if it does.  I don\'t know if you feel anything at all for me.  Maybe you do.  Maybe it\'s all hatred now, even though I\'ve done nothing but try to show how much I love you both.  If it is, then there\'s nothing I could ever have done to prevent it, because the harder I tried to please, the worse things seemed to get. I would have been willing to do anything to give  you the life you wanted.  I had been working to give you that, and yes, maybe I overreached a bit, but things were getting better.  They could have been better still.  Who is to say that in another year, two at the outside (like you said you would) that you wouldn\'t have the life you had wanted all along, and been happy with your decision to stand by your husband?\r\nMaybe we\'ll never know.  I would like to know, myself.  I would like to know what things would have been like if you had just put the energy you placed in being unhappy, and everything connected with it, into instead doing positive things with your husband and daughter.  I would like to know if we could have succeeded together, and what we could accomplish, and what memories we could share with our little girl.\r\nI would like to know if I ever stood a chance, or was it doomed from the beginning.  I guess it doesn\'t matter, because either way, the result is the same.  I end up loving you, and feeling helpless to do anything else, while not having that love returned.  More, what love that was returned to me gets taken from me.  I would like to know what we could have done if you had loved me the way you did when we met, the way I\'ve always, always, loved you.  The way I love you still.  I wish I could stop, but I can\'t.  I\'ve always cared for you  that much, and I can\'t just stop.  I\'m sorry if that makes you have to do harsh things to me.  I wish it didn\'t.  I still have hope for us, because I can\'t imagine a life without you two in it now.   I\'ve always just wanted to make you two happy.  I still would, if you let me.\r\nI\'ve said enough today.  This is the only way I can express myself now.  I wish you would change that.\r\nForever,\r\nYour Michael\r\n','Letter 6/3','','private','open','open','','letter-6-3','','','2018-06-04 10:41:49','2018-06-04 10:41:49','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=180',0,'post','',0),(181,1,'2018-06-03 14:19:25','2018-06-03 14:19:25','Dear Michelle,\r\nI read your status this morning.  I had a long week, and went to bed early, so when I read your status this morning, I didn\'t know if you posted that as an invitation, or as a way of telling me that you now had more online male friends to console you.  I\'m not being mean, but the \'give your baby girl away\' was particularly hurtful, so I didn\'t know how to take your post, and came away feeling, again, alone and hurt for no other reason than for loving you.\r\nI remember you telling me that your dad wanted to help move our stuff back from Ohio.  I don\'t know if that was really what was going on, or if it was just the beginnings of a plan to go back home without me.  You and Savannah were the highlights of my life, and gave me more happiness than I had experienced in a long time.  For you to treat me like you have has left me feeling completely empty.  I was always truthful to you about what I thought my own issues to be.   All through our relationship, I\'ve been honest as to why I\'ve acted the way I did at a certain time.  Any temper I\'ve had has always been expressed through words, and the rare display of physical expression has always been limited to say, kicking a dresser.  I don\'t punch holes in walls, and I sure as hell wouldn\'t hit you...on those rare occasions where I am pushed to the point of frustration and despair, yeah, I smack a wall (not punch) or an armrest in a car, and then I\'m done...I\'ve expressed my helplessness.  You were told this by both Kali and I , and I\'ve never strayed from that.  The thing is, if you had let me, I would never have been that frustrated in the first place.  On those times where I knew I had been wrong, I admitted it, apologized, and did my  best to not let it happen again.\r\nI think perhaps I expected too much out of you when we first got together.  Going from not having any responsibility other than to yourself, to having certain changes suddenly imposed by living together long term, may have been hard on you, and since I was the one needing to work while you finished college, I may have been more critical of you than I was aware of at the time.  In my defense, I was in a lot more pain then; it has taken me some time to progress from the injuries I had.  As time went on, I tried to pick up more of the actual work, and tried to compensate for those times by showing you my affection and feelings more often.  As I progressed in healing from my accident, I was able to take on harder work, and things started looking up financially.  By that point, the only frustration I felt really was from the way you were treating me.  I still don\'t know why you continued to hurt me like you did.  Back in Ohio, we had reached a point where you had said you felt ashamed, and asked me to forgive you.  I did.  Things got better, and you said you wanted a baby.  I told you I wanted one, but only if we could stay together to see her grown.  I said that because I wanted any child we had to be able to grow up with both her parents in her daily life.  My first children didn\'t have that, and I didn\'t want to have children just to have that repeat.  I was being honest, I wanted a baby with you, but only if you would be there with me.  After all the trips back and forth to Toledo, driving back and forth an hour each way to work over un-plowed roads...all while you struggled with a difficult pregnancy.  I did a lot for you, and for us, and wanted my effort to speak for the depth of my emotion for you and Savannah.  I felt a depth of emotion over every little thing that happened, cared more than I could ever express in words for you and my daughter.  I did sometimes make small mistakes, but some of them could have been avoided if you had just pointed them out...after all, how many times had you mentioned something, and I jumped at the opportunity to get it done?  You could have said, \"Michael, clean that area up for me so I can put the baby down\", and I would have been all over it.  \r\nI was always there for you, whenever you needed me.  After I brought you and Savannah up here, I did everything that needed to be done to make our lives run smoothly.  If you needed help doing anything, I was there for you.  I kept trying to help you, and after all that, I found my trust had been broken again.  I don\'t think I\"m a monster just because I express the pain I\'m caused to feel.  I\'ve never hit you, and could never conceive of doing so, despite all the times I was pushed to anguish and frustration by the woman I loved more than anything.  Throughout it all I\'ve begged you to stop and think of Savannah and I, have suggested all kinds of routes to try and make things better.  I think it\'s cruel that I have been made to feel this way.  Back when I found out about you and your other attractions, I discovered a letter you had written to Matt, who apparently you were communicating with back in NC, that you had written two weeks after saying you would be my girlfriend.  That left me saddened beyond what I can express.  If you never wanted me, you could have just said so.  I don\'t need the attention of other women.  I can be satisfied with my girlfriend, wife, and later, my daughter.  I wasn\'t mistreating you in any way, I was just expressing my pain at being cheated on after being faithful to my word.  It hasn\'t been just me; there have been issues with you too, and instead of just blaming you for it (the only time I brought them up was when you criticized me, and if I was already stressed or tired I would get defensive) I have always tried to find a way to fix it.  I was never trying to make you feel like you were less of a person by suggesting going to a doctor or counselor or psychologist.  Like your pregnancy, I was willing to take that walk with you all the way.  It was because if there were other contributing factors, it would be better to know.  You and Brianna shared some symptoms of thyroid imbalance, which could have been having a negative effect on your life.  If there was anything else going on, this would have made it worse.  I only wanted to see that you were okay because I cared.  It wasn\'t an attempt in any way to make you feel bad, or have a negative connotation.  When you complained of chronic fatigue, and your emotions seem to be running back and forth from one end to the other, you husband takes notice, and wants to help.  I still think you should have it checked.  I want you to be healthy. \r\nI had been thinking about your father lately.  About meeting him that first time, and how badly I reacted after you told me to message him that t-shirt design. I was trying to defend you, and did a poor showing of it.  I\'m sorry about that.  Even though we were both a bit tipsy, I shouldn\'t have sent it to him in the first place.  Because I had never had a real father relationship, I always felt a deep sadness at how you were treated, and wanted somehow to make it better for you.  When we saw him, I tried to be the emotional backup for you in the off chance you needed it, a man who loved his woman and was willing to defend her if necessary.  So, when you started bringing up the possibility of him helping us move my stuff, I was hoping that perhaps Savannah would provide that means of you and him perhaps healing things, if that is what you needed and wanted.  Part of me though, had doubts, because I had my trust broken before, and it was hard not to wonder if there was an alternate agenda.  That in turn left me sad, and somewhat frustrated as well.  I have sacrificed so much for you and Savannah, and done so willingly, because you both are worth any sacrifice I needed to make to ensure us as a family.  Maybe your relationship with him affected how you saw me.  I seem to remember you confessing to as much.  I laughed it off then, but had I listened, perhaps I wouldn\'t be crying in a room at nights alone now.  I can\'t help but to love my wife and daughter.  It\'s just the way I felt, and to make it that far only to have it torn out from under me hurts.  I just wanted you to know that I always felt saddened because I felt a father daughter relationship to be important, and wished it had been better for you.  I never really knew mine, but you did know yours, and to be rejected like that had to hurt you as deeply as I am feeling right now.   I wish things had been better for you in your childhood.  I wanted us to be able to give Savannah something better.\r\nI\"m sorry if my loving you aggravates you.  I don\'t know if it does.  I don\'t know if you feel anything at all for me.  Maybe you do.  Maybe it\'s all hatred now, even though I\'ve done nothing but try to show how much I love you both.  If it is, then there\'s nothing I could ever have done to prevent it, because the harder I tried to please, the worse things seemed to get. I would have been willing to do anything to give  you the life you wanted.  I had been working to give you that, and yes, maybe I overreached a bit, but things were getting better.  They could have been better still.  Who is to say that in another year, two at the outside (like you said you would) that you wouldn\'t have the life you had wanted all along, and been happy with your decision to stand by your husband?\r\nMaybe we\'ll never know.  I would like to know, myself.  I would like to know what things would have been like if you had just put the energy you placed in being unhappy, and everything connected with it, into instead doing positive things with your husband and daughter.  I would like to know if we could have succeeded together, and what we could accomplish, and what memories we could share with our little girl.\r\nI would like to know if I ever stood a chance, or was it doomed from the beginning.  I guess it doesn\'t matter, because either way, the result is the same.  I end up loving you, and feeling helpless to do anything else, while not having that love returned.  More, what love that was returned to me gets taken from me.  I would like to know what we could have done if you had loved me the way you did when we met, the way I\'ve always, always, loved you.  The way I love you still.  I wish I could stop, but I can\'t.  I\'ve always cared for you  that much, and I can\'t just stop.  I\'m sorry if that makes you have to do harsh things to me.  I wish it didn\'t.  I still have hope for us, because I can\'t imagine a life without you two in it now.   I\'ve always just wanted to make you two happy.  I still would, if you let me.\r\nI\'ve said enough today.  This is the only way I can express myself now.  I wish you would change that.\r\nForever,\r\nYour Michael\r\n','Letter 6/3','','inherit','closed','closed','','180-revision-v1','','','2018-06-03 14:19:25','2018-06-03 14:19:25','',180,'http://michaelvain.net/180-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(182,1,'2018-06-03 23:39:21','2018-06-03 23:39:21','Author on a trip to Old San Juan, Puerto Rico','about_mv03','Author in Puerto Rico','inherit','open','closed','','about_mv03','','','2018-06-03 23:41:17','2018-06-03 23:41:17','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/about_mv03.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(183,1,'2018-06-03 23:45:55','2018-06-03 23:45:55','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house02-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Author\'s home, Elkridge\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house02\"  />\n	<h4>The House</h4>\n<p>While still a child, Michael\'s family moved to Elkridge, Maryland. His grandfather had become a lieutenant in the Howard County Police Department, and relocated his family to an 18th century colonial home, located directly adjacent to the Patapsco State Park, on the banks of the Patapasco River. It was a logical move for Mr. Kradz, and the new house provided both security and room for his family. The house needed extensive repair work, and the task of clearing out the clutter and repairing the house would become on ongoing project for several years.</p>\n	<p>Sifting through the many objects in the house, they came across the several of the fully working shutters and a number of other historical artifacts, as they worked to restore the building to its former glory. The shutters were repaired and placed back on their original anchors, and the original fenceline was restored. Mr. Kradz recovered several sections of the original wrought iron fence from a salvage yard, where they had lain since the early \'30s. He purchased and refinished them, and working from old photographs, restored the look of the house at the turn of the century. In doing research for the restoration, Mr. and Mrs. Kradz began to learn the history of the house, and of the Patapsco area.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct02.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct, Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"224\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct02\"  />\n	<p>Elkridge, originally named Elkridge Landing, was first settled in 1690, and served as the gateway port for shipping agricultural and manufactured goods to and from the fertile Patapsco region. The house was once part of a plantation, and the Thomas Viaduct, the oldest keystone bridge in the U.S., and the world\'s largest multiple arched stone railroad bridge built in an arc, was completed in 1835 immediately adjacent to the house. The original Tom Thumb steam locomotive took a trip across the Thomas Viaduct, and the bridge is still in use today.</p>\n	<p>Research revealed that Levering Avenue, the street upon which he lived, was named after the sea captain responsible for taking Napolean Bonaparte to Elba. The Captain brought back with him several seeds of an elm tree native to Elba, one of which was planted at the corner of the property. Construction on the main house began in 1723, with additions to the house occurring in various stages until 1763.</p>\n<p>Built from the ballast of slave ships, the house was a stopping point for clipper ships coming up the Patapsco River.  The house featured several tunnels beneath it, which at one time led to a dock upon the river, and to a stairwell on the side of the Thomas Viaduct.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct01.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct - Elkridge, Maryland\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct01\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct04.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct tunnel\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"401\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct04\"  />\n		Tunnel to the Thomas Viaduct\n	<p>Further research seemed to indicate that these same tunnels were later used as a stop in the Underground Railroad, providing escaping slaves a temporary refuge in their flight to the north. This was just one of the interesting aspects of the house and its place in early American history.</p>\n<p>Michael\'s grandparents would uncover a good deal of history relating to the house in the years to come.  Little did they know the impact the house would have on their own personal history, or how these events might play a part in the phenomena experienced there.</p>\n	<p>One of the many surprises within the house\'s long history was its depiction in a woodcut of the Battle of Relay during the Civil War.  Michael came across this print in his fifth grade history book.  The house and the Thomas Viaduct had played a key role in several historic events, and awakened within the young author-to-be a fascination with the past, and an appreciation for history.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_civilwar2-300x221.jpg\" alt=\"Battle of Relay woodcut print\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"221\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_civilwar2\"  />\n		Civil War - Battle of Relay Woodcut\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_washjunc.jpg\" alt=\"Thomas Viaduct illustration\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"202\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_washjunc\"  />\n		Great Stone Viaduct at \"Washington Junction\" 1857\n	<h4>Strange Phenomena</h4>\n<p>Within a few months of moving into the house in Elkridge, members of the family began to experience events they could not explain. At first, these experiences were sporadic and easily dismissed: objects left in an empty room would vanish, only be found in other locations, strange noises, such as closing doors, or very low volume voices, were heard, and Michael and other members of the family would often experience sudden cold spots, along with the feeling of being watched. These experiences, while unusual, did not immediately cause concern, as they rationalized them to be the result of human error, or somr other natural cause. However, as the family restored the house, these experiences intensified.