You are the woman I dreamed about.  You are the one that made that dream come true.  You were my best friend, my dearest and closest human being dear to my heart, along with Savannah, who I felt I could be completely honest with.  You are the mother of my child, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, who takes my breath away every day.  You are the one human being I felt I could bare my soul to, that I could give my heart to without fear.  You are my inspiration, and along with our baby girl, my purpose to rise above what came our way in order to protect my family.  With you in my life, I actually felt like I could accomplish anything.  
I wish I could go back in time.  Not to just when we met, but to put us closer in age.  Maybe I could have at least been there to talk to.  
I never exaggerated how I felt for you.  Early in our relationship, my frustration almost always had a physical cause.  I would try to handle something in order to please you in some way, and in pain and frustration, I would sometimes get harsh.  I know this. It always upset me that I vented that way (it made me feel like shit, but it was sometimes like I was caught in some kind of , but I worked on it and stopped doing it, which was made easier as I worked harder, which helped me heal from the injuries of my accident. After that, and we know this is true, I only got frustrated or brought things up either when I was dragged into an argument, or when we talked about your activities in some context.  If that had not happened, I would not have had any reason to even bring it up. I always thought of you and Savannah first.  I may have wanted to get things done, like paint some furniture at night, but it was always with you and Savannah in mind. Whatever you may say, or have said, whatever you may think, I would never hit you. I have been made to hurt more than I could ever describe, and still I proclaim how much I love you.  Do you understand how I could lash out when it seems like everything that had happened for the last two years had been deliberately orchestrated?  Can you understand the frustration and hopelessness that could instill? It came out of nowhere. Yes, I felt like an idiot when the tv fell over.  Me kicking the dresser was the height of my frustration.  That kind of move has always been the limit of my expression when it came to frustration, anger, whatever.  You know that.  
The level of this frustration is equal to the amount of value you have in my life.  How could I expect to be calm when everything I cared about, not just the last eight years of my life, but everything I wanted my life to be, was crumbling before my eyes.  I treasure every moment I am with you.  All those time where I would just seem quiet, was me trying to take in everything, to fully appreciate those moments.  I have always come around to giving you what you wanted in our relationship.  I just wanted to share that time with you.  If taking care of me when I was older was a problem, we could even have worked on that, but i wanted at least enough time to see Savannah become an adult.  I think I could provide you with memories just as good as when we met, that would last a lifetime.  
Your status was obviously communicating something.  Either you are saying something to me that is good, or you are saying something you know will hurt me.  
I hope it is the former.  It's how I always felt about you, but you already know that. I've already been hurt so much, so doing more isn't really necessary.  Every little time you acted disappointed, or when I outright fucked up, I never blew it off...those times stayed with me, made me feel terrible, and I did my absolute best to make up for them.  So please, if you are posting this to hurt me, you should know that just every moment since that night has been nothing but torture for me.  I've never done anything to you to deserve it.  My fear is that like the ankle bracelet, the kissing may be referring to someone else.  You once said we should kiss more, and I agreed.  Considering how I loved kissing you, I hope you wouldn't want to hurt me that way.  You once said there was something about me that kept bringing you back. This is why I hope that you posted that as something positive to me, rather than an attempt to hurt me.  Even in the midst of our worst times, I tried to savor every positive moment we ever had.  I can remember the texture of your skin, your hair.  I can still taste you, smell you.  I wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where I'm holding you in the dark, confused and frightened for a moment, before the sadness sets in. 
I was always there for you, and Savannah.  No matter what happened, I would do whatever was necessary to make things better.  I wish I could still.  It was unfair how that night went.  I didn't want sex.  I just wanted some comfort from my wife, after a really stressful day.  You had told me you were going to give me a chance to make you happy, and we had a good night, so I just wanted to go to sleep touching you.  I wish you had never started work there. I could wish all day, but in the end all I wanted, and still want, is to do what it takes to keep our family together.  You were, and are, the greatest love I have ever known, or could imagine. You became more special to me than I could express, and those times, those feelings, are why I could never give up on you.  
If you feel anything for me, let me know, please.  If, for whatever reason, you are trying to hurt me, then there is nothing I can say.  There is just no reason for it.  I've been hurt every way a man can be hurt, and I still try, and I cannot stop feeling the way I do.

Always, 
Your Michael