</p>\n	<p>Michael awoke one night to discover a pair of apparitions at the foot of the beds belonging to both himself and his brother, who shared a bedroom on the second floor. The figures were of an elderly man and woman. Both were smiling, and radiated a sense of comfort. Michael related his experience to his grandmother, but his report was dismissed as a dream. It wasn\'t until the events began to escalate in frequency and intensity that his story was taken seriously. Michael, as well as his grandparents, began to experience a range of phenomena. Taken alone, these experiences could be dismissed, but as time went on, the family began to experience these phenomena together. Phantom footsteps, cold spots, doors appearing where no doors existed that would then vanish, and glowing lights were all experienced by different family members.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"childhood home side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house01\"  />\n		Side view of Michael\'s childhood home, Elkridge Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_shadowpeople.jpg\" alt=\"Shadow people drawing\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"400\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_shadowpeople\"  />\n		Drawing of an entity similar to that encountered in the house\n	<h4>The Flood</h4>\n<p>Although the family regularly experienced such events, discussion of these phenomena outside family circles was discouraged, for it was his grandparent\'s view that knowledge of such events would damage his reputation, and reliability as an expert witness. As a result, Michael was forced to keep such matters confidential, which he often found difficult, considering his age. The occurrences continued to escalate, and later, Michael witnessed the presence of a large, humanoid entity that was solid black in appearance, standing at the end of a hallway on the second floor. Within days, the house was struck by a ten foot high wall of water, and trapping the family inside.</p>\n	<p>As the water level rose outside, Michael, his brother, and his grandfather raced to retrieve important legal documents, while his grandmother gathered the rest of the family on the second floor. As Michael made his last trip up the stairs, all the windows in the living room collapsed at once, and large jets of water began pouring through them. Tanker trucks from a neighboring trucking company were caught in the currents. and bounced off the house\'s thick brick walls, which, according to research, had been built from the ballast of slave ships. His grandparents took turns signalling Morse Code from Michael\'s bedroom window with a flashlight, as Michael watched the water slowly rise up the staircase. After several hours, the family was discovered by Jessup Rescue, and Michael and his family escaped through the second floor window into a boat, which then ferried them to safety.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_flood08\"  />\n		Flood waters surround Michael\'s childhood home\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood03.jpg\" alt=\"Ellicott City flood photo\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"385\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_flood03\"  />\n		Flood waters in Ellicott City, Md.\n	<p>After being rescued from the rising flood waters, Michael and his family spent the night in a National Guard Armory, which served as a rescue shelter.  The flooding of the Patapsco River was devastating to both Elkridge and Ellicott City.  It took ten days for the water to recede far enough for the family to return to the house, and begin repairs, a process which took several years. During this time, they were subject to more strange noises and the occasional apparition. Again, as the house was restored, these encounters seemed to escalate.</p>\n	<p>Then, Michael again witnessed the dark figure he had encountered three years earlier. Within days, the house was struck by another hurricane, and the house was filled with water for a second time in less than four years. The family had more warning the second time, and evacuated the house before the river flooded.  It would be several years before he discovered sketches of the entities he had seen, similar to those he drew from memory, and learned others had encountered these entities,  known as <em>Shadowpeople</em>. Further research revealed they were normally encountered during times of natural disaster, and had been linked to the Mothman appearances in West Virginia, and other locations throughout history.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood04-206x300.jpg\" alt=\"flood waters in Elllicott City\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"206\" title=\"past_strange_flood04\"  />\n		More flood waters in Ellicott City\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_viaduct03.jpg\" alt=\"Patapsco River aerial view photo\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"384\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_strange_viaduct03\"  />\n		Aerial view of Patapsco River showing flood damage\n	<p>Michael\'s paranormal experiences did not end with the family leaving the house in Elkridge, however. Since that time, Michael has continued to have strange experiences, both as a teenager and as an adult. He now believes exposure to such events, over time, not only changed his perceptions of reality, but his sensitivity to such phenomena. Since living in Elkridge, he has also experienced a number of precognitive events, in both waking and dream states. In August of 2002, he dreamed he was involved in an automobile accident in which he was ejected from a rolling vehicle, one he had never seen or ridden in previously.</p>\n	<p>This dream repeated itself for three days. On the third day, while traveling through Denbeigh, Virginia, the Ford Escape in which Michael was a passenger, was sideswiped by an eighteen wheeler, and then struck in the rear by a speeding van. The Escape flipped end over end twice, and rolled four times before Michael was ejected through the sunroof in front of the vehicle. Although severely injured, Michael credits his survival to the dream. According to insurance investigators, Michael \"stood a better chance of winning Lotto twice\" than surviving.<br />\nMichael continues to experience the effects of that accident today.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/about_mv03-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"author photo, Puerto Rico\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv03\"  />\n		Author in Puerto Rico\n	<p>Today, Michael continues to research strange and unusual phenomena in order to better understand those experiences. It is the Author\'s personal belief that \'supernatural\' and \'paranormal\' phenomena have their origins in aspects of our physical universe that we do not yet understand, and continued investigation into these phenomena will eventually lead to greater intellectual and spiritual understanding of our reality.<br />\n\"I don\'t expect everyone to believe these things have happened,\" Michael admits, \"because until they happen to you, it is a very difficult thing to believe, and once it does, it changes you forever.\" Only a portion of the events he and his family have experienced have been detailed here. Michael plans on writing a fuller account of his experiences in an autobiography at some point in the future. For now, he uses the insights gained by these events not only to broaden his view of the world, but as inspiration in his writing.</p>\n','Strange Events','','inherit','closed','closed','','130-revision-v1','','','2018-06-03 23:45:55','2018-06-03 23:45:55','',130,'http://michaelvain.net/130-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(184,1,'2018-06-04 00:11:53','2018-06-04 00:11:53','\n	<P>This section of the site provides information on the life of the author. Each of the pages listed below contains information on a different aspect of the life of Artist and Author Michael Vain</P>\n	<ul>\n		<li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/about-the-author\" target=\"_self\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv01-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Author Michael Vain standing at the gate to Poe\'s Tomb, Baltimore Md.\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>About the Author</h3 ><p>A short biography of Author/Artist Michael Vain.</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\" target=\"_self\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_martial_tourn01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of the author after wining a karate trophy\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>Martial Arts</h3 ><p>History and other information on the martial arts styles enjoyed by the author</p></li><li><a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/strange-events\" target=\"_self\"></a>		\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_flood08.jpg\" alt=\"flood water photo of author\'s home\" itemprop=\"image\"/>\n		<h3>Strange Events</h3 ><p>Firsthand accounts of strange and unusual events experienced by the author.</p></li>	</ul>\n','Past','','inherit','closed','closed','','172-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 00:11:53','2018-06-04 00:11:53','',172,'http://michaelvain.net/172-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(185,1,'2018-06-04 00:21:19','2018-06-04 00:21:19','\n	<h5>There are currently no items to display in this category.</h5>\n','Collections','','inherit','closed','closed','','163-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 00:21:19','2018-06-04 00:21:19','',163,'http://michaelvain.net/163-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(186,1,'2018-06-04 01:48:32','2018-06-04 01:48:32','\n	<p>MICHAEL VAIN was born on April 2 in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael found solace in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\"  />\n		Author\'s childhood home - side view\n	<p>When he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.</p>\n	<p>Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />\nMichael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"333\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_grandfather01\"  />\n		The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"241\" title=\"past_art_studio03\"  />\n		Michael in his first art studio\n	<p>It appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.</p>\n	<p>By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_art_kidsmural\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_art_screen01\"  />\n		MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.\n	<p>Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br>\n Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums.  His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.</p>\n	<p>It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_events_artshow\"  />\n','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 01:48:32','2018-06-04 01:48:32','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(187,1,'2018-06-04 02:54:55','2018-06-04 02:54:55','\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n			<ul> 				<li>\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\">\n																<h3>Novels</h3>\n								<p>Novel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel.jpg\">\n																<h3>Novellas</h3>\n								<p>Novella length works of fiction.</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers.jpg\">\n																<h3>Collections</h3>\n								<p>Collected works of short stories and novellas.</p>															\n							</li> 				<li>\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\">\n																<h3>Bibliography</h3>\n								<p>Information on all the written works by the author.</p>															\n							</li> 		</ul>\n','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 02:54:55','2018-06-04 02:54:55','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(188,1,'2018-06-04 02:58:46','2018-06-04 02:58:46','\n	<p>This section of the website details all the different works currently available by the Author.</p>\n			<ul> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy.jpg\">\n																<h3>Novels</h3>\n								<p>Novel length fiction in both electronic and printed formats.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel.jpg\">\n																<h3>Novellas</h3>\n								<p>Novella length works of fiction.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_paintings_fingers.jpg\">\n																<h3>Collections</h3>\n								<p>Collected works of short stories and novellas.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 				<li>\n											<a href=\"\" target=\"_self\">\n																			<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_illus_fish.jpg\">\n																<h3>Bibliography</h3>\n								<p>Information on all the written works by the author.</p>															\n									</a>\n							</li> 		</ul>\n','Present','','inherit','closed','closed','','174-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 02:58:46','2018-06-04 02:58:46','',174,'http://michaelvain.net/174-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(189,1,'2018-06-04 03:07:49','2018-06-04 03:07:49','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.createspace.com/6191217\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:07:49','2018-06-04 03:07:49','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(190,1,'2018-06-04 03:15:22','2018-06-04 03:15:22','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-239x300.jpg\" alt=\"cover for \'The Minstrel\'\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"239\" title=\"art_covers_minstrel\"  />\n	 <h5>The Minstrel</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Urban Fantasy<br><br>\n                        Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-book</a> $.99\n                     	</h6>\n','Novellas','','inherit','closed','closed','','169-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:15:22','2018-06-04 03:15:22','',169,'http://michaelvain.net/169-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(191,1,'2018-06-04 03:18:09','2018-06-04 03:18:09','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_minstrel-239x300.jpg\" alt=\"cover for \'The Minstrel\'\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"239\" title=\"art_covers_minstrel\"  />\n	 <h5>The Minstrel</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Urban Fantasy<br><br>\n                        Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-book</a> $.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Eddie and Skids are small-time criminals who make their living through shake-downs and petty larceny. Drawn together by circumstance and their mutual addictions, they wander through the streets of the city, searching for potential victims in order to appease their habits. Luckier than most, they have managed to avoid the law during their latest round of illegal activities.\nTonight, however, their luck will take a turn for the worse, when their potential victim turns out to be something much different than what he appears. Armed with nothing but an odd, antique-looking eight-stringed guitar, this man will show these two desperate criminals that music can have the power to entertain, to entrance, and even to kill.</p>\n','Novellas','','inherit','closed','closed','','169-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:18:09','2018-06-04 03:18:09','',169,'http://michaelvain.net/169-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(192,1,'2018-06-04 03:23:02','2018-06-04 03:23:02','\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br><br>\n                       Available Formats:<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/330341\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br>\n						<a href=\"https://www.createspace.com/6191217\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99\n                     	</h6>\n                     	<p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:23:02','2018-06-04 03:23:02','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(193,1,'2018-06-04 03:28:08','2018-06-04 03:28:08','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, 1977 (technical paper)\n                <br><br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association 1996 (1st Dan Thesis)\n                <br>                \n                <br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\n                <br>\n                <br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)<br>\n                </p>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:28:08','2018-06-04 03:28:08','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(194,1,'2018-06-04 03:30:04','2018-06-04 03:30:04','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6>\n<p>Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n                <br><br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n                <br>                \n                <br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\n                <br>\n                <br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)<br>\n                </p>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 03:30:04','2018-06-04 03:30:04','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(195,1,'2018-06-04 03:42:19','2018-06-04 03:42:19','[SliderPreview]','Preview','','publish','closed','closed','','preview','','','2018-06-04 03:42:19','2018-06-04 03:42:19','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wds-slider/preview/',0,'wds-slider','',0),(340,1,'2020-05-22 16:25:13','2020-05-22 20:25:13','Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','Roadkill','Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','inherit','open','closed','','cover_title02b_rgb','','','2020-05-25 23:43:00','2020-05-26 03:43:00','',366,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_rgb.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(341,1,'2020-05-22 16:30:27','2020-05-22 20:30:27','Cover - Strange Stories, Twisted Tales','cover_title02b_icon','','inherit','open','closed','','cover_title02b_icon','','','2020-05-22 16:31:13','2020-05-22 20:31:13','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cover_title02b_icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(342,1,'2020-05-22 16:45:03','2020-05-22 20:45:03','<div id=\"pl-161\"  class=\"panel-layout\" ><div id=\"pg-161-0\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\" ><div id=\"pgc-161-0-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"1\" ><div id=\"panel-161-0-0-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_sow-editor panel-first-child panel-last-child\" data-index=\"0\" ><div class=\"so-widget-sow-editor so-widget-sow-editor-base\">\n<div class=\"siteorigin-widget-tinymce textwidget\">\n	<p><img title=\"art_covers_hwy\" src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" /></p><h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5><h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br /><br />Available Formats:<br /><a href=\"https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\">E-Book</a> $3.99<br /><a href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Highway-Hypnosis-Michael-Vain/dp/1530927099/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=highway+hypnosis&amp;qid=1581854335&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-1\">Trade Paperback</a> $14.99</h6><p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p></div>\n</div></div></div></div></div>\n\n<style type=\"text/css\" class=\"panels-style\" data-panels-style-for-post=\"161\">@import url(https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/plugins/siteorigin-panels/css/front-flex.min.css); #pgc-161-0-0 { width:100%;width:calc(100% - ( 0 * 30px ) ) } #pl-161 #panel-161-0-0-0 {  } #pl-161 .so-panel { margin-bottom:30px } #pl-161 .so-panel:last-child { margin-bottom:0px } @media (max-width:780px){ #pg-161-0.panel-no-style, #pg-161-0.panel-has-style > .panel-row-style { -webkit-flex-direction:column;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column } #pg-161-0 > .panel-grid-cell , #pg-161-0 > .panel-row-style > .panel-grid-cell { width:100%;margin-right:0 } #pl-161 .panel-grid-cell { padding:0 } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-empty { display:none } #pl-161 .panel-grid .panel-grid-cell-mobile-last { margin-bottom:0px }  } </style>','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-05-22 16:45:03','2020-05-22 20:45:03','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(206,1,'2018-06-04 21:14:43','2018-06-04 21:14:43','After the events of today, a timeline began forming in my mind.  Let\'s see how right I am about this.\r\nTo be politically correct, we\'ll call him \'mister playa\'.  \r\nMista Playa leaves your work, and in a drunken rage, you verbally abuse me and shove across the room.  Up until then, you had continued to see him at work.  When Amber\'s boyfriend decided to rent out the garage apartment, you had it in the back of your mind to live there after disposing of me.  Meanwhile you are bad mouthing me to Britt, because I was making it more difficult for you to continue your relationship with said playa.  Then, I discover his number on your phone again, and you say you don\'t know how it got there, as if I am a complete idiot.\r\nSometime either before or after, you and Mista Playa were most likely hooking up at Amber\'s, and thus you were able to keep pretending I had a chance to actually have a life with you.  Is that pretty much the way it was, because it sure feels like it.  I\'m willing to bet a good amount of your time on Saturdays was actually spent with someone other than your daughter.  When you actually stop and consider how much you have done to hurt other human beings, it just leaves me anguished.  I would never have imagined you of being capable of such things.  Yet you call me the monster.  Because I wanted my wife to love me like I loved her, because I knew we could be awesome if she only would allow us to be.  I made it clear, before we even got together, that the main reason I never wanted another relationship, even with a woman who seemed more than perfect, was because I never wanted any of things in my life that I have been forced to go through with you: the lies, the repeated cheating, the manipulation in order to get what you want.  Having to see what I saw today.  None of it.  You have broken every promise, every assurance, that you ever gave me.  In the end, I ended up acting exactly like I told you before we met.  I was completely honest with you, and have been since the first day you jumped in my arms.  You know as well as I do how undeserving I am of this treatment, despite what you would like others to believe.  For the last four years, my only source of real frustration has been with your lack of fidelity, with the lies and obvious attempts to get me to treat you badly so you would have an excuse to leave.  \r\nIt\'s more than sad.  It\'s just wrong.  I can\'t stop thinking about all the times I was there for you, worried about you, cried over you.  I see you as this amazing, creative woman, and I\'m seen as some sort of lowlife (when the real low life are the ones you end up choosing...case in point).  None of that is right, Michelle.  I may have some flaws, but nothing I have ever done has ever earned me what I am going through.  Despite the mostly small mistakes I made, I did my best every single day to give you and Savannah the best of me, and the only time I failed at this is when you put more effort into getting away than you did to seeing what was right in front of you.\r\nYou\'ve really hurt me, Michelle.  I\'ve never been this hurt, this sad and insulted to the point of absolute anguish, in my entire life.  Are you happy now?  You were happy back when you made a baby with me...you were mostly happy enough to let me support us while you went to school.  You were always happy enough to let me do things for you, and to you.  Your happiness was never dependent on your situation.  Let\'s face it - you\'ve always had to have more attention.  In a couple years, you\'ll go through this again, and again.  Part of me wonders if you will ever really be happy.  It\'s always so thrilling when you first meet someone, and, like you have said many times, you have a cycle, and when that cycle is up, you pretty much toss away who you are with.  I was hoping to break that. I know just how awesome we could be together, how right we were (and still are, though I doubt you will see that) together, and that knowledge makes the heartache even more unbearable.  We were on the road to having so much together, with the promise of more to come, and you pulled the rug out from under us as a family.  You didn\'t have to keep me dangling along all that time.  I made you laugh so many times, and we shared some of the closest moments any two people could share, and you act like they meant nothing.\r\nWell, they aren\'t nothing to me.  They were meant to be treasured memories, the ones I treasure most upon my passing from this earth, and now the bring me equal amounts of pain each time I remember them.  You took the most beautiful things I had known in this life away from me, and have made me experience the greatest fears I had, things I aimed every day at not having to go through in my life.  I don\'t even know what was the truth, and what was a lie anymore.  You flip flopped so much in emotion, and in regards to truth, that I really don\'t know.  Was any of that fair?  Why do something like that to a guy who was trying to find someone to talk to?  You say it was \'easy\' to \'get me\'. It wasn\'t easy for me.  I had to wrestle with the possibility of having to live through heartache and pain, the anguish of lost time and unrequited emotions, a waste of life.  It wasn\'t easy for me at all.  In the end, I trusted you. I trusted that you would keep your promises, that you were the person you said you were.  I trusted that you wouldn\'t hurt me, or cheat on me, or break my heart.\r\nI trusted you, and I fell in love with you.\r\nthen, every time you asked, every time you needed something from me, I did my absolute best to give it to you.  Even after you left me, I defended you, and gave you whatever you would ask for.  And in the end, all I got for all the devotion, all the time and the tears, all the hard work and moving from place to place and busting my ass, was a wife who wanted to accept anyone\'s love but that of the man who wanted most to give it to her.\r\nYou can talk about \'change\' and \'growth\' all you want, but those words are used to describe forward progress, and an increasing amount of infidelity and lies and emotional abuse to justify your actions are none of those things.  They are the opposite.  I have always been honorable to you.  I have honored my vow to love and to cherish. Those willing to draw you away from your husband are by definition, dishonorable, and therefore undeserving.  You can dress up gutter trash any number of ways, but it the behavior that determines their true character, or lack of it.   I was always there to defend you, and this was something you encouraged.  Then, along the way, you became the exact opposite of everything you had been.  I saw this as something that would cause pain for everyone, and tried my best to keep it from happening for the good of all, but in that, you were determined to keep going.  I wish you could admit the truth of this.  The other you, the you I met, the you that you let show through so much of the time, is a much better person.  I don\'t believe that woman likes what you have become either.  I can only pray that there is still some essence of that person left, for that person made me happier than I had ever been - not just because she loved me, but simply due to what and who she was - a damaged, perfectly imperfect gem, an angel that could produce amazing art and was capable of amazing love, an empath who could look into my soul and see the truth, who would be an amazing and loving mother.  \r\nLike I said - I hope she is still in there somewhere.  All through this, no matter how upset I sound, or how anguished I feel, I have never stopped loving her.  And you just keep hurting me.  It\'s not right, and I wish you would realize it.  I know you\'ll likely just continue to reinforce your reasoning, but I was never aggravated in the last four years without a good reason.  I did my best to make you happy in every way I knew how.  If you can, stop and try to see how things were, and are, from my side.  How would you have felt if every time things began to look promising, you were cheated on?  What if you found they weren\'t disposable, and would always be the love of your life?  What if, now, you knew you would never find anyone that could approach what you already had?  What if you were made to feel helpless to save the best thing that ever happened to you?  Can you imagine it at all?  I was terrified of exactly what has happened - that I would fall completely in love with you, and then be powerless as you hurt me and left me.  It was the most horrible thing I could imagine happening to me, and I\'ve been living it every day.  For over four years.  You were cheating on me as far back as when we first got together, so I wonder if it all wasn\'t just a game.  \r\nIt\'s too much to bear, and I\'ll never be right again.  You could make it right, but after today, I see how much you really must hate me.\r\nI wish you didn\'t, because we have been, and could be, so much more.  All you had to do was have a little faith.  I carried through on everything I ever said, and things could be better than they have ever been.  Savannah could have both her parents in her life every day.  We could have a good life, and you could still have those other things you wanted, even if it was later on, it wouldn\'t be too late.  I wish my words had ever been able to get through to that girl I met.  I wish she would hear them now.\r\nEven now, through all the pain and injustice, I am forever,\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/4','','private','open','open','','letter-6-4','','','2018-06-05 01:55:33','2018-06-05 01:55:33','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=206',0,'post','',0),(207,1,'2018-06-04 21:14:43','2018-06-04 21:14:43','After the events of today, a timeline began forming in my mind.  Let\'s see how right I am about this.\r\nTo be politically correct, we\'ll call him \'mister playa\'.  \r\nMista Playa leaves your work, and in a drunken rage, you verbally abuse me and shove across the room.  Up until then, you had continued to see him at work.  When Amber\'s boyfriend decided to rent out the garage apartment, you had it in the back of your mind to live there after disposing of me.  Meanwhile you are bad mouthing me to Britt, because I was making it more difficult for you to continue your relationship with said playa.  Then, I discover his number on your phone again, and you say you don\'t know how it got there, as if I am a complete idiot.\r\nSometime either before or after, you and Mista Playa were most likely hooking up at Amber\'s, and thus you were able to keep pretending I had a chance to actually have a life with you.  Is that pretty much the way it was, because it sure feels like it.  I\'m willing to bet a good amount of your time on Saturdays was actually spent with someone other than your daughter.  When you actually stop and consider how much you have done to hurt other human beings, it just leaves me anguished.  I would never have imagined you of being capable of such things.  Yet you call me the monster.  Because I wanted my wife to love me like I loved her, because I knew we could be awesome if she only would allow us to be.  I made it clear, before we even got together, that the main reason I never wanted another relationship, even with a woman who seemed more than perfect, was because I never wanted any of things in my life that I have been forced to go through with you: the lies, the repeated cheating, the manipulation in order to get what you want.  Having to see what I saw today.  None of it.  You have broken every promise, every assurance, that you ever gave me.  In the end, I ended up acting exactly like I told you before we met.  I was completely honest with you, and have been since the first day you jumped in my arms.  You know as well as I do how undeserving I am of this treatment, despite what you would like others to believe.  For the last four years, my only source of real frustration has been with your lack of fidelity, with the lies and obvious attempts to get me to treat you badly so you would have an excuse to leave.  \r\nIt\'s more than sad.  It\'s just wrong.  I can\'t stop thinking about all the times I was there for you, worried about you, cried over you.  I see you as this amazing, creative woman, and I\'m seen as some sort of lowlife (when the real low life are the ones you end up choosing...case in point).  None of that is right, Michelle.  I may have some flaws, but nothing I have ever done has ever earned me what I am going through.  Despite the mostly small mistakes I made, I did my best every single day to give you and Savannah the best of me, and the only time I failed at this is when you put more effort into getting away than you did to seeing what was right in front of you.\r\nYou\'ve really hurt me, Michelle.  I\'ve never been this hurt, this sad and insulted to the point of absolute anguish, in my entire life.  Are you happy now?  You were happy back when you made a baby with me...you were mostly happy enough to let me support us while you went to school.  You were always happy enough to let me do things for you, and to you.  Your happiness was never dependent on your situation.  Let\'s face it - you\'ve always had to have more attention.  In a couple years, you\'ll go through this again, and again.  Part of me wonders if you will ever really be happy.  It\'s always so thrilling when you first meet someone, and, like you have said many times, you have a cycle, and when that cycle is up, you pretty much toss away who you are with.  I was hoping to break that. I know just how awesome we could be together, how right we were (and still are, though I doubt you will see that) together, and that knowledge makes the heartache even more unbearable.  We were on the road to having so much together, with the promise of more to come, and you pulled the rug out from under us as a family.  You didn\'t have to keep me dangling along all that time.  I made you laugh so many times, and we shared some of the closest moments any two people could share, and you act like they meant nothing.\r\nWell, they aren\'t nothing to me.  They were meant to be treasured memories, the ones I treasure most upon my passing from this earth, and now the bring me equal amounts of pain each time I remember them.  You took the most beautiful things I had known in this life away from me, and have made me experience the greatest fears I had, things I aimed every day at not having to go through in my life.  I don\'t even know what was the truth, and what was a lie anymore.  You flip flopped so much in emotion, and in regards to truth, that I really don\'t know.  Was any of that fair?  Why do something like that to a guy who was trying to find someone to talk to?  You say it was \'easy\' to \'get me\'. It wasn\'t easy for me.  I had to wrestle with the possibility of having to live through heartache and pain, the anguish of lost time and unrequited emotions, a waste of life.  It wasn\'t easy for me at all.  In the end, I trusted you. I trusted that you would keep your promises, that you were the person you said you were.  I trusted that you wouldn\'t hurt me, or cheat on me, or break my heart.\r\nI trusted you, and I fell in love with you.\r\nthen, every time you asked, every time you needed something from me, I did my absolute best to give it to you.  Even after you left me, I defended you, and gave you whatever you would ask for.  And in the end, all I got for all the devotion, all the time and the tears, all the hard work and moving from place to place and busting my ass, was a wife who wanted to accept anyone\'s love but that of the man who wanted most to give it to her.\r\nYou can talk about \'change\' and \'growth\' all you want, but those words are used to describe forward progress, and an increasing amount of infidelity and lies and emotional abuse to justify your actions are none of those things.  They are the opposite.  I have always been honorable to you.  I have honored my vow to love and to cherish. Those willing to draw you away from your husband are by definition, dishonorable, and therefore undeserving.  You can dress up gutter trash any number of ways, but it the behavior that determines their true character, or lack of it.   I was always there to defend you, and this was something you encouraged.  Then, along the way, you became the exact opposite of everything you had been.  I saw this as something that would cause pain for everyone, and tried my best to keep it from happening for the good of all, but in that, you were determined to keep going.  I wish you could admit the truth of this.  The other you, the you I met, the you that you let show through so much of the time, is a much better person.  I don\'t believe that woman likes what you have become either.  I can only pray that there is still some essence of that person left, for that person made me happier than I had ever been - not just because she loved me, but simply due to what and who she was - a damaged, perfectly imperfect gem, an angel that could produce amazing art and was capable of amazing love, an empath who could look into my soul and see the truth, who would be an amazing and loving mother.  \r\nLike I said - I hope she is still in there somewhere.  All through this, no matter how upset I sound, or how anguished I feel, I have never stopped loving her.  And you just keep hurting me.  It\'s not right, and I wish you would realize it.  I know you\'ll likely just continue to reinforce your reasoning, but I was never aggravated in the last four years without a good reason.  I did my best to make you happy in every way I knew how.  If you can, stop and try to see how things were, and are, from my side.  How would you have felt if every time things began to look promising, you were cheated on?  What if you found they weren\'t disposable, and would always be the love of your life?  What if, now, you knew you would never find anyone that could approach what you already had?  What if you were made to feel helpless to save the best thing that ever happened to you?  Can you imagine it at all?  I was terrified of exactly what has happened - that I would fall completely in love with you, and then be powerless as you hurt me and left me.  It was the most horrible thing I could imagine happening to me, and I\'ve been living it every day.  For over four years.  You were cheating on me as far back as when we first got together, so I wonder if it all wasn\'t just a game.  \r\nIt\'s too much to bear, and I\'ll never be right again.  You could make it right, but after today, I see how much you really must hate me.\r\nI wish you didn\'t, because we have been, and could be, so much more.  All you had to do was have a little faith.  I carried through on everything I ever said, and things could be better than they have ever been.  Savannah could have both her parents in her life every day.  We could have a good life, and you could still have those other things you wanted, even if it was later on, it wouldn\'t be too late.  I wish my words had ever been able to get through to that girl I met.  I wish she would hear them now.\r\nEven now, through all the pain and injustice, I am forever,\r\n\r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/4','','inherit','closed','closed','','206-revision-v1','','','2018-06-04 21:14:43','2018-06-04 21:14:43','',206,'http://michaelvain.net/206-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(208,1,'2018-06-05 04:55:57','2018-06-05 04:55:57','\n	[masterslider id=\"1\"]\n','Covers','','inherit','closed','closed','','144-revision-v1','','','2018-06-05 04:55:57','2018-06-05 04:55:57','',144,'http://michaelvain.net/144-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(209,1,'2018-06-05 05:15:20','2018-06-05 05:15:20','\n	[masterslider id=\"2\"]\n','Illustrations','','inherit','closed','closed','','150-revision-v1','','','2018-06-05 05:15:20','2018-06-05 05:15:20','',150,'http://michaelvain.net/150-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(210,1,'2018-06-06 00:21:47','2018-06-06 00:21:47','\n	[masterslider id=\"3\"]\n','Paintings','','inherit','closed','closed','','140-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 00:21:47','2018-06-06 00:21:47','',140,'http://michaelvain.net/140-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(211,1,'2018-06-06 01:45:40','2018-06-06 01:45:40','\n	[masterslider id=\"4\"]\n','Drawings','','inherit','closed','closed','','138-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 01:45:40','2018-06-06 01:45:40','',138,'http://michaelvain.net/138-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(212,1,'2018-06-06 02:05:56','2018-06-06 02:05:56','\n	[masterslider id=\"5\"]\n','Fan Art','','inherit','closed','closed','','142-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 02:05:56','2018-06-06 02:05:56','',142,'http://michaelvain.net/142-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(213,1,'2018-06-06 03:23:52','2018-06-06 03:23:52','\n	[masterslider id=\"6\"]\n','Other Art','','inherit','closed','closed','','153-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 03:23:52','2018-06-06 03:23:52','',153,'http://michaelvain.net/153-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(214,1,'2018-06-06 03:30:33','2018-06-06 03:30:33','\n	<h6>\n            List of all written works by the author.\n            </h6><br>\n<p>\nVain, Michael <i>\"The Minstrel\"</i> Smashwords (e-book edition) 2013 (novella)\n                <br>\n                <br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Highway Hypnosis\"</i> 2016 (novel)<br><br>\n    Vain, Michael <i>\"A Comparison of the Inherant Stress-Causing Factors between the Polygraph and Psychological Stress Evaluator\"</i> Springfield, Va. Dektor Counterintelligence and Security, (technical paper)\n                <br><br>\n                Vain, Michael <i>\"Reflections of the Virtues of the Warrior as Taught in Shorin-Ryu Karate-Do\"</i> Hampton, Va., North American Shorin Ryu Karate Association (1st Dan Thesis)\n                <br>                \n                <br>\n                </p>\n','Bibliography','','inherit','closed','closed','','159-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 03:30:33','2018-06-06 03:30:33','',159,'http://michaelvain.net/159-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(215,1,'2018-06-06 03:36:28','2018-06-06 03:36:28','\n	<p>MICHAEL VAIN was born on April 2 in Baltimore, Maryland, and was raised primarily by his grandparents, Michael and Gladys Kradz. Showing an active imagination and artistic drive at an early age, Michael found solace in drawing, painting, and other creative mediums. In creating works of art, he found both enjoyment and purpose.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/about_mv02-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author at Poe\'s tomb\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"about_mv02\"  />\n		Author at Poe\'s tomb, Baltimore, Md.\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_strange_house03.jpg\" alt=\"author\'s home, side view\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"199\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_strange_house03\"  />\n		Author\'s childhood home - side view\n	<p>When he was six years old, his grandparents relocated to an 18th century colonial home located in Elkridge, Maryland, where they would live until he was fifteen. Michael and his brother helped to renovate the house in their spare time, which helped instill Michael with a strong work ethic, as well as an appreciation for history and craftsmanship. His grandfather, a lieutenant in law enforcement and a pioneer in the field of forensic criminalistics, would often involve Michael in his work, including having him prepare materials related to his work in voice stress analysis. His grandfather\'s sense of justice and intent over the letter of the law became cemented in Michael\'s conscience, and is the founding structure for his moral framework.</p>\n	<p>Growing up in such an environment provided a perfect atmosphere in which to explore the darker avenues of imagination, and would become a major influence behind his writing and his art. He began to take an interest in studying unusual and unexplained phenomena, and began to read classic works by Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. From there, he moved on to horror, fantasy, and science fiction works such as <em>Dracula</em>, <em>The Lord of the Rings</em>, and <em>2001 A Space Odysse</em>y. It was during this period that he first began to contemplate writing as a hobby and possible career.<br />\nMichael\'s grandfather later retired from the police department, and began working for Dektor Counterintelligence, Inc., as their senior instructor and voice-stress analyst, where he would later co-author the book <em>Investigative Proof of the Reliability and Value of the Psychological Stress Evaluator in Science, Medicine, and Law</em>, as well as other articles relating to the science of voice stress detection and analysis.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_grandfather01.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author with his grandfather\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"333\" width=\"500\" title=\"past_grandfather01\"  />\n		The Author with his Grandfather, former Lieutenant Michael P. Kradz\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_studio03-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael in his first art studio\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"241\" title=\"past_art_studio03\"  />\n		Michael in his first art studio\n	<p>It appeared that Michael would also pursue a career in law enforcement, and indeed, his close involvement in his grandfather\'s work made it seem as if he was destined to work in criminal forensics. Michael\'s creative drive proved too strong, however, and he began to specialize in English and Art in High School, with the goal of pursuing a career in graphic arts. He began drawing his own comics, and writing his first short stories. It was also during this time that he first developed an interest in martial arts, an interest that led to a lifetime devotion to traditional martial disciplines. More information about these arts can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/martial-arts\">Martial Arts</a> page.</p>\n	<p>By his early twenties, Michael found himself a single parent with two children, and found he would need to wear many hats in his role as father and provider. This meant taking whatever jobs he could find, and the struggle to provide for his chidren put his goals for writing on hold. It was not until several years later that he began writing in earnest, drawing upon his childhood in Elkridge as a frame of reference. This creative turn would eventually lead to the desire to become an author, a goal he continues to pursue with passion.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_kidsmural-213x300.jpg\" alt=\"photo of Michael\'s mural project\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"213\" title=\"past_art_kidsmural\"  />\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_art_screen01-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"photo of author working on painted room divider\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"225\" width=\"300\" title=\"past_art_screen01\"  />\n		MIchael works on a painted room divider screen.\n	<p>Later, he formed his own art company, Reincarnations, producing unique painted furniture and other artistic creations. He created the website for their work, <a href=\"http://www.reincarnations.com\">Reincarnations.com</a>, which he continues to update as he completes new projects.<br>\n Today, Michael continues to create works of functional art in many mediums.  His painted furniture has been shown in NICHE Award-winning galleries across the country, and been featured in some of the nations\'s most prestigious juried contemporary craft shows. Photos of his various artworks, covers, and more can be found on the <a href=\"http://www.michaelvain.net/galleries\">Galleries</a> section.</p>\n	<p>It was while serving as a Gallery director for Artist\'s Housing in Baltimore Md., that Michael began to assemble the notes and ideas he had been working on for several years into a manuscript.  This work later became his first novel, \'<em>Highway Hypnosis</em>\'.  Michael has since begun work on several other writing projects, and further news will be posted as they are completed.</p>\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/past_events_artshow-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Author as Gallery director\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"past_events_artshow\"  />\n		Michael during his tenure as Gallery Director for Artist\'s Housing\n','About the Author','','inherit','closed','closed','','156-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 03:36:28','2018-06-06 03:36:28','',156,'http://michaelvain.net/156-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(217,1,'2018-06-06 18:54:55','2018-06-06 18:54:55','When I was little, and for most of my life, I have been alone.  I had very few friends growing up, fewer than you did, and from my earliest memory, I longed for one thing:  One person that would love me the way I loved them.  I can remember wanting this as far back as I can remember.  After my first marriage, and the subsequent years I spent with Kali, I felt that I would never find that one person that was meant for me.  After Kali and I broke up, I was determined to never let myself get hurt again.  I am a giving person, and it hurt me deeply that those I cared for would take advantage of my nature.  I was in constant pain after my accident, but that never seemed to be taken into consideration.  So, we split, and I struggled to accept the fact that I would always be alone.  Then, I saw your DA profile.  Your photos spoke to me.  I felt some kind of connection with you that I could not explain.  Your emotions, you feeling of being alone, of being afraid of what was to come, the longing for someone, reached out to me.  One night, as I was looking at your pictures, I spoke aloud, as I often did when spending long periods of time by myself, and said \"of all the girls I\'ve ever seen online, I know I could be happy with this woman for the rest of my life.\"  It was spontaneous, and I felt every word of what I was saying.\r\n\r\nThen, within a day or two, I had the most wonderful dream in my life, where this goddess walked beside me, holding just one of my fingers as she held my hand as we walked along the beach at sunset.  In this dream, we walked together for awhile, and then the scene changed to where you were standing at the back door to your dorm house, and I was saying goodbye.  Even in the dream, I didn\'t want to say goodbye...I was overcome with a feeling of love, of caring warmth, that I had never experienced before in my entire life.  That dream affected me so much, that upon waking, I sunk into a depression that lasted until you sent that first message to me.  Do you remember sending it?  I do.  When I read your first message, I was so blown away I couldn\'t even breathe...I couldn\'t dare to dream that such a beautiful, artistic woman could ever be interested in me.  As our conversations progressed, I found you to be everything I had ever wished for in a friend, and possible lover and wife.  Those times were magic, and are the single happiest span of time I have ever experienced.  Here was a woman who seemed to love me for who I was, and I wanted to be with you more than anything.  The one thing I knew i would not be able to take emotionally, was losing you, so I did my best to prevent that sort of pain, even if it meant that I had to stay lonely forever.  Over the following weeks, you wore down my resistance, and I actually had hope that somehow, I had managed to encounter the one person that I was meant for.  The only word I can think of that describes how you make me feel, then and all through our relationship, is transcendent.  After all those years of loneliness and feeling separate, here was a woman that was everything I had ever wanted and more.  You were a wonder to me, gorgeous and talented.\r\n\r\nI wanted you to be interested too, so I put on this tough guy image, because you said you wanted someone who could protect you and keep you safe.  At heart, I\'m a peaceful man.  I just wanted to enjoy every second I could with you, in a safe and secure place, and give us a family.  Any time in my life where I\'ve just been myself, I have gotten taken advantage of, and thought that appearing aggressive would spare me that.  I\'ve never liked violence, despite what you may think or tell others.  I\'d rather just play with Savannah, or spend time with you and her, than anything remotely aggressive.  You gave me a beautiful daughter, and she is perfect to me in every way, despite any setbacks she may have had.  I adored you both, and all I looked forward to was being able to come home to the two people I loved most every day.\r\n\r\nI don\'t think you know how much it hurt to have you cheat on me.  I think you push out that feeling from your conscience, because inside you know how much I really care, and because if you thought about it too long you would realize how wrong it is for all of us.  I also don\'t think you see how you behave from an outside perspective.  You aren\'t really \'in love\' with the ones you cheat on me with, because you\'ve cheated on them too - this isn\'t love.  What you are feeling is being driven by something else, and because I love you, all I wanted to was to discover the actual source of your unhappiness, and do what I could to restore you to that wonderful woman that I met.  There were times I wasn\'t happy either - from financial pressures, from stress at work, etc. but I was always honest about where my unhappiness came from   That you continued to work to bring us down while I worked so hard to make things better hurt me in ways I cannot describe.  I could never imagine doing anything like that, and do not feel that it is actually normal behavior.  I refuse to believe that you would go to such lengths - I understand it is thrilling to meet a new person, but you had proclaimed your love for me, and had gone through and married me, vowing to honor and cherish.\r\n\r\nHaving you pull away from me was more painful than anything I\'ve experienced.  Of course I\'d be upset to try to hard, to sacrifice so much just to show my love, just to have it thrown away.  If you knew how much I love you, how deeply it actually goes, you would understand why I react the way I do.  There is nothing more painful than watching the greatest joy in your life, the hope for your future and your happiness as a human being, of having that feeling of completeness, ripped out of your life.  When I tried to help you, when I suggested that you at least explore the possibility that you might have some issues that could be corrected, you resented me for it, and that hurt.  During your pregnancy, we both lived through fear and doubt just about every day, and every moment I was away from you was torture.  It\'s even worse now, for obvious reasons. You seem to switch back and forth from loving me one minute, to hating me the next.  Can you even imagine how much that hurts me?  I\'m not trying to bring you down - I\'m just trying to get you to see how unnecessary all of this was.  We have a child together, and was trying to build a future, and with just a month or so of getting ahead financially, everything comes apart.  I wasn\'t treating you badly - how could back rubs every night, and my attention and affection, be considered bad treatment?  I just wanted us to be able to enjoy our lives together, and if you had ever really given us a chance, we could.  After all, it\'s a fact that you have spent a majority of your time and energy on other guys more than you ever have me, or even Savannah.  Again, not laying blame, just stating facts that were obvious to just about anyone who was actually there.  If you had given me the time you said you would, you would have seen a rapid improvement in our lives, and would have seen that we could be happy.  Instead, you throw yourself at any guy who will pay attention to you, and then go and start talking about marriage to them (obvious from your emails) while still married to me.\r\n\r\nThat is wrong, plain and simple, and neither I nor Savannah deserve what has happened.  I hope you are not stupid enough to sleep with him.  I really do.  You mean so much to me, that I can\'t and won\'t share that part of myself with anyone ever again.  Not because I couldn\'t, but because you were, and could still be, perfect for me, and after meeting you, i know nothing else could ever compare.  That is how much I  care, how deeply my love for you runs.  I just wish you felt the same about me, and would give me as much time as you have others...not time where you are placating me until you have another opportunity to find someone or whatever, but time where you actually leave yourself open to what you already have - a man who has, and will, do anything to give you what you want in life.  I\'d like to die knowing I did everything I could to provide for my wife and baby.\r\n\r\nEvery moment we are apart, are moments that can never be gotten back.  I have no greater pleasure than seeing my daughter and my wife, happy and enjoying our time together.  I\'ve been made to miss so many important moments - I\'ve only been able to witness half of her birthdays and Christmases, not to mention all the little moments that come in between, moments that are precious to me.  Why can\'t you give me enough time with you and her to show you how happy we could be?  If there are other issues that are bringing you stress, they can be solved.  I\'ve never been the person you make me out to be - almost all of the issues we have faced are also encountered by most couples, and we could work them out, if you would only work with me.  Those days with you, any day with you and Savannah, are the most important thing in my life.  You took the time and energy to get me, so please, please, stop hurting me this way.  I\'ve never been against you- I\'ve been there for you whenever you needed me.  Please consider that maybe you are looking for something else - it would be the greatest of crimes to toss me away, and then one day realize you may have had a better life if only you had stayed with me.  Consider the possibility that maybe other factors are influencing the way you feel.  I gave you attention and affection every day - you make me elated with every smile, every kind word.  Every bit of my stress disappears when that little girl takes my finger.  You know that what I am saying is true.  You know how I feel about you and Savannah.  No relationship is just about you...there are others involved in this, and both me and Savannah deserve to have a chance at a happy life with a full family.\r\n\r\nSo, because nothing else has worked, I\'m begging you not to continue your present course.  There is nothing that anyone else could give you that I can\'t.  We both know this is true - I\'ve proven it more times than I can count.  That should mean something to you.  It definitely means something to me, and would mean a lot to our daughter.\r\n\r\nPlease Michelle.  I can\'t help but get frustrated sometimes.  I\'m human.  If I had ever behaved the way you have, even once, you would just have walked.  I haven\'t.  I\'ve forgiven you over and over again, but each time i do, I\'m not allowed to heal before I was made to worry again.  I can\'t explain why you have treated me the way you have - I\'ve lost count of how many times I\'ve heard or read complaints about the man running around, being abusive, etc.  I\'ve never done any of that.  You know as well as I do that I\'ve always been happiest just doing things with you and Savannah.  It doesn\'t matter what it is, I love being around you two more than anything else.  So, I\'m begging you to please consider your husband and your daughter in regards to this.  I would do anything and everything I could to make you happy.  I want to share in your life, and Savannah\'s life.  Please don\'t take the most wonderful things in my life, the people that bring me the only true happiness I\'ve known in the last twenty years, away.  I know it may be hard to believe, but if we got back together, I would look at it as a fresh start.  I would not hold anything against you, or even bring it up.  You know that we have been so close - I\'ve made you laugh, I\'ve made you shudder with pleasure, I\'ve made Savannah happy every day.  Please don\'t take that away.  I\'ve already lost so much.  Please, Dragonfly, please - remember how you felt when we met.  I know I could make you feel that way again.\r\n\r\nAlways,\r\n\r\nYour Michael','What You Mean To Me','','private','open','open','','what-you-mean-to-me','','','2018-06-07 23:52:43','2018-06-07 23:52:43','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=217',0,'post','',0),(218,1,'2018-06-06 18:54:55','2018-06-06 18:54:55','When I was little, and for most of my life, I have been alone.  I had very few friends growing up, fewer than you did, and from my earliest memory, I longed for one thing:  One person that would love me the way I loved them.  I can remember wanting this as far back as I can remember.  After my first marriage, and the subsequent years I spent with Kali, I felt that I would never find that one person that was meant for me.  After Kali and I broke up, I was determined to never let myself get hurt again.  I am a giving person, and it hurt me deeply that those I cared for would take advantage of my nature.  I was in constant pain after my accident, but that never seemed to be taken into consideration.  So, we split, and I struggled to accept the fact that I would always be alone.  Then, I saw your DA profile.  Your photos spoke to me.  I felt some kind of connection with you that I could not explain.  Your emotions, you feeling of being alone, of being afraid of what was to come, the longing for someone, reached out to me.  One night, as I was looking at your pictures, I spoke aloud, as I often did when spending long periods of time by myself, and said \"of all the girls I\'ve ever seen online, I know I could be happy with this woman for the rest of my life.\"  It was spontaneous, and I felt every word of what I was saying.\r\n\r\nThen, within a day or two, I had the most wonderful dream in my life, where this goddess walked beside me, holding just one of my fingers as she held my hand as we walked along the beach at sunset.  In this dream, we walked together for awhile, and then the scene changed to where you were standing at the back door to your dorm house, and I was saying goodbye.  Even in the dream, I didn\'t want to say goodbye...I was overcome with a feeling of love, of caring warmth, that I had never experienced before in my entire life.  That dream affected me so much, that upon waking, I sunk into a depression that lasted until you sent that first message to me.  Do you remember sending it?  I do.  When I read your first message, I was so blown away I couldn\'t even breathe...I couldn\'t dare to dream that such a beautiful, artistic woman could ever be interested in me.  As our conversations progressed, I found you to be everything I had ever wished for in a friend, and possible lover and wife.  Those times were magic, and are the single happiest span of time I have ever experienced.  Here was a woman who seemed to love me for who I was, and I wanted to be with you more than anything.  The one thing I knew i would not be able to take emotionally, was losing you, so I did my best to prevent that sort of pain, even if it meant that I had to stay lonely forever.  Over the following weeks, you wore down my resistance, and I actually had hope that somehow, I had managed to encounter the one person that I was meant for.  The only word I can think of that describes how you make me feel, then and all through our relationship, is transcendent.  After all those years of loneliness and feeling separate, here was a woman that was everything I had ever wanted and more.  You were a wonder to me, gorgeous and talented.\r\n\r\nI wanted you to be interested too, so I put on this tough guy image, because you said you wanted someone who could protect you and keep you safe.  At heart, I\'m a peaceful man.  I just wanted to enjoy every second I could with you, in a safe and secure place, and give us a family.  Any time in my life where I\'ve just been myself, I have gotten taken advantage of, and thought that appearing aggressive would spare me that.  I\'ve never liked violence, despite what you may think or tell others.  I\'d rather just play with Savannah, or spend time with you and her, than anything remotely aggressive.  You gave me a beautiful daughter, and she is perfect to me in every way, despite any setbacks she may have had.  I adored you both, and all I looked forward to was being able to come home to the two people I loved most every day.\r\n\r\nI don\'t think you know how much it hurt to have you cheat on me.  I think you push out that feeling from your conscience, because inside you know how much I really care, and because if you thought about it too long you would realize how wrong it is for all of us.  I also don\'t think you see how you behave from an outside perspective.  You aren\'t really \'in love\' with the ones you cheat on me with, because you\'ve cheated on them too - this isn\'t love.  What you are feeling is being driven by something else, and because I love you, all I wanted to was to discover the actual source of your unhappiness, and do what I could to restore you to that wonderful woman that I met.  There were times I wasn\'t happy either - from financial pressures, from stress at work, etc. but I was always honest about where my unhappiness came from   That you continued to work to bring us down while I worked so hard to make things better hurt me in ways I cannot describe.  I could never imagine doing anything like that, and do not feel that it is actually normal behavior.  I refuse to believe that you would go to such lengths - I understand it is thrilling to meet a new person, but you had proclaimed your love for me, and had gone through and married me, vowing to honor and cherish.\r\n\r\nHaving you pull away from me was more painful than anything I\'ve experienced.  Of course I\'d be upset to try to hard, to sacrifice so much just to show my love, just to have it thrown away.  If you knew how much I love you, how deeply it actually goes, you would understand why I react the way I do.  There is nothing more painful than watching the greatest joy in your life, the hope for your future and your happiness as a human being, of having that feeling of completeness, ripped out of your life.  When I tried to help you, when I suggested that you at least explore the possibility that you might have some issues that could be corrected, you resented me for it, and that hurt.  During your pregnancy, we both lived through fear and doubt just about every day, and every moment I was away from you was torture.  It\'s even worse now, for obvious reasons. You seem to switch back and forth from loving me one minute, to hating me the next.  Can you even imagine how much that hurts me?  I\'m not trying to bring you down - I\'m just trying to get you to see how unnecessary all of this was.  We have a child together, and was trying to build a future, and with just a month or so of getting ahead financially, everything comes apart.  I wasn\'t treating you badly - how could back rubs every night, and my attention and affection, be considered bad treatment?  I just wanted us to be able to enjoy our lives together, and if you had ever really given us a chance, we could.  After all, it\'s a fact that you have spent a majority of your time and energy on other guys more than you ever have me, or even Savannah.  Again, not laying blame, just stating facts that were obvious to just about anyone who was actually there.  If you had given me the time you said you would, you would have seen a rapid improvement in our lives, and would have seen that we could be happy.  Instead, you throw yourself at any guy who will pay attention to you, and then go and start talking about marriage to them (obvious from your emails) while still married to me.\r\n\r\nThat is wrong, plain and simple, and neither I nor Savannah deserve what has happened.  I hope you are not stupid enough to sleep with him.  I really do.  You mean so much to me, that I can\'t and won\'t share that part of myself with anyone ever again.  Not because I couldn\'t, but because you were, and could still be, perfect for me, and after meeting you, i know nothing else could ever compare.  That is how much I  care, how deeply my love for you runs.  I just wish you felt the same about me, and would give me as much time as you have others...not time where you are placating me until you have another opportunity to find someone or whatever, but time where you actually leave yourself open to what you already have - a man who has, and will, do anything to give you what you want in life.  I\'d like to die knowing I did everything I could to provide for my wife and baby.\r\n\r\nEvery moment we are apart, are moments that can never be gotten back.  I have no greater pleasure than seeing my daughter and my wife, happy and enjoying our time together.  I\'ve been made to miss so many important moments - I\'ve only been able to witness half of her birthdays and Christmases, not to mention all the little moments that come in between, moments that are precious to me.  Why can\'t you give me enough time with you and her to show you how happy we could be?  If there are other issues that are bringing you stress, they can be solved.  I\'ve never been the person you make me out to be - almost all of the issues we have faced are also encountered by most couples, and we could work them out, if you would only work with me.  Those days with you, any day with you and Savannah, are the most important thing in my life.  You took the time and energy to get me, so please, please, stop hurting me this way.  I\'ve never been against you- I\'ve been there for you whenever you needed me.  Please consider that maybe you are looking for something else - it would be the greatest of crimes to toss me away, and then one day realize you may have had a better life if only you had stayed with me.  Consider the possibility that maybe other factors are influencing the way you feel.  I gave you attention and affection every day - you make me elated with every smile, every kind word.  Every bit of my stress disappears when that little girl takes my finger.  You know that what I am saying is true.  You know how I feel about you and Savannah.  No relationship is just about you...there are others involved in this, and both me and Savannah deserve to have a chance at a happy life with a full family.\r\n\r\nSo, because nothing else has worked, I\'m begging you not to continue your present course.  There is nothing that anyone else could give you that I can\'t.  We both know this is true - I\'ve proven it more times than I can count.  That should mean something to you.  It definitely means something to me, and would mean a lot to our daughter.\r\n\r\nPlease Michelle.  I can\'t help but get frustrated sometimes.  I\'m human.  If I had ever behaved the way you have, even once, you would just have walked.  I haven\'t.  I\'ve forgiven you over and over again, but each time i do, I\'m not allowed to heal before I was made to worry again.  I can\'t explain why you have treated me the way you have - I\'ve lost count of how many times I\'ve heard or read complaints about the man running around, being abusive, etc.  I\'ve never done any of that.  You know as well as I do that I\'ve always been happiest just doing things with you and Savannah.  It doesn\'t matter what it is, I love being around you two more than anything else.  So, I\'m begging you to please consider your husband and your daughter in regards to this.  I would do anything and everything I could to make you happy.  I want to share in your life, and Savannah\'s life.  Please don\'t take the most wonderful things in my life, the people that bring me the only true happiness I\'ve known in the last twenty years, away.  I know it may be hard to believe, but if we got back together, I would look at it as a fresh start.  I would not hold anything against you, or even bring it up.  You know that we have been so close - I\'ve made you laugh, I\'ve made you shudder with pleasure, I\'ve made Savannah happy every day.  Please don\'t take that away.  I\'ve already lost so much.  Please, Dragonfly, please - remember how you felt when we met.  I know I could make you feel that way again.\r\n\r\nAlways,\r\n\r\nYour Michael','What You Mean To Me','','inherit','closed','closed','','217-revision-v1','','','2018-06-06 18:54:55','2018-06-06 18:54:55','',217,'http://michaelvain.net/217-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(228,1,'2018-06-07 00:40:42','2018-06-07 00:40:42','','Contact','','publish','closed','closed','','contact','','','2018-06-07 00:54:31','2018-06-07 00:54:31','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=228',0,'page','',0),(224,1,'2018-06-07 00:20:03','2018-06-07 00:20:03','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Available Now!</h4>\n\n<h4><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/cover_72_front.jpg\" alt=\"permutations of reality cover\" /></h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n	<h2>Coming March/April 2023</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>Permutations of Reality - A new novel that combines elements of horror, the paranormal, and quantum physics.</p>\n<h2>Coming - Late 2023</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A non-fiction account of a male victim of domestic abuse, and a court system unequipped and uncaring as to the dangers of narcissistic abuse.  Available late 2023,</p>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Future','','publish','closed','closed','','future','','','2023-04-04 12:23:28','2023-04-04 16:23:28','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?page_id=224',0,'page','',0),(587,1,'2023-03-06 00:16:32','2023-03-06 04:16:32','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Coming Soon</h4>\n\n<h4><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/flweroflifebw400a-e1653267154382.jpg\" alt=\"Flower of Life\" width=\"450\" height=\"450\" /></h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Cover Reveal Coming Soon!</h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n	<h2>Coming 2023</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A new novel that combines elements of horror, the paranormal, and quantum physics.</p>\n<h2>Coming - Late 2023</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A non-fiction account of a male victim of domestic abuse, and a court system unequipped and uncaring as to the dangers of narcissistic abuse.  Available late 2023,</p>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2023-03-06 00:16:32','2023-03-06 04:16:32','',224,'https://michaelvain.net/?p=587',0,'revision','',0),(542,1,'2022-05-22 20:55:36','2022-05-23 00:55:36','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n\n	<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Coming Soon</h4>\n\n<h4><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/flweroflifebw400a-e1653267154382.jpg\" alt=\"Flower of Life\" width=\"450\" height=\"450\" /></h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n	<h2>Coming 2022</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A new novel that combines elements of horror, the paranormal, and quantum physics.  The first draft is two-thirds completed, and I am looking to have the finished book ready sometime in the coming months, so stay tuned!</p>\n<h2>Coming - Late 2022</h2>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A non-fiction account of a male victim of domestic abuse, and a court system unequipped and uncaring as to the dangers of narcissistic abuse.  Available late 2021, early 2022.</p>\n\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2022-05-22 20:55:36','2022-05-23 00:55:36','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(318,1,'2020-01-07 01:39:39','2020-01-07 05:39:39','\n	<h1>Coming Soon</h1>\n<p><img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/icon_strange.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"150\" /></p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<h4>Feb. - March 2020</h4>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2020-01-07 01:39:39','2020-01-07 05:39:39','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(225,1,'2018-06-07 00:20:03','2018-06-07 00:20:03','','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2018-06-07 00:20:03','2018-06-07 00:20:03','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(226,1,'2018-06-07 00:21:43','2018-06-07 00:21:43','\n	<p>There are no appearances or events currently scheduled.</p>\n<p>&nbsp;</p>\n<p>Michael has begun his second novel, and hopes to be able to complete the manuscript in the near future.</p>\n','Future','','inherit','closed','closed','','224-revision-v1','','','2018-06-07 00:21:43','2018-06-07 00:21:43','',224,'http://michaelvain.net/224-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(227,1,'2018-06-07 00:22:40','2018-06-07 00:22:40',' ','','','publish','closed','closed','','227','','','2020-08-04 23:54:20','2020-08-05 03:54:20','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=227',11,'nav_menu_item','',0),(229,1,'2018-06-07 00:40:42','2018-06-07 00:40:42','','Contact','','inherit','closed','closed','','228-revision-v1','','','2018-06-07 00:40:42','2018-06-07 00:40:42','',228,'http://michaelvain.net/228-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(401,1,'2020-08-05 01:23:12','2020-08-05 05:23:12','<!-- wp:fl-builder/layout -->\n				<img src=\"https://michaelvain.net/.wp-toolkit_0/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/art_covers_hwy-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Highway Hypnosis cover\" itemprop=\"image\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" title=\"art_covers_hwy\" onerror=\"this.style.display=\'none\'\"  />\n	<h5>Highway Hypnosis</h5>\n                       <h6>Dark Suspense/Horror, 409 pages<br>\n                                              </h6>\n                                              <p>Howard Langford is intelligent, driven, and at times even ruthless, but he is not a hero. When he falls asleep behind the wheel during a long drive, he awakens to find himself on a road he does not recognize, and is then forced to embark upon a terrifying journey through a dangerous dimension, a journey that will require acts of personal sacrifice and endurance he never previously believed possible. Fighting for both his sanity and his life, Howard must find the hero within himself as he struggles to discover a way back to his own world before the denizens of this nightmare realm can claim him for their own.</p>\n			<a href=\"//www.smashwords.com/books/view/620148\" target=\"_self\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						E-Book\n		</a>\n			<a href=\"//www.amazon.com/dp/1530927099\" target=\"_blank\" role=\"button\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\n						Paperback\n		</a>\n<!-- /wp:fl-builder/layout -->','Novels','','inherit','closed','closed','','161-revision-v1','','','2020-08-05 01:23:12','2020-08-05 05:23:12','',161,'http://michaelvain.net/161-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(231,1,'2018-06-08 02:36:52','2018-06-08 02:36:52','You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  \r\nI wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  \r\nI never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle something in order to please you in some way, and in pain and frustration, I would sometimes get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way (it made me feel like shit, but it was sometimes like I was caught in events I couldn\'t get out of, but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which in turn helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  \r\nThe level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  \r\nYour status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  \r\nI hope it is the former.  It\'s how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I\'ve already been hurt so much, so doing more isn\'t really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I\'ve never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn\'t want to hurt me that way.  You once said there was something about me that kept bringing you back. This is why I hope that you posted that as something positive to me, rather than an attempt to hurt me.  Even in the midst of our worst times, I tried to savor every positive moment we ever had.  I can remember the texture of your skin, your hair.  I can still taste you, smell you.  I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where I\'m holding you in the dark, confused and frightened for a moment, before the sadness sets in. \r\nI was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn\'t want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  \r\nIf you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I\'ve been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.\r\n\r\nAlways, \r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/7','','private','open','open','','letter-6-7','','','2018-06-19 23:59:33','2018-06-19 23:59:33','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=231',0,'post','',0),(232,1,'2018-06-08 02:36:52','2018-06-08 02:36:52','You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  \r\nI wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  \r\nI never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle things to please you in some way, and and I\'d get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way, but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  \r\nThe level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  \r\nYour status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  \r\nI hope it is the former.  It\'s how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I\'ve already been hurt so much, so doing more isn\'t really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I\'ve never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn\'t want to hurt me that way.\r\nI was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn\'t want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  \r\nIf you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I\'ve been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.\r\n\r\nAlways, \r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/7','','inherit','closed','closed','','231-revision-v1','','','2018-06-08 02:36:52','2018-06-08 02:36:52','',231,'http://michaelvain.net/231-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(233,1,'2018-06-08 03:01:31','2018-06-08 03:01:31','You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  \nI wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  \nI never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle something in order to please you in some way, and in pain and frustration, I would sometimes get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way (it made me feel like shit, but it was sometimes like I was caught in some kind of , but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  \nThe level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  \nYour status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  \nI hope it is the former.  It\'s how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I\'ve already been hurt so much, so doing more isn\'t really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I\'ve never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn\'t want to hurt me that way.  You once said there was something about me that kept bringing you back. This is why I hope that you posted that as something positive to me, rather than an attempt to hurt me.  Even in the midst of our worst times, I tried to savor every positive moment we ever had.  I can remember the texture of your skin, your hair.  I can still taste you, smell you.  I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where I\'m holding you in the dark, confused and frightened for a moment, before the sadness sets in. \nI was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn\'t want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  \nIf you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I\'ve been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.\n\nAlways, \nYour Michael\n','letter 6/7','','inherit','closed','closed','','231-autosave-v1','','','2018-06-08 03:01:31','2018-06-08 03:01:31','',231,'http://michaelvain.net/231-autosave-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(234,1,'2018-06-08 02:56:16','2018-06-08 02:56:16','You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  \r\nI wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  \r\nI never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle things to please you in some way, and and I\'d get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way, but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  \r\nThe level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  \r\nYour status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  \r\nI hope it is the former.  It\'s how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I\'ve already been hurt so much, so doing more isn\'t really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I\'ve never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn\'t want to hurt me that way.  You once said there was something about me that kept bringing you back. This is why I hope that you posted that as something positive to me, rather than an attempt to hurt me.  Even in the midst of our worst times, I tried to savor every positive moment we ever had.  I can remember the texture of your skin, your hair.  I can still taste you, smell you.  I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where I\'m holding you in the dark, confused and frightened for a moment, before the sadness sets in. \r\nI was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn\'t want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  \r\nIf you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I\'ve been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.\r\n\r\nAlways, \r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/7','','inherit','closed','closed','','231-revision-v1','','','2018-06-08 02:56:16','2018-06-08 02:56:16','',231,'http://michaelvain.net/231-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(235,1,'2018-06-08 03:02:58','2018-06-08 03:02:58','You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  \r\nI wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  \r\nI never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle something in order to please you in some way, and in pain and frustration, I would sometimes get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way (it made me feel like shit, but it was sometimes like I was caught in events I couldn\'t get out of, but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which in turn helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  \r\nThe level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  \r\nYour status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  \r\nI hope it is the former.  It\'s how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I\'ve already been hurt so much, so doing more isn\'t really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I\'ve never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn\'t want to hurt me that way.  You once said there was something about me that kept bringing you back. This is why I hope that you posted that as something positive to me, rather than an attempt to hurt me.  Even in the midst of our worst times, I tried to savor every positive moment we ever had.  I can remember the texture of your skin, your hair.  I can still taste you, smell you.  I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where I\'m holding you in the dark, confused and frightened for a moment, before the sadness sets in. \r\nI was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn\'t want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  \r\nIf you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I\'ve been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.\r\n\r\nAlways, \r\nYour Michael\r\n','letter 6/7','','inherit','closed','closed','','231-revision-v1','','','2018-06-08 03:02:58','2018-06-08 03:02:58','',231,'http://michaelvain.net/231-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(236,1,'2018-06-10 01:18:57','2018-06-10 01:18:57','I wish there was anything I could do, anything, that would make you reconsider.  Every time I\'ve tried to do what was right, I have been made to feel such pain.  I tried to do right by my daughter, and I\'ve been made to feel the consequences almost every day since.  I tried so hard to do right by you and Savannah.  I tried to be the model husband, and despite some temporary glitches, I think I succeeded.  But here I am. \r\nI love every part of you.  I always have.  Why else would I be so comfortable doing some of the things I did?  I loved everything, from your hair to your toenails.  I marveled at every curve, adored your tiger stripes and the almost invisible mark of Savannah\'s birth. I loved how it felt to lay in your arms after a passionate coupling, to feel your breath, the rise and fall of your lungs, the softness of your embrace.  I loved playing WoW with you, especially when you got your game rage on.  I loved the notes I used to get and the every night, it felt like the first time we slept together.   I don\'t know if you care, but at NO time did I ever think of you as less than a goddess.  I may have spouted off at the mouth when I got frustrated, always combined with the fact I was exhausted and in pain, and for that, I am sorry.  It was a poor way to express myself, and though it was fueled by the scars of my past, I had just managed to correct that when the rug got pulled out from under me.  Afterwards, I did everything I could for you.  I tried to do the best with what I had to work with, and changed jobs as quickly as I could.  I would still do anything for you, if only you would let me. \r\nI don\'t know if you ever read these, but I have to write them all the same.  I love you, and the pain I feel at everything has nowhere else to go.  I have never felt this way for anyone else.  I just wish you could say the same.  I wish you knew what it felt like to be so completely in love with someone, only to lose them in such a way.  All the times I expressed how much I loved you, how beautiful you are.  All the times those words were returned in the form of what I had done wrong.    Every time it hurt, more because I thought I knew why you were doing it.  In the long run, though, I really don\'t.  I\'ve always accepted your imperfections, and loved you more for them.  I\'ve never been thought of in the same way.  It would be nice to think I was worth it.  If you had let me, if you had noticed, I was learning too, and was always working on making things better for us in any way I could.  If you had helped, given me some better direction, I would have listened, and maybe you wouldn\'t blame me for whatever you blamed me for. \r\nI want this torture to end. I want to be happy, but I know that without you and Savannah with me, I could never be.  If that is what the Universe wants out of me, then that is the one thing I can\'t accept.  All I have wanted since meeting you, is to be the man that you love.   I can\'t explain why I was so captivated.  It wasn\'t because of my age, because I never really even pay attention to that.  I know I would have fallen for you no matter how old I was, because I felt a connection with you that goes beyond age or looks or time, one that spoke to my soul.  I\'ve never told anyone the things I\'ve told you.  Never expressed to anyone the feelings I\'ve confessed to you.  From the moment I saw your pictures, I was entranced.  I never would have thought I would even be able to talk to you, much less marry you and have a child.  I never lost that.  I never will, just so you know.  Hurt me if you must, but you can\'t make me hate you. \r\n     You are the only person I\'ve ever felt close enough to that I could really be myself.  All the times I was touching your back, those moments where we were playing WoW or taking pictures or having incredible sex. that was the real me.  It was all I wanted to be.  It is still.  I know you may never read this.  I still don\'t know if you had a moment where you were remembering us in a good way, or just trying to hurt me more.  I\'ve never, ever, wanted to hurt you.  I may have run my mouth, but I was hurt and heartbroken when I did, and couldn\'t deal with it.    I wish I could say I\'m handling things now, but that would be a lie.  I don\'t go anywhere, or really do anything any more.  All I do is think of you and Savannah, the times we shared, and cry.  I write poems and letters, because I can\'t do anything else - it\'s the only way I can express myself.  I do my job, and try to distract myself a bit here and there, but it never really works. You stirred a part of my soul that nothing else has ever managed to touch, and nothing will again.  I told you the truth from the start - there was only one spot left in my heart, and I gave it to you.  The only room I have left is for you and Savannah.  Without my wife and my baby, I have nothing left.  Just coming home to you gave me the strength to face another day.  Being with you and Savannah was the only joy I have felt for years, and even the simplest things made me happier than I could describe.  I just wish you would have let me continue being a husband and father to you and Savannah.  It was the only time in my life I ever felt complete.  You were the one.   Savannah is my treasure, and ever since she was born, I wanted to have another with you.  I wish we could.  \r\nIf you do read this, I hope you do it alone, and that you don\'t laugh or hate me for it.  I\'m just feeling particularly alone, and am contemplating my own worth, and that of staying here. Kiss Savannah for me. \r\nI\'ll love you always,\r\nYour Michael','Letter 6/9','','private','open','open','','letter-6-9','','','2018-06-19 23:59:12','2018-06-19 23:59:12','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=236',0,'post','',0),(237,1,'2018-06-10 01:18:57','2018-06-10 01:18:57','I wish there was anything I could do, anything, that would make you reconsider.  Every time I\'ve tried to do what was right, I have been made to feel such pain.  I tried to do right by my daughter, and I\'ve been made to feel the consequences almost every day since.  I tried so hard to do right by you and Savannah.  I tried to be the model husband, and despite some temporary glitches, I think I succeeded.  But here I am. \r\nI love every part of you.  I always have.  Why else would I be so comfortable doing some of the things I did?  I loved everything, from your hair to your toenails.  I marveled at every curve, adored your tiger stripes and the almost invisible mark of Savannah\'s birth. I loved how it felt to lay in your arms after a passionate coupling, to feel your breath, the rise and fall of your lungs, the softness of your embrace.  I loved playing WoW with you, especially when you got your game rage on.  I loved the notes I used to get and the every night, it felt like the first time we slept together.   I don\'t know if you care, but at NO time did I ever think of you as less than a goddess.  I may have spouted off at the mouth when I got frustrated, always combined with the fact I was exhausted and in pain, and for that, I am sorry.  It was a poor way to express myself, and though it was fueled by the scars of my past, I had just managed to correct that when the rug got pulled out from under me.  Afterwards, I did everything I could for you.  I tried to do the best with what I had to work with, and changed jobs as quickly as I could.  I would still do anything for you, if only you would let me. \r\nI don\'t know if you ever read these, but I have to write them all the same.  I love you, and the pain I feel at everything has nowhere else to go.  I have never felt this way for anyone else.  I just wish you could say the same.  I wish you knew what it felt like to be so completely in love with someone, only to lose them in such a way.  All the times I expressed how much I loved you, how beautiful you are.  All the times those words were returned in the form of what I had done wrong.    Every time it hurt, more because I thought I knew why you were doing it.  In the long run, though, I really don\'t.  I\'ve always accepted your imperfections, and loved you more for them.  I\'ve never been thought of in the same way.  It would be nice to think I was worth it.  If you had let me, if you had noticed, I was learning too, and was always working on making things better for us in any way I could.  If you had helped, given me some better direction, I would have listened, and maybe you wouldn\'t blame me for whatever you blamed me for. \r\nI want this torture to end. I want to be happy, but I know that without you and Savannah with me, I could never be.  If that is what the Universe wants out of me, then that is the one thing I can\'t accept.  All I have wanted since meeting you, is to be the man that you love.   I can\'t explain why I was so captivated.  It wasn\'t because of my age, because I never really even pay attention to that.  I know I would have fallen for you no matter how old I was, because I felt a connection with you that goes beyond age or looks or time, one that spoke to my soul.  I\'ve never told anyone the things I\'ve told you.  Never expressed to anyone the feelings I\'ve confessed to you.  From the moment I saw your pictures, I was entranced.  I never would have thought I would even be able to talk to you, much less marry you and have a child.  I never lost that.  I never will, just so you know.  Hurt me if you must, but you can\'t make me hate you. \r\n     You are the only person I\'ve ever felt close enough to that I could really be myself.  All the times I was touching your back, those moments where we were playing WoW or taking pictures or having incredible sex. that was the real me.  It was all I wanted to be.  It is still.  I know you may never read this.  I still don\'t know if you had a moment where you were remembering us in a good way, or just trying to hurt me more.  I\'ve never, ever, wanted to hurt you.  I may have run my mouth, but I was hurt and heartbroken when I did, and couldn\'t deal with it.    I wish I could say I\'m handling things now, but that would be a lie.  I don\'t go anywhere, or really do anything any more.  All I do is think of you and Savannah, the times we shared, and cry.  I write poems and letters, because I can\'t do anything else - it\'s the only way I can express myself.  I do my job, and try to distract myself a bit here and there, but it never really works. You stirred a part of my soul that nothing else has ever managed to touch, and nothing will again.  I told you the truth from the start - there was only one spot left in my heart, and I gave it to you.  The only room I have left is for you and Savannah.  Without my wife and my baby, I have nothing left.  Just coming home to you gave me the strength to face another day.  Being with you and Savannah was the only joy I have felt for years, and even the simplest things made me happier than I could describe.  I just wish you would have let me continue being a husband and father to you and Savannah.  It was the only time in my life I ever felt complete.  You were the one.   Savannah is my treasure, and ever since she was born, I wanted to have another with you.  I wish we could.  \r\nIf you do read this, I hope you do it alone, and that you don\'t laugh or hate me for it.  I\'m just feeling particularly alone, and am contemplating my own worth, and that of staying here. Kiss Savannah for me. \r\nI\'ll love you always,\r\nYour Michael','Letter 6/9','','inherit','closed','closed','','236-revision-v1','','','2018-06-10 01:18:57','2018-06-10 01:18:57','',236,'http://michaelvain.net/236-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(238,1,'2018-06-10 12:42:41','2018-06-10 12:42:41','Dear Michelle\r\n\r\nEven when we were apart, whenever you needed anything, I gave it to you.  Whenever you needed me, I was there.  I needed you last night.  I needed someone, my special someone, to tell me that it was worth it to stay on this planet.  My heart has been slowly breaking for years, and last night, it shattered.  I\'ll never understand why you strung me along for so long.  Why you married me and had a baby with me just to do this.  I was bothering no one.  I was alone in my room, and didn\'t want to feel any more pain.  Yet I\'ve been made to hurt more in the last seven years than I have in all the days before I met you, accident and previous heartbreak included.  I never earned that, did nothing to deserve how I\'ve been treated.  I\'ve come through for you whenever you needed me, and we both know that if you were to tell me tomorrow that you needed my help, I\'d do whatever I had to do to make sure I was there for you.  I\'d do whatever I could to help you.\r\nI\'m not the real monster in this story.  I never was.  I\"m just a guy who has been hurt more, physically and emotionally, than he ever deserved, a man who keeps opening his heart just so life can cut it open and piss in the wound.  I thought when I met you, that finally, I could be at peace.  Here was this beautiful woman who, for whatever reason, had sought me out, and wanted me...me, who didn\'t have anything to offer except undying love and devotion, and who would do anything to experience true love, to be truly happy, even if I had had to wait so long to find it, a woman who seemed like Heaven itself had made her just for me.\r\nDo you remember how we fit together?  Do you remember that night, all the little things we discovered about each other, and how they seemed to match?  I do.\r\nI can remember the night when I left to see you that first time.  I remember standing by my mom\'s car, getting ready to leave on the fourteen hour drive to see you, and saying out loud, \"Well, Michael, this is it.  This is the start of a new chapter in your life.  This woman will either save you, or destroy you completely.\"\r\nI guess we both know now which of those outcomes it truly was.  When I look back at all I have lost, all I had to give up, all I continue to lose, because of how I feel for you, it makes me realize how little any of it meant, how little I really mean, and have ever meant.\r\nYou were, and are, everything to me.  Now, I have nothing.  I have even less than I did when we met, after all the struggle, after all the hours of working through blinding pain just to provide for us, after all the special moments we shared, I come away knowing none of it was real.  All that effort and time and emotional energy wasted.  I was afraid to tell you how much it hurt when I worked, because I didn\'t want to lose you.  Sometimes I couldn\'t help it, but I kept the vast majority of my own pain and heartache to myself.  Inside, I knew you didn\'t care, that you just wanted what you wanted, and I wanted to be the one to give it to you.\r\nI can\'t help but wonder - if I hadn\'t had that accident, if I hadn\'t had to deal with the effects of the severe pain, ptsd, and other effects, would it have made a difference?  I was more dynamic before it happened, and perhaps if I had never tried to be there for Katrina, my temper would likely never have come out the way it did when we were together...so, would it have made a difference, or was our entire relationship planned from the start?  Did you ever love me?  Even a little? \r\nYou have no idea how much it hurts to write to you.  I just want to leave now.  I used to see life as the most precious thing we have.  Now, it is just a vehicle for pain, and I just want it to stop.  It feels like the hourglass of my life is running out, and I just don\'t have the heart to turn it over.  All I ever wanted was to love you, to be or do whatever was needed to have you share that love with me.  You did it once, and it was the brightest spot in my life.  \r\nThere have been times where I was harsh.  There were times where I lost my temper  (and regretted it every time, but I was human, and sometimes it just happened despite me wanting otherwise).  But never, ever, have I done things deliberately that I knew would hurt you.  Ever.  You meant too much for me to even consider it.  Yet time has shown that you would draw me back, just to go and find another way to hurt me, and you did it knowing how it would hurt.  There were times where I may have come off like an ass, but I could never do that to you.  Had the situation been reversed (and it was, many times), I would never have let those things keep me from you, or be cause enough to throw away the one person I felt was perfect for me.  You went past the deal-breaker line many times with me, the latest is just the most blatant example, and I never gave up.  You even left that piece of shit sister-raping ass-hat, because you knew I\'d never give up on you, never stop fighting for you.  You said so yourself.  So...you dip even lower into the barrel?  It just doesn\'t make sense, no matter what you tell yourself in the end.  Do you even understand how much you hurt me these years?  How I stood by while you kept finding someone..any one..to leave me for, and each was a lower life form than the last?  Can you imagine the pain of seeing the person you love more than anyone you\'ve ever loved, pushing you aside for something less?  It would be like me wanting to sleep with a lice-covered, disease-ridden, toothless meth-whore rather than you.  Or, better yet, like you being tossed aside by these idiots you go after for that above example.  Would you even care then, or would you just go \'oh well..next\' ?  I can\'t do that.  I don\'t just casually give over my heart on a whim.  It had to be you, someone who had everything I wanted in a person, both creatively and emotionally, who fit me like you did, had the qualities you had, for me to even consider it.  I gave you my heart completely, and if it looked like I was angry sometimes, it was because you did not seem to know how much I sacrificed, or place any value on the value I placed on you.\r\nEverything, including the piece you wrote about yourself that you shared when we first met, shows that you have some issues.  You always admitted it, when it helped your case, but refused to see it when it applied to us.  This is something we both know to be true.  I don\'t feel it was all me....that wouldn\'t even make sense.  We both know how much i would do, how far I would go, just to make you have a nice day, to make you happy.  No, there are greater issues here, and I am fighting with the last bit of my strength and will to help you see it... to try and save the most precious thing I\'ve ever known, before it is thrown away completely.  The greatest tragedy, would be to know that this could have been the greatest time of your life, that you had the one man who would die for you, only to toss him away.  And for what?  Right.  When you look at what you have said to me, from the very beginning...and how every single one of those promises and statements were then twisted, or outright contradicted - these are not good signs.  They are not \'growth\' or \'change\' - they are signs that something deeper is wrong.  I\'ve never done anything to you that deserves this kind of behavior.  I gave you all my time, all my money, all my affecton and attention.  Not to mention several moaning orgasms every night.  So, no, I don\'t believe what I am told.  I know there is something else, and I love you enough that I want to see that thing fixed, to see you become what you really should be, and not the thing you\'ve become.  You can be pissed if you want, but I really say these things only because I truly do love you, and I want to see what you already have confessed to, fixed.  You don\'t see yourself from the outside, but I do, and I care enough that I want to heal those old wounds, the ones you suffered before you met me.\r\nYou know we could be amazing together.  You know that I always gave to you and Savannah, every day.  Thowing that away is the saddest thing I can think of, and to hurt me like this, unneccessarily, is downright cruel.  I could never do that to you or anyone else, despite what you may think.  Again, this shows that something has hurt you in the past, and I wish you would let me help you, and us, to be whole again.  I don\'t know, however, if I\'ll be around to see it happen.  This entire experience has changed me, and I don\'t know how much longer I can take the pain of being here.  That I am writing this today is due only to chance - had I the means, I may have just said goodbye last night.  But something is keeping me here a bit longer.  I\'d like to think it\'s because the universe knows how much I love you and want to help you.  If that turns out not to be true, then I will likely have to leave, as I cannot imagine living a life like this.  I shouldn\'t have to, and I\'m tired of having to suffer for no other reason than because I try to do what is right, and with an honest heart.  I needed you more than anything last night, and you turned me away, ignored me, were cruel to me, in ways I could never be to you.  You have treated me that way for years. with bright moments where it\'s just the opposite.  We both know I\'d never treat you that way.  I can\'t.  You judge me on seeing me, pushing me, to my worst.  I\'ve always judged you by you at your best.  It\'s still how I see you.\r\nAnd still I hang on.  I wish you could know my heart, you once said.  Apparently, you\'ve never known or even cared about mine, and that is what love is about.  I knew yours, and I knew it was, and is, wrong.  The one you really need, the one that could be the best for you, is right here, writing this letter.  Get mad if you want, but it is the truth, and has been proven through time.\r\n I miss you, the real you, and our daughter.  You could make things right, if you have the strength to face the truth.  I want what is best for all of us, for our child to be raised by her natural parents in love.  You seem to always want only what you want, and that saddens me.  You have been so much better than that.  You can still be, but only if you want to stop running and be willing to do what is actually right.  We have both had our pasts wound us, and with each other, we have the best chance of truly healing.  It was one of the many many things we discovered in learning about each other.  If only you could see how well we fit, could fit again.\r\nEven in the face of darkness, I am forever\r\nYour Michael','Letter 6/10','','private','open','open','','letter-6-10','','','2018-06-13 23:50:43','2018-06-13 23:50:43','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=238',0,'post','',0),(239,1,'2018-06-10 12:42:41','2018-06-10 12:42:41','Dear Michelle\r\n\r\nEven when we were apart, whenever you needed anything, I gave it to you.  Whenever you needed me, I was there.  I needed you last night.  I needed someone, my special someone, to tell me that it was worth it to stay on this planet.  My heart has been slowly breaking for years, and last night, it shattered.  I\'ll never understand why you strung me along for so long.  Why you married me and had a baby with me just to do this.  I was bothering no one.  I was alone in my room, and didn\'t want to feel any more pain.  Yet I\'ve been made to hurt more in the last seven years than I have in all the days before I met you, accident and previous heartbreak included.  I never earned that, did nothing to deserve how I\'ve been treated.  I\'ve come through for you whenever you needed me, and we both know that if you were to tell me tomorrow that you needed my help, I\'d do whatever I had to do to make sure I was there for you.  I\'d do whatever I could to help you.\r\nI\'m not the real monster in this story.  I never was.  I\"m just a guy who has been hurt more, physically and emotionally, than he ever deserved, a man who keeps opening his heart just so life can cut it open and piss in the wound.  I thought when I met you, that finally, I could be at peace.  Here was this beautiful woman who, for whatever reason, had sought me out, and wanted me...me, who didn\'t have anything to offer except undying love and devotion, and who would do anything to experience true love, to be truly happy, even if I had had to wait so long to find it, a woman who seemed like Heaven itself had made her just for me.\r\nDo you remember how we fit together?  Do you remember that night, all the little things we discovered about each other, and how they seemed to match?  I do.\r\nI can remember the night when I left to see you that first time.  I remember standing by my mom\'s car, getting ready to leave on the fourteen hour drive to see you, and saying out loud, \"Well, Michael, this is it.  This is the start of a new chapter in your life.  This woman will either save you, or destroy you completely.\"\r\nI guess we both know now which of those outcomes it truly was.  When I look back at all I have lost, all I had to give up, all I continue to lose, because of how I feel for you, it makes me realize how little any of it meant, how little I really mean, and have ever meant.\r\nYou were, and are, everything to me.  Now, I have nothing.  I have even less than I did when we met, after all the struggle, after all the hours of working through blinding pain just to provide for us, after all the special moments we shared, I come away knowing none of it was real.  All that effort and time and emotional energy wasted.  I was afraid to tell you how much it hurt when I worked, because I didn\'t want to lose you.  Sometimes I couldn\'t help it, but I kept the vast majority of my own pain and heartache to myself.  Inside, I knew you didn\'t care, that you just wanted what you wanted, and I wanted to be the one to give it to you.\r\nI can\'t help but wonder - if I hadn\'t had that accident, if I hadn\'t had to deal with the effects of the severe pain, ptsd, and other effects, would it have made a difference?  I was more dynamic before it happened, and perhaps if I had never tried to be there for Katrina, my temper would likely never have come out the way it did when we were together...so, would it have made a difference, or was our entire relationship planned from the start?  Did you ever love me?  Even a little? \r\nYou have no idea how much it hurts to write to you.  I just want to leave now.  I used to see life as the most precious thing we have.  Now, it is just a vehicle for pain, and I just want it to stop.  It feels like the hourglass of my life is running out, and I just don\'t have the heart to turn it over.  All I ever wanted was to love you, to be or do whatever was needed to have you share that love with me.  You did it once, and it was the brightest spot in my life.  \r\nThere have been times where I was harsh.  There were times where I lost my temper  (and regretted it every time, but I was human, and sometimes it just happened despite me wanting otherwise).  But never, ever, have I done things deliberately that I knew would hurt you.  Ever.  You meant too much for me to even consider it.  Yet time has shown that you would draw me back, just to go and find another way to hurt me, and you did it knowing how it would hurt.  There were times where I may have come off like an ass, but I could never do that to you.  Had the situation been reversed (and it was, many times), I would never have let those things keep me from you, or be cause enough to throw away the one person I felt was perfect for me.  You went past the deal-breaker line many times with me, the latest is just the most blatant example, and I never gave up.  You even left that piece of shit sister-raping ass-hat, because you knew I\'d never give up on you, never stop fighting for you.  You said so yourself.  So...you dip even lower into the barrel?  It just doesn\'t make sense, no matter what you tell yourself in the end.  Do you even understand how much you hurt me these years?  How I stood by while you kept finding someone..any one..to leave me for, and each was a lower life form than the last?  Can you imagine the pain of seeing the person you love more than anyone you\'ve ever loved, pushing you aside for something less?  It would be like me wanting to sleep with a lice-covered, disease-ridden, toothless meth-whore rather than you.  Or, better yet, like you being tossed aside by these idiots you go after for that above example.  Would you even care then, or would you just go \'oh well..next\' ?  I can\'t do that.  I don\'t just casually give over my heart on a whim.  It had to be you, someone who had everything I wanted in a person, both creatively and emotionally, who fit me like you did, had the qualities you had, for me to even consider it.  I gave you my heart completely, and if it looked like I was angry sometimes, it was because you did not seem to know how much I sacrificed, or place any value on the value I placed on you.\r\nEverything, including the piece you wrote about yourself that you shared when we first met, shows that you have some issues.  You always admitted it, when it helped your case, but refused to see it when it applied to us.  This is something we both know to be true.  I don\'t feel it was all me....that wouldn\'t even make sense.  We both know how much i would do, how far I would go, just to make you have a nice day, to make you happy.  No, there are greater issues here, and I am fighting with the last bit of my strength and will to help you see it... to try and save the most precious thing I\'ve ever known, before it is thrown away completely.  The greatest tragedy, would be to know that this could have been the greatest time of your life, that you had the one man who would die for you, only to toss him away.  And for what?  Right.  When you look at what you have said to me, from the very beginning...and how every single one of those promises and statements were then twisted, or outright contradicted - these are not good signs.  They are not \'growth\' or \'change\' - they are signs that something deeper is wrong.  I\'ve never done anything to you that deserves this kind of behavior.  I gave you all my time, all my money, all my affecton and attention.  Not to mention several moaning orgasms every night.  So, no, I don\'t believe what I am told.  I know there is something else, and I love you enough that I want to see that thing fixed, to see you become what you really should be, and not the thing you\'ve become.  You can be pissed if you want, but I really say these things only because I truly do love you, and I want to see what you already have confessed to, fixed.  You don\'t see yourself from the outside, but I do, and I care enough that I want to heal those old wounds, the ones you suffered before you met me.\r\nYou know we could be amazing together.  You know that I always gave to you and Savannah, every day.  Thowing that away is the saddest thing I can think of, and to hurt me like this, unneccessarily, is downright cruel.  I could never do that to you or anyone else, despite what you may think.  Again, this shows that something has hurt you in the past, and I wish you would let me help you, and us, to be whole again.  I don\'t know, however, if I\'ll be around to see it happen.  This entire experience has changed me, and I don\'t know how much longer I can take the pain of being here.  That I am writing this today is due only to chance - had I the means, I may have just said goodbye last night.  But something is keeping me here a bit longer.  I\'d like to think it\'s because the universe knows how much I love you and want to help you.  If that turns out not to be true, then I will likely have to leave, as I cannot imagine living a life like this.  I shouldn\'t have to, and I\'m tired of having to suffer for no other reason than because I try to do what is right, and with an honest heart.  I needed you more than anything last night, and you turned me away, ignored me, were cruel to me, in ways I could never be to you.  You have treated me that way for years. with bright moments where it\'s just the opposite.  We both know I\'d never treat you that way.  I can\'t.  You judge me on seeing me, pushing me, to my worst.  I\'ve always judged you by you at your best.  It\'s still how I see you.\r\nAnd still I hang on.  I wish you could know my heart, you once said.  Apparently, you\'ve never known or even cared about mine, and that is what love is about.  I knew yours, and I knew it was, and is, wrong.  The one you really need, the one that could be the best for you, is right here, writing this letter.  Get mad if you want, but it is the truth, and has been proven through time.\r\n I miss you, the real you, and our daughter.  You could make things right, if you have the strength to face the truth.  I want what is best for all of us, for our child to be raised by her natural parents in love.  You seem to always want only what you want, and that saddens me.  You have been so much better than that.  You can still be, but only if you want to stop running and be willing to do what is actually right.  We have both had our pasts wound us, and with each other, we have the best chance of truly healing.  It was one of the many many things we discovered in learning about each other.  If only you could see how well we fit, could fit again.\r\nEven in the face of darkness, I am forever\r\nYour Michael','Letter 6/10','','inherit','closed','closed','','238-revision-v1','','','2018-06-10 12:42:41','2018-06-10 12:42:41','',238,'http://michaelvain.net/238-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),(241,1,'2018-06-17 16:33:40','2018-06-17 16:33:40','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious. To say such a hurtful thing (rear view mirror, etc) right before Father\'s Day is simply vindictive; that I have to spend Father\'s Day alone fills me with enough grief.   I remember our conversation where you told me there was something about me that kept drawing you back, and that part of that was that I never gave up on you.  You knew I wouldn\'t, that I would always fight for you.  Was that the truth, or was it a lie? It can\'t be both.  That you call me negative for the same qualities you praised me for just doesn\'t make any rational sense.  The only thing that brought me down from being positive, was when you were cheating on me and lying about it, all that stuff that comes from it.  I wasn\'t treating you poorly - we both know that whenever you actually paid attention to me and Savannah, I did my best to make it a good time, and appreciated that time together.  How could I be expected to be positive when every time I start, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  How many times did I try to comfort you when you came home?  How many times did you reject that offer? In hindsight, I now know the reasons for the feelings I sensed from you.  I could sense how you felt, and because I love you, I tried to make you feel better.  How is that negative?  If you had simply put any kind of faith in us, we would have had a rocking time.  After everything that happened, after all of it...even when I found his number on your phone after we moved into our house, we had talked about renewing our vows (which I would have booked a cruise for), and having another baby, and two weeks later you\'re telling me the exact opposite.  Can you even imagine the pain I\'ve been made to feel?  You tell me how much it means to you that I\'ll never give up, and when I show how hard I\'m willing to work to make things better, I\'m suddenly the bad guy?  What did I ever do to instill such dislike?  I didn\'t get that futon for you after you left me as part of some plan to win you back - I got it for you because I loved you and wanted, as always, to be able to help you in some way.  I\'ve always fulfilled that role, and we both know it is true.  I couldn\'t just ignore what was going on and pretend to be happy.  It wasn\'t financial or work related stress that made me sad - it was not having someone who was emotionally invested and concerned as I was.  I didn\'t just love you - I was fascinated, connected, and idolized what you are.  How often did I speak of our relationship in cosmic-altering terms?  You disbelieved me, but even so, I always expressed the scope of my appreciation for you in my life in the same way - as something that bordered on magic. Then, to have that person do everything to hurt them, for no other apparent reason than their own reaction to that pain, is a limbo of solitude and confusion as your heart and soul feel like it is being slowly turned to ash, leaving a void that is more frightening than the thought of your own mortality. \r\nNot only did I not ever want to hurt you, I never wanted you to be hurt, by anything.  I was willing to work so you could have more time with Savannah, and was always there for you.  I was the guy who was happy to run out and get you art supplies on a whim, or lights for Savannah\'s room at near midnight, not because I felt obligated, but because it meant I got to do something, anything, for you. And you accuse me of not being supportive?  I tried to be as helpful as I could, always, and freely admitted my admiration for you artistic skill, had no qualms at pointing out where you were better than I was.  So how was that a negative thing?  I honestly do not understand how you can say those things about me when we both know it isn\'t true.  Here I am writing letters that may never be seen, and likewise poems and songs expressing my pain and anguish and confusion at losing the two things that mean more to me than life itself, and in return I\'m getting jibes at how \'free\' you are, and how much enjoy the person you cheated with and left me for.  It\'s unusually cruel, and so unnecessary. All I\'ve ever done is love you.  I\'m being blamed for being upset at being cheated on, of my trust being broken not once, but multiple times.  For being forgiving.  For my willingness to fix any complaint you brought my way, and actually fixing them.  For showing my devotion to my family every day, and being honest with you always about my feelings.  I worked hard to make you happy, to make us happy, and only got frustrated when you treated me like none of it mattered.  I bring you up to Virginia, work hard to give us what we should have, and I\'m not even allowed but a few months before you\'re crossing the line we had talked about before we even got together.  Honestly, how can anyone go through that?  I did.  I did and I still tried to go forward.  I went rock hunting with you...tried to share your interests together, because I enjoyed being with you, and it made all those things fun.  \r\nI don\'t even know what went wrong.  I would be busy solving one problem, and as soon as I did, I\'d be given another one.  I did everything in my life with the singular goal of being with you and Savannah, of being a happy family that could move forward and enjoy our time together.  Those problems sometimes took time to fix, because life isn\'t instantaneous - plans take time to implement.  Through it all, you and Savannah were my driving force; I took pride in taking on any obstacle, working as hard as life demanded of me, in order to spend the rest of my time sharing moments with those I love the most.\r\nYes, sometimes there are unpleasant things in my poetry and my status posts.  My emotions are amped to 11 with loneliness, despair, grief, anxiety, just to name a few.  I am confused and hurt and none of that has anywhere to go.  But even more prolific are those that show that through it all, I just wanted to make you happy like we were when we got together, and was never shy in trying to find out what would make you happy, and then do my best to make it come true.  \r\nNow, and for some time, all those feelings are being turned around and used against me, as if the pain of losing you and Savannah, after all we went through together, of how I always really felt, and feel, about you, wasn\'t enough.  Every little word sears through me on a scale I cannot describe, and none of it is fair, nor deserved.  You\'re hurting the person that always stood by you, would do anything for you except turn you away or forget you, in the worst possible ways.  You have spent more emotional energy, not to mention actual time, doing things to negatively impact our relationship than you have things to positively influence it, and you blame me for it.  It\'s not like I lost my shit every time some little thing happened in my day... it took years of frustration at being manipulated in such a way, at not being able to fix anything despite all the sweat and time and emotional devotion you gave it.  You have compared me to when we met as if I\'ve changed, and said that you preferred that previous me  - but the truth is that I\'m still that person, and all it would have taken to have me like that every day, was simply not to do something deliberately to make that job harder.  That\'s it.  I accepted that I needed to do the actual work in our relationship (job, chores, childcare, that stuff), and all I wanted was to be able to have time with you and Savannah where I wasn\'t being looked at as some sort of problem.  I\'ve shown you, all through our relationship, how important you and Savannah are.  The truth is that I loved being able to do anything to see you pursue your artistic talent, or even just to be useful in some way.  I told you honestly that I liked doing it.  I liked being the man that got things done for you.  It\'s not fair that you say these things about me; both I and my family have gone out of their way for you many times, and always with the hope that you would at least understand the emotion behind the effort.  Anyone can talk - I\'ve proven all through our relationship what I was willing to do.  \r\nI don\'t know what is driving you now, but I still do not want to hurt you.  I\'m not angry.  I am hurt beyond words, and knowing this great void, this hole in my life, is so unnecessary, makes it even worse.  I should be holding my little girl right now, taking pictures at a beach and watching you swim naked in the ocean, of exchanging your brand of humor and taking in the peace and serenity of a beautiful day filled with precious moments. But I\'m here, writing a letter you may or may not read, filled with longing as my heart is eaten away bit by bit, second by second.  I\'ve never been able to hurt anyone.  What you saw of me that night is as far as I can go.  The next stage would likely have just been a complete nervous breakdown, as I gave in to the inevitable loss of everything I loved and cherished, everything that I had built my life around, and my future. When we met, I told you honestly that I had only one more relationship left in me, and that if I went forward, it would be with everything I had, and this is exactly what I did, for I had been honest with you.  I always have been, even when it went against my better nature, and I am being honest now.  You know it\'s true.  If you were in front of me right now, I would be able to tell how you felt without speaking, and unless you have closed yourself off completely, you would be able to tell how I really feel.  \r\nYou talk about truth and lies.  You and I both know the truth.  You and I both know our history, and who did what.  I have always been truthful with you.  Have you been with me?  I won\'t bow to lies.  When I mention you, which is rare because I don\'t do much other than work and write poems, I relate those good moments, and since I can\'t talk about you or Savannah without crying, I try to avoid it.  I can\'t even pass by hot pockets or corn dogs in the supermarket without having to hold back tears.  This is truth.  I worked hard to get us our own home after moving you and Savannah up here (it would have happened sooner if they hadn\'t cut my hours, and that other job didn\'t run an ad until the week I saw it) and we were within perhaps a month or so of being able to be successful financially, still while trying to do anything I can for you and Savannah, and you go and cheat on me on the very next job you get.  This is truth.  These are facts.  Did it frustrate me?  Yes, and it broke my heart.  It\'s still breaking.  I tell the truth.  I was hurt.  I still am.  I loved you then.\r\nI love you now.\r\nI love my daughter.\r\nI wish I had just been allowed to be me, and not be hurt all the time and then blamed for being hurt.  It\'s not fair to do that to someone.  Life may not be fair, but with people, it\'s a choice.  I was more than fair in my relationship, and had no problems with that.  It was my choice, and it still is my choice.  I choose to write my feelings, because it\'s the truth, and because I have never wanted to hurt you, and have never wanted you to hurt me.  I just wanted to love my wife and daughter, and have them love me.  Its all I wanted - it\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.  Any time I was allowed to be, we had beautiful moments.  It was only when I was hurt that I reacted with pain, frustration, or even despair.  This is truth as well. It was those moments that I treasured, and will continue to treasure until the end of my life.  Our life could have been (I want to say could still be, but I don\'t know if you crossed the deal-breaker line even now) filled with more of those moments if you had only let me.  They were the best times in my life.  I am not ashamed to say I want more of them, and that hurting me like this won\'t change that.\r\nI am still,\r\n\r\nYour Michael ','letter 6/17','','private','open','open','','letter-6-17','','','2018-06-19 23:57:57','2018-06-19 23:57:57','',0,'http://michaelvain.net/?p=241',0,'post','',0),(242,1,'2018-06-17 14:06:29','2018-06-17 14:06:29','This is an open letter.  I am writing it to myself as I have been denied rational discourse through execution a carefully arranged series of events that I fell for out of frustration.\r\n\r\nDear Michelle,\r\n\r\nYour status updates continue to try and hurt me.  This much is obvious.  ','letter 6/17','','inherit','closed','closed','','241-revision-v1','','','2018-06-17 14:06:29','2018-06-17 14:06:29','',241,'http://michaelvain.net/241-revision-v1/',0,'revision','',0),